Tailspin
by ruinedbyrob
Summary: Edward's gorgeous, sexy, foulmouthed and tired of women throwing themselves at him. He's not looking for company, but when a little brunette coed catches his eye in a crowded bar, he's inexplicably drawn to her. However, history isn't always something that's left in the past. And Edward's history is long and sordid. Will he get a chance to explain? EPOV from Loss of Control.
1. Chapter 1

** A/N:** Giant Emmet sizes hugs to those of you who took the time to review my previous effort, Loss of Control. Your supportive words meant the world to me.

This EPOV will be submitted in chapters. I'm battling Carpal Tunnel. Writing in smaller chunks hurts less.

Btw, I'm still without a beta all mistakes are mine. Sorry.

Please leave a review. I'm not above begging. Really, I'm not. Ask around.

Disclaimer: The lovely Stephenie Meyers owns all that is Twilight. I own a DVR stuffed full of Rob interviews and a slightly frayed Robward pillow case.

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><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

**Chapter 1**

"_I didn't want to take my eyes off the crowd of partying coeds. I couldn't shake the feeling that if I did, I'd miss something, something important. " _

**EPOV**

"Take that fucker!" My best friend Emmett yells as his last dart hits the circle that would push his score higher than mine. I glared at him as he did his little victory boogie which closely resembled an uncoordinated four year old performing the Chicken Dance at a relatives wedding. "Oh, yeah, oh yeah, whose your daddy, whose your daddy?" He taunted while flapping his wings and hopping around.

"Damn it Em, watch yourself" I laugh when he loses his balance, knocking into me, causing my beer to splash onto my well worn but comfortable as hell Nikes. I shake it off and continue watching his ridiculous display.

"Aw, did beer spwill on Eddie's widdle foot?" He mocked. Still flapping and hopping. He rarely beats me in any games that don't involve a football or air guitar, so I let him have his little dance.

"Jesus Emmett, it was a lousy game of darts not the fucking Super Bowl. Cut it out before someone thinks you're having a seizure and calls 911." My other best friend Jasper laughs. Red faced, grinning and out of breath, Emmet quits his display and takes a large swig of his beer. His mouth is so full his cheeks puff out like a puffer fish and his eyes bulge out. He begins to choke as he swallows the giant mouthful.

"Fuck Emmett." I say slapping him several times on the back. He gasps a few times and bends over to suck in numerous deep breaths. It's difficult not to laugh as Jasper and I watch the big man struggle to regain his breath. I know it's a fucking crappy thing to laugh while my best friend chokes to death, but hey, he brought it on himself. Plus, last week I caught him using my toothbrush to scrub the mud from his running shoes. So yeah, I laughed. Sue me.

I take a break from Em's antics and look around. The bar is loud and crowded. It's a Friday night in a college town and I'm standing in a room full of sweet smelling, soft, warm opportunities with boobs, otherwise known, as coeds.

Jasper and Emmett started racking up the balls for a game of pool. I allow my eyes to covertly dart around the room while I sip my cheap beer. There's no shortage of pretty and willing women here tonight. I spot a long legged blond talking up a dude towards the middle of the room. She's gorgeous but I didn't feel anything. And that's the problem.

I'm tired. Tired of not feeling anything for the women I sleep with, tired of hating myself for not caring if I feel something or not. I'm not a total douche. I make sure the women I'm with have a good time, a really good time. But at the end of our time together I watch them go out the door and don't care if I ever see them again.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a manwhore. I don't look for women to fuck. It's just what happens. It used to happen a lot, but lately I've been more of an observer rather than a participant. In fact it's been a long time. Well, a long time for me anyway. I take another sip of beer. I'm aware of my friends behind me preparing their pool cues for a game of eight ball. I should turn around and be social but something keeps me rooted to the spot.

"Eddie bear, it's your turn. " Emmett croons. I turn towards him; my eyes narrow at the insult. Emmett laughs at my glare, he dances around waving a pool cue in my general direction. Normally I would never let a comment like that go unanswered. But tonight I motion for them to go ahead without me. I don't want to take my eyes off the crowd of partying coeds. I can't shake the feeling that if I did, I'd miss something, something important.

"Dude, are you really gonna just stand there and let that big dancing monkey call you 'Eddie Bear'?" Jasper asks while pointing to Emmett. I turn to look at the aforementioned monkey, only to find him blowing me a kiss. I laugh in spite of myself.

"Don't look now Edward, but it looks like you have an admirer. " Jasper smirks and looks out into the dark bar.

I turn and see her.

I know it sounds fucking clichéd as shit, but it was like the whole room emptied and it was only the two of us. No obnoxious loud music, no smoky haze and no gyrating bodies, just her and me.

She was standing in the middle of the bar just staring at me. I watched her as she slowly raised her eyes. She was checking me out. Not a new concept for me. I don't mean to sound vain but I'm not that bad of a looking guy. I'd been hit on in line for coffee, on the bus, hell, my cousin's best friend tried to lure me into a closet at my grandmother's funeral. I was grieving for fucks sakes! No, this wasn't the first time something like this happened to me. But for whatever reason it felt, different.

Her eyes were moving slowly up my body. As she gazes, I take the opportunity to do my own perusing. Fair is fair, after all. At first glance I don't notice anything exceptional about her. She's about 5ft give or take an inch after removing the six inches of pain she has strapped to her petite feet. Her legs are on the thin side but long and shapely. My eyes leisurely skim up her thighs noticing the tight, short skirt she's wearing.

Again, nothing new there, ninety percent of the women in this place were wearing the same thing. As pretty as she looked in her short skirt I found myself wishing to see her face. Unfortunately, she had it well hidden behind a shiny curtain of mahogany hair.

"_What the fuck?"_ Did I just describe a woman's hair as a mahogany curtain? What the hell is wrong with me? If Emmet had heard that he'd be asking me when my _cycle_ starts or wanting me to carry his wallet in my purse. Still, it looks so shiny and soft. _Fuck! _ I mentally slap myself. _"Get it together Cullen. She's just a girl." _

The _girl_ continued her slow inspection of my person. I wish she'd hurry the fuck up and finally get to my face so I can see hers. Finally she raises her face. Her eyes are still lowered, hidden from me. What she can't hide is the rapid rise and fall of her chest and the cute little blush that's creeping up the creamy skin of her neck and face. Even in the dim lights of the bar, she can't hide that cute ass blush. When was the last time I saw a woman blush? A fucking long time that's how long. I wonder if that blush covered her whole body. The idea of that tight little body being covered in a warm, rosy flush intrigued me. I want to slowly strip her little skirt and tight shirt off to reveal her soft skin to my roving eyes and fingers. I feel my own skin warm to the thought of skimming my lips and tongue up her long legs to her creamy thighs. "_Fuck!" _ I bet she's wet and tight. The thought of what laid hidden by that short skirt beckoned to me. I want to see, feel and taste every part of her.

Finally, she reaches my face. I can't help but smirk as she clutches a nearby chair for support. "_Easy sweetheart, don't fall and hurt yourself. We can't have any fun if you sprain what I'm sure is a cute little ass."_

My smirk turns into a smile as her face comes into full view. Wide eyes perched over smooth, high cheek bones stare back at me. I can't see the color but something tells me they're warm and inviting. Her full lips part in silent speech, she quickly turns away and rushes back into the depths of the bar.

I watch stunned as she runs away from me. "_Oh, I don't think so baby. You've given me a quick taste but I want the full meal."_ I ignore my two friends and hurry after her.

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><p>Sorry for the short chapter. I can only write so much before both hands go numb. I'm hoping to do better next week.<p>

I warned you about the begging. Please, please, please with Rob on top leave me a review. Should I quit or do you want more insight into Edward's filthy mind?


	2. Chapter 2

**Good news!** Mullet86 has graciously agreed to act as my beta. Boy does she have her work cut out for her.

**Disclaimer:** Nope, still don't own Twilight. Damn!

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><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

Chapter 2-

"_I mentioned I was a snarky bastard, right?"_

Not for the first time in my life I'm grateful to my Cullen ancestors for my height. My 6'2 frame has no problem keeping track of her smaller form as she hurries into the crowd. I watch as she stops and talks to the long legged blond I'd noticed earlier. On any other day the blond would be my flavor of choice but today, I had a taste for a little brunette. I chuckle as the blond waved her hand in front of the smaller girl's face, trying to get her attention. Aww, the poor thing is stunned by my beauty. I watch as a spiky haired brunette joined the other two. She points to a chair and tries to get my girl to sit down. _"My girl?"_ Where the hell did that come from? That's twice I've uttered bullshit like that. Maybe I'm the one who's stunned. Nah, more likely little Eddie wants to come out to play, and is pilfering most of the essential blood that should be used for thinking. I shake off the thought I'm going soft in the head and hard South of the border and returned my focus back to the curvy little coed. _Damn!_ She's moved.

I quickly scan the room and find her standing at the bar. I dodge a tall redhead who grabs my arm and tries to engage me in conversation, or rather the issuance of an invitation for me to spend the night inside her home and inside her, if I'm reading those overly made up eyes correctly. And I believe that I am. I easily shake the redhead off and proceed towards my girl. Yeah, I know there it is again. No time to consider that shit now.

I stop directly behind her at the bar. She accepts a glass from the bartender and quickly downs a tall glass of clear liquid. She doesn't notice the appreciative look that he gives her. His eyes meet mine over her head. I narrow my eyes and glance back at him. I shoot back at him with a glare and a slight sneer, guy code for "Back off asshole. This one is mine." He gives me a head nod in understanding and turns back to the rest of his customers. I stare at her as she rolls her shoulders and raises her hand to rub the back of her neck. Her small fingers move gracefully as they clench and relax around her neck.

She's tense. I smirk, finding it funny that this pretty girl has her muscles all in a bunch after so brazenly undressing me not 10 minutes ago in a crowded bar. The snarky bastard in me, another fine trait from my Cullen ancestors, can't resist teasing her. I lean in and whisper into her ear, "I'd be happy to give you a hand with that." I watched in delight as her entire body goes rigid. I can't refrain and lean in again, "I can only assume by your silence you want me to help release some of that tension." I mentioned I was a snarky bastard, right? Her body stiffened again. Afraid she might bolt, I put my hands on her waist to hold her firmly in place.

"You aren't thinking of running are you?" I slowly turn her around to face me. She keeps her eyes fixed on the floor. She's playing shy, so cute.

"We have unfinished business." I say and pull her a step closer. Her body is practically touching mine. I can appreciate the chase but the inexplicable need to touch her has set off a chain reaction in my body.

The need for more contact is rapidly taking over most of my thought processes. "You weren't too shy to eye fuck me 20 minutes ago, why the show now?" _Great grandpa Cullen would be so proud._ I decide to up the ante and raise her chin so I can look in her eyes.

"Green" She suddenly blurts out.

"Excuse me?" I laughed.

"Green. Your eyes are green." She continues with the obvious but adorable observations. _"Adorable?" _

Before I can begin to analyze my further slide into "chickdom", the music starts to blare and the crowd begins moving to the steady beat. Abruptly she grabs onto my shoulders to steady herself as one of the dancers' bumps into her. The action pulls her flush with my body. _God the heat._ _Intense lava like heat._ Everywhere our bodies touch is on fire.

The contrast of the hardness of a male body and the softness of a woman's has never given me much pause, until now. Her soft breasts, stomach, thighs…_ Damn! _I can feel myself harden at the caress of her pliable body against mine. God, I want to touch her. I don't recall ever wanting… no, scratch that, _fucking needing_ to touch a woman as much as I needed to touch her. You know the old saying about needing something so badly you felt like you would die if you didn't get it? I didn't feel like I would die but it sure felt like there would be a hell of an explosion if I didn't touch every goddamn inch of her and fucking soon.

Unconsciously, I leaned down closer to her face as her eyes traveled up from their previous position on the floor to my face. _Brown. _ Her eyes are deep chocolate brown. "_Fuck Cullen! Get a hold of yourself" _Even with the mental wake up call, I couldn't hold back the desire to lean in and smell her. _Strawberries._ She smells like strawberries. All sweet and warm like a summers day. Briefly the image of a flower covered meadow flashes through my brain. Before I even have the chance to berate myself for the 14 yr old girly vision, her hands begin to caress my shoulders and my neck. I quickly look into her eyes. They're glossy and unfocused, like she's on auto pilot.

Her soft little fingers stroke down my jaw, I can hear a slight scraping sound from the friction of her hand rubbing the two day stubble I'm sporting. The urge to nuzzle her hand like a baby deer is nearly overwhelming. I close my eyes and try to get my shit together. Her hand moves from my jaw and she caresses my lips. I can't help it, my tongue slips out and I lick her finger. _Oh, god!_ Suddenly I hear some idiot moaning like a fucking wounded animal.

It's only a matter of seconds before I realize that wounded animal is me. _Screw me sideways._ _Moaning. Me?_ The woman is still fully clothed for fucksakes! What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not like this. Usually Emmett is the pussy of the group. I've watched that big man turn in his man card more times than I can count over a pair of nice boobs, but never me. No. You'll never see Edward Anthony Cullen shuffling down a drug store aisle scouring the shelves for 'Burt's Bees' lip balm, just because it's the 'flavor of the month's ' favorite brand and her lips are chapped. No fucking way! The only female lips I care about don't get chapped and if they did, then I doubt very much Burt and his fucking bees could help. You'd need a specialist for that shit.

Yet, here I am in the middle of my favorite coed fishing hole moaning over a stranger touching my lips. Just touching my lips! I can't control my reactions to her. My brain is only working at half speed. I'm acting on impulse and it's seriously fucked up. I make the decision to stop my rapid slide into pussyville. I'm going to walk away from this girl. You heard me. Walk. Away. She's obviously a witch. No normal woman is going to turn Edward Cullen into a simpering fool. I take another deep breath. _Hmm,_ _strawberries. Stop it you idiot! Stick to the plan Cullen!_

I open my eyes to look at her. Her big brown eyes widen under my scrutiny and she yanks her hand back from my face like she's just now realized she's been fondling me in public. I feel her hips move as she tries to back away from my grip._ Mine! _My body screams. Instinctively I tighten my hold on her. _New plan. New plan._

"No! We're not done. We're going to finish this." Grabbing her hand I drag her through the bar. Paying no attention to the stares of the crowd, I pull her along behind me to the exit. The bass line of the current song is beating in cadence to my hurried steps. Almost like the band is playing me out or urging me on. I'm not really sure.

Deep, deep, fucking deep in the recesses of my overheated mind I know that I'm acting like a classic abductor. Grabbing a woman and giving her no chance to voice her agreement or disagreement to being dragged away from her friends by a stranger is pretty much the first entry on any abductor's to do list. But I can't think about anything other than getting her out of this room full of smoke, tight white tees, short skirts and people willing to believe a lie just so they won't be alone tonight. I've got to take her someplace where I can think. And maybe touch her a little more. Yeah, touching is definitely on the agenda. But first, I've got to get out of here and clear my head.

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><p><strong>AN** Hugs and kisses to Rita01tx for mentioning my little stories on RAoR. I appreciate it more than I could ever express. Big shout out to all of my 'h00rs' for the encouragement. You guys rock! But you already knew that.

Depending on how my Carpal Tunnel is acting and of course how rough real life is kicking my hiney. I hope to update once a week.

Here comes the begging. Please, please, please leave a review. *Gives big puppy dog eyes and ducky lips.*


	3. Chapter 3

**Tailspin**

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer is still the queen bee in the Twilight hive. I'm just a bee working for the weekend and the chance to get a sniff of Edward. **

**A/N : **Super huge thanks to everyone who reviewed. You all are the reason I've kept going.

I re-wrote this chapter several times. I'm still not 100% happy with it. But my lovely Beta Mullet86 told me to stop whining and post it for godsakes. Or something along those lines.

Hope you like it!

The crisp air didn't clear my head as much as I'd hoped. I was still making my way through the parking lot with a stranger's hand firmly encased in mine. She wasn't saying a word. I wasn't either, but then I wasn't the one being dragged away into the night. Does that mean she's OK with the abduction? I cringed at the word. Abductors had pits and baskets of lotion in their basements. I had an Xbox and a six pack of empty beer bottles. That's right. I said bottles. Heineken doesn't come in cans. I don't drink that cheap crap like Emmett does. Plus, I live in an apartment. No basement. That puts me in the clear right? I really should stop and release her hand, let her go back to her friends. You know be more of a gentleman, less of a creeper. _Hey look, there's my car. _ It would be impolite to not at least offer her a ride home. _Yeah, wouldn't want to be impolite. _I stop suddenly at the passenger door of my little silver beauty.

Before I can take a breath, I feel her small body run into mine. Her two round, plump breasts are pressed up against my back. Forget breathing. I can think of nothing but wanting them pressed against my front. In my haste to turn around and live out that little fantasy, I let go of her hand_. _First rule of abduction, don't let go of the abductee. _Shit Cullen, enough with the abduction crap._

It suddenly dawns on me that I know nothing about her. Not her name. If she lives around here, what her major is. Nothing. Not that it's my style to learn their family histories or exchange addresses for the odd Christmas card. But I at least get their names. I'm not a total asshole. I turn to rectify this oversight when I notice how the moonlight illuminates her smooth, porcelain skin. I itch to stroke her cheek, throat, lips… anything. I just need to fucking touch her. For the first time I can remember I want to be soft with a girl. I want to take her on picnics, hold her hand in line at the neighborhood coffee shop.

The intensity of my feelings overwhelms me; I lean over and take a deep breath, sucking in more of her sweet strawberry scent. Her eyes widen and she takes a step back from. My body acts instinctively and I grab the hand I had inadvertently dropped a moment earlier. As soon as her flesh was encased in mine the heat that had building in the bar flares and the fleeting thought of taking whatever this is, slow is gone. I didn't imagine the eye fucking or the unsolicited caresses at the bar. She wanted me and she started this. No matter what it looks like, I'm not letting her go. Not yet.

"No baby, you're not going anywhere." With one hand at her waist and another at her wrist, I hold her tight. Her dark eyes shine as she peers into mine. For a moment I think I can see the heat I feel reflected in her eyes.

My hand clenches around her wrist. Her quick intake of breath startles me and I follow the line of her eyes as she looks down where I have a firm grip on her wrist. _Shit! _I was hurting her. _No. No._ l loosen my grip but I can't let her go completely.

"I'm sorry. Fuck! I'm not going to hurt you." My emotions hit me square in the balls. "I, I just can't seem to let you go." _Desperate much Cullen? _

Letting go of her wrist completely, I run my hand through my hair trying to get a handle on whatever it is I'm feeling. Her hands raise and grasp both of my cheeks. _Cue the baby deer._ She's not saying anything but she looks so content touching me. I just want to hold her. I grab and embrace her. Having her in my arms feels so right, almost sweet, until she snuggles her little body into mine and starts to run her fingers across my back and shoulders. Each touch forges trails of heat and desire throughout my body. I can feel the muscles of my back and shoulders constrict under her touch. Forget sweet, forget taking it slow. I want to touch her, feel her muscles move under me. I want to hear her call out my name as she writhes in pleasure. Without thinking, I grab her ass and pull her tighter against my groin. I don't want to leave any question as to what my desire is. Her innocent touches may have started this but it will be an entirely different kind of touching that ends it. I barley register her moan as I take her mouth.

Our kiss strengthens. She opens her mouth to mine. Our tongues duel for superiority. My need to consume her engulfs me. I have to stop this. We're in a parking lot for fuck sakes. I've never been so callous as to take a woman in a dirty parking lot.

"Not here." I mumble trying to pull away from her. But she has other ideas and wholeheartedly returns my kiss while reaching up to tangle her hands into my hair. I've never liked women to grab my hair before. I've always felt that it was too intimate. Sure, put your mouth on my cock but don't mess with the 'do'. I don't know where your hands have been. But this is different. Everything about this girl is different. The feeling of her hands tugging on my hair is second only to the exquisite feel of her mouth on mine. I kiss her harder, our lips and tongue gliding over and around each others as emits the most wanton moans. I can't stand it and I lift her off the ground turning so her back is against the car.

I want her so fucking badly. I push her harder up against the car, using it as leverage so I can have my hands free to touch her. Her back arches as my hands move swiftly under her short skirt to rest on the top of her panties. Normally, I like seeing a woman in her silky under things. I enjoy the act of peeling them off slowly with my mouth as I watch her come undone for me. I like the power. I like being in control. _Fucking panties!_ My mind screams. With her they're nothing but a goddamn barrier to keep me from where I want to be. I move my fingers down and find the fabric drenched in her arousal. I moan at the thought of what she's going to feel like wrapped around my hard cock. I lift her higher and move her legs around my waist, trying to get closer to her wet heat. I can feel her heels dig into my ass and it only spurs me on.

"You're so wet" I moan into her mouth.

My grip on reality starts to slip even further as she starts another pass with her hands over my chest and down to my abdomen. The fantasy of unsnapping my jeans, ripping off her panties and plunging my hard as a rock cock into her soft, wet center is about to become true when reality raises her bitchy voice and reminds me that I'm about to fuck a stranger in a goddamn parking lot. _Fuck you reality! _I want her. God how I want her but not like this.

Edward Cullen doesn't fuck quickly in a damn car park. A night spent with me is something a woman writes home about. Poems and songs are dedicated to my dick and the pleasure it brings to women. This woman deserves more than a quick ride on the hood of my car. I don't understand why but somehow I feel that I may be the one writing home when we're done. I can't wait any longer. I pull away and instantly miss the heat of her body against mine. I wrench open the door to the car, "Get in" I demand.

The look on her face is like a bucket of ice water being dumped on me. She's scared. Of course she's fucking scared. I practically fucked her in parking lot. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to express to her my desire to make her feel good. I rack my brain for a way to reassure her that I won't hurt her. _Think Cullen!_

"Please" I stammer and lightly stroke her petal soft cheek. _Please?_ _That's the best Edward Smooth Talker_ _Cullen can come up with?_ _Fuck me!_

That's it. She's going to walk away. She's going to turn around and march her tight little ass back into the bar and I'll never see her again. I hang my head as I wait for her to walk away. I barley resist dropping to my knees in thanks as she glides past me and gets into the car. I don't say a word as I close the door and practically sprint to my side and get in. I give her a smirk as her moans resonate throughout the car. She's just as affected by this as I am.

"Soon baby soon." I promise as I start the car. The ten minute drive to my place feels like fucking forever. I resist looking at her, choosing to concentrate on the road so I don't wrap us around a telephone pole, ending all of our fun. I keep my hands on the wheel and my eyes on the road but I can still smell and hear her. I can also feel her eyes on me. My chest rises with each deep breath I take. I try to calm down but her scent fills my nostrils and all I can focus on is my desire to drown in the sweet aroma of her body. I've never been turned on so much by the smell of strawberries. I've never paid much attention to a woman's scent before. Except Tanya's. She smelled like peaches and it made me want to retch. Of course the fact that she was using me to make that douche bag James jealous all through our senior year in high school didn't do much to endear the fruit to me either. Doesn't matter, I still fucking hate peaches.

Every time I take a deep breath I can feel myself getting harder. My jeans have become a cruel fabric prison for my cock. I'm in pain from the restriction my buddy is feeling.

"Soon my friend soon." I promise my aching cock. I hope to hell I'm not lying to him. But I really fucking need his cooperation right now. If I don't cool the fuck down, I'm liable to go off in my pants like a damn virgin. Out of the corner of my eye I see her hand start to reach over towards my lap. _Shit._ If she touches me I'll fucking lose it right here.

"Don't! If you touch me now I'll have your short little skirt pulled up around your waist and you bent over the hood of this car with my cock shoved up your sweet little pussy before you can fucking blink." I growl at her. I think she gets the picture as she snatches her hand back and places it in her lap.

My hands grip the wheel even tighter when I catch a glimpse of her thighs rubbing together and the sound of another moan reaches my ears. Ooh, my little kitten likes dirty talk. Ok, I can work with that. I'm so glad that she's just as affected by what's going on as I am that I'm willing to say or do the most filthy dirty things to her as long as it means she'll stay with me.

We finally pull into the lot at my building. I stop the car and turn to her. She still has her eyes closed and her legs rubbing furiously together. _Fuck! _ This woman is so damn sexy. I can't tear my eyes away from her. I stare in wonderment as I try to guess what she's thinking about that has her so hot and bothered.

_Christ! _She's practically dripping on my leather seats. For a moment I feel my temper rise. It better be me she's thinking about. I don't want to think for a moment that another man has touched, kissed or fucked what's mine.

It's time. Time to get her upstairs and finally douse the flames that threaten to burn me to ash. I want to throw her over my shoulder and carry her upstairs. I might even throw in a few ass smacks for good measure. _Later. _I promise myself. I smirk at the thought of watching her round little ass turn pink under my palms. They twitch with anticipation when I remember that my mother tried to raise me as a gentleman. I need her to understand what's going to happen when we get out of this car. It's not like I've brought her home for a rousing game of fucking scrabble! I want her to make the final choice. I need to know she wants this. I hope she does because I'm about to lose my shit with the craving to be inside her and finally douse these flames.

I grab her chin, forcing her to look at me. Her big brown eyes are glossy and dilated. Her obvious arousal only spurs me on.

"I don't know what this is between us. I've never felt anything like it before." "But if you don't want this, if you don't want me, say it now and I'll take you back to the bar. Because if you get out of this car, I'm going to take you to my bed and make you scream in pleasure until you're fucking hoarse."

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><p><strong>AN** What did you think? Should I pack it in or do we want to see Edward get his wall sex on?

Have you ever felt this kind of passion for a stranger? What would you do if you were in Bella's shoes?

Filming started today on Cosmopolis! *Snoopy happy dance* How many days until we get to see Rob bent over a table in a limo with his pants down? Not f*cking soon enough!

Warm chocolate chip cookies to all who review!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: SM owns all things associated with Twilight. I own an extensive Robert Pattinson DVD library and a half eaten party size bag of pretzel M&Ms.**

**No beta for this chapter. All mistakes are mine. **

**Big shout out to the lovelies over at Fictionators for pimping my little story. I truly appreciate it.**

****A/N down below.****

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><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

**Chapter 4**

"_I'm done playing games"_

Have you ever wished for a do over? I'm not talking about a chance to do better on a biology test. Because you should be fucking prepared for shit like that. No, I'm talking about a word vomit do over. You know the kind that happens when you've dragged a strange girl out of a bar. Manhandled her ass up against the side of your car in a parking lot before shoving her into the aforementioned car and driving off into the night where you come to your apartment. And declare that if she gets out of the car you're going to fuck her senseless until she's hoarse.

It happens to everyone right? Right? _Fuck!_ I definitely need a do over.

She's in shock. My fucked up, no filter mouth has stunned her into a coma. _Shit. Shit. Shit._ I must have scared the crap out of her. She's' sitting here in complete silence, just staring out the window. I'm sure in her head she's planning her escape route. Perhaps a knee to the groin before she jumps out of my car and runs screaming into the night for someone to save her from the sexual predator in the silver Volvo.

I can't believe that I misread her signals. I thought she was on board with the evening's entertainment selection. I thought she wanted me as much as I fucking want her. But her silence speaks volumes. She doesn't want me. I was wrong.

I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself for getting it wrong. I mean this has never happened to me before. I know that sounds totally douchey. But it's the truth. Usually girls are standing in line for my attention. I never have to guess if a woman wants me. It's kind of a moot point when they're on their knees grabbing for my cock before dessert arrives.

This curvy little brunette has thrown me for a loop. How could I have misread her signals? She kissed me back right? I wasn't imagining her grabbing me and devouring my mouth in the parking lot. Was I? _Fuck! _ I'm so confused.

I'm not an ass so I do the only thing I can think of to fix this. I tell her I'll take her back to the bar and reach forward to start the car.

_Thank you god! _Surely the noise of a car door opening is one of the most beautiful sounds in the world next to the crack of solidly hit fastball that yields at least a double, the hum of a finely tuned performance engine as it's revved to redline on an open stretch of road and the melodious music of my name being screamed by a woman whom I've just brought to an, "I saw fucking stars" orgasm.

Her door hangs open. I turn to look at her, half expecting her to still run screaming from the car but instead she has the sexiest fucking look on her face. Her eyes are closed. I wonder what she's thinking about. It better be me that has her taking such deep breaths. I'm momentarily distracted by the rapid rise and fall of her ample chest before I notice her mouth. Those plump red lips of hers have formed the cutest little pout. _Cute? Focus Cullen. _

God, those lips, I want to taste them again. I want to tug on them with my teeth and hear her moan for me. I shudder at the thought of them wrapped around my leaking cock with my hands tangled in her soft hair as I direct her beautiful mouth to bring me to climax.

I feel a strange prickling on my arms and look down to see goose bumps all over the skin. Goose bumps? What am I a 12 year old girl mooning over the newest Hollywood heartthrob?

No, I'm Edward Anthony Cullen, dammit! I don't get fucking goose bumps over a girl. They get them over me and then I get into their soaking panties!

With a deep breath I resolve to get my shit together and handle the insane craving I have for this random female so I can return back to the regularly scheduled programming of being the biggest cock in the hen house. Yeah, that's all I need to do. Get her out of my system. And then I can figure out all of this possessive, girly feely shit that keeps spewing out of my screwed up head.

Not wanting to waste a minute, I jump out of the car and rush over to her open door. Her eyes are still closed and her lips still pouty but now she's rubbing her legs together like a cricket in heat. It may not be goose bumps but still is an indication that my girl is turned the fuck on.

_Yes!_ I can work with that.

"Were you planning to get out of the car or did you want to do this here in the parking lot? I'm game if you are, though I think a nice firm bed might be a bit more comfortable for what I have in mind." _Cocky Cullen is back!_ I mentally give myself a quick pat on the back for causing her head to jerk up at my suggestive remark.

I fully expected my evocative words to cause an open mouth gape or at least a gasp. I was not however, prepared for her to vault out of the car like her ass was on fire, grabbing my arms and pulling me into a soul melting kiss.

"Yes." She sighed into my mouth. I would have echoed that emotion but she had her tongue shoved so far down my throat. All I could manage was a groan in response.

I can feel her little hands grip my arms tighter as she pulls me closer. I feel her hard nipples press into my chest. I lose control pushing her back against the car as my hands grip her firm butt. I want to touch her everywhere. I want to rip her short skirt off and feel the softness of the skin my hands are currently gripping so tightly.

The realization that we're once again in a parking lot engaged in some pretty hard core PG13 action flashes briefly through my fevered mind. I should stop this. I should… Her tongue starts doing a seductive dance against mine and all I can think is, _more_. I want more.

"Inside. Now!" I growl. Slamming the car door and pulling her roughly towards the entrance to my building.

I know I should slow down. I can feel her struggling to keep up as I tug her up the stairs. But I'm afraid if I don't continue with my forward momentum I'll end up fucking her in the stair well like a 16 yrd old high school punk.

My cock is so hard my pants are stretched to their limit. I can barely suppress a moan of pain when I graze the swollen head reaching into my pocket for the keys. The door swings open to reveal my home. I should be embarrassed that it's such a mess.

I watch her face as she peers into the room. I should explain that I'm not normally such a slob and that the chaos is really Jasper and Emmett's fault. Mostly Em's. He's the one who insisted we play Call of Duty until 3 AM this morning. I suppress a chuckle at the memory of Emmett's face when he realized that the team of "Loserscumbagmotherfuckers" he was unleashing his superior "killing skills" on was a bunch of pimply faced teens from China who laughed their asses off in Chinese when they finally succeeded in annihilating our team in a bloody battle for some nameless and totally forgettable hill.

The carcasses of our hard fought clash were still strewn all over my living room. Their glass bodies now lay empty on my rug next to the used up cardboard husks of their once pizza filled brethren.

She doesn't say a word but emits a cute as fuck giggle as she takes in the disarray. The sound goes right to my groin and it pulses with need. All thoughts of last night's melee are forgotten as the anticipation of finally having her kicks into high gear.

Her big brown eyes dart back to my face.

It's time.

"This is your last chance. If you come in here there's no going back." I hear the undisguised need in my own voice and I don't give a shit.

I continue my rundown of the coming events, "I will touch, lick and suck every part of your body."

"I'll have your taste in my mouth for days." I lick my lips in anticipation of tasting the heavenly nectar of her arousal.

Giving her no more chances to run I take possession of what I know in my gut is mine to take; I reach out and place my hands on her hips. My fingers clench in obvious contentment at touching her again.

I lean down to whisper into her ear, "I am going to fuck you until you beg me to stop and then I'll fuck you some more. You'll be sore for days. Do you understand?" I can see my desire echoed in her warm coffee colored eyes. Even in the dim light I can see how dilated her pupils are.

I give an arrogant chuckle when she can't hide her desire any better than I can. My hands tighten on her slender waist when her knees give and she stumbles.

"Does that mean yes?" I demand.

"Yes. Yes!" She exclaims.

"Good." I whisper, pulling her inside and slamming the door firmly behind her. I'm done playing games.

The resounding thud of the door shutting shakes the picture on the wall. It swings side to side dangerously close to falling. I should be worried about it breaking and the glass shattering. She could get hurt. Fuck, I could get hurt. It would be so easy to reach out and stop it from swinging. Instead, I slam her up against the wall besides the swinging picture and attack her pretty mouth.

Her taste is everything I remembered and more. She tastes like sweet mint gum and perfection. My hands slowly drift down to the bottom of her short skirt. I inch the fabric up higher and skim my fingertips over the soft, heated skin of her thigh.

"So soft." I groaned. Her little body shudders as my fingers travel towards up her thighs to the waistband of her panties. The lace is so soft on my skin. I want to know what color they are. Red? Virginal white? _Please God not a virgin._ _I currently don't possess the willpower to take it slow or easy._

Or is my little chestnut haired temptress wearing 'fuck me hard' black panties? I hope for the latter and debate releasing her mouth so I can take a look. Well, I debate for about half a fucking heartbeat because I can't seem to tear myself away from her luscious lips. I silently promise myself a look at them once they're off of her and on my floor.

When I come into contact with her covered center, the wetness and heat is like nothing I've ever had before. The women I've been with have always been ready for me. Believe me. That's NEVER been a problem. But my siren is fucking soaking. Her little pussy is practically weeping for me.

"So hot". I mumble. I can feel the heat from her body radiating through her panties. I begin to rub her lips through the panties. My fingers begin a steady up and down motion, making sure to graze her swollen little clit with my thumb.

As soft as the fabric is, I know the friction will drive her crazy. I push my fingers harder into the crease. I'm not surprised when she shudders under my ministrations and grasps my shoulders for support. _Yeah, there you go baby. Let it out. _I know she's enjoying this and I know that I can do so much more for her.

"I know what you need." I whisper into her mouth. "I'm going to give it to you. And you're going to love it. "

Using all of the strength I possess, I pull back from her inflamed lips, barley holding back the smirk that's fighting to escape. Those gorgeous berry red lips are puffy because of me. They're slick and shiny from our intermingled desire and soon the rest of her succulent body will be just as inflamed and slick.

Needing a moment to gather my wits, I slowly skim my nose along her smooth jaw coming to rest at the bottom of her ear.

Time for playing is over. This shit is about to get serious. Grabbing both of her hands, I force them above her head against the wall.

"Don't move." I whisper harshly. The harshness of my tone surprises me. I have no intention of being cruel but fuck me if she doesn't look absolutely perfect leaned up against the wall, looking all submissive and shit.

She arches her back and once again her perfect tits are grazing my chest. I want to lick and squeeze them until she begs me to stop. I already know how responsive they are. Her nipples are practically poking through my shirt. I wonder if I could make her come from just my touch on her breasts. As much as I need to feel the velvety puckered skin against my tongue, I need my aching cock buried in her heated pussy more.

I throw off my shirt not caring where it lands. All I can think about is removing all of the barriers keeping her flushed skin from touching mine. I move back to her beckoning center. I mean for her glorious body to be bared to me but I can't slow my exploration of her long enough to make that happen. My fingers zero in on the place I long to be. They dance slowly across the lace of her panties before plunging a finger into her heat.

"Fuck you're so wet."

God, she's so fucking tight. My mind barely registers that fact before my hands go rogue and rip her panties right the fuck off of her writhing body and tossing them onto the floor.

"Much Better" I rasped into her ear before taking a small taste of her lobe.

I'll need to make sure she's prepared for me. I don't want to hurt her.

"Ahhh." She moans and moves her arms from the wall to grab me.

"No." I command Ah, ah, ah sweetheart we're doing this my way. I stop my movements between her legs.

The snarky bastard raises his head and speaks up. "Don't move your arms or I'll stop. Do you understand?" My tone leaves no room for misunderstandings. I don't wait to see if she'll comply. I know she will.

_So_ _wet… So tight…_ I push another finger inside. The sheer amount of fluid dripping out of her hungry body leads me to believe that my beautiful girl is indeed ready for me. I can feel her body stretch to accommodate my fingers. Their length and girth no where near the real life size of the beast that's barely contained by its denim prison. But then again, nothing is as good as the real thing.

Yeah, I think she's ready.

" So tight, so damn tight." The words tumble out of my mouth.

"I can't wait any longer. I need you now. Right the fuck now. "

Not giving her a chance to voice an opinion, I took control of her mouth and begin to unbutton my jeans. I swear I can hear my cock sigh in relief. I should apologize for teasing him like that. He's not used to being made to wait. Instead, I demand she open her mouth to me like she'll soon be opening her legs and thrust my tongue into her. Mimicking the same movements my abused cock will soon be undertaking between her lovely thighs.

Regrettably, I pull my hand from the sweet confines of her wet heat and move to grab her waist. "Put your legs around my waist." I command. She obeys instantly. Her ankles cross on my ass. I have to hide my delight in her complete surrender to me.

I had intended to have her bared to me, with her tits in my mouth when I took her. But I can't afford the time it would take to rip the rest of our clothes off. Next time. I promise myself and her.

Pulling the condom out of my pocket takes less than a second. I wave it front of her face, breaking her concentrated stare on my lips.

"Are you ready?" I know she is. But I ask anyway. I'm a dick remember. Her heated gaze and glossy eyes are giving her away. I smile inwardly at the desire she can't hope to hide from me.

"Yes." She answers breathlessly. _ Ah, beauty. So am I. _

My answer is to shift her weight so she's leaning on the wall with my legs as secondary support. I reach down and take myself in hand pumping twice. The amount of pre cum leaking from the engorged head is more than adequate to allow the condom to slide easily over the entire shaft.

I feel her body tense and her breathing speed as I shift my condom covered cock to her entrance, the head barely grazing her soaked lips. I follow her stare. _Fuck! She's scared_. From having my fingers inside her I already know that whomever she's had before was no match for my size.

Secretly I'm pretty fucking happy that she's only used to small inadequate fuckers and that I'm about to stake a claim on that tight little hole that no one has before. But I don't want to hurt her and that means I need her to relax.

"Shhh." I croon as I rub what I hope are soothing circles on her thighs.

"I won't hurt you." I mean the words and hope that she believes me. I look into her eyes with sincerity. This convincing a woman to let me fuck her is new to me. I'm not sure how to convey the fact that at this moment she owns me like no other woman ever has before. For the first time in my sexually active life, the needs of my cock are second to the feelings of the woman in my arms. If I gave myself a moment to really think about what that really means I'd be scared as fuck. Instead I lock the thought away and refocus on my girl.

She never breaks my gaze and nods. If I wasn't about to bury myself in heaven, I'd fall to me knees in thanks. Instead I kiss her deeply and position her over my cock.

_Mothefucking… Ahh…Shit! Damn! Where has she been all my life?_

"Fuck baby you're so tight." I kiss her again as I begin a rhythm that I know will bring us both immense pleasure.

She feels so damn good. I can't get far enough inside her. I can feel her muscles begin to clench around me. Fuck! I'm not going to last long if she keeps that torture up. My brain decides to take a vacation and my no filter mouth starts spewing out all of the things I've been keeping contained since I first laid eyes on her.

"I wanted you the minute I saw you staring at me in the bar" _Thrust _

"You looked so innocent and so god damn sexy. I knew it would be like this." I move my head down to the crook of her neck, half attempting to muffle the words that are falling out of my mouth. _Thrust- Retreat-Thrust-Retreat-Thrust…_

We're both breathing in gasps. She's moved her arms from where I had them placed on the wall and is clinging to my shoulders. I should make her move them back. But I like the feeling of her hands clenching on my arms in tune to her vaginal muscles clenching on my cock as I pound relentlessly into her.

Her movements are becoming erratic. She's about to lose it. I know that if I want to come with her I need to speed things up a bit.

"I know baby. Let go." I encourage.

I tilt forward changing my position minutely. My pelvis scrapes relentlessly against her clit. I know she feels the change as I begin an unrelenting hammering of the little rough patch of skin that will cause her scream and forget her name.

I feel the telltale tightening in my balls letting me know I'm almost there. Thank fuck it's more persistent than the ache I'm beginning to feel in my legs.

"Ahh, ahh!" She screams. _Music to my ears sweetheart. _

I nearly drop her when she lets go. The pleasure of her pussy clamping down on my cock is like nothing I've ever felt. It almost hurts it's so damn good. Her tight muscles throbbing on my heated cock proves to be my undoing.

"Ah, so good. So damn good." My balls give up and with a couple final thrusts; I fill the condom with my thick, hot come. The after ripples of her climax milk my cock as we both try to regain our composure.

I can't move. I'm fucking paralyzed from my cock down. Her damn pussy has broken me. I smile at the thought, knowing that I'd give anything to stay broken inside her forever.

I feel her begin to remove her legs from my waist and lower them to the ground. I should help her but I'm broke.

She starts to fall. I grab her and pull her into my body.

"I've got you sweetheart." I chuckle into her ear and kiss her neck lightly. I guess I may have broken her too. I reach down and take care of the used and much appreciated condom. Not missing the slight look of discomfort that crosses her beautiful face as I slide out of her.

"Can you stand on your own?" I ask her. I need to discard the condom and pull up my pants. Not that I'm looking forward to having my cock shoved back into his denim prison, but I need a minute to think about what's just happened. And if little Eddie is roaming around free, he won't hesitate to make a break for it and try to crawl back up inside his new favorite place.

She nods and I take care of myself. I'm surprised at my shiver when I feel her hand sweetly stroke my cheek. I just fucked this girl ten ways from Sunday and she almost brings me to my knees over a touch on my cheek? I smile and place a kiss on her palm. _Fuck it. I'm a goner. Why fight it?_

I reach out and gently embrace her. Our kisses are soft and sweet compared the ones we just shared up against the wall.

I pull back when I feel her wince in pain. _Shit. What did I do?_

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"Oh, no" She exclaims. "It's my feet. I don't think these shoes were designed for rough wall sexing with a fuck hot stranger."

"Fuck hot stranger huh?" Fuck, she's cute when she blushes.

I hunch down and take one of her perfect little feet in my hand. In the heat of our moment, I'd forgotten about the sexy as hell heels she had strapped on. I release the strap of the shoe and push it aside.

"Why didn't you tell me you were in pain?" I begin to massage her foot, frowning at the angry red line marking your instep. I briefly remember dragging her across the parking lot. She was staggering because of the damn shoes and like a complete asshole; I was oblivious to her pain.

On any other woman these shoes would have me hard and ready to go again. But I find myself angrier that she's been in pain and I did nothing about it than turned on.

"I forgot about it." She answers with a moan of pleasure under my ministrations. She forgot? How does one forget that they're in pain?

She senses my question and answers, "I forgot everything else once you touched me."

I nod in understanding. Since meeting her gaze across the bar I'd lost all sense of everyone and everything else going on around me. She became my only focus. My only thought was to take her and find a way to keep her.

_Keep her? _The thought while a new concept for me, startles me with the honesty of it. I've wanted her more than I've ever wanted a woman before and I find myself wanting to have her again. No fucking denying that. Sex with her has been one of the most orgasmic moments of my life. But I also want to know her. I want to laugh with her, hold her hand on walks and have coffee on Sunday mornings while we read the paper together. I want all of that with her.

With my new desires rattling around in my head trying to find a place to land, I kiss both of her feet and stand up to meet her eyes.

"Will you stay the night?" The question explodes out of my mouth before I can rein it in. I watch her eyes carefully, waiting for her answer.

I was not expecting her to grimace at my words. _ Fuck. _What have I done? I scared her again. I'm moving to fast. Why would I say that? My godamn head hates me. My first instinct is to give her a cocky Cullen retort. Make her think I didn't mean it. Don't let her see how her denial has hurt me.

But I can't, because it does hurt. Another new feeling for me. I don't like it. No. Not one fucking little bit. I wonder how someone like Mike Newton lives with that shitty feeling on a daily basis.

"It's OK, I just, I don't want you to leave yet. I understand, I'll take you home." I try to keep the rejection out of my voice while I re button my pants. I reach around her to open the door and allowing her walk away from me.

"Wait!"

She grabs my hand, stopping me from leaving the room.

"What's your name?"

"Edward." I blurt out.

"OK. I'm Bella." She smiles at me with her answer. She has such a pretty smile.

"Bella, that's a beautiful name." I smile thinking how lame I've been to not get her name. No wonder she wants to leave. I'm an idiot. But there is a little flutter of hope. If she wasn't interested in continuing whatever the hell is going on between us surely she wouldn't have asked for my name. My heart lifts a little with the thought that maybe I'll get to see her again.

She hasn't moved for the door or let go of my hand. What's she thinking? Has she changed her mind? Does she want to stay? God, I want her to stay. Even if all we do is sleep. I want to hold her and fall asleep to the sound of her breathing in my ears and her delicious scent in my nose.

I decide to test her and move towards the door.

Her grip tightens on my hand and she moves to block the door.

"Beautiful Bella, I can't get you home if you won't let me leave the apartment." We stare at each other.

"I know."

Yes! She wants to stay. I want to break in one of Emmett's silly victory dances. I want to get on my knees and worship her for hours.

I want… _Shit!_ Her eyes are all glassy again and she's licking those perfect lips while looking over my body.

_Fuck!_ Is that… Is that amazing smell coming from her? It's not the normal sweet scent of strawberries but rather a musky, earthy scent that has my resting dick twitching his head. It's her arousal.

_Holy shit!_ I can smell her need for me.

I can only stand and stare at her, lost in the moment. My shy little vixen can't hide what she wants from me. I wonder if she understands the meaning of the gauntlet she's thrown down.

In true Cullen character, I call her bluff.

"Bella, if you want to stay you're going to have to make the decision. But if you do, make sure you understand that I'm going to make good on all of my earlier promises." I punctuate my meaning by licking my own lips and slowly with great reverence, take in every straight line and curve of her beautiful body.

The ball is in her court. Or rather my balls are in her court. If she wants me, I'm hers. But it's her turn to take the initiative. If she leaves, I'm confident that this won't be our last meeting. Her asking my name proves she wasn't looking for a quickie. But if she stays… _Please stay_. I silently plead.

If she stays I will worship every inch of her glorious body. Tonight she will scream my name in pleasure until she's hoarse. And in the morning I will hold her hand while we sit in my favorite café and share breakfast.

**Slam!**

_Thank fucking god!_

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><p><strong>AN:** You still with me? Was that lemony enough for ya? Let me know what you thought.

I think we have one or two more chapters left with these two. I never intended to do a full length story with this Bella and Edward. But rather a 'quickie' that investigated the concept of overwhelming attraction/lust and how those affected deal with it.

I want to apologize for the lateness of this update. I had originally intended to update once a week. But RL threw me under a buss about three weeks ago and I'm still kinda laying flattened out on the road.

My CT is better. Thank you all for your concern and advice.

Big kisses to everyone who has taken the time to review. Reviews truly are the fuel that keeps this train chug-chugging along.

Can I get a "Hell Yeah" for the pics coming out of the Cosmopolis set? It should be a crime for that man to look so good in a suit. Come to think of it. It should be a crime for the things I want to do to him while slowly stripping off said suit.


	5. Chapter 5

**What can I say except I'm sorry. Sorry this is so late and sorry for, well, you'll see. Once again I've been battling CTS and damn if the bitch isn't winning. But I got a new doctor and he's actually taking me seriously. I hope to have this thing beat soon. **

**I can't believe the number of people who've put Tailspin on their alerts. Thank you, thank you, thank you. **

**And to all of you wonderful, amazing and gorgeous ladies who take the time to review, I owe you big time! Whenever I get a review alert it's like Christmas morning, my birthday and the first time I saw Rob naked all rolled into one. **

**OK, one of those things hasn't really happened. Yet. **

**Special thanks to my Beta mullet86. She rushed this out between packing for her cruise. The lucky h00r. Kidding! Have a great time Babs. Bring me back something good!**

**DISCLAIMER: Still don't own anything Twilight. And it still sucks!**

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><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

Chapter 5

EPOV

I remember when I was a kid, my mom used to tell me to not make promises I couldn't keep. I'm sure she was talking about not forgetting to pick up my wet towels off the bathroom floor or remembering to pick up milk on my way home from school. There's no way she'd meant that statement in conjunction with my sex life. Nonetheless, Edward Cullen is a momma's boy and I always keep my promises.

All. Of. Them.

I'd found this woman less than three hours ago. I'd only known her name for 10 minutes. I'd already licked as much skin as I could reach, had the wetness of her arousal all over my fingers and had stuffed my dick up inside her as far as it could go. And despite all of that the fact that she's blushing after slamming my door and giving me permission to violate her, has me more excited than the prospect of the future violation.

You heard me. Edward Cullen is excited to elicit a blush from a woman. Please promise not to tell Emmett. That goon would take out a billboard ad calling me 10 different kinds of pussy whipped. He'd have shirts made with my face on it that read, "I've lost my balls. If found please contact Edward Cullen. 555-555-5555" _Fuck._ I can see it now. If I thought the embarrassment of the chicken dance was bad… all of the taunting I've done to him and his whipped ways over the years would come barreling back to me ten fold.

_Shit. Damn. Fuck. _ I absently pulled at my hair imagining the horror Emmett could unleash.

"Is everything alright?" Her soft voiced question startled me out of my nightmare.

"Uh, yeah, everything is great." I didn't want her to think that I was regretting what had happened between the two of us and I sure as hell wasn't going to tell her my best friend was an expert in torture.

"Do you think we could sit down? My feet are killing me."

Shit! I forgot about her poor feet. I'm such an asshole.

"Yes, of course." I took her hand and steered her through the wreckage of my living room to the couch.

"I'm sorry. It's just that I'm not used to wearing shoes like these. But Alice insisted and you just don't say no to Alice." She leaned over and dropped them unceremoniously to the floor with a thud before sitting down on the couch.

"You could say no to Alice but then she'd just find some other item of clothing to torture you with. It's like trying to reason with a three year old girl." She was rambling. It was so cute.

"Here, let me rub them for you." I offered. I sat down on the opposite end of the couch. Our posture was that of two strangers just meeting one another. Not that of two strangers that had just shared a pretty fucking orgasmic experience. I wanted her to be comfortable. No. I needed her to be comfortable. I wanted her so content that she'd never want to leave. I wondered if my sheets were soft enough and what side of the bed she likes to sleep on. _Fuck! _ Did I really just think that?

_Jesus!_ I'd never worried about a woman's comfort past the sex. Once it was over and we'd both come down from our respective highs, it was "I had a great time. Can I call you a cab?" Not this girl? Why not this girl?

"Oh no, you don't have to do that. You already did it once." She motioned to her petite feet. I smiled my 'I got this babe' smile complete with cocky eyebrow twitch. Yes, I had names for my expressions. Let's not make a big fucking deal out of it.

"I want to." I assured her and leaned down ignoring her declaration. I put her feet in my lap and began to massage them. She blushed but went ahead and twisted around on the couch so she was lying cross ways with her shoulders leaning against the arm.

Damn, she looked good all stretched out on my couch in my living room with my hands on her body. Her short skirt was pushed up high on her thighs, revealing her silky flesh. I bet she'd look even better all stretched out on my bed, naked and glowing in the moonlight.

"Ooooh my god." She moaned with pleasure. Her hips arched slightly. I felt little Eddie begin to stir from his after sex nap. I start to rub a little more earnestly, wanting to see just how far I could get her to let go.

"Ummm, that feels soooo good." She began to writhe on the couch as I rubbed her arches. Damn! The woman really knows how to enjoy a foot rub.

"Harder. Please harder." She moaned. I adjusted the tempo and force I was using so I could accommodate her request. She was clenching the couch so tightly that the tips of her fingers were white with exertion. When she arched her back on the cushions, the hard bud of her nipples poked through her shirt. I had a sudden need to feel those flawless mounds fitted perfectly in my hands and feel skin on my tongue.

Her hair was spread out on the cushion underneath her head like a shiny cape. It moved in silken waves as she moved her head. Her eyes were closed and her mouth formed a little 'O' as she writhed around. _Holy shit!_ Was she going to cum from a fucking foot rub? I sincerely fucking hoped so because I was clearly turned on by the proposition and really fucking wanted to see her do it.

"Like this baby? Does this feel good?" I asked. I leaned closer, mesmerized by the look of pure pleasure radiating from her beautiful face.

"Yes, so good." She moaned.

I chuckled at her uninhibited admission and continued to rub in earnest.

I couldn't stand it any longer. I needed more. More contact. More stroking. I moved my hands from her feet to her ankles, rubbing small circles on her skin as I slowly crept my way up her leg. She kept her eyes shut and continued to moan. I furtively maneuvered my body so my torso was leaning over hers, still stroking her lightly. When I reached her thighs, her eyes popped open. They were luminous in the dim light of the room. I could do nothing but stare into them.

"Ed- Edward, what are you doing?" she managed to ask while trying to move from underneath me. I stilled her movements by holding her hips tightly, practically pinning her to the couch beneath me. I liked hearing my name from her lips. I couldn't wait until she was screaming it in pleasure.

No time like the present.

"Sweet Bella, surely you know what I'm doing." I stated huskily, while slowly skimming her collar bone and neck with my nose. As I got closer to her delectable breasts, her breathing steadily increased and her hand moved to my head, grasping and clenching into my hair.

I smiled into her neck. I loved that she was as unable to contain her desire any better than I could.

I removed my hand from her right hip. Placing it on the collar of her shirt. I gently pulled it down, exposing her right breast. It was perfect, round and firm. Without missing a beat, I moved my mouth to the flawless mound and began peppering it with kisses while kneading the pliant flesh with my hand. "Perfect. Fucking perfect." I murmured around a mouthful of delectable flesh. When I got to the puckered pink nipple, my kisses turned more intense.

"Oh Edward, that feels so good." Her breathless admission spurred me on. I hollowed my cheeks and sucked harder, wanting to leave my mark like a goddamn explorer.

"I'm glad you like it baby because that is only the beginning." I promised.

BPOV

What do I do now? I took his warning and slammed the door on it, practically giving him permission to fuck me senseless. So what do I do now?

"Do you think we could sit down? My feet are killing me." _Nice Bella_. Alert the most gorgeous and sexy man you've ever seen to the fact that you rarely wear anything more constricting than a purple Croc. In other words, tell him that you have the fashion sense of a 12 year old adolescent girl.

"Yes of course." He immediately replies. His hand is warm and firm as he leads me through his messy living room to sit on the couch. I can't contain a small smile as I take in the mess on the floor. Up close, I could now make out that the clutter consisted of drained Heineken bottles and empty pizza boxes. I briefly wondered what kind of confrontation had occurred to have caused such a mess, when I spotted the gaming system on the floor, still plugged into the television. Boys. Sometimes they're so simple. Let them play video games or show them boobs and they're happy for hours.

I was so grateful to get off my throbbing feet and sit down on the dark leather couch. It was so deep I couldn't sit all the way back and still reach the floor. The color was a rich burgundy and glossy with gold studs lining the back and the arms. The cushions were thick and supple. It was one of those couches that you see in the store and instantly want to crawl up on it and stay there for days. But you don't buy it because it's too expensive and impractical. It was imposing, beautiful and sinful. Just like Edward. As crazy as it seemed, I could imagine myself curled up alongside Edward on a Sunday morning on this big comfy sofa fighting over the comics in the paper. _Right. Dream on Bella._

Despite the fact that not an hour ago I was pushed up against the wall moaning in bliss while this beautiful man gave me more pleasure than I'd ever experienced. I was suddenly nervous. And I found myself spewing an explanation for the shoes. "I'm sorry. It's just that I'm not used to wearing shoes like these. But Alice insisted and you just don't say no to Alice." _Jesus Bella get a grip and shut up! _

Did I heed my own warning and shut my mouth? Noooo. I continued to ramble like an idiot. I was sure he was going to throw me out on my ass. Instead, he chuckled, reached down and placed my aching feet into his lap and started rubbing my arches with his sinfully long fingers.

Yesterday I was sitting in the library bemoaning my lack of social life and male company to Rose and Alice. They both knew about my woefully inadequate sexual experience with men, and had vowed to help change that sad truth. Yet like a spoiled harpy I cursed Alice as she forced me to wear the short skirt that left little to the imagination and threatened to cut holes in all of her Chanel suits when she forced my poor, poor tootsies into those mediaeval torture devices she called shoes. I dragged my feet when we got to the bar and even tried to run like a coward when I saw him staring at me from across the bar.

In spite of all that, I now find myself lying on this decadent couch being rubbed by a criminally gorgeous man after being fucked ten ways from Sunday. I can't imagine what I did to deserve this and I can only hope that I don't fuck it up.

Once again moans of pleasure escape me as his magic fingers soothe and heal my pain, leaving trails of pure contentment in their wake. "Ummm, that feels soooo good." I can't help the wanton sounds and writhing. The feel of his hands on my feet are only poor imitations of what it felt like in his arms when he used those same hands to finger my wet and needy pussy.

"Harder. Please harder" Images of his wet cock pounding into me played before my closed eyes as he increased the pressure of his hands. My body moved with the memory. The memory was so intense I could feel my body respond as if it was happening again. My panties were soaked and I felt my muscles clench, recalling what it felt like to have him so deep inside me.

"Like this baby? Does this feel good?" He asked as his hands increased their tempo.

"Yes, so good." If I hadn't been about to cum from a damn foot rub, I would've had the decency to feel embarrassed over my actions. But a foot rub from this man was better than any sexual experience I'd had before him. He deserved to know how fucking amazing he was. _Who was this woman? And what did she do with the shy, quiet and sexually repressed Bella Swan we knew so well? _Oh, her? She's long gone. Meet the new and improved Bella.

Even in my pre orgasmic haze, I could feel him move slowly up my body, those magical digits circling my skin and setting me ablaze with desire.

When he reached my thighs the old Bella reared her 'party pooper' head. I tried to throw her back into the closet where she could study and fold laundry or whatever it is that girls who aren't being actively sexed up do. But she persisted and asked the bronze haired Adonis what he was doing while having the nerve to try and move out from underneath his perfect body.

When he answered in his velvety voice, 'Old Bella' was burning her books fighting 'new Bella' for pole position.

I wound my fingers into his hair, tugging the silken strands in my haste to pull him closer to me as his lips descended onto my pebbled nipple.

"Oh Edward, that feels so good." The desperate tone of my voice was foreign to me. I'd never felt this way before. Every moment with him was a revelation of understanding. Mike, Jacob… they both touched me like this. They kissed my breasts and touched my vagina. But it had always felt clinical. Like I was letting them do it because it was expected. Not because I needed it. Not like I needed him to touch me. I'd never felt like this with them because they weren't him. They tried but fell short because my body was waiting for the fire that only he could ignite, the pleasure that only he could give me.

I looked into his lush green eyes and I knew that he was right, this was only the beginning.

* * *

><p><strong>Please don't hate me. I never intended to end this chapter with a cliffie. But this just seemed to be a good place to stop. Back to the good stuff next chapter. I promise! <strong>

** Here comes the begging. (Don't tell me you're surprised)**

** Please, please, please, review. I think reviews help my wrists feel better. Really. I can feel it working already! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Twilight, Edward and those other character belong to Stephenie Meyer. A worn out bathing suit and a pair of scratched up sunglasses are all mine. Do you think she'd trade? Or maybe just let me borrow Edward for a little while? Naw, I didn't think so either. Rats!**

**Big hugs to Mullet86 for her superb beta skills. **

**Tailspin**

**Chapter 6**

**"_Don't call me baby, you asshole."_**

"Edward" She moaned as I moved my mouth from the perfection of her right breast to the equally flawless left one. Her hands pulled my hair tighter as she forced me down harder onto her. The arching of her back gave away her desire to have her entire tit in my mouth.

Brusquely I removed my mouth from her, the nipple made a 'popping' sound as I released the suction. "No!" she demanded, and tried to push my mouth back to her chest. I chuckled and leaned down to gave the straining peak a quick kiss before pushing myself up on my arms so I could hover over her.

I grinned at the expression she was wearing. A mixture of innocence and lust played on her face. Her eyes were dark and wide with want but the blush displayed over her smooth pale skin told a different story. She wanted me that was evident but she wasn't like the other women I'd been with. Bella was unaware of how incredibly sexy and desirable she was. She hadn't been a virgin, but fuck me if she hadn't damn near been. My cock twitched at the memory of how incredibly tight she'd gripped it and how amazingly wet she was. Not a virgin but not really experienced either. _Thank Christ._

I wanted to be the one who brought the tigress out of this kitten. I knew it was there, just lurking under the pale exterior of her perfect skin. She was brave enough to take a chance and allowed a stranger to bring her to his home and fuck her up against a wall. Was she fearless enough to let me lay her down on my bed and let me make love to her? _Make love? _ I hadn't done that since Tanya.

No. I couldn't even count that because I hadn't loved her. I know that now. I hadn't felt half for Tanya what I feel for the goddess lying under me. I'd never made love before. But I wanted to do it with Bella. The realization should have scared me. But it didn't. I knew it was different with her. I knew she was different. I was different now too.

"Bella, look at me." Under my scrutiny she'd closed her eyes. Trying to hide pretty girl? That shit wasn't going to fly. I knew she wanted me. Her body told me that. But I needed to know if she felt what I did. If the connection we had was as strong for her as it was for me.

I cupped her chin, "Bella, open your eyes and look at me." My tone left her no choice but to comply.

Her eyes opened slowly. Their shiny depths peered into my soul. God, she was beautiful. I never believed that bullshit about a persons eyes being a window to their soul. But apparently I'm an idiot because I could see right into hers and it was amazing. Pure, unadulterated beauty. Marcellis Wallace had nothing on my girl's soul.

"Baby, I want to make you feel good. Will you let me?" I stroked the side of her face with my hand, moving a piece of silky hair from her forehead and tucking it behind her ear.

She licked her lips and nodded her head. Watching her pink wet tongue reaching out to stroke her plump lips had little Eddie pounding on the door demanding to be let out. He was an impatient little fucker. But I wanted more than another quick coupling. He'd have to wait.

"Tell me Bella. Tell me what you want."

She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. Her fingers clenched in my hair. She was so cute.

"Come on baby tell me." I leaned down and punctuated my statement with a soft kiss. "I can't give you what you need if you don't tell me." Another soft kiss.

She tried to deepen the kiss but I pulled away and slowly traced her lips with my tongue.

"God, Edward just… please…" She moaned and tilted her hips into mine, obviously needing friction. Her skirt had ridden up to her hips. She was rubbing her bare pussy on the rough denim of my jeans. Little Eddie was in a near panic to be released. I stilled her hips by pressing mine down onto her. The affect was two fold. It stopped her from moving things a little faster than I wanted and gave my eager little friend enough friction to placate him. For now.

I struggled to not throw myself onto her hot little body and fuck her hard and fast. But I'd made promises to both of us. So instead I placed little kisses from the top of her cleavage to her ear lobe. "Say it. Say it now!" I nipped her lobe and she lost it.

"Uh Edward… please… I wa… I want…" Her head was frantically moving back and forth on the cushions.

"Say it Bella" I licked her stiff nipple, rolling my tongue around the peak. "Say it or I'll stop." I lifted my head from her delectable mound to wait for her response.

For a moment there was nothing but the sounds of our breathing echoing in the room.

I was at the limit of my patience and about to say "fuck it" and take matters into my own hands when the sexiest words ever spoken were uttered by my girl.

"Make me feel good. I need you inside me now. Edward, please fuck me." She pleaded.

"Yes baby." I took her mouth in a deep kiss, forcing her to open and accept my tongue.

I couldn't have been more delighted when I felt her tongue meet mine at her entrance and fight mine for control. I pressed into her, bringing both of my hands up to hold her face in position for my dominance.

The sound of our breathing was loud and erratic. Both of us taking deep and erratic breaths as we hurriedly mashed our lips together.

I knew I had to stop this now or we'd never make it to the bedroom and I really fucking wanted this woman in my bed.

I pulled back and rested my forehead on hers. I closed my eyes and tried to slow my breathing. _Get it together Cullen. This isn't your first fuck! _Maybe not but for whatever reason, this one meant something to me.

She was still breathing fast and her lips were open in invitation. I mustered the strength and removed my body from hers.

"No." She demanded as she tried to keep the contact between our bodies.

I smirked at her obvious need. Knowing that she wanted me as much as I wanted her made cocky Cullen happy. "Soon baby. I promise." I leaned over and gave her lips a light kiss.

I stood up, adjusted the 'predicament' in my pants and took a moment to just look at her.

I stared at her long shapely legs that blended into curvy hips and a round squeezable butt. She had a figure that some would call hour glass. Others might say she was slightly chubby.

Me? I would call it perfect. Fucking perfect.

I raised my eyes to her face to find her staring at me. Her breathing had slowed but was still slightly erratic. "What are you staring at?" She asked.

"You have no idea how utterly beautiful you are, do you?" I blurted out. _Smooth Cullen. Real smooth._ My answer came out of nowhere and surprised both of us. She blushed under my scrutiny and compliment. I didn't regret telling her I how beautiful I thought she was. Because it was the fucking truth. I had just hoped that when I told her something like that I wouldn't be leering at her like a lunatic while trying to beat a giant size hard on into submission.

Yet here I was leering at her like a lunatic and thus far the aforementioned hard on was only getting harder and tougher to control. So, what the hell right? I might as well lay it all out there for her. Right?

"You are you know. Beautiful I mean." She scoffed at my words and sat up to pull her skirt down so it covered her pussy. _Shit!_ That was not the reaction I was expecting. Weren't girls supposed to eat that kind of shit up? Especially when it was sincere?

I swear I heard my cock actually yell "noooo" when her pretty pink flesh disappeared from view. I wanted to reassure him that she wasn't going anywhere but I wanted to yell right along with him when she adjusted her shirt to cover her breasts.

"You don't have to say things like that to me. I know it's not true." Her voice was low and shaky. She brought her legs together so her knees touched.

_Are you fucking with me? Don't be stupid. _

"I'm not stupid you ass!" She proclaimed. Her eyes were alight with fire as they bored into mine.

_Shit!_ I said that out loud. "No, that's not what I meant. I meant you would be stupid to believe…" Her eyes narrowed and I shut up before I made it worse.

_Damage control Cullen! Don't you fuck this up for me,_ my cock screamed.

I took a deep breath and rubbed a hand across the back of my neck trying to buy a minute. Where were those damn Kit Kat bars when you needed them?

I knew I was running out of time when she folded her arms over her chest and crossed those gorgeous legs, bouncing them impatiently. She'd gone into defensive mode.

"Guys say things like that to get women to sleep with them. I already let you fuck me. Why would you lie to me now?"

_Shit! _ She thought it was a line. It was. I'd used that a line I don't know how many times and didn't mean it. I was such an asshole.

This is bad. _Think Cullen._ I ran my hand through my hair, willing an answer to come to me.

She was staring straight ahead at the wall. The same wall that I'd pinned her up against and fucked her silly.

Her posture was rigid and her lips were puckered tightly. _Arrghh! _Those lips. The thought of those soft, red pouty lips wrapped around my hard, swollen cock was enough to drive me over the edge. I wanted to push her down and make her submit to me like I'd done earlier. She'd submit, I'd get what I wanted and things could go back to normal. Right?

_Do it!_ My pushy little friend urged. _Fuck this flowers and hearts bullshit. Take her. Take her now. _He punctuated his feelings with a quick throb that nearly took me to my knees. I palmed my crotch and tried to soothe the beast while I got my plan of attack solidified. I went to grab her shoulders, and then her body shifted slightly. She looked up at me with those bottomless brown orbs full of sadness.

I was lost.

I'd hurt her.

_Really genius? Ya think?_

I'm such an asshole.

My words however innocent I meant them hurt her. I could only guess that she'd heard them before and the thought of someone calling my girl stupid had my blood boiling. I wanted to hunt down the fucker and introduce his face to my fists.

The fact that some insensitive asshole made her question how motherfucking gorgeous she is also had my jaw clenched and my body tense with the need to beat the hell out of someone.

But there was no one to hit. No one to blame for the hurt in her eyes or the protective stance she'd assumed but me. I was the fucking jackass that did this.

I had to fix it

I got down on my knees in front of her and placed my hands on either side of her thighs. She pulled back and tried to avoid my eyes.

I reached up and held her face so she couldn't evade me. I looked into her eyes, cringing at the fire still dancing in them.

"Please believe me. I never meant to imply that you were stupid, just that it would be ridiculous to not believe how beautiful you are." I cupped her cheek and stroked her skin with my thumb.

"I meant it Bella. You are beautiful. If you want to walk out of here, I won't blame you or stop you. But please believe me when I say that you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. " I didn't know if I was doing this right. I'd never apologized to a woman before.

I'd never cared enough.

As I stroked her cheek, I watched the heat in her gaze slowly recede. I could've jumped for joy. Instead, I leaned over and kissed her. Not rough, just right. I tugged on her soft lips slowly and undemanding, begging her with my touch to believe me.

She pulled back attempting to break the kiss.

_Fuck! _She was going to leave. I'd fucked around with women's emotions most of my adult life and here was my payback. The woman I wanted the most was going to get up and walk away.

_NO!_ I wasn't going to give her up without a fight.

I captured her sweet lips with mine. I had one hand on her waist and the other I tangled in her soft hair. I pulled her tighter to me.

She let go a small groan. I was relentless in my pursuit and continued my kissing campaign. Slowly, she began responding to me. We continued our unhurried kissing. Gradually her hands wound into my hair and her tongue entered my mouth.

I deepened the kiss, emitting groans of my own as her delicate fingers tugged my hair roughly. _Yes baby! Make me hurt._

"Edward." She panted between kisses.

"Yes Bella?"

"Fuck me now!" She demanded and palmed my engorged cock through my jeans.

_Fuck Yes! There's my tigress!_ "Yes baby." I didn't give her a chance to say or think another thing. I stood up and in one fluid movement, lifted her so she straddled my waist. Her long legs tightening around me as my arms grabbed her gorgeous ass for support. "Anything you want!"

In my haste, I almost tripped over a fucking empty pizza carton but caught myself before I fell. _Fucking Emmett, _I thought as I roughly kicked the box out of my way and continued to my bedroom, my mouth never breaking our kiss. Her hands moved to wind around my neck as we moved.

I kicked open the door, shuddering slightly as I hear it smack against the wall, and walked blindly into the room. Not bothering to stop our momentum to turn on a light.

When my legs hit the bottom of the bed, I slowly lowered her down onto it, my mouth still never leaving hers. She let go of my hair and brought her hands down to the bed and pushed her torso up to remain connected to me. The sounds of our kissing echoing in the dark room.

I tentatively began to crawl my way up onto the bed, pushing her down as I advanced. I let my hands trail up the sides of her supple body.

"So soft, *kiss* taste so*kiss* damn good." I muttered, finally letting my body come to rest fully on top of hers, our mouths connecting feverishly. Her legs resumed their previous position around my waist. The change caused her skirt to ride up, exposing her wet center to me. I leaned closer and tilted my pelvis into her, rubbing against her swollen little nub.

"Yes!" She exclaimed and lifted her hips for harder contact. Little Eddie was banging his head on my zipper, frantically trying to escape his clothed prison and bury himself inside her tight, wet pussy.

_Soon my friend, soon,_ I promised. But first I needed to rectify a few things. Our first time had been a frenzied coupling. I'd been unable to deny myself from being inside her for another second. And in my haste, I'd missed a few things. One being her exquisite tits. I'd gotten a quick taste of them out on the couch before my no filter mouth opened and she'd angrily hidden them away from me. Two being the fact that I'd neglected to have her completely undressed and bare to my greedy eyes and hands. I longed to touch, see and taste every inch of her flawless body.

_No time like the present._ My left hand came up and pulled down the neck of her shirt, once again baring her beautiful breasts to me. "Hello ladies. I missed you." I panted, taking the closest nipple into my mouth. I licked and sucked the little peak until it was hard and swollen. I raised my head and blew lightly over the wet skin.

"Oh god, that feels so good." Bella moaned, pushing my head farther down onto her perfect tits.

I smirked against her flesh and quickly repeated my actions on her equally flawless right breast while using my left hand to pinch her left nipple.

"Fuck." She groaned and bucked up into my hand.

"You like that baby?" I tweaked her nipple again with more force. I wondered how far she'd let me push her.

She groaned in response and tightened her legs around me.

"What's that pretty girl? Do you like this or not?" I asked while biting down lightly on her tight bud as I simultaneously pinched her sensitive left nipple.

"Yes I like it you asshole. Stop teasing me!" She demanded and pulled my head from her chest to meet her eyes.

Her eyes were dilated and nearly black. Her beautiful full mouth was pulled into a tight grimace and she was taking deep fast breaths. My shy little kitten was rapidly turning into a demanding sexy vixen.

I loved that I was affecting her like this. I wanted her to come undone for me. I needed us to be on equal footing.

I grinned and leaned down for a taste of her plump lips. She met my tongue stroke for stroke. Her whole body was bucking into mine. My cock was going to suffer a concussion from the beating the head was taking from her harsh pelvic thrusts.

_Enough! Please! _Little Eddie pleaded. He and I were finally in agreement. It was time.

I pulled her shirt up and off, watching as her plump breasts bounced with the quick movement. She clenched the hem of my t-shirt and slowly began pulling it up my torso. Impatient, I sat up straddling her chest and reached behind my neck, grabbing the collar and pulled the shirt off, flinging it somewhere into the depths of my dark room.

I watched fascinated as she trailed her fingers up and down my chest and stomach. Her eyes were fixated on the trail of hair that traveled from my navel to my groin. I smirked in arrogance when her tongue came out and licked her lips as she stared at my body. My smirk died, when her fingers dipped below the waistband and grazed the head of my needy cock.

I groaned and leaned forward so her probing fingers could have better access. I swear little Eddie was crying with gratitude as he nuzzled her hand. My eyes closed in pleasure.

"Do you like that?" She asked as she swirled her fingers over my swollen tip, spreading the pre cum over the head and squeezing it gently.

"Unngghh" Was all I managed to get out.

_Eloquent Edward. Real eloquent._

"What was that Edward? Use your words baby. Or I'll stop." She tugged on my needy flesh as she teased.

I could feel the button and then the zipper of my jeans being released. Both of her hands where now caressing my cock. My hips bucked involuntarily into her as she worked me into a frenzy.

_Fuck me!_ If just her hands elicited this reaction in me, what would I do if I ever got her mouth on me?

My eyes popped open to see my vixen's own cocky smirk. _Fuck!_ She was turning the tables on me. And I loved it.

Before I could muster an answer to her teasing, she dipped a finger into my leaking slit, applying just enough pressure to elicit another groan from me.

"Come on pretty boy, I know you have something to say." Another tug on my manhood as she challenged me.

I loved a fucking challenge.

"Baby, if you want my cum all over your gorgeous tits, you just keep on working me with your hands. But if you want me inside your tight wet pussy when I cum then you better let me go. Either way, I'm good." I smirked and plunged two fingers into her heated flesh.

The sound of her gasp should have been reward enough. But it wasn't. She dared to challenge me. I wanted her writhing and begging.

She let go of my cock and fell back onto the mattress. Her hands clenching tightly onto the sheets as I worked my fingers in her needy pussy.

I quickly removed my fingers eliciting a moan of displeasure from her before she saw that I'd left her only to strip us both of our remaining clothes.

I allowed myself a moment to stare adoringly at my angel. She looked perfect lying in all of her nude glory on my bed.

My girl in my bed. Fucking perfect!

I quickly lay back on top of her. My cock positioned at her slick entrance. I leaned on my elbows so I could see her face. She was smiling. I smiled back and leaned in for a kiss. I licked her lips and it was only a moment before we our kisses became heated and demanding once more.

I pulled back and looked at her, "Tell me you want me. Tell me you feel this, whatever it is between us. Tell me it's not just me." I pleaded. I couldn't hide it from her. This was more than sex for me and I needed to know that she felt it too. I closed my eyes and waited for her response.

She leaned up to kiss me sweetly on my forehead. "I've never felt like this before. I want you Edward, more than I've ever wanted anyone the way I want you."

I opened my eyes to watch her eyes as she spoke.

"I don't know what this is, but it's more than just sex. When I saw you in the bar, I felt like I'd been waiting for you my whole life. Only you Edward. Only you."

The hunger in her eyes was evident but there was something else. I didn't know what it was. But I was pretty fucking sure she could see it mirrored in my own eyes.

"Bella" I moaned and captured her lips in a searing kiss. Her hands took their rightful place in my hair and tugged me closer. Our bodies fit together perfectly as they grounded against each other in burning need.

"Now, stop teasing me and make good on your damn promises." She demanded, breaking the kiss and reaching down to stroke the head of my cock.

"Yes mam." I drawled.

Her moans were music to my ears as I used my hand to explore her slick folds before dipping two fingers into her heated depth. Feeling her pussy stretch around them and detecting no distress from girl, I added a third digit. I worked them in and out quickly just to make sure she was ready. I'd taken her roughly last time and I was afraid she might be a bit sore. If she couldn't handle three of my fingers there was no way she's be able to take the monster that was fighting to plunge into her.

I no longer wondered at the care I used for her. She was mine. Mine to hold pleasure and take care of. Pure and simple.

"Is this OK baby?" I asked as my thumb brushed against her sensitive clit.

"Yes Edward. I want you fucking now!" She panted breathlessly and bucked her hips in readiness.

No words required. I removed my fingers and replaced them with my aching cock.

I scoffed at the weak memory of being inside her that first time. Nothing was like this feeling. My cock was encased by the most amazing pussy in the world. My pussy. She fit me like a glove.

"Baby you're so tight… so wet… fuck… you're perfect!" I groaned.

Our bodies moved in a harmonious dance of grinding hips, slapping slick skin and tangled limbs.

I wanted to lavish her tits with kisses and nips but it was taking all of my concentration to not cum the moment I entered her. _Later. _I promised her flawless mounds as I watched them jiggle in perfect rhythm to my thrusts.

Her moans blended perfectly with mine as we rode each other to our peaks.

"Edward… Edward… so good… never… never before…" She panted.

I pulled her hips higher onto my waist, changing my angle of penetration. I felt myself go deeper. Her walls began to clench and pulse around me. I knew she was close.

Her grip on my hair would have been painful if I wasn't so high on the lust induced endorphins.

She was holding on. I wanted her to let go.

"Let go baby. Cum on my cock. Let go." I crooned as I used my thumb to put pressure on her clit. The tiny bundle throbbed with her need.

I was so close but I needed her to cum first. I wanted to know my girl was satisfied before I was. _First time for everything right?_

She screamed as the slick walls of her pussy clenched on my cock, her hips bucking so wildly that I had to use my hand to hold her in place.

I kept up my rhythm, wanting to prolong her pleasure as long as I could.

Her breathing began to slow. And her hold on my hair and waist was lessening. I knew she'd found hers. Now it was time for mine.

"Look at me Bella." I demanded. "Watch me fuck you."

Her eyes popped open wide as I picked up my pace and began to slam into her again.

"Watch my cock as it takes what belongs to it." I panted. "See how slick I am with your cum? Do you see it?"

She nodded weakly as her eyes fixated on my cock driving into her pussy.

I could feel the tell tale heat in my lower back and balls warning me that my release was imminent. I had only moments before I spilled everything I had into her.

"This pussy is mine." My teeth clenched with the exertion of holding off my release. "You're mine. Say it!"

I needed her to acknowledge my possession. I may have feelings for this girl that I'd never felt before, and didn't quite understand but I was still Cocky Cullen for fucksakes!

Her walls began to flutter around me letting me know she was about to enjoy orgasm number two. This time we would cum together.

"Say it!" My thrusts were harsh and demanding. I pinched her clit and heard the words I'd been waiting for.

"YES! I'm yours Edward. Only yours!" She screamed and her whole body clenched and released with her climax.

I fell on top of her with the force of my orgasm. My cock pulsed as I shot streams of my hot cum into her tight pussy. Her slick walls pulsed and clenched, milking my spent cock as we both came down from our high.

I didn't think I could ever muster the strength to move again. I could die happy, right here, with my head between these glorious tits and my cock inside my girl.

Sure my parents would be mortified and have a hard time explaining to my grandparents and their friends how their son had died from the best fucking sex of his life. My mom would hang her head in shame that I didn't have the decency to die in a car accident or something respectable like that. My dad would pat her on the back consoling her while giving my wide grinning corpse a "that's my boy" smirk.

I let the calming rise and fall of her chest soothe me as I envisioned Emmett and Jasper praising my character and skills at pool, darts and HALO. They would tell tales of my sexual prowess and claim that they knew I would find my end while bringing a woman pleasure. Emmett would bawl like a baby to the bereaved single women in attendance. He'd curse God for taking me before my time, while boasting that he'd taught me everything I'd known. _The lying little fucker. _

I sighed when I thought of my Bella crying over my death. She would be unable to make it to the coffin under her own power because I had loved her so thoroughly she was still unable to walk. She would need both of my boys to help her over to the casket, she'd lean over and whisper into my ear, "I'll never have sex again Edward. You've ruined me for any other man. I'm yours forever and always."

I smiled at the thought that no other man would ever know the heaven that was my girl.

I was rudely brought out of my daydream by an insistent poking feeling on my forehead. I lazily opened my eyes to find Bella peering down at me while poking my forehead with her finger. _What the fuck?_

" Um, I don't suppose you could move off me could you? I need to, um, I need to use the bathroom." She stammered while a blush colored her beautiful face.

I grabbed the finger that had been making divots on my sweaty forehead and kissed the tip before smiling widely at her. She smiled back and I swear her blush moved to cover even the tips of her delicate ears.

"You need to pee baby?" I asked moving to push my tired and spent body off of hers.

"Well, that and to um, you know, clean up a little."

Clean up? There's no need to clean up with condoms…

"FUCK!" I quickly pulled my now flaccid cock out of her.

I noticed her grimace at my abrupt movement. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

She nodded weakly in acknowledgment and I continued to move off her. She gave me a small shy smile as she got up and walked into my adjoining bathroom. I watched her tight ass walk away, waiting until I heard the door close before losing my shit. As soon as the door clicked and I saw the light under the door I fucking lost it.

_.Damn! _ I forgot a fucking condom. I rolled to my back and threw an arm over my eyes. _FUCK! What kind of a goddamn idiot forgets to wrap his tool? _

"This is your fault." I poked my cock as it laid all limp against my thigh. "You insistent little asshole." The inconsiderate fucker just laid there looking all content while I fucking freaked out.

My hands balled into fists, clenching the sheets as I tried to digest how monumentally stupid I was.

Sighing, I leaned over and turned on my small bedside lamp. The dim light zeroed in on my sins, the telltale stain of our mingled releases evident on the sheets.

What is she going to think of me? I didn't take proper cautions with her. I've never forgotten a condom. NEVER. She's going to hate me. I put her at risk.

My pea brain started to come up with a plan to fix this when I heard the toilet flush and the tap turn on.

All thoughts of self loathing disappeared when my angel opened the door. The light from the bathroom shone brightly behind her, illuminating her beauty. Her skin shone brilliantly and her hair flowed over her shoulders in wild tangles.

I gulped at the vision before me. She was breathtaking. And she was mine. At least I hoped she'd still be mine once she realized what a thoughtless bastard I am.

She moved forward and got on her knees facing me on the bed. Her eyes were downcast. She looked so beautiful.

I couldn't take it, "I screwed up. It won't happen again." I blurted out like an eight year old apologizing for farting in church.

Her eyes widened and her lips quivered. I started to reach out for here as she quickly moved off the bed, evading my touch.

She silently bent over and grabbed her shirt, putting her arm through the neck hole in her haste.

I stared wide eyed at her movements.

_What was she doing? _

"What does it look like I'm doing you asshole? I'm leaving."

_I said that out loud?_ No time to waste on that. She'd fixed her shirt and was looking for her skirt. I had to stop her.

I leapt out of bed without regard for my nudity and grabbed her shoulders, stopping her movements.

Her arms were tense. Her whole body was stiff.

"I said it would never happen again." I leaned down, trying to get a look at her face but she kept moving.

"I heard you. Why do you think I'm leaving?"

"I don't know. Tell me." I pleaded. I grabbed her chin and forced her face up to mine.

She was crying. Big, fat tears rolled down her cheeks. I was at a loss.

"Baby, please don't cry. I promised you it won't happen again." As much as I loved coming inside her and not a fucking condom, I would never put her at risk again.

"Don't call me baby, you asshole." She pulled away from my hand and took a step back grabbing her skirt off of the floor.

Defeated and fucking confused, I flopped down on my bed and watched in shock as she struggled to get dressed.

Why was she leaving? I thought she felt the same way I did.

My head bowed as I struggled to understand what the hell was going on.

I felt sick.

It was like high school again and I was watching Tanya walk away from me after admitting to using me as fucking practice. James hadn't wanted a virgin. He wanted a woman with experience. So she'd pressured me into sex and had fucking used me until she had enough experience on her resume to satisfy him.

Tanya wasn't the only one to gain experience from our relationship. I'd honed my skills over the years and if campus rumors could be believed, I was pretty fucking skilled at fucking. But I'd never allowed myself to care for another woman after Tanya. Not until Bella. And it was all over because of a mistake.

_A fucking mistake. _

"I know you think it was a mistake. You don't have to keep rubbing it in. "

_Whoa. What?_

"I have feelings you know. You didn't have to make me believe you cared about me to fuck me. " Her anger was palpable but her words didn't make sense.

"Bella, I do care about you." I promised.

"Dammnit, stop lying to me. Men like you are all the same. You make flowery speeches so girls like me let our guard down and then, then you take what you want and discard us like used Kleenex. But you don't possess enough of a heart to do it kindly. You call us a mistake and then you walk away like I was nothing more than a cheap hooker you picked up off of the street." Her shoulders slumped and her head hung forward after that last sentence. The fight just drained out if her.

_Fuck!_ It finally dawned on me. She thinks I used her. That I was calling our time together a mistake, that I was promising to never do it again. Fuck that!

I jumped off the bed and grabbed her just as she was opening the door. I slammed it shut and pushed her up against it so I could hold her against the door. My body pressed tightly against hers as she struggled in vain to shirk my touch.

"Let me go Edward. The least you can do is let me walk out on my own." Her voice was low and laced with sadness. She stopped fighting me; she just stood there lifelessly, her head down, with her hair hiding her face.

Someone had hurt her with those words. Some uncaring bastard had used my Bella and made her feel like she was a mistake. And she thought I'd done the same.

She broke my heart.

"Look at me Bella."

I grabbed her chin and forced her face up. Her eyes were closed.

"Open your eyes and look at me." I demanded.

Still nothing. I decided to try a new attack. I kissed the corners of her eyes where her salty tears were leaking, rubbing away the evidence of her sadness with my thumbs.

Still nothing.

I let go of her chin and kissed the trail of her tears from her eyes to where they fell off her cheeks and chin.

Still nothing.

Finally I leaned up and kissed her forehead before resting mine on top of hers. I took a deep breath, put my arms tightly around her and spoke.

"You misunderstood me. I never meant you were a mistake." I moved my head and began kissing a line from her forehead down to her neck and back up to her ear. She tucked her head into my chest.

She wasn't talking or hugging me, but at least she wasn't fighting me either. I took that as a good sign and continued.

"I screwed up, baby." She tensed at my words. I held her tighter and kept talking and kissing. "I forgot to put on a condom. I put you at risk. I'm so fucking sorry."

She gasped and raised her face from my chest. I moved mine from her neck and looked down at her.

"You don't think I was a mistake? You don't regret it?" She asked.

"God no." I groaned. "What we did, what we felt… It was the most incredible experience of my life. I could never regret it."

"But you called it a mistake. You said it would never happen again." Her eyes bored into mine, searching for truth.

"I meant the condom. Not you, never you." I stared into her eyes, pleading for her to believe me.

"Oh Edward." She exclaimed and threw her arms around me in a tight hug.

"Does this mean you forgive me?" I cautiously asked.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" She grabbed my hair and forced my lips down to hers. Her kisses were rough and demanding.

I didn't stop to think about anything else but her sweet mouth on mine. I grabbed her waist and she straddled my waist as I walked her back to my bed, our lips only parting from each others long enough to take a breath before going back in for more.

As I laid my beauty back down on my bed it briefly occurred to me that minus the fact I was stark naked, this was exactly how we'd started the most incredible experience of my life not two hours ago.

I wanted to do it again, right now. I wanted to show her that not only was she not a fucking mistake but rather she was the most precious thing in my life. I wanted to worship her.

I grabbed the hem of her shirt and ripped it off of her. I didn't even stop to see where it landed. Next went that damn skirt.

I leaned back so I could look down upon her. Once again I was in awe of the beauty before me.

"Edward, come here." She beckoned me with a crook of her finger.

Who was I to say no? I climbed back on the bed and lay down next to her. She turned onto her side so we were facing each other. I put my hand on the dip where her waist and her hip met, squeezing her soft flesh.

She put a hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes and nuzzled into her tiny hand.

"I'm sorry I over reacted..." She began.

"No baby, I'm sorry." I interrupted her," It's all my fault. I should have been clearer. This never would have happened if I hadn't been so stupid…" She stopped my admission by claiming my lips in a searing kiss.

Our mouths and tongued dueling for superiority.

She hitched her leg over my hip, bringing our bodies closer together.

Suddenly the fiasco of the last 30 minutes was forgotten as we explored each other's bodies with feverish hands.

"Baby don't do that. If you keep that up I won't be able to stop and you have to be sore." I groaned as she pushed her hand down and grabbed my erection. Little Eddie was up from his nap and wanted another play date with Suzy Q. _Yeah I named my girl's pussy. That's normal. Right? _

When she pulled her hand back, little Eddie and I nearly wept at the loss of contact.

"Actually, I am kinda sore. Do you think we could maybe take a nap? That is if you want me to stay."

"Baby, I may never let you leave." I said as I grabbed the sheets and pillows, tucking them under and around her.

She settled in with her head on my chest and my arms around her.

"Good night Edward." She said while stifling a yawn.

I laughed and kissed the top of her head.

"Good night my Bella."

I thought she was asleep when she spoke once more.

"Oh, about the condoms, we don't need them. I take the shot and you're the only man I've ever been with without one." Another yawn and silence.

I smiled into the darkness as her words hit me. "The only man…" was all I heard.

I hugged her tighter as my body relaxed. I could feel the need for sleep slowly creep up on me. I wasn't done with Bella. Not by a long shot. But I recognized our bodie's need to recuperate after the events of the evening.

Tomorrow would be soon enough to finish making good on all my promises and to start the rest of my life with my girl.

I closed my eyes and felt the warm embrace of sleep.

As I drifted off, I heard a light snoring coming from Bella while she slept in my arms.

_She's so damn cute._

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><p><strong>AN: Waddaya think? Did I do good? LOL! There might be one more chapter for these two if you're interested. So, anyone want to read about a little 'morning after' sex, hand holding at breakfast, after breakfast sex... Hit the review button and let me know. I think 30-50 reviews just might do it. **

**If not, big sloppy kisses to all you wonderful readers who reviewed and encouraged me. You guys kept me going. If you think about it, this whole thing is really all your fault! Hehehe**

**I'm working on a new story. If high school BxE, misunderstandings, light angst, a funny Emmett and lemons appeal to you. Put me on author alert. The first two chapters are ready to go. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: We all know who owns Twilight and it sure as heck isn't me. I'm just playing with her toys.**

**This story is beta'd by the lovely mullet86. Thank you so much for cleaning up my mess. Get those cruise brochures ready. I'm serious!**

**I can't apologize enough for the lateness of this update. I can only write when my wrists allow and lately they've been really grouchy. **

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><p>Tailspin<p>

Chapter 7

"Did you really just fondle your car?"

I opened my eyes to the bright sunlight of early morning. The light filtered in through my blinds making a pattern of diagonal lines on the sheets. Bella's hair was a mixture of reds, golds and browns in the brightness. I couldn't stop myself from running my fingers through the long strands. _So shiny and soft._ My actions must have been soothing to her because she smiled and snuggled deeper into my chest as I stroked the long tendrils.

I tried to be gentle as I worked through the tangles loving the way the ends curled around my fingers as they moved through the silky tresses.

God she was gorgeous. Her porcelain skin and pink hued cheeks glowed in the light. _Fucking radiant._ I noticed the smattering of freckles along her nose and wondered if there were more on other parts of her body. I'd seen a lot of her skin since last night but I hadn't noticed any freckles.

I'd noticed that her blush extended from her cheeks all the way to the bars lips of her tight little pussy. I felt the fine tickle of hair as I ran my hands up and down her arms and silky thighs. I knew that her areoles were a dusky pink that turned to more of a solid pink at tips of her nipples. But freckles? No, I'd neglected to notice them.

Hmmm, I moved my hand from her hair, pushing a few strands off her shoulders so I could see the smooth skin underneath. _Ha! _Just as I thought, another patch of perfectly imperfect freckles. I wanted to lean down and kiss the little area of brown spots that sat on the slope of her shoulder. But I didn't really want to move her body off of mine. Instead I just traced them with my fingertips.

The fact that I'd never before laid in bed with a woman longer than it took to bring us both to climax, let alone stroke her hair and contemplate if she had freckles was not lost on me. Nor was it altogether comforting. I was in uncharted waters and Edward Fucking Cullen did not enjoy flying blind. Yet here I was doing just that.

I won't lie. There was a part of me that was contemplating jumping out of this bed, grabbing the first clothes I came across and getting the hell out of dodge. That part knew this was moving too fast. I couldn't be in love with Bella. The rational part of my brain knew no one fell in love that quickly. But the part of me that was nestled between her silky, warm thighs was way to content to move.

Little Eddie had been good to me. Who was I to take him from his new favorite spot? I wasn't a heartless bastard after all.

Besides, I couldn't deny that my arms weren't also enjoying holding her or that I didn't like seeing how perfect she looked laying on my chest with her glorious body splayed out on top of mine, that I felt a pain in my chest when I thought about being away from her. And that there was an unmistaken need to know her.

I wanted to find out how she liked her coffee. Did she take it with cream? Sugar? God help me if she was into those overly complicated and priced specialty coffees that Emmett was addicted to. That big pansy made me drive all over hell and back to find him something called a 'Caramel Mocha Frapuccino' last month. He'd been sick and the only thing that would make him happy and stop his bellyaching was one of his frou-frou coffees. It was only a cold, not the fucking plague for crying out loud.

By the face he'd made, you'd have thought I'd asked him to drink a cup of my piss when I handed him the large regular black coffee.

_Fucking pansy._

I quickly wiped the memory of Emmett and his toxic runny nose from my brain and went back to contemplating the naked nymph in my bed.

I wanted to know her favorite movie, book, favorite flower, band… Where she grew up, what her childhood was like. All answers a boyfriend should know.

_Boyfriend? _

_I was so fucked._

Despite the fact that 'boyfriend' was a term that hadn't been used to describe me since I was sixteen years old, I couldn't stop myself from thinking that a boyfriend was exactly what I wanted to be to Bella.

If I were her boyfriend all of her smiles would be for me. I would be the only man to taste the sweetness of those berry red lips, smell the light strawberry scent of her hair and touch the softness of her smooth skin after she'd had a shower.

Most importantly, I would be the only one to feel the tightness of her perfect pussy as it squeezed the life out of my cock.

_Damn right I would be! _

I smiled as my mind replayed the events of the last ten hours. From start to finish every part of our relationship has been unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. Sure I've seen a woman at a bar and felt severe lust. I'd taken her home and had my way with her only to show her the door when we were through. But I'd never felt the need to hold, talk or just look at a woman the way I did for my Bella. That's another thing. What the hell is up with the 'my Bella' stuff? I've never been possessive before. Call me cocky, arrogant, conceited, egotistical… whatever. But I've never been possessive. My friends know what's mine is theirs.

That included females.

After Tanya ripped out my naïve adolescent heart and threw it into a blender. I spent the rest of high school avoiding relationships that lasted longer than it took for me to get off. But after my first year of college, I decided to try being a decent guy and succumbed to the many charms of Victoria De Winter. And ample charms she had. Two big round charms sitting way up firm and high.

We'd go out and other men would ask her to dance or offer to buy her a drink. I just let it happen. She thought I was just very laid back and understanding. But the truth was I just didn't give a shit. As long as she and her 'charms' were available when I wanted them, I could care less where she was or who she was with. I knew after a couple of weeks of forgetting to call her back and missed date nights, not even Vic's D cups could keep my interest.

So I let her go. She cried and begged me to stay with her. I told her I was always available for a quick fuck but nothing more. _Hey, I'm not stupid enough to turn down the opportunity to get off_. She told me to go fuck myself. Gladly, something I've never needed to do, especially since I lived in the target rich environment that most people called college.

The emotion of possessiveness is new to me. I don't understand it. All I know for sure is that no fucking way would I allow another man to buy my Bella a drink much less dance with her. The only hard body she was going to be rubbing and grinding on to a beat was mine. All I had to do was make her understand that she belonged to me.

Now, how was I going to do that without getting my nuts handed to me? I didn't really have a good track record with Bella when it came to making myself clear when I spoke. I cringed at the memory of my recent bout of verbal diarrhea. How could I have made her think that I would ever look at our time together as a mistake? Or that I was feeding her a line when I told her how beautiful she was?

_Open mouth, insert foot._

Thank God, she gave me a chance to explain myself. I don't know what I'd have done if she'd walked out my door and never looked back.

_Yes, you do. You would have run after her and gotten down on your knees, begging for a second chance. _

Yeah, that's exactly what I would have done. No doubt about it. Bella would be the first woman to have me on my knees without the promise of little Eddie getting a 'happy ending'.

I chuckled at the thought. How many times had I teased or down right ridiculed Emmett or Jasper for being that exact type of pussy? Too many times to count.

I could already picture Emmett printing up those "I've lost my balls" t-shirts. If this is what that overgrown house ape feels every time he falls for a girl, I owed him an apology. He wasn't the biggest pussy in Washington State. He was a goddamn, pussywhipped genius.

While it didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out that what I felt for Bella was more than just the urge to have an itch scratched, I realized that I didn't really know what she felt for me. It was obvious that she liked me well enough to hang around and allow me to violate her several times. And it was obvious as hell from the way she was leering at me in the bar that she at least thought I was attractive.

Did she feel the spark when our skin connected? Would she have the same ache in her chest when the thought of being separated from each other crept into her brain?

What if she didn't feel the ache? What if I was just a convenient scratching post? A pretty fucking hot scratching post, but still…

I was going to have to find out exactly how she felt. I'd have to bite the bullet and ask her. I didn't want anymore misunderstandings. If she didn't feel the same way I did… well I would have to persuade her to change her mind. I can be a pretty charming motherfucker when I wanted to be.

I was startled out of my early morning musings by a not so delicate snort emitted from my little Bella. Her eyes fluttered and then opened slowly.

I looked down at her sleep rumpled appearance and smiled, "Good morning beautiful." She blushed and rubbed her cheek on my chest like a kitten does when he wants you to scratch his head. It tickled, but I suppressed the urge to laugh. Instead I rested my hand on the side of her cheek, rubbing the soft skin with my thumb.

"Hi." She said tentatively. Her voice had that sexy early morning rough edge to it. The sound caused my morning wood to mature from a sapling to a fully grown tree. Despite the fact that we'd spent the better part of the last ten hours engaging in enough sexual activity to wear most people out. And as such, I should be spent. But Edward Anthony Culled was not most people.

I was a young, virile man with a healthy sexual appetite. And I'd just found a goddess whom I never wanted to be parted from. I doubt if I'd ever turn down sex with Bella.

_Ahh more sex with Bella. Yes please. _

That thought had my little sex fiend of a cock twitching like a crack head in detox. "Why are you smirking?" Her eyes were narrowed as she questioned me. She moved to prop her head up with her hand. The movement caused the blue bed sheet to slide, exposing the upper swells of her breasts. My hands itched to give those babies a good morning squeeze.

Instead I arched an eye brow and gave her another smirk. "Am I?"

"Yes" She answered with a replicated eye brow arch of her own.

"Oh, well I guess I was thinking about things I need to do today." Smirk was still firmly in place,

"Things? What kind of things?" Her lips were curved into a seductive little smile as she started to move her hand across my abs in random circle patterns.

I struggled to keep my voice even while she was silently killing me with her soft touch, "Oh you know things like laundry, dishes, getting my dick back inside of you, study for my biology midterm, wash my car…" I was surprised at how easy it was to engage in this fun little banter with her. I was also fucking startled at how much I was enjoying it.

"Whoa, back up." The ab tracing had stopped and now she was staring at me. "What? I do need to study and wash the car." I stated firmly.

Bella's eyes narrowed, "No, back up a little more." she ordered.

I tapped my lip with my finger, "Laundry? Dishes? Vanessa? " I listed innocently.

"You know exactly what I mean." She pouted as she playfully slapped my arm and shifted to my side. The pout suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a tight, thin line, "Wait, who the hell is Vanessa?" The button pusher in me loved to see the color rise in her cheeks in irritation.

I decided to screw with her a little, "Vanessa? Oh, we go way back. She's my first true love."

My smirk threatened to break into an all out shit eating grin, but I held it back. Or at least I thought I did. Bella took a big breath and tensed her shoulders, as if she was preparing a big speech. But instead, cocked her head to the side and eyed me warily.

She leaned back down on top of me and resumed tracing soft circles on my abs and stomach. "So, Vanessa is your first love, huh?" Her eyes had a mischievous glint to them as she stared into mine.

I wondered where she was going with her question. She didn't look pissed, so I figured we'd play a little more. "Yes, Vanessa is always ready to go when I am and constantly gives me a smooth ride." Cue eyebrow hitch and shit eating grin. _Hey, no one thought I could hold off on that forever. _

She narrowed her eyes slightly and the corner or her mouth lifted ever so faintly. If you didn't look carefully you'd miss it. Luckily I'd been studying all of the fine lines and details of her face for the last hour or so. I practically had a fucking master's degree when it came to Bella watching.

"So, let me get this straight, 'Vanessa' is always ready to go", I grinned cockily as she spoke. "and never gives you a bad ride. I suppose she's also the only female that has never disappointed you." I could tell she was playing with me but her voice had a slight edge of annoyance.

I stared at her, lost in the enjoyment of easy bantering and sexual innuendo. I was so engrossed, that I didn't see her shift her hand down from my abs.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed in surprise. The sly little minx had snaked her hand down to where little Eddie was hanging out just waiting for a friend. My hips involuntarily lifted to push into her.

"Aahh" She moaned at the contact, but continued patting his swollen head. The eager little fucker was already hard as a rock. I could feel my pre cum drip around her fingertips.

She arched an eyebrow and smiled, "Looks like somebody is up and ready to start the day." She'd lifted the sheet and was giving me the once over, keeping a firm grip on little Eddie making him all kinds of happy.

I smirked at her, "See something you like?" I threw in an eyebrow lift for good measure.

"Hmm, maybe. I might want to shop around before making a final decision." She teased. Her eyes were alight with humor but all I saw was red.

_Fuck that shit! There would be no fucking 'shopping around'. _

In a heartbeat, I grabbed her waist and had us flipped over so quickly she didn't have a chance to take a breath or voice an opinion.

"Do you feel this?" I pushed my ever hardening erection into her hot center. Her eyes widened and a gasp escaped her pretty little mouth.

My baser instincts took over as I demanded her response. "Do you?" I pushed into her again, not giving her a chance to respond to my command. The throaty groan she emitted gave me the answer I wanted.

"There won't be any fucking shopping around." Another thrust. "This is yours." I reached down and put my hand over hers so we were both holding little Eddie. Her hand tightened on my shaft as I moved it in tandem with mine.

"And this", I abruptly removed my hand from my cock to palm her soaking pussy, "this, this is mine!" I roughly shoved two fingers into her.

Thank fuck she was wet already. Drops of her moisture coated my fingers as they moved within her.

"Oh, oh god!" She moaned, under my assault. Her hand tightened on my cock but never stopped its slow torturous path on my weeping erection. _Up. Down. Up. Swirl. Down…_

"Yes, Edward yes!" Bella moaned while raising her legs to clasp tightly around my waist as I pushed my fingers further inside her.

"Take me!" she demanded, "take me now!" Bella released her hold on my throbbing erection to press on my lower back. I didn't need any more of an invitation. I brusquely removed my fingers and with one hard thrust I entered her.

All my jealous anger dissipated at her appeal, "Fuck baby, you feel so good." I closed my eyes with pleasure as her silky walls clenched around me.

"Harder Edward, please." Oh, my little flower wanted it rough. I was happy to accommodate and began a relentless pounding into her little body.

"Like this Bella?" I gripped her harder as I picked up the pace and force of my thrusts. She'd have bruises on her hips later. But I was never one to not accommodate a ladies request during sex. Well, there was that one time. But I'm not sure that woman was a lady. More like a cougar in a Donna Karan suit. Besides, I had no idea how to speak in an English accent and had zero desire to allow her to call me 'Rob' as we fucked. When you were fucking Edward Cullen, you didn't scream another's name.

_You got that fucking right!_

Her hands were now grasping my shoulders. Her fingernails were leaving little indentions on my skin. _That shit was going to leave a mark._ I'd never allowed a woman to mark me before. I didn't belong to any of those bitches. But with Bella I wanted her to. I needed her to mark me as hers just as surely as I would be marking her as mine.

I didn't stop to try and understand it.

With that in mind, I leaned down and began sucking on her neck. I never let up my attack on her pussy; my hips continued pounding into her wildly. The sound of our slick, wet skin slapping together was like a hallelujah chorus to my ears.

"You taste so good baby." I crooned into her neck.

"Uhhhh, feels so good." Her moaning

Seeking a closer connection, I grabbed her leg, lifting it higher up on my waist, changing my angle. I was now hitting her deeper than before. "Is that it baby? Is this what you need?" I lifted my head from her neck to watch her face.

"Yes, yes Edward. You feel so good. So…oh… god!" She panted as her head moved on the pillow to the rhythm of my thrusts. Her eyes were closed and there were beads of sweat on her forehead.

Her tits bounced in front of me and I left my haven at her neck to gorge myself on their bounty.

"Open your eyes Bella. Look at me. Tell me who you belong to." I let a nipple slip from my mouth as I demanded she acknowledge my possession.

"More sucking. Less talking." Her eyes popped open and she pushed my head back onto her breast, making her own demand. The fire in her eyes was a site to behold.

I chuckled at her boldness and rewarded it by taking the hard pebble back into my mouth and sucking hard. My cheeks hollowed with the effort.

"Close… I'm so close Edward. Please…" She begged as her back arched and her legs tightened on me.

"I know baby. Me too. Tell me what I want to hear and I'll let you cum." I knew she was on the edge and fuck me if I wasn't feeling the heat begin to seep up from deep in my sack warning me of my own impending release.

I wanted us to come together. But I needed her to tell me she was mine first.

The effort of holding back my release was draining and I didn't know how much longer I could hold out. I needed to redouble my efforts, "Tell me Bella," _thrust _"who do you," _thrust _"belong to?" _thrust and twist_

"Fuck! Oh… just let me… Edwaaard!" She was holding out but she wouldn't be able to keep it up for much longer.

I had more tricks in my bag.

"Come on baby. Say it. Out loud!" I leaned my weight on my left arm and moved my right down between our bodies so I could reach her swollen clit.

I lightly grazed the nub with my fingertips. "Damn you!" She panted. One hand pulled at my hair while the other squeezed my ass, her eyes never leaving mine. Her legs tightened on my waist, pulling me tighter into her body.

Our battle of wills was taking its toll on both of us but I was damned if I was going to give in first. I may have been acting a bit like a pussy trying to figure out my reaction to her and the intensity of said reaction but I was still Edward Fucking Cullen and no woman would make me lose control before I got what I wanted.

_Time to play hard ball. _

I abruptly pulled out of her; I felt the loss of her heat immediately but I was soon consoled when I flipped her over and was rewarded with the site of her perfect ass.

"No don't stop…what are you…" _Slap! _The sound of my hand smacking the rounded little slope of her right ass cheek effectively cut off her question.

Her head twisted back to where I was now poised behind her," What the hell Edward?" Her eyes were wide with surprise.

Hmmm, was, was that a little hint of fight reflected in my girl's eyes?

She may have been timid in the bar; but Bella didn't like to lose control. Unlucky for her, there could be only one person at the helm of this ship.

Captain Edward, reporting for duty.

With a raised eyebrow, I landed another slap on the opposite cheek. _Whack!_ "Ugghh" she groaned and pushed back into me. Her hands clenched around the sheets as she moved.

I could barely contain my own groans at the dual sensations of my palm smacking her firm ass and the head of my cock sliding back and forth through her heat as she and I moved against each other.

"You like that Bella? Does my girl like to have her ass spanked?" Another quick slap landed back on the right cheek. I delighted in the soft pink glow that was spreading across her sweet ass.

"Fuck baby, your ass looks so good all pink and shit." I laid my palm on the rose-tinted skin and rubbed over it, relishing the fact that I'd put it there.

"Daaaamnn Edward, stop teasing!" She seethed.

I smirked at her ire before grabbing her hips roughly and slamming back into her heat. The new angle allowed me to rub the little rough patch just inside her hot pussy that would guarantee she'd be giving in long before me. Or at least I hoped so.

"Unghh… fuck me!" Her head was bowed and her shoulders tensed as I drove my hard cock into her.

"That's the plan baby, that's the plan." Her plea gave me the extra kick of adrenaline I needed to finish the task at hand.

My hips pistoned into her body with renewed purpose. I knew I could make her cum. I'd proved that fact already.

I needed to prove that she's mine.

Sweat dripped off my forehead as I moved, the drops fell off my nose to land on the small of her back. I watched as it ran down the crevice between her two cheeks. _Fuck. That's hot. _

"Eddwwaarrdd! Please… please let me cum!" Her fingers clenched on the sheets as she panted her request.

"What do you need to tell me?" I slowed my rhythm, nearly pulling all the way out of her tight embrace.

My strokes became slow and shallow. "I don't know." _Smack _

"Yes you do." I crooned into her ear.

"Fine!" She pushed her hips back into me suddenly. She nearly got all of me before I caught myself. _Fuck!_ Her pussy was so tight and hot. She was clenching me so forcefully; I could feel the ridges on her inner walls rub along my cock as I pulled slowly out of her.

"No, no, no, don't leave me!" The look of despair on her face as she looked back at me nearly cracked my determination. "Bella, I'm not going to leave you baby. That's what I've been saying. You're mine. I'm yours. Tell me you feel it too" I let go of her hip and leaned down on the mattress, putting my face close to hers.

_She knew I'd been joking right? _

Our eyes met, both of us searching for answers in the others gaze. The questions swirled silently around in our heads. Neither of us voiced them out loud. But we both knew they were there.

_Why did we feel this connection so strongly and with such intensity? _

_Would the feeling go away? _

_Why do you make me feel like this when no one else ever has? _

_What will I do if you leave me?_

I ran my nose along her jaw before claiming her mouth in a deep kiss. Our tongues met and danced around to music that only we knew.

Grudgingly I pulled away from her swollen lips and looked deep into her beautiful coffee tinted eyes. "We'll figure it out. I promise. But I have to know that you feel this too, that you understand I won't let another man have you." I pushed forward into her heat. "Tell me."

This exercise in dominance began out of my own need to possess her. It was my need to make her acknowledge the fire burning between us; force her to understand what I myself still didn't quite comprehend. But now it was more than that.

"Tell me. Please." I begged.

She closed her eyes tightly. If I hadn't been so close to her I would have missed the tiny little tears clinging to her lashes. I watched them fall as she opened her eyes and looked into mine.

"Yes. " She whispered.

She smiled wide as I leaned in for another kiss. Quickly the heat began to climb as our lips and tongues mashed together in harmony.

Pulling away from her, I went back to my previous spot. We were still connected but the moments discovery had cooled us both. I worked my hips back into position and began a slow, steady tempo.

I felt my cock perk up inside her. Thankfully our little sidetracking hadn't cooled our desires down to much. I was still plenty hard and she was still soaking wet.

I could hear Bella's breaths becoming faster as I brought us back to the edge. I'd never been more proud of my sexual talents than I was right now. I knew I could bring my woman pleasure and the knowledge fanned my determination to make her cum harder than she'd ever had before.

However, I still wanted to hear it.

She was panting and groaning. I knew she was almost there.

Reaching under our bodies, I reached up to tweak her distended nipple.

"Ahhh, yes, yes." She panted. "I'm so… soooo close."

"Say it Bella." I leaned up on my knees so I could grab her hips tighter. I pulled her body back and forth over my hard cock. I was captivated by the site of my cock repeatedly disappearing completely into her welcoming body.

The sounds I was hearing as we moved together were a combination of a slurping and a slapping sound. If I wasn't so focused on the task, I might have laughed at it.

My patience was gone. "Say it Bella!" I left her nipples and pinched her throbbing clit, knowing that it would topple us both over the edge.

"Fuuuuck, I'm… I'm yours Edward. Only yours!"

I bit my lip in triumph.

"Yes you are! Cum for me baby." Harder and harder I pushed.

"Cum now!" A quick twist of her clit, one more thrust and my girl exploded.

"Edward, oh… oh god, Edwaaard!" She screamed.

Instantly I could feel her walls tighten. I knew I only had seconds before I followed her into the abyss. Her spasms massaged my cock as I moved in her.

Bella had fallen to her from knees. Her arms no longer had the strength to hold her weight.

The new angle only made her tighter for me as I rammed into her, once, twice more.

"You feel so good Bella", _thrust _"I'll never let you go" _thrust._

For a moment time stopped. A fire could have broken out. And I still wouldn't have moved from inside her.

Everything ceased to exist but the feeling of my cock releasing into her. I fell down on top of her motionless body. My cock twitched inside her tight pussy as it milked every last drop I had to give.

Like the asshole I was, I didn't think about the fact that I was nearly double her size and was quite probably crushing her until she started to struggle underneath me.

Quickly I rolled to my side, keeping us connected but alleviating her of my body weight.

My arms came around and tightened around her as we spooned.

_Hey, look at this. I'm fucking spooning! Emmett would be so proud._

I could hear her breathing slow down and become even. I guessed she'd fallen asleep. I did give her quite a work out.

I don't know how long we laid there wrapped in the afterglow. All I knew was she'd finally admitted to my possession and it would take a fucking army to make me let her go.

We'd acknowledged that there were things, lots of things we needed to discuss. And I knew we'd get to that. But right now, I just wanted to hold my girl.

Nature took its course and I finally relinquished my spot inside her poor little abused pussy. I looked down at little Eddie as I pulled out of her heat. She moaned slightly as I moved but didn't wake.

_Holy shit!_

My dick looked like an old man's. I shit you not. I knew first hand what old dick looked like. I had the misfortune of walking in on my grandfather while he was taking a leak when I was 14 years old. Fucking Emmett had dared me to drink eight Big Gulp Mountain Dews and then proceeded to lock all of the guest bathrooms in our grandparent's house. I nearly wet my pants rushing around looking for a place to relieve myself. When I threw open the door, grandpa turned around in surprise and I got a good look at his penis. It was all grayish and had more wrinkles that I'd thought humanly possible.

And his balls, oh god his balls. They drooped down to his knees. Well, maybe not all the way to his knees but pretty fucking close!

I didn't know which one of us was more surprised. I do know that I was fucking scarred for life and the fichus plant in grandma's hallway mysteriously turned brown and started dropping all of its leaves soon afterwards. Who knew Mountain Dew was so toxic?

Little Eddie was all drooped over and deflated. I'd never seen him like this. I lifted him into the light.

_Please god, no! _

His normal ruddy color now had a grayish tint to it. In a panic I reached for my balls.

_Thank fucking god!_

I let out a sigh of relief. They were still high and tight. I palmed them and offered a silent prayer of thanks to the heavens. Little Eddie was just worn out. Fuck. How could he not be?

I looked over at my clock. It read 9:30 AM. We'd been at it for nearly two hours this morning. I'm lucky there was any hide left on my cock at all.

I know I should let her sleep. She had to be exhausted. I know I was. There was nothing I wanted more than to stay in my bed all day with my girl.

But the grumbling in my stomach reminded me that I had another promise to keep. I wanted to take Bella to my favorite greasy spoon and share breakfast with her. While I knew for a fact that nothing tasted as sweet as my Bella did, I really wanted a plate of stuffed strawberry French toast with a side of crispy bacon and large chocolate milk.

_Grumble Rumble Grumble_

Damn. I needed to eat soon.

I set about waking the beautiful girl lying next to me.

I ran my finger gently down the curve of Bella's hip down to her thigh. She moved slightly but continued to sleep. I leaned in closer, and brought my hand to her rib cage. I lightly trailed my finger tips down the length of her ribs until they lay right under her right breast. The rise and fall of her chest caused the soft, silky skin to brush against my thumb. Slowly, I began to rub the soft skin.

"Mmmm"

Bella's moan spurred me to be a bit more forward in my explorations.

I leaned over her slumbering form so that my mouth was centered directly over hers as I reached down to pinch her nipple.

"Aahh..." I swallowed the rest of her moan with my mouth.

I palmed her breast, kneading it gently as we kissed.

I groaned as her arm came up and wound into my hair, pulling gently on the strands. It would be so easy to keep going on this path. To roll her over onto her back and take her as I stared into her beautiful eyes.

_Rumble Grumble_

I pulled away from her laughing at the sound now coming from her stomach.

Bella blushed as her stomach continued to scream. She closed her eyes in embarrassment.

"Sounds like someone needs breakfast."

"I guess so." Her eyes were still lowered at her admission. A faint blush colored her cheeks.

"Will you have breakfast with me?" I lifted her chin and stared into her eyes.

"Of course," she stated, "I could cook something for you."

Bella wanted to cook for me. No woman other than my mom had ever wanted to cook for me. My heart filled with joy at her statement.

"Baby, as much as I would love for you to do that", I stopped and kissed the tip of her nose, "I really want to show you off." Another quick kiss, "Will you come out to breakfast with me?"

She smiled, "Of course Edward."

"Good." As much as it pained me, I rolled off of her and sat up on the side of the bed. She followed and wrapped her arms around my torso. I loved the feel of her hands on my skin.

"I'll need to go home and get some clothes. And maybe take a shower."

I turned and laid my head against hers as she leaned over my shoulder. "You could always take a shower here." I offered.

"Something tells me that if I did that, I wouldn't be alone." She smiled down at me.

"Well, we wouldn't want to waste water would we?" I smirked at her.

She playfully slapped my shoulder and pushed off of me. I twisted around and watched her get out of bed to begin searching for her clothes in the rubble of my bedroom floor.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her beautiful body. Bella was all smooth, shiny skin with delicate curves. God, she was perfect.

_Grumble Rumble , m_y stomach chimed.

Reluctantly, I moved off the bed to get myself ready.

I wondered how long it would take her to get ready. I didn't have a lot of experience with girls and their shower routines. By the time they were getting ready to start the day, I'd been home and in my own bed for hours.

_Rumble Grumble_

Shit. I really needed to eat. "How long do you think it will take you to get ready?" I rubbed my stomach, willing it to calm down.

She turned with her shirt in hand, "Um, I don't know. Not counting drive time, thirty minutes maybe. Why?"

Her tits were in full view and suddenly the rumbling in my stomach was less important than the ache in my cock.

_Snap! Snap! _

"Edward, my eyes are up here." She snapped her fingers again and pointed up to her eyes.

"Fuck, sorry. They're just so damn pretty." I admitted sheepishly and bowed my head in mocked shame.

She laughed. "Well if you feed me, I might just let you play with them again." She stuck her hip out seductively and batted her lashes.

_So fucking cute._

I reached her in two strides. "If I promise to feed you the best French toast in town, will I get to play with more than just your tits?" I smirked and looked down her glorious body.

"Yes."

"Then what the hell are we waiting for?" I grabbed a blue t shirt off my desk chair and gave it a sniff, a little musky but nothing hard core. I pulled it on.

"Did you really just sniff that shirt?" She laughed.

"How else am I going to tell if it's clean?" I walked over to my closet.

"You could wash it and put it away."

"I could, but where would the adventure be in that?" I asked as I grabbed my boxer briefs and put them on before pulling on my favorite pair of button flies.

I started to button them when I caught Bella standing with her skirt half way up her legs; she was staring at my crotch.

"My eyes are up here." I echoed her earlier statement, loving that I had the same affect on her.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, before dropping her head and finished dressing.

"I was kidding baby. You can look all you want." I grabbed a flannel and shoved my wallet in my pocket. Where's my phone I wondered.

"Do you have any idea where my bra and panties are?"

"Um, I think the panties are by the front door. But if memory serves me correctly I ripped the fuck out of those when we first got here." The memory of the amazing wall sex we'd had was fresh in my mind.

"Oh, right", she nervously looked around the room "bra?"

"Out in the living room." Now the memory of the heavy make out session on the couch was playing through my head. Shit. We'd never get out of here at this rate.

"I guess I'm ready then. "

"Great. Where do you live?" It felt weird to ask her that. I'd been up inside her three times now but knew almost nothing about her. A fact I was about to remedy.

"Over on Cedar, right off Stange."

I knew the area. Emmett used to visit a Wheatsfield grocery near there. That is until he got thrown out for fondling the melons. There were also lots of modest homes and apartments that catered to students. Plus, it was only about 10 minutes away. If we hurried we could be eating in an hour.

I spied my phone on the floor and hastily slipped it into my pocket.

I walked over to where she was standing in the doorway and held out my hand. My heart swelled when she took it with no hesitation.

I led her out of my room and down to the living room where she grabbed her bra and quickly put it on. I tried not to stare but I am a man for fucksakes.

I did have the decency to offer to carry her when I saw her grimace at the sight of her shoes.

"Hop on." I offered my back to her.

She climbed on and I had to will my cock to stay dormant as I remembered she wasn't wearing any panties. Luckily the little fucker was worn out and could barely manage a twitch as she wrapped her legs around my waist.

With Bella on my back, I locked the door and we proceeded down the stairs.

It was a beautiful morning. Bright sun and clear blue skies. Ok, I was lying. We were in Washington State. It was actually cloudy and a little on the cool side. Being with Bella just made it seem that much nicer.

I unlocked the car and she slid off my back. She stepped around me to get into the car. I grabbed her arm, stopping her from entering.

"What?" She asked alarmed.

I smiled, "Nothing, I just wanted to kiss you." I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. It was one of those sweet good morning kisses that I'd seen my parents share a thousand times. The kind that always made me want to gag.

But with Bella, I found myself liking the sweet things that I'd always avoided with other woman. I wondered how many other things I would enjoy doing with Bella.

We pulled apart and she rubbed my cheek with her hand. "You really are sweet. You come off all cocky and arrogant but deep down you're a big sweetie Edward Cullen." I turned my head and kissed her palm before helping her into the car.

I shut the door and began walking to my side. My phone began ringing. Out of habit I grabbed it and saw a text message from the big house ape himself.

_Dude, went hm w/ fuckhawt girl. Blnd w/big t*ts. Bonus. She has frnd 4 you. -Em_

I chuckled; my brother was 6ft 5" and 230 pounds of muscle. On a weekly basis he makes grown men shit their pants on the football field but he can't spell out tits in a text.

_Fucking pussy._

_Tits, Em, it's TITS. Good for you. Bad news for the friend, I'm taken. We're headed to the diner now.- E_

I didn't hesitate for a second before hitting send.

His answer was instantaneous and succinct: _WTF?- Em_

I laughed and put away my phone.

Bella smiled when I opened the door and slid into the car. I smiled back as I rubbed Vanessa's leather covered wheel before hitting the ignition.

I heard Bella laugh. "What?"

"Did you really just fondle your car?"

"Hey Vanessa needs a little stroking too. Don't you baby?" I crooned. "Don't worry. I save all my best moves for you." I licked my lips and waggled my eyebrows at her.

Bella just laughed and shook her head. We pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward her place. I glanced over at her, marveling at how perfect she looked in my car.

Bella broke the silence, "You know, you may have made me scream your name but you didn't deliver on something." Her eyes twinkled and her lip curled into a slight smirk.

"Oh, really? And what would that be?" I asked haughtily, "Because I seem to remember that not only did you scream my name, repeatedly I might add, but you also admitted that your fine ass belonged to me." I smirked back at her.

_Take that sweet cheeks._

"Hmm," she leaned over the console so I could see down her blouse. Her tits bounced with the movement of the car. It was all I could do to keep my hands on the wheel.

We pulled up to a stop light.

She leaned over as far as the seat belt would allow and whispered into my ear, "You promised to make me scream in pleasure until I was hoarse. Do I sound hoarse to you Edward?"

With that she leaned back and made a show of arranging her skirt over her legs. She kept her eyes straight ahead.

She thinks she's won that round.

I think not.

At the next stop light I leaned over to her ear, licking and sucking on the delicate lobe before whispering, "The day ain't over yet, sweetheart."

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><p><strong>AN Warm chocolate chip cookies and chocolate milk to all of you that take the time to review. Reviews are the only way authors know how their stories are being perceived and they're the reason we keep writing. Please consider leaving me a few words.**

**BIG NEWS: The first chapter of my new story is with my beta now. I hope to have it up in the next couple days. I'm really excited about this one. Put me on author alert and let me know what you think.**

**As always, thank you for reading! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Tailspin**

**Chapter 8**

*Puts needle down onto broken record.* I'm so sorry about the late update. The real world got real sh*tty for awhile and writing was difficult to say the least. I'm hoping that my life has calmed down for now and I won't be making you wait so long for the next one.

**Disclaimer:** Stephanie owns Twilight and I own a crappy lap top on which I make her beloved characters walk through lemony groves of goodness just for the thrill of it.

This is a transition chapter. Please bear with me.

This mess is Beta'd by the amazing Mullet86. Someday she's going to kick my ass if I don't stop with the incomplete sentences.

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><p>After my declaration in the car, Bella remained mostly silent for the rest of the ride, only speaking briefly to give me her address. To an outsider it may have appeared that we were a couple on the outs, but I knew differently.<p>

The way she kept biting her bottom lip and sliding her thighs together was reminiscent of how our time together began; with me making cocky sexual claims, while Bella sat silently in the seat next to me writhing in anticipation and barely contained longing.

The difference was now she knew I _could_ and _would_ make good on my sexual claims. And I knew without a doubt that though she may sit silently, there was a smart, vibrant and damn sexy woman underneath her quiet exterior.

When we'd left the bar, I could tell she'd never done something like this before. Even though her body followed my lead, the surprise in her eyes at how her body reacted to mine was not lost on me.

However, all hesitancy and shyness were gone when our bodies touched. Whatever it was that we were experiencing, was a force neither of us could deny nor walk away from.

The strength of our frenzied sexual encounters along with the almost fight afterward gave proof to that fact there was a strong undercurrent of passion to this woman.

I'd been the first one to tap into it.

And if I had my way, I'd be the only man to ever experience it.

Bella remained silent as we pulled into the parking lot for her apartment. I watched her out of the corner of my eye as I turned the car off.

I watched as her tongue darted out to wet her lips. My hands clenched tighter onto the steering wheel as she began to lightly bite the succulent flesh.

_Fuck! She had pretty lips. Down boy. _ I mentally scolded my ever ready cock.

As much as I understood my cock's need to always be flesh to flesh with her, I knew that we needed to take a rest from sex. Not a long rest, mind you. But a moment spent not fucking like horny bunnies was warranted here.

I wanted to talk to this beautiful creature, this siren that had me forgetting my 'hit it and quit it' motto and instead had me contemplating breakfasts in bed, walks in the park and other sappy shit like that.

The realization of what I was about to do, the big step I was going take hit me full force.

I was about to take a woman whom I'd just had mind blowing sex with and had slept the night with her wrapped in my arms, to breakfast.

I would walk into her home, see pictures of her with her parents at Christmas, birthdays… maybe a picture of her with a brother or sister. I'd see what kinds of movies she liked, books she's read.

Was I ready for this?

I'd find out if she was messy or neat freak like my mom?

Did she leave dirty dishes on the floor for unsuspecting people to step in like my slob of a brother did?

Maybe I'd see a picture of Bella in a prom dress on the arm of some pimply faced douche bag that tried to cop a feel as they danced… my fists clenched at the thought of some moron slobbering all over my girl under sparkly Christmas lights and pink crepe paper with crappy dance music playing in the background.

"Are you coming?"

I looked over to see Bella standing outside of the car. While lost in my thoughts of her past life without me, I didn't notice her getting out of the car. One hand was on the window frame and the other on the roof of the car as she casually leaned in to rouse me from my musing.

I smiled and unclenched my hands at the sight of Bella leaning farther into the car, her shirt gaping enough so I had a clear view of her breasts.

She dazzled me with a smile as our eyes met. She knew where I'd been staring and she didn't mind.

_Mine._

"Isn't that my line?" I smirked, hoping she'd get my meaning.

My smirk got wider as she blushed.

_Yeah, she got it._

I didn't waste any more time being a pussy and wondering if I was 'ready'. I didn't want anyone else touching her and that meant I needed to man up and take a step forward.

I easily hopped out of the car and strode over to where she stood waiting for me.

_Waiting for me._ I liked the sound of that.

"I love to see you blush." I ran my hand over the delectable curve of her ass and gave it a little squeeze, eliciting a small squeak from the owner of said delectable ass.

"Edward, stop. Someone will see." She tried to slap my hands away, but the effort was weak at best.

"Who the fuck cares?" I muttered into her neck as I resumed fondling her ass. I changed the angle of my hips and pushed her harder into the car, the new angle creating the most delicious friction on my hardening cock.

"Oh …wait, we caaaan't…" The rest of her statement was lost when I crushed her mouth with mine.

Bella's hands found their way into my hair and began gripping the strands with abandon. The harsh stinging in my scalp only urged me on.

She's so fucking lucky I like her because no one and I mean no one was allowed to fuck with my hair. Well, no one but my mom. Who didn't like it when their mom ruffled their hair?

Her earlier half hearted plea for decency was forgotten as our bodies tried to melt into each other.

The groaning of the cold morning wind whipped around us, adding to the sounds of our passion.

Bella moaned as our bodies rubbed together. But too soon she pulled her hands from my hair, dragging them down my scalp to rest on my shoulders. "Mmm, we have to… stop." Her hands began to push lightly, trying to ease me off of her.

She managed to force her lips from mine. I lunged back, trying to reconnect to her face.

"Edward, please." She rasped as she dodged my seeking mouth

The same out of control feeling from last night was back. "More. I need more." I pushed into her harder not wanting to give up an inch of contact between our bodies. She avoided my lips so I attacked her neck and moved my hand under her shirt, caressing her ribcage and moving higher to the underside of her breast. "I know. I feel it too. But…" The rest of her statement was lost as I sucked on her soft skin and inhaled her sweet scent.

"Edward, stop." She pushed harder on my shoulders. "We can't do this here. " She continued to push me away. "Stop now."

I pulled back a step but didn't let her go. I knew my passion for her was overwhelming us both. I knew that if I didn't get a handle on it I would end up scaring her off.

I also knew that if she'd let me, I'd have fallen to my knees and pleasured her until we were both sore. Public indecency be damned.

As much as I wanted, no, fuck that, needed to feel her skin alongside mine, yearned to experience the euphoria of being inside her, I resigned myself to the sad fact that Bella wasn't going to give in for a quickie in the parking lot.

I gave in to my basic nature, "So, no sex in the parking lot?" I squeezed her ass and nipped at her ear.

"No." She moaned, unconvincingly.

"How about a quick blow job?"

Bella gasped at my question. Poor girl, she really didn't know me very well. I was not at all adverse to a little public display of affection. She'd better get used to it because I found it increasingly difficult to keep my hands off her, regardless of where we were or who was watching.

I squeezed her ass, eliciting another small moan, "Just a quickie. You don't even have to swallow." Smirking, I reached down towards the buttons of my jeans.

"Edward!" She exclaimed while knocking my hand away from her butt and shutting the car door.

"I'll take that as a no."

"It's a definite no." The blush on her cheeks was real, "For now." The fire in her eyes that flashed through her downcast eyes belied her false disinterest sucking my cock.

Laughing, I hit the remote lock as we began walking across the lot.

Our hands brushed each other a couple times before I grasped hers and gave it a squeeze. I caught her smile out of the corner of my eye, as she stared straight ahead at the parking lot.

There was a slight chill to the air this morning. Soon the leaves would be turning in their green hues for the vibrant colors of fall. They'd soon leave their perches on the limbs of their sturdy partners and fall gracefully to the ground, signifying the end of that life and the promise of a new one in the spring.

I noticed Bella shiver slightly as we walked in the crisp morning air. _Damn!_ A boyfriend would have thought to have offered her a coat or at least one of my shirts when we left the house. I mentally chastised myself for the error. I had so much to learn.

I put my arm around her and pulled her close. Hoping to transfer a little of my body heat to her as we walked towards her building.

"Thank you" Bella whispered and snuggled tighter into me. Maybe I was better at this boyfriend stuff than I thought.

_Way to go Cullen._ I mentally gave myself a pat on the back.

She pulled away from me to punch in her door code before grabbing my hand and pulling me inside when the door unlocked.

I looked around the entrance noting the double locking doors and the many lights as well as the watchful eye of a security camera.

Thank goodness things looked safe. I didn't want to start the day fighting with her about moving to a more secure building.

A two year old with a fucking sippy cup and a balloon could break into my apartment. As a man, I wasn't worried about someone coming in and taking advantage of my body. Actually, I'd had fantasies that centered on that very scenario. A little tie me up action was something I enjoyed.

Plus Emmett had an infatuation with Samurai swords and would scare the beejesus out of anyone who tried to take his 57"flat screen or one his many game systems.

I shuddered at the memory of that awful Saturday night last October when I drunkenly wandered home about 2 AM and startled my brother. After stumbling over a pair of size 'fucking huge' shoes, Emmett came running out of his room in nothing but a Washington Redskins cap, and brandishing one of his swords like a Tasmanian devil on crack. I don't know what was scarier, the possibility of losing an appendage to the erratic motions of my naked brother and his sword; or having a first row seat to see his own sword swinging back and forth as he danced around the room.

Good God. There isn't enough bleach in the world to wipe the stain of that memory from my brain.

The thought of Bella being vulnerable to a home intrusion had my whole body clenched in anger.

We walked hand in had into the lobby. She gave a small wave to the older man sitting behind the curved reception desk. He looked up from his paper and gave a slight nod before going back to whatever was happening in the world this morning.

Thankfully his eyes didn't linger on the splendor that was her body. I wouldn't want to have to hit a nice old man.

"That's Tom." She offered as we walked past. I nodded slightly and pulled her a little closer to me.

Bella quirked an eyebrow at my action, she knew what I was doing.

"I guess I'm lucky you didn't decide to pee on my leg." Her short laugh echoed in the hallway.

So, I'm a little possessive. Sue me

We came to a hallway where there were rows of mailboxes on one wall and another door leading to a staircase. Across from that were two elevators.

She stopped in front of an elevator and hit the up button. "I'm on the second floor."

Second floor? Damn, that's not long enough of a ride for a little elevator action.

I wondered if there were any apartments available on the sixth or eighth floors. The doors opened before I could ask her and she hastily pulled me inside the little box.

_Fuck me! _

Mirrors.

The elevator walls were covered in big, shiny mirrors.

I was practically salivating at the thought of taking her against one of the mirrored walls. I groaned at the mental image of her perfect tits bouncing up and down as I thrust into her.

Bella tilted her head at my moan, "Are you OK?" I nod stiffly. Her eyes were narrowed slightly at what must have appeared to be a pained expression on my face.

Pain. Yes I was in pain.

I smirked and took a step forward, preparing to push her up against the wall and alleviate said pain. "Edward, what are you thinking?" Bella tilted her head and gave me a quizzical look. She took a step back, moving closer to the mirrored wall.

_Excellent._

I advanced another step. Bella's eyes got wide and she took a deep breath. "You want to know what I'm thinking about baby? I'll tell you what I'm thinking."

I moved forward until I had her flush up against the wall. I grabbed her hips and skimmed my lips up her jawbone, stopping at her ear. "I'm thinking about how amazing you would look as I fucked you up against these mirrors." I rasped, before gently biting on her delicate lobe.

"Do you like the sound of that?" Bella shivered as my warm breath tickled the delicate skin on her neck and ear. "Do you baby? Do you want to watch me fuck you up against the wall?" I moved a hand upwards to graze the underside of her breast and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Edward stop." She moaned and arched her back, which only pushed her chest further into my hand.

I squeezed a bit harder, "I hear your words sweetheart but your body is singing a different tune." I punctuated my statement with a soft kiss.

My little hellcat grabbed my neck and pulled me into a deeper kiss.

I had a hand on her hip and the other on a tit with her trying to suck the lips right off my face.

I was in heaven.

Ding. Ding

_Fucking elevator! _

_Fucking second floor!_

Bella's eyes popped open at the chiming and managed to push me off her just as the doors slid open.

She smacked my hand off her boob and hurriedly righted the shirt I'd managed to push up over her breast. Next thing I know, I'm being pulled out of the gleaming box and dragged down the beige carpeted hallway.

I gave a longing look at those shiny mirrors, "Soon" I promised myself. Soon, I would have my girl moaning and writhing in ecstasy as I pleasured her beyond reason up against those shiny little squares.

Bella pulled me along until we came to a stop at 22B. She reached into her purse and extracted the key. She kept her head down as she unlocked the door. The lights from the wall sconces brought out the red tints in her hair as it fell around her shoulders, hiding her face from my view.

The door swung open and we both stood unmoving at the threshold.

She made no move to go inside.

We stood in the brightly lit hallway, staring into her dark apartment, neither of us willing to make the first move.

Was she having second thoughts about bringing me here?

Were we moving to fast?

_Fuck!_

Self doubt invaded my thoughts and I was at a loss as to what to do.

If she was having second thoughts then the gentlemanly thing to do would be to walk away. But the thought of walking away from her had me hyperventilating and breaking out into a cold sweat.

_Think Cullen. _

I decided to break the ice with a sexual advance.

Hey, it's what I do. Don't judge.

I lean in closer to her, bracing myself on the door jamb. "Are you reconsidering my offer in the elevator?" Add in a patented Cullen eyebrow lift, "or did you want me to manhandle you out here in the hallway and give all of your neighbors a nice show?' Cue smirk, "Because if that's the case," I eased in and moved her hair back over her shoulder before whispering in her ear, "I'd be happy to accommodate you, whichever option you choose."

Bella shivered slightly as I placed lingering kisses along the length of her neck stopping at her shoulder. Her hand came up and cupped the back of my neck, running her fingers lightly through the short hairs at the base of my neck.

Her simple touch calmed my whole being.

For a moment, we were locked in each other's eyes.

Had I been with girls with brown eyes before? Surely I had, though obviously none of them had the perfect combination of brown, gold and caramel hues that shone so intensely in the depths of Bella's eyes.

If they had I would have remembered their names. Right? Right?

Abruptly, Bella broke my gaze and backed away into the room.

With a smile and a crook of her finger, she beckoned me to follow.

One quick step and a deep breath, I was inside her home.

"Well, this is it." She threw her arms open. Her eyes darted around nervously around the room.

I smiled warmly, wanting to put her at ease. I walked closer to her. Maybe a hug or a quick grope would help?

Smiling shyly, she bypassed me and my silent grope offer. She quickly moved to the window and opened the drapes, allowing the morning sun to filter into the room. "I'll just go, and um, get ready. Make yourself at home." She gestured nervously to the room and hurried off down the hallway, not giving me a chance to follow or issue any kind of lewd suggestions for what we could do in her room.

If I was a less confident guy I might be afraid she was in a hurry to get away from me.

Good thing Edward Anthony Cullen has confidence to spare.

That awful old saying, "I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave" echoed in my mind as I watched the sway of her perfectly rounded butt retreat down the hallway.

After Bella was gone, I glanced around her apartment.

The furnishings were top of the line from the Viva leather furniture to the giant Sony flat screen that dominated the living room in its solid oak cabinet with thick etched glass doors.

No IKEA crap for this girl.

The room was in a word, elegant. Everything matched. The throw pillows that adorned the couch and oversized loveseat matched the curtains. They in turn coordinated with the carpet and wall color. The whole room looked like a picture out of one of my mom's home style magazines. Everything in it was chosen not because of its practicality or usefulness. But rather it was chosen for what it brought out in the room as a whole. You know, chick reasoning.

While being the sons of an affluent doctor and a successful clothing boutique owner certainly afforded my brother and me a fairly cushy lifestyle, we weren't rolling in this kind of luxury. I wondered what Bella's parents did to afford their daughter such extravagance while she was in school.

Judging from the building I was standing in, the rent alone must be close to $2,000.00 a month.

So my girl had money. Who cares? At least now I wouldn't have to hear my grandmother exclaim that she was only after my trust fund over Thanksgiving dinner.

I pushed past the fact that Bella was loaded and that in my mind I already had her mingling with my family at holidays. And like a true male I gravitated to the big shiny TV.

There was a Sony 3D blu-ray player and a kick ass surround sound system nestled in the oak cabinet. I recognized the blu-ray player as the same make and model Emmett has on his Christmas list. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my 22 year old, football playing and Samurai sword wielding brother still hands in a Christmas list every year. Thank Christ he finally stopped demanding to sit on Santa's lap after the 'Mall fiasco of 2006'.

That poor mall Santa would be lucky if he ever walked right again.

Thanks to Emmett's list, I knew a blu-ray player like that was not cheap. Nor were the rows and rows of movies stacked all around it. I casually leafed through a few of the titles, Breakfast at Tiffany's, My Fair Lady, Say Anything, Twilight, Pretty Woman, Princess Bride…

_Yuck! _ I quickly recoiled my hand from the stack of weepy and predictable chick flicks as if they were cock shrinking kryptonite.

There wasn't a Bruce Willis, Jason Statham or a Bourne Supremacy title among them. Good thing Emmett and I have a fully stocked and testosterone filled library of decent dvds. You know, ones with car chases, gun battles, dudes that cursed like sailors and slept with scantily clad women.

It looks like I'd have to be in charge of any future movie nights Bella and I would have

Moving away from her depressing movie collection, I walked back over towards the sofa, stopping to look at the few pictures scattered around the room. I recognized the Arch de Triumph in Paris, Big Ben and the London Eye. It appeared that Bella had traveled to many of the same places my family had visited. There were a few more pictures of famous land marks I recognized, but none of a young freckly faced Bella. No pictures of her family or friends. Not even a lone picture of a beloved pet.

I hung my head in a moment of silence for my dearly departed Bubbles.

Bored with my snooping, I plunged myself into the plush embrace of her leather couch.

Looking around the room, I couldn't shake the feeling that despite being elegant, stylish and several other words my mother would use, this apartment didn't reflect the woman I'd spent the last 10 hours wrapped up in.

There wasn't any warmth to the place.

It felt cold, like a museum.

Everything was pretty and in the right place but you weren't allowed to touch or handle anything. And judging from the time we'd spent together last night, this morning and in the elevator, Bella was OK with having her things handled.

I smirked at the memory of how thoroughly I'd handled her 'things' last night and then again this morning.

_Yes Cullen, you are a sex god. _

After giving myself a hearty pat on the back for my mad sex skills, I decided to kill some time and check my phone messages.

Three texts from Em wanting more info on the girl I'd snagged and bragging about the 'blond bombshell' he'd ended up with. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

One voice mail from Jasper claiming he'd found 'the one'. I swear to god his voice was four octaves higher than normal. "The one" must be carrying his balls around in her purse.

For good measure, I ran a hand over my own goods. All present and accounted for.

Confident that my boys weren't going anywhere, I quickly texted him back asking if this girl was anything like 'the one' that he found a couple of months ago.

God help us all if she was.

Maria was supposed to be the love of his life but ended up being an emotional vampire who drained every last drop of individuality and will power he had. By the time Maria was finished with him, he barely had the power to wake up in the mornings without her permission. It took Em and me a week of male bonding over booze, porn and more booze before he joined the living again.

There was a voicemail from my mom wanting to know if I was coming to dinner next week. I wondered if Bella might want to come with me. Mom would be thrilled to have me bring someone to dinner and might just be stunned silent for once.

Hmmm, a two hour car ride with Bella. I grinned at the thought of all the x-rated fun we could have in a car.

Hmmm, a two hour car ride with Bella and my 230 pound goofball of a brother. Now that was a frightening prospect.

I saved her message for later. No need to call back until I had an answer.

I sat and waited for Bella. Soon my stomach started to grumble.

Shit, I was fucking starving.

I checked my watch; Bella had been gone for about 25 minutes. What the hell was taking her so long to get changed?

Damn, I could shit, shower and shave in 10 minutes.

_Girls!_

She might have my head and heart all confused and my cock writing fucking sonnets to her pussy.

But she has yet to win over my stomach.

_Grumble, grumble. _

Currently that particular organ was in charge of this operation and he was not fucking happy.

_Grumble, grumble_

Slapping my hands down onto the supple leather, I hoisted myself up off the couch, and walked down the hallway that Bella had disappeared down forever and a fucking day ago.

I didn't see which door she went into so I just started peeking in every one I came across.

The first was a closet full of crisp sheets and fluffy towels. I ran my hands over the clean linens and inhaled the soothing scent of lavender.

The next door opened into a bedroom. The room was almost a carbon copy of the living room. Clean and elegantly appointed but lacking the warmth I associated with Bella.

Roomates.

That explained how she afforded such a place. Whomever this room belonged to, was either an early riser or hadn't come home last night, if the pristinely made bed was any indication. More pictures of tourist hot spots adorned the walls. Just like in the living room, I recognized several places that I'd seen with my family.

Had Bella been to any of these places or was the roommate the traveler?

Would Bella want to see those places with me?

More questions to ask her.

I quietly walked out of the room, closing the door behind me.

Two more doors left. Opening the first door, I found a pristine guest bathroom.

Closing the door, I crossed the hallway to what had to be Bella's room.

Do I just walk in or do I knock? What's the protocol for entering the bedroom of the woman, who you've licked, sucked and fucked for hours but have yet to know anything about her other than the fact that you want to spend the foreseeable future licking, sucking and fucking her?

All thoughts considering etiquette were forgotten when I heard the muffled sounds of crying coming from the room.

Grabbing the door handle, I opened the door and walked into her room. The thick carpeting covered the sound of my approach.

Bella was sitting on the bed. She'd changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Her hair was still damp as it hung down the sides of her face. She was bent forward with her head in her hands, hiding her face from my view.

I moved quickly to stand beside her; the thick carpeting covered the sound of my approach.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

Her head snapped up at my question. Her sharp intake of breath and wide eyes confirmed that she hadn't heard me enter the room.

"Nothing. I'm, I'm fine." She frantically wiped at the tears that were slowly falling from her eyes.

"Bullshit." The bed dipped and her body leaned awkwardly into mine as I sat down beside her.

"No, really I'm fine." She went to get up from the bed. "Let me finish dressing."

I grabbed her arm, holding her in place. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Let go of me."

"Not until you tell me why the fuck you're crying?" I continued to hold onto her. I didn't mean to sound so harsh. But what the hell? Right?

"I told you it's nothing. I'm just a little… off right now." She tugged harder, but not hard enough to get away.

_Off? What the fuck does that mean? Is she sick? Tired? What?_

"What the hell does that mean?" I demanded. Bella finally succeeded in shaking off my hold. She got off the bed without a word and walked over to a dresser. She had her back to me as she rooted around in the drawer.

I sat silently on the bed and watched her pull out a pair of socks, pink fuzzy ones, I noted absently.

She stood at the dresser, still and silent.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore. "Bella tell me what's wrong" I got up from the bed and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to face me, "and don't feed me any of that weak girly shit about it being 'nothing'."

Silence.

"Dammit Bella…"

Her chest heaved as she took a deep breath, "I don't know if I can do this!"

_Well, fuck me!_

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Don't hate me for the cliffie. I tried and tried to end this chapter differently but it always came back around to this ending. Next chapter should have the gang all together and we'll figure out just what the hell is wrong with Bella.

Big thanks to all of you who read and review. When the times got tough this last month. I went back and read your reviews again. Your kind words and encouragement kept me going. {{{HUG}}}


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: It's been awhile and I'm very sorry. Various combinations of RL crap have been slowing me down. I'm working on them so they won't do it again. *glares menacingly at RL***

**A big thank you to my Beta, Mullet86. She keeps me motivated and mops up my spills.**

**Disclaimer: SM is the owner of her characters and she graciously allows us to play with them, which makes me love her. But, she probably has Rob's phone number which makes me hate her.**

**I don't usually talk about the music I listen to as I write. I doubt you'd be interested in most of it. But I played this song over and over as I tried to write out the feelings that these two were experiencing. I think this song works for both POVs. **

**The Mess I Made**

**By Parachute**

**Tailspin**

Chapter 9

"_What have I done?"_

_**Quick recap-**_

_After spending the most fulfilling and intensely passionate night of her life, Bella agrees to spend the morning with Edward. He accompanies her home where she is overcome with emotion and hastily utters seven words that cause Edward to leave her apartment in a flurry of anger, hurt and misunderstanding._

The reverberation of my front door slamming echoed through the apartment. It bounced off the walls like a ping pong ball at a frat house beer pong tournament, picking up momentum as it moved through the apartment and down the hall to where I stood alone in my room. When it finally found me standing silently with wet hair and a pair of pink socks in my hand, it crushed me with its force. I fell to my knees as it enveloped my in its armless embrace.

My feeble mind replayed the last two minutes of my most recent bout of stupidity in brilliant Technicolor clarity.

He was gone.

My hastily spoken words had driven him away.

I wanted to take them back as soon as they'd floated past my lips.

But I didn't.

I watched him recoil from me as if I'd slapped him. I wanted to reach out to him as his hands dropped from my arms, leaving me longing for his embrace.

But I didn't.

Instead I stood mutely as the light in his emerald green eyes dimmed. I watched his beautiful mouth turn down into a tight grimace.

I winced when his broad shoulders slumped and his arms fell loosely to his sides.

He took a step back from me, the distance not more than few inches but their impact was felt as if they were miles.

My mouth fell open and I prayed for the words that would put the light back into his eyes would escape my useless head.

But they didn't.

He lowered his head and took a deep breath.

I held mine.

I opened my mouth willing once again for the words that would fix this mess I'd caused to miraculously tumble forth.

Once again they didn't.

I stood mute in front of the only man that ever made me feel sexy, cherished and desirable.

He'd given me more pleasure in the last 12 hours than I'd felt in the last 21 years.

I'd hurt the only man who'd touched me so deeply that my skin still tingled. He made me want things, strong, deep and _rough_ things.

He looked up and I met his eyes. The rejection, hurt and confusion poured out of the jade orbs that had shone with desire and contentment only moments ago. Slowly, the softness of his expression was replaced with a hardness that I hadn't seen on him before.

Why did I say those things?

_Fix it!_ My brain and heart screamed in tandem.

But before I could manage to utter an explanation, before I could explain to him that I was overwhelmed with the feelings he invoked, before I could tell him that he set my mind spinning out of control and my body on fire, he broke the thick silence.

"I guess that's it then." He stated his voice strong and clear. And with a slight nod at my stone body, he turned quickly and left the room.

I fell onto the bed; grateful it was there to catch me as my legs no longer held my weight. My hands flew to my face as the tears began to fall.

What have I done?

**_EPOV_**

_Fucking hell._ I thought as I furiously jammed my finger into the round button that would deliver me from this hell. "Fucking slow elevator!" I screamed into the empty hallway, kicking the closed silver doors.

My fingers pulled at my hair as I angrily paced the hallway.

"Who the fuck does she think she is?" I kicked the shiny closed door again, hoping to transfer the unfamiliar pain I felt in my heart to any fucking where else!

"She thinks she can just throw me away? Send me away like the night and morning we'd shared meant nothing." My pacing became erratic. I stabbed my finger into the button repeatedly.

I couldn't think in this place, I needed to get out of here. NOW!

I started to walk down the hall looking for the staircase. If I couldn't find one, I'd fucking jump out of the fucking window, as soon as I found one that is.

"Ding" Thank fucking God. The elevator opened and I stepped in thankful to be on my way from that woman.

I groaned as the shiny walls brought back memories of what we'd shared in this very elevator not an hour ago. I groaned as my traitorous mind played back the whole event.

"_Edward, what are you thinking?" Bella tilted her head and gave me a quizzical look. She took a step back, moving closer to the mirrored wall._

_I advanced another step. Bella's eyes got wide and she took a deep breath. "You want to know what I'm thinking about, baby? I'll tell you what I'm thinking."_

_I moved forward until I had her flush up against the wall. I grabbed her hips and skimmed my lips up her jawbone, stopping at her ear. "I'm thinking about how amazing you would look as I fucked you up against these mirrors." I rasped, before gently biting on her delicate lobe._

"_Do you like the sound of that?" Bella shivered as my warm breath tickled the delicate skin on her neck and ear. "Do you baby? Do you want to watch me fuck you up against the wall?" I moved a hand upwards to graze the underside of her breast and gave it a gentle squeeze._

"_Edward stop." She moaned and arched her back, which only pushed her chest further into my hand._

_I squeezed a bit harder, "I hear your words sweetheart but your body is singing a different tune." I punctuated my statement with a soft kiss._

_My little hellcat grabbed my neck and pulled me into a deeper kiss._

"Godammit! Shit! Fuck! " I screamed into the empty box. My breathing became erratic as the memory of her kiss and the feel of her body assaulted my rattled senses.

I slowly raised my eyes from the checkered carpet; the sight of my face staring back at me was sobering. My eyes were red, my face was flushed and my normally wild hair was even more untamed than usual. My hands fisted tightly at my sides as I fought the urge to take my frustrations out on the already abused strands.

I stared at my reflection.

Who was this guy and what was that expression on his face? It looked like rejection, hurt and depression mixed in with an unhealthy dose of sorrow.

I brought my hands up and roughly rubbed my face. What happened? Why did she say that? I thought she felt the same pull that I did. I thought she wanted me as much as I wanted her. My shoulders slumped as the realization hit me. I'd been fooling myself, just as I'd done with Tanya. I'd let my guard down. And what did it get me? A boot to my fucking balls! I guess all Bella needed was a good fucking. All those sweet words and false sentiments we'd shared last night and this morning were just that, false.

The epiphany that I thought I'd had after we came together up against the wall in my apartment, must have been my brains reaction to the alcohol I'd consumed at the bar, her sweet scent or the innocent yet sexy as hell look in those big doe eyes, because obviously, I was wrong. I was wrong to think that I could be a boyfriend. Who would want someone like me as their boyfriend?

'_Ding'_ The doors of the elevator slid open. I took a deep breath, steeled my shoulders and walked out into the lobby. I bypassed Tom's puzzled expression as I rushed past this desk and headed for the doors.

The cool air was bracing as I pushed through the heavy security doors and out into the parking lot. Leaves swirled around my feet. They reminded me of the walk I'd made just an hour earlier, when my heart was still intact.

I stomped my feet pulverizing the crisp leaves as I trudged to my car.

I groaned as her intoxicating scent surrounded me. "Fuck!" I screamed into the strawberry scented interior of my car. I grabbed onto the steering wheel in frustration and squeezed the cool leather covering until my fingers went numb.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

The blood rushed back into my hands as I slammed them down onto the hard, unforgiving surface. My hands throbbed in pain and it felt good. I understood this type of pain. It made sense. You hit something hard and your hands hurt.

Yes, I understood that type of pain. I'd felt it many times before. Growing up with Emmett as an older brother meant that physical pain and I were closely associated. I could handle this type of pain. The other type; emotional pain, the kind that brought you to your knees faster than an Emmett size 14 shoe to the groin, not so much.

My eyes drooped and my breathing slowed. I could feel the sweaty hands of despair squeeze the crushed pulp of my heart as it attempted to keep blood pumping through my body. I absently rubbed my chest, willing the pain to lessen so I could breathe again.

_Godammit! Get a hold of yourself Cullen! You don't need that girl. Women better looking and more accomplished in the sack are standing in line ready and willing to do anything, anywhere for you._

My subconscious was right. I needed to forget Bella. She obviously didn't give a shit about me, I meant nothing to her. I needed to clear my head and get back to who I was. I was Edward Fucking Cullen and that guy protected his heart. He used what God gave him to take what was offered and never thought twice about it.

Yes, it was time to get back to who I really am. I needed to clear my head and move past the pain that knowing Bella had caused me.

I took a deep breath and looked up. This time when I looked into the mirror the person I saw reflected back was someone I recognized, the cocky grin, the signature smirk and the 'fuck me eyes' were firmly in place. As was the wall I'd put up around my heart.

I reached over the console and opened the glove compartment, ignoring her scent that still stuck to the seat; I pulled out my pack of emergency cigarettes and a lighter. Normally I would never pollute Vanessa with the stench of my nicotine habit but I had to get the smell of that woman out of my car and her memory out of my head.

I watched as the white tendrils of smoke wafted out of the open window. The nicotine hit my blood stream and a sense of calm washed over my body.

I pulled out of the parking lot with no real direction in mind. I didn't care where I was going as long as it was the fuck away from here.

_**BPOV**_

"Belllllaaa!" Alice's lilting voice carried through the apartment. "Where you at buzzy B?"

"There's her purse."

"She must be in her room."

"You go check Ali. I need a minute to calm down before I kick her ass for running off with a strange man and not answering her damn phone." I could hear the agitation in Rosalie's voice and knew that I should say something in apology but apparently I was still a mute.

"Rose, you do that on a weekly basis." Alice accused.

"Yeah, so? You expect it from me. Bella's never done it before." Rose's voice was filled with gentle hostility. Even in my coma like state, I knew that my running off was going to earn me a tongue lashing from her. Even though Rose was tough on the outside, she was fiercely protective of those she loved. I was lucky to have her and Alice as my best friends and now I'd hurt them both by allowing my newly discovered libido to lead me off into the night with Edward.

Instinctively my arms tightened around my middle. _God, just thinking his name hurts._

"Rose, I found my soul mate last night. And from the look on your face you found someone special or at least a guy you might want a second date with. Maybe Bella had the same luck." I sat silently and listened to my two best friends talk about the men they met last night. Alice was talking about meeting the love of her life. Something I knew she didn't joke around about. And instead of sharing in her excitement, all I could think about was that I'd just run off the only man who'd ever made me feel like a woman. He was the only man who'd ever made me lose control and succumb to the passion and longing that I'd always heard about but had never believed I possessed, until last night.

The look on his face when I'd said those words. I couldn't get it out of my head. I felt the tears once again trickle down my cheeks as I remembered how his beautiful face had twisted and his eyes had darkened at my words.

"Whatever her reason is, it had better be a damn good one. You find out while I get cleaned up and calm down."

"Ok, but don't be long. I need to clean up too and I don't want to leave the father of my future children alone for to long. The bitches on this campus can smell a prime man like him from a mile away." Alice's voice got louder as she drew nearer to my door. I struggled to lift my hands and wipe the evidence of my stupidity from my face before my overly perceptive friend could see them.

"Bella?" I heard her but couldn't lift my head to acknowledge her.

"Bella what's wrong?" Alice rushed in and lifted my face to hers.

"Oh my god! What happened?" Her beautiful blue eyes searched mine as she asked the question I didn't want to answer.

"Are you hurt?" Her delicate hand caressed my cheek, moving my hair behind my ears as she searched for any clues to my tears.

She wouldn't find anything. Stupidity is an invisible crime.

"Bella answer me." Her tone had taken on that decidedly 'mom' voice.

"Fine. You can tell me now or you can tell Rose later." She narrowed her eyes and clutched my chin harder as I tried to pull away from her. I hated when she overstepped the bounds of friendship and tried to be my mother. I know she loved me but I wasn't in the mood to be mothered.

"Stop!" I yelled. Startled, Alice let go of my chin and took a step back, the hurt evident in her eyes.

_Shit! I did it again. I hurt someone I cared about._ "I'm…I'm sorry Alice. Just stop for a minute." I pleaded.

"I'm not hurt, at least not physically." I assured her truthfully.

She nodded and sat down beside me on the bed. She took my hand and brought it to her lap, covering it with her own. We sat silently side by side for about a minute before my shaky defenses cracked. "Oh Alice I really screwed up." I cried and put my head on her shoulder. She hugged me close and rocked me gently as I cried. As overbearing as my friend could sometimes be, she knew when I needed to just be held.

"What the hell is going on here?" Rose asked from the doorway. I could feel Alice shake her head in a silent warning to our friend.

I felt the bed dip down on my other side as a bathrobe clad Rosalie joined Alice and me on the bed and took my other hand.

I cried as my two friends sat silently by my side. I don't know how long we sat there before Rose broke the silence and in true Rose style, cut to the chase.

"So are you going to tell us what happened or are we supposed to guess?"

"Rose!" Alice admonished.

"What? How long are we going to sit here like bumps on a log while she dehydrates and ruins your silk blouse?" Rose indicated to the growing wet stain on Alice's shirt.

I lifted my head off Alice's shoulder and swiped at my weeping eyes. Rose was correct. I owed them an explanation and an apology. Alice squeezed my hand and patted my knee reassuringly as I took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Out with it girl." Rose ordered softly.

"I don't know where to start."

"B, start with what happened at the bar." Alice gently prodded.

I choked back my tears told them about the intense connection I'd felt in the bar and then what had happened in the parking lot. I closed my eyes as the memory of the excitement and intense arousal Edward evoked when he'd put his big strong hands on my butt and pushed me up against his car washed over me.

"Wait!" Rose ordered, stopping my narrative. "You let this tousled haired stud monkey, feel you up in the parking lot? In front of God and everybody? " Her dark blue eyes were wide in surprise at my sudden change of heart regarding PDA. I'd never allowed Mike to even hold my hand in public when we were together.

"Um, I guess I did." I smiled weakly at the astonished look on her face. Rose was the kind of girl who would try anything once and go back for seconds if she liked it. She was a tough person to impress.

"What happened after the public grab ass session?" Rose prodded.

"We went back to his apartment…"

"Was there more public sex? Maybe a quickie in the elevator?" Rose interrupted.

"There was a little groping in the hallway before we…" The grip Rose had on my hand tightened to the point of being painful. "Rose, stop! I can't feel my fingers"

"What? Before you what?" Rose demanded, squeezing my hand tighter.

"Jesus Rose let the girl finish a sentence." Rose winced slightly as Alice slapped her on the arm. "You're such a perverted whore."

"Christ Alice that hurt!" Rose exclaimed, pushing back against Alice. "I'm not a whore you little pain in the ass!"

"I may be a pain in the ass, but at least _my ass_ still fits in the jeans I bought just last month!" She stated with a smirk.

My eyes widened at Alice's audacity to besmirch the perfection of Rose's butt. As much as we loved each other, it was not okay to make a comment like that to Rose without expecting retaliation. Especially when we all knew that Rose had been upset over the couple pounds she'd gained due to the stress over our recent midterms. Alice, perhaps sensing that she'd crossed the line with her, 'Rose has fat ass'" comment, leaned back on the bed, away from Rose's furious stare.

"You bitch!" Rose's livid voice broke the silence, "You know it's just stress weight!" She moved quickly, cutting off Alice's attempts to hide. Rose grabbed both of Alice's arms and began an impromptu wrestling match.

As my two friends jostled each other on the bed, I sat silently and waited for them to stop. At any other time I would laugh at their antics. But I didn't have it in me to laugh right now. Part of me hoped that they would get so caught up in their own little world that they'd forget about having me go any further with my pathetic tale. But another part of me really needed to tell them what happened so they could help me come up with a way to fix it. And that part of me was definitely the more dominant of the two.

"Guys!" I grabbed each of their hands, ending their war. But Rose reached around me to give Alice a hard pinch on her leg. "Ouch!" Alice squealed and rubbed at the angry red welt Roses strong finger had left on leg. She retaliated by poking Rose hard in her side. Rose moved away from the offending finger and fell off the edge of the bed, landing with a loud 'thud' when she hit the ground. "You'll pay for that you little gnome!" She announced and moved to renew her attack. Alice braced for the assault by grabbing my arm and pulling me in front of her to act as a human shield against the blond warrior on the floor.

"Dammit Rose. Stop!" I yelled at my friend. The tone of my voice must have startled her because her eyes got all big, she lost her balance and slid off the bed once again.

All three of us sat in stunned silence after my display. Rose's robe had come open, and in spite of Alice's earlier comment, the perfection of Rose's body was displayed for all to see.

Leave it to the one who started the bedroom brawl to make the first comment.

"Holy shit Rose, cover yourself." She motioned towards Roses exposed boobs.

Rose scrambled to bring the sides of her robe together. Once she was covered, two sets of eyes focused on me. Resuming her initial place beside me on the bed, Rose grabbed my hand and spoke, "I'm sorry. Please tell us what happened that caused you to go all 'Weepy Bella on us.'" To the outsider, Rose's comment may have sounded cold. But I knew she was coming from a place of love.

Despite the short interlude of 'Girls Gone Wild', the pain of losing Edward descended on me once more and I felt my chest constrict with the ache.

To my friend's credit, they both sat silently as I retold my sorry tale of woe. They nodded encouragingly as I told them of the intense passion I'd experienced at the mere touch of his hands, lips and tongue. They patted my knees when I told them of the unrestrained fervor we'd shared last night and again this morning. When I got to the part where I'd lost my damn mind and uttered those regretful words that sent him running from me, they both enveloped me in their arms and held me tightly as my tears took over.

'Shhh, we'll fix it honey." Alice promised as she stroked my hair.

"Don't cry B. If he ran like that, maybe he's not worth all of these tears."

"Rose! He ran because he misunderstood what she meant."

"We don't know that Alice. Maybe all he wanted was a little fun. Shit Alice, don't start that again." Alice had slapped Rose once more in an attempt to shut her up.

"Well what did she mean then?"

"She meant to say that the emotions she felt were overwhelming, she couldn't process them so quickly and got scared." I listened silently as Alice proceeded to recite what I couldn't. But she wasn't entirely correct. There was more. It was there almost within reach. I could nearly touch the black edges of the hole that was threatening to consume me. What exactly 'it' was, I didn't know for sure.

"How do I fix this?" My voice was barely audible as I asked my friends for help.

"Easy sweetheart, we'll find your guy and you'll tell him you didn't mean it." Alice stated simply.

"Um, if it went down as hard as she says it did. I don't think a quick, 'Oh, sorry about the earlier word vomit. Do you wanna go make out in the parking lot?' apology is going to cut it."

"Well then, what would you suggest?"

My eyes drooped in exhaustion as my two friends fought over the best way for me to clean up the mess I'd made.

"I'm going to need more information before coming up with a plan to get Bella's moody, messy haired booty call back on her speed dial. Or we can go out tonight and find another notch for your belt." Rose snorted.

"Fuck you Rose!" I vaulted from the bed, suddenly furious that she would degrade what we'd shared. I could feel the heat of my anger invade my face as I whirled around to face them both. "He wasn't just a 'booty call' or a fucking notch! You don't know what the hell you're talking about. I paused to take a deep breath. "You can't possibly understand the connection we had, or the passion we shared!" I yell at her. The pain I'd been wallowing in since he'd left had been instantly replaced by rage at her assumption that he'd meant so little to me or that I would ever find that kind of passion with a random hookup.

Rose smiled at my outburst, which only makes me angrier. "Then why don't you explain it to me?" She asked with a knowing smirk as she crossed her legs and calmly readjusted her robe.

Alice sat silently as Rose and I glared at each other.

How do I make my friends understand how much he means to me when I couldn't even express it to him? Why was it Edward, and not Mike or even Jacob for that matter, who set my skin on fire wherever he touched me, or how my heart beat faster at the sound of his voice? How do you put in plain words how tightly my thighs would clench at the sight of the passion that shone from his sexy as sin, emerald eyes?

How do I make them understand that for the first time in my life, I finally understood what it felt like to be a woman?

_Yeah, I don't know how to do it either._

My shoulders slumped as I realized that I can't explain it to Rosalie and Alice because I don't know how to explain it to myself.

Rose took a deep breath, "I understand B. You found the one to put the wiggle in your walk." Her words may have sounded flippant, but her meaning was clear.

He was the one. The one I'd been hoping that I'd find one day.

I looked up at the Alice's touch on my arm. "We understand better than you think."

"We'll help you get him back Bella. If you really did share everything that you've described, then he's probably as broken up over it as you are. We'll come up with a plan and fix it." Rose grabbed her stomach as it emitted a loud grumble. "But first can we get breakfast?"

A small giggle escaped me, as my stomach echoed Rose's in its demand for breakfast.

Alice smiled as our stomachs continued to growl. "Well, from the sounds coming from you two ladies, I would hazard a guess that we need to get you both fed before we can move forward with operation 'get Bella's man back'.

"You got that right you little garden gnome."

Alice stiffened at Rose's use of the gnome nickname, but didn't retaliate. Instead she nodded and said, "I know just the place Rose. How do pancakes and sausage sound?"

"Throw in some hash browns and you have a deal."

"OK. Let's get cleaned up. Everyone be ready to leave in 30 minutes." Alice ordered in her characteristic efficient manner. Rose nodded emphatically at the idea of food. She gave me a quick wink as she got off the bed and headed for her room.

"Don't even think about not going with us Bella." Alice gave me a pointed look. "Together, we'll figure this all out. Now, finish getting your cute little ass dressed. You have 30 minutes." She gave me a quick hug as she followed Rose out of my room. As much as I didn't want to leave the apartment, I knew that defying Alice's direct order was not an option.

My heart was still burning with the pain of his departure and my eyes still stung from the tears I'd cried. But after the talk with Rose and Alice, I had a glimmer of what I needed if I were ever going to crawl out of the hole I'd dug for myself.

I had hope.

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><p><strong>AN: What did you think? I always admired Rosalie's talent for getting to the heart of things without all of the extra 'pussy footing' around. Sometimes you just need a friend to say "WTF?" LOL! Next chapter we'll see how Edward is handling the situation.**

**I really am sorry about the wait. I've started physical therapy for the carpal tunnel and tendinitis. Slowly but surely, things are improving. If you ever have a question regarding the story, please don't hesitate to PM me.**

**To all of you who have been so kind to review or put me on alerts, thank you! Your encouragement means the world to me and is what keeps me moving forward when RL screams a me to give up.**

**Christa**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight but she has graciously allowed all of us to play with her toys because she is a sweetheart. I however own this story and I'm a selfish biotch. Please don't borrow or steal this story because it's MINE, MINE, ALL MINE!**

**My beta is Mullet86. You all owe her BIG TIME because she makes this mess readable! **

** I hope you like it! **

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><p>TailSpin<p>

Chapter 11

"Anything else I can get you handsome?" The diner waitress leaned over to give me an eye full of cleavage as she took my breakfast order.

"That's all for now. But if I need anything else, I'll call for you." I gave her a tight smile.

"You do that honey. Just call for Kate and I'll come right over." As if I were on autopilot, I flashed her one of my patented smirks. On cue, she giggled and went to put in my order, wiggling her tight ass as she walked away.

I admit it, I watched her ass as it sashayed its way to the kitchen. Bella's rejection hadn't sucked all of the testosterone out of my system. She may have ripped my fucking heart out and stomped it into a million pieces with her petite little feet. But I was still a man for fucksakes! I could still appreciate a beautiful woman, especially when she was blatantly thrusting her 'assets' in my face.

For a moment I felt the need to rip my shirt off and beat my chest to alert all females within a three block radius that I was a red blooded and able bodied man ready to be serviced.

_Fuck!_ Who was I kidding? My shoulders slumped against the cold and worn vinyl of the booth. Just saying her name made my chest ache. I raked my hand through my hair and absently stared at my cup of cooling coffee.

"_I don't know if I can do this." _ Her words echoed in my head. _"I don't know if I can do this." _ _"I don't know if I can do this."… _

I tugged harder on my hair, wishing for the physical pain to erase the emotional pain that kept threatening to overcome and destroy me.

Questions with no answers swirled around my brain like a whirlwind:

Why did it hurt so much? I hadn't even known her for a full 24 hours.

Why did her rejection cut me so deeply?

What did her statement really mean? Did she mean she didn't feel the same way about me as I did her?

Why after all those years of not caring to even get the girl's last name, had I fallen so hard and so fast for a curvy brunette?

Was I nothing but a fun night and she couldn't pretend it was more than that? _No. That couldn't be it. The passion we shared was…she couldn't have been faking that. Right?_

Once again, my hand crept up to my hair.

"Jesus E, if you keep tugging on your hair, you'll be as bald as Grandma Cullen." Emmett's loud booming voice invaded my mind moments before his hulking body invaded my space in the booth.

This is just what I needed, my overgrown child of a brother to find me while I was spinning out of control in a pity spiral. I scooted closer to the window as Em sat down, not wanting any physical contact with anyone.

"What's up home skillet?" Yeah folks, that's my brother the whitest white boy in Washington State.

"Hey Em" I forced out between tight lips.

"Hi Jasper" I nodded at my best friend. Jasper nodded slowly and slid into the booth opposite of me.

"Hey Edward" He answered back softly in his mild Texan accent.

"So, now that we have dispensed with the pleasantries." Emmett motioned between the three of us. "You gonna explain what the hell you meant in that text? _Text?_ I looked over at him and shrugged.

"Allow me to jog your memory." He shifts in the seat, managing to elbow me in the ribs as he moves to grab his phone. His meaty fingers poked at the phone until he found what he was looking for. "Ahem, '_Tits, Em, it's TITS. Good for you. Bad news for the friend, I'm taken. We're headed to the diner now.- E' _is your memory sufficiently jogged?" He raised his eyebrows and made a big production of stowing his phone back wherever it originated from.

"Sounds like you got another notch for the ol' bedpost there Edboy." He taunted while patting me on the shoulder.

"And Edward taught you how to spell tits." Jasper chuckled.

"Hey, I not only know how to spell them, I know how to handle them with an expert touch." Emmett bragged while doing the universally recognized 'boob honking' motion. "From the look on Edboy's face, it appears that he might need some lessons from the master."

I knew that Em had no idea what had happened between Bella and me this morning. And I understood how he would think she was just another lay given my past sexual history, but I wasn't in the mood to give him any quarter.

"Shut the fuck up asshole." I growled, knocking his hand away.

"Jesus Ed. You kiss our mother with that mouth?" He sneered back and pushed my body into the window with his shoulder.

Emmett was usually a big softie, but the immense fucker could be damn intimidating when he felt like it. Apparently my brother felt that this morning was a good time to remind me that I was his _little_ brother and that my bad attitude wasn't going to 'fly' with him.

I couldn't move while I was smashed up against the diner window with my linebacker brother pressing most of his 230 pounds of muscle on me, so I just relaxed until he decided to stop.

Finally the big oaf moved off me and sat back down on the bench seat. I cracked my neck and rolled my shoulder attempting to get the blood flowing again. Emmett sat beside me with a look of expectancy on his face. I glared at him out of the corner of my eye. But contrary to my normal behavior, I didn't make a smart ass comment, instead choosing to sit silently in my broken hearted grief.

"_Broken hearted grief?" Fuck! I'm a pussy. _

Emmett nudged me with his shoulder. "Spill."

I ignored his demand and began to fiddle with the packets of Splenda that Kim, Kris, Kelly, Kim…? left on the table when she'd brought my coffee earlier. I'd sent that text when I was under the misconception that I would be sitting in this café having breakfast with the first woman to touch my heart in the last five years.

"Damn bro, you want a little coffee with that broody look?"

"Screw you I'm not brooding." I didn't even look up from my pyramid of sugar substitute packets.

Jasper sat quietly. He'd been privy to many such interactions between the two of us. He knew the best thing to do was stay as far out of firing range as possible.

"The fuck you're not." My brother scoffed and pushed the packets away from my hands. I watched silently as they scattered across the top of the table. He was obviously hoping to engage me in a battle, but I just didn't have the heart for it. I put my hands around my coffee cup and continued to ignore him.

"Are you seeing this J?"

I looked up at my friend.

Jasper nodded. "I see it."

"What? I'm not brooding, you dicks. I just don't want to talk about last night. Is that a fucking crime?" My voice held the belligerent tone I was used to hearing. But there was no heat in my words.

They were just, words.

I winced at the taste of the now cold coffee. _Where was that chesty waitress? Kallie?_

"You look like one of those pasty faced eunuchs from those craptastic movies Taz loves so much."

_Shit. That was bad. Those freak shows really were broody fuckers. Always moaning about how tough it was to live forever as good looking studs. That main dude was the worst. A virgin at 107 years old? He either needed to get laid or drive a stake through his own fucking heart because he was one angsty asshole with what had to be the worst case of blue balls in history. _

"Taz?" Jasper asked.

"Um, well she's our cousin. She's like a whirlwind." Emmett explained.

"Yeah, if a whirlwind had sharp fucking teeth and claws." I snorted.

Emmett glared at me. "She's not that bad."

I snorted again. "The fuck she's not! Do you not remember the 'Nair' incident?" I slammed my palm down on the table top. "I had three fucking bald spots Em! Three!"

Emmett leaned closer, getting right up to my face. "Maybe you shouldn't have fucked her best friend during her 'Sweet Sixteen' party in _HER_ room!" I cringed at his accurate accusation. I couldn't deny that I'd done that. It was the start of my 'fuck em and leave em' campaign. Nonetheless I wasn't going to let him win this one. Taz was a pain in my ass and she never let up.

"What about when she spread the rumor around campus that I had an STD?"

"You shouldn't have fucked her roommate AND her freshman dorm advisor at the same damn time."

Jasper's eyes got wide.

I chose to ignore his questioning look and continued with my defense. "There were posters Em. Posters!"

My brother and I were both breathing a little hard, and if our past encounters was a good indication of anything, things were about to escalate.

My body stayed tense as we stared at each other. Even though I did those things, I was not in the mood to let my brother gloss over the fact that our own flesh and blood delighted in fucking up my life whenever I happened to _entertain _someone she knew.

Japser held up his hands up, 'Guys, I get it. Your cousin is a bit of um, a spitfire. Can we move on?"

Emmett leaned back and shrugged. "Taz is just not very fond of Edward for obvious reasons. She and I get along fine." I gave up and relaxed back into my seat. I was not in the frame of mind to discuss my cousin and her fucking mental problems. I had my own problems to deal with.

There was a blessed moment of silence before my brother started back in on me.

"So, you gonna finally tell me what the hell is going on or do I have to keep making guesses?"

"Dammit Em, leave it alone."

"Not until you tell me what has my mama's baby boy so upset." Apparently he'd tired of trying to bully the explanation out of me and had instead decided to try being the caring older brother.

I knew that in addition to being a world class goof ball, a rip your head off defensive end and a fellow mama's boy, my brother was extremely stubborn. He carried that Irish gene while I got all the Irish good looks. It was futile to keep dodging his question. Sooner or later he'd get it out of me.

Why keep up the torture?

My shoulders sagged and I let out a long sigh. My brother, sensing a victory, wiggled his eyebrows at me and smiled. He knows he's beat me.

I took a deep breath and prepared to spill my guts only to be saved by…Aha! Kate. Her name tag was situated right over her ample left breast. I glanced back at her face and she gave me another 'come hither' smile. The woman was relentless.

"Oh, I didn't know you had company." Kate set down my plate of French toast. I looked at it with disinterest. I'd lost my appetite. "Can I get you fellas anything?" I motioned to my cup; she quickly leaned over to refill it, giving me another chance to get an eye full of her double D's.

"Well hey there little lady." Emmett gave her a dimpled smile and nodded at my plate. "I'll have what he's having with a side of bacon and a large chocolate milk. But could you hold the angstyness?" She chuckled and Em smirked. I kicked him under the table.

"Crap Ed that hurt." He reached down to rub his bruised shin. I looked back out of the window, ignoring his glare and dramatics.

"Ma'am I apologize for my two friends." Jasper gestured towards us. "They don't get out much."

"I'd be happy to rectify that." Kate winked and I slid down a little in my seat.

"Um, yeah, could I get the spinach omelet with a side of wheat toast and a coffee?" I could have kissed Jasper for taking her interest off me.

Kate wiggled her hips back towards the kitchen.

"Damn bro. That woman wants you bad." Emmett swung his head back towards me. "Why weren't you all over that?" I shrugged nonchalantly, choosing instead to poke at my breakfast with a fork.

"Edward, what happened last night?" Emmett's voice was no longer taunting, he laid his warm hand on my shoulder. "This isn't like you. I haven't seen you like this since… well, you know." Emmett's voice trailed off. I didn't need him to finish his sentence. He meant since Tanya broke my little naïve heart.

I dropped the fork and my hands found their way back into my hair. I knew that all of the pulling in the world wouldn't erase the memory of what Tanya did or fix the fresh hole that Bella had punched into my already tattered heart. But the pain felt good. If I unclenched my fingers the pain stopped. I could control this pain. The other… not so much.

Two pairs of eyes watched me wrestle with my hair and emotions. Emmett recognized the nervous habit from childhood while Jasper wasn't as familiar with it as we'd only known each other since starting UW two years ago.

"Edward what happened last night?" Jasper questioned from across the table.

"I met a girl." I kept my eyes downcast not wanting them to see the pain in them.

"No shit Sherlock. I gathered that much. Plus, 'you meet a girl' every weekend." The smart ass actually air quoted when he referred to my sexual promiscuity.

"It wasn't like that Em. She's different, special." While I may have kept them from seeing the pain in my eyes, there was no disguising it in my voice.

"Oh, OK. I'm sorry. Keep going." Emmett said softly.

I looked around the café. It was bustling with normal Saturday morning traffic.

"I met her at the bar last night..."

"You mean the stacked brunette you ditched us for? Ouch, fuck not you too Jasper." I couldn't help but chuckle when Em leaned down to rub his other shin.

"Stop interrupting."

Emmett looked at me and made a zipping motion on his lips. I appreciated the sentiment but I doubted my gregarious brother would be able to stay quiet for long. I'd better get the story out before his head exploded.

"Yes the brunette. Her name is Bella." Both of their eyebrows shot up at the mention of her name. It wasn't my M.O. to get names.

Suddenly the floodgates opened and the story poured out of my mouth. I told them about how I was mesmerized by her in the bar and how I practically dragged her out of the place. I told them about the groping in the parking lot and in the hallway. I was just getting to the amazing wall sex when Kate showed up with their plates. Jasper and Em thanked her quickly and dug into their meals while motioning me to continue.

I laughed as Kate flounced away in a huff. Only two things stopped my brother from flirting with large chested women: food and the prospect of either hearing about/watching raunchy sex or actually getting to have raunchy sex.

I continued with my story only pausing briefly to pass Emmett a napkin to wipe up the food that spilled out of his gaping mouth when he heard that Bella had stayed the night.

"She stayed the night?" Emmett choked on his chocolate milk.

"I told you she was different."

"You said she was different, not a damn magician." I ducked, narrowly missing the chunks of half chewed bacon that flew out of his mouth.

"Jesus Em, what are you 3 years old?" Jasper laughed as I grabbed a bunch of napkins and brushed the bacon bits off the front of my shirt.

Thankfully my pig of a brother finally finished destroying his breakfast so I could finish my story without having to dodge anymore bits of flying food.

"So after all of that, the amazing sex, the obvious attraction, the amazing sex, she just says that to you?"

I solemnly nodded.

"Wow E, that's fucked up."

Jasper nodded in agreement. "It's not often I agree with Emmett but, yeah, that's fucked up."

Cue the obligatory awkward silence.

Jasper and I sipped our coffee while my big brother slurped up the last of his large chocolate milk.

Finally, Emmett broke the silence. "Dude, I feel like shit. I had a morning of bragging planned complete with vivid and graphic descriptions, now I feel like an asshole even thinking about her."

"What are you talking about Em?" The downfallen look on my brother's face had me worried. As much as we fucked around with each other, there was genuine love between us. I knew that he was hurting because I was. He didn't deserve to be sinking in the same pit of despair that I was lounging in.

I nudged him softly. "Tell me."

"I met someone last night too." He couldn't help but let a small smile escape. "Her name is Rose and she's a junior in mechanical engineering. I met a beauty with brains and I'm keeping her." His smile got wider.

I may have been known as a consummate player around campus, but Emmett wasn't a real commitment kind of guy either. For him to even kid about keeping this Rose girl was huge.

"Wow Em, that's great." I tried really hard to keep the hurt out of my voice. I really was happy for him.

"Thanks." His smile was still there but I could hear the sympathy in his voice and see it in his eyes.

"As long as we're all riding the happy train, um, I met someone too." We both raised our heads up at Jasper's quiet admission. He had is head down just enough so the dirty blond bangs that girls _just loved_ to run their fingers through, hid his eyes.

"Really J? That's great. Right bro?" I smiled weakly and nodded.

_FUCK!_ Had everyone met the girl of their dreams last night? Why was I the only one who got fucking kidney punched? I turned to look out the window, wanting to avoid seeing the happiness that would no doubt be showing from my lucky as fuck best friend and brother's faces.

"maybe we could carpool…"

"homecoming game…"

"I'm pretty sure they're real…

Pieces of their conversation swirled around my ears like the leaves outside floated aimlessly in the wind.

"me too, I think she might be double jointed."

OK, that got my attention. I turned back to the table.

"You guys might know my little ray of sunshine. She went to Forks High."

"No shit. What's her name?"

"I'll do you one better, she just walked in." Jasper pointed to the door. "There's my angel."

Emmett and I turned to see Jasper's 'angel'.

Did God fucking hate me?

Emmett and looked at each other. Fuck me. It was Taz.

"Jazzie" My overactive, pain in the ass cousin Alice exclaimed. She rushed forward to jump into my soon to be ex best friend's open arms.

"Ally!" Jasper or "Jazzie" jumped up and enveloped the little black headed she devil into a vomit inducing kiss.

"Rose?" Emmett stood up and walked towards a statuesque blond. "Monkey man?" The blond walked towards our table.

Did that blond Barbie just call my 230 pound brother _monkey man?_ I think I'm going to be sick.

Like 'Jazzie', my mountain of a brother handed in his balls at the site of his woman and attached his lips to the blond girl's face. The sounds 'Jazzie' and 'monkey man' were making was about to bring my French toast back up.

_Ugh!_ I started to slide back down into my seat when I caught a glimpse of shiny mahogany hair.

No. It couldn't be. God would not be that cruel.

"Bella?"

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><p><strong>Oh boy! Now 'sh*t' is really going to hit the fan! What do you think will happen? Will Edward keep his cool? Will Alice go all Tasmanian Devil on Edward's ass when she finds out he slept with yet another one of her friends? Will Bella give Edward another chance? Will Emmett ever learn to eat with his mouth shut? Tune in next time to find out! <strong>

** I LOVE reading your reviews and I try to answer every single one but please make sure you are set to allow replies. I came across a few last chapter that wouldn't allow me to reply. I apologize to those of you that didn't get a reply. I wasn't ignoring you! I LOVE you guys!**


	11. Chapter 11

**All of my stories are beta'd by the wonderful Mullet86. **

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><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

**Chapter 11**

When we were younger Emmett and I would spend part of every summer visiting our grandparents in Chicago. Unlike Forks, Illinois became unbearably hot and humid by mid July. To cool off grandma would take us swimming at the country club while grandpa played 18 holes with his cronies. Emmett, being the stereotypical big brother, could not only swim in the deep end, but also jump off the high board. I, on the other hand, was destined to bob along in the shallow end like a discarded piece of driftwood, because my scrawny body had yet to master the breast stroke, which of course was a requirement for swimming in the deep end.

The summer I turned 11 years old, I'd had enough of Em's taunting and showboating. I was determined to jump off that high board before we left for home. I was tired of being told to respect my limitations and that I couldn't just jump into things before I was ready. I'd sat all afternoon watching Em and his friends do back flips and cannon balls off the board while I paddled around in the shallow end with the rest of the toddlers. Finally, I'd had enough. Ignoring my grandmother's demands to come over and have more sun lotion applied to my pearly white skin, I made my way to the ladder of the high board. Em and a few of his friends had taken a break from the board and were prancing around poolside trying to impress a couple of bikini clad girls in the shallow end. I had a small window to conquer my fears without the attention of my brother.

I remember slowly climbing the ladder, pausing several times to shore up my courage. Slowly but surely I found my way to the top of the board. I closed my eyes and walked to the end of the board. Since I was a shallow end dweller, I had no idea that when you got to the end of the long board it moved. I mean the damn thing teetered like a coed on stilettos at a frat party. I stood there teetering on the end of the board for what seemed like hours. Finally, I closed my eyes tightly and jumped.

The seconds of free fall made me feel like I was flying. I felt I like I was invincible, right up until I landed in the water with a resounding _SMACK! _ My breath was knocked out when I hit the water and my vision blurred as I sank down into the 15 ft depths. The next thing I remembered was Emmett yanking me out of the water and hauling me over to the side. I sputtered and spat out pool water as Em smacked me on the back. After making sure I would survive and giving me a stern lecture about understanding my limitations and to not bite off more than I could chew, he swam off to his friends. I clung to the side of the pool and watched them all point and laugh at me while I stewed in my humiliation and defeat.

Chalk it up to my Irish stubbornness or the fact that I didn't like being told what to do by my 13 year old brother, I gathered up what was left of my courage and pulled myself back out of the pool.

I watched the bigger boys laugh at me as I held back the tears. With a deep breath, I hauled myself out of the pool for a second time. Ignoring the stinging of my arms and chest, I made my way back to the ladder and got in line. I was about halfway up when Emmett saw me. "Get down Edward!" He ordered. I ignored him and kept climbing.

He got out of the pool and tried to grab me. I scurried up the last few steps until I was once again standing on top of the high dive.

Choruses of "Watch it, No budging in line and I'm going to tell", followed him as he pushed the other kids out of the way as he moved up the ladder. He silenced most of their protests with just a look. Even at 13, Emmett was an imposing figure. I turned to jump before he could grab me.

"Edward stop!" I squared my shoulders and moved forward.

Emmet reached the top of the board. "Edward wait. Please." I stopped. The board bounced as I slowly turned to look at my brother.

"You're not ready for this." I glared at him.

He put his palms up. "Look. If you want to learn to dive, I'll teach you. We'll start on the short board and work our way up. You can't jump into it like that. You can't do it. You're not ready."

Maybe he'd been right. I wasn't ready. Perhaps I should have started slowly and worked my way up. But that wasn't me. I flipped him off and jumped off the board. I experienced the same exhilaration as I did the first time. But I also knew that the pain was coming. I hit the water and lost my breath. I tried to swim but I couldn't move my arms or legs. The pain from the first belly flop was nothing compared to the second time. I closed my eyes against the sting of the chlorine and slowly began sinking once again to the bottom of the pool.

Just like last time, I felt two hands grab me roughly and pull me upwards out of the darkness.

I remember gasping for air as Emmett hauled me to the side of the pool. "Are you out of your mind?" Emmett spewed. "You could have drowned." I watched silently as he rubbed a hand over his dripping face.

"Why didn't you just wait and slowly work into it? Why do you always have to jump into things without thinking? What in the world…" The sound of his voice was completely drowned out by the ecstasy that was pounding in my little heart.

I'd jumped off the deep end without even thinking about the consequences. I knew I wasn't a strong swimmer; I knew that I could've been hurt and that it was stupid to jump in like that, but my heart said I could do it. I blocked out every other voice and jumped.

It wasn't the first or the last time I would be accused of jumping first and looking later. There was the great skateboarding incident of 2003, and the time Tyler dared to jump my bike over Mrs. Cope's sleeping form. Old Mrs. Cope's double D's were the first boobs outside of family that I'd ever touched. I don't think Mrs. Cope or I ever fully recovered from that failed attempt at glory. As a kid I was a huge risk taker. I lived life fully and loved with my whole heart, right up until Tanya turned my carefree heart to stone.

And now the first time in four years I opened myself up again, and the door was slammed right back in my face. History dictated that I should harden my heart and shake off Bella's rejection. I should feign indifference to her appearance.

I should pretend that every fiber of my being wasn't calling out to her, pleading with her to let me hold her forever.

I should stealthily try to slide off the bench and attempt to slither out from under the table and crawl out of the diner before making an even bigger fool out of myself.

Yeah, that's probably what I should do.

But instead, I called out her name alerting my brother and Jasper to the fact that the woman who'd left me broken only hours ago, had walked into the diner with the women they've both decided are their soul mates.

Oh, and one of those women happens to be my cousin who just happens to hate my guts.

Do you think they'd notice if I climbed out the window?

My brief thoughts of escape were short lived with the sound of my Bella's voice.

"Edward?"

Jasper and Emmett's faces instantly shone with recognition when I'd uttered her name. The blond that had previously been attached to my brother's face glared coolly at me, while Bella just looked stunned.

Not five feet away she stands still like a statue. I had to mentally tell myself to not reach out and grab her. Her deep coffee eyes were wide in surprise as we stared silently at each other. If it hadn't been for the usual Saturday morning noise of the popular breakfast place, you could've heard the proverbial pin drop at our table.

Before I could figure out how to get her back into my arms and erase the last few hours from our history, a screeching sound permeated the silence.

"Noooo!" I had only seconds to brace myself for the weight of my cousin Alice, affectionately also known as 'Taz' (not so affectionately known where I was concerned) began pummeling me with her tiny, perfectly manicured fists.

"What the fuck Taz?" I tried pushing her off me but the little devil was stronger than I'd thought.

"I'm not letting it happen again you asshole!" I fell back into the seat, bringing my arms up to block the blows.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I peeked around my arm to try and get a read on Bella's expression. Big mistake. The little hellion landed a direct hit to my right cheek bone.

"Sonovabitch!"

"I won't let you hurt her!" _Hurt who? Bella? Did she think that I hurt Bella?_

"Get the fuck off Alice!" I continued to block her hits hoping she'd tire soon and stop assaulting me. I may be an asshole but I would never hit a woman.

Not even my cousin from Hell!

"Jasper a little help?" I begged. The fucking jerk just stood there with what looked like pride on his stupid face. Realizing he would be of no help, I turned to my big brother.

"Em!" My fucking Benedict Arnold brother just smiled while Taz and her fists continued to bruise the shit out of me. In between blows, I caught a glimpse of Bella. Her horror stricken face broke my heart. She had both of her hands covering her mouth as she witnessed my humiliating beat down.

_Damn!_

My older brother, the brother that I looked up to, tried to impress, loved even, just stood there and let our own flesh and blood assault me in public. "You deserve this Edward." I glared at him in between blows. "Maybe not this time in particular, but you can't deny that in the past that your assaholic behavior has earned you her anger." I scoffed at his reasoning as the blows kept coming.

I shifted in my seat trying to gain a little leverage against Alice. If neither one of the two people I relied on to watch my back were going to help, I'd have to shake the little viper off myself.

"You asshole" _Smack! _ Not Bella." _Slap! _ "I won't lose another friend because you can't keep your dick in your pants!" _Punch!_ "Not. This. Time!" Her voice got shriller as her hits got harder.

My elbow slipped on the table, knocking over a glass of water. Evidently the only thing Taz hated more than me was getting wet.

She ceased her assault on my body and moved quickly off me to stand at the end of the booth. Her fists were still shaking in her fury and her eyes were still staring daggers at me, but at least she'd stopped hitting me.

I hastily grabbed a bunch of napkins to sop up the water before it landed in my lap. I used the distraction to avoid looking at Bella.

"I think you got it bro." I looked down to see the dry table. In my attempt to buy more time, I'd cleaned up the spill and had proceeded to stack all of the dirty dishes into a neat pile in the middle of the table. I continued wiping the clean table as Emmett's hand covered my own.

"Edward, stop." I was startled at my brother's harsh demand. My hands immediately stop their aimless movements to fall silently into my lap. With a deep breath, I raised my head and looked up.

Jasper had moved to stand behind Alice; his arms encased her small body in the same comforting embrace that I longed to hold Bella in. Alice was still breathing heavily from her activities and was slumped against his body.

The blond woman had moved to stand behind my brother and was rubbing his arm soothingly as he continued to watch me.

I ignore them all and look at Bella. What I see is devastating.

Her face is blank.

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><p><strong>Do you hate me or will you hang long enough to see if I can redeem myself? <strong>

**Many thanks to all of you who have taken the time to leave me a review. I appreciate every message and try to respond to each one. **

**You have no idea how much your words mean to me.**

** ~ Christa**


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: In the event any of my stuff gets removed from FFnet, I'm in the long and arduous process of posting all of my stuff at The Writers Coffee Shop and An Archive Of Our Own. The name there is the same as it is here, ruinedbyrob. I know it's easier for a lot of people to follow stories here, so I'll continue posting on FFnet for as long as I'm allowed to do so.

As always my stuff is beta'd by the lovely Mullet 86. I snuck in some extra stuff after she'd returned it to me. Please forgive me and don't blame her for any errors.

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><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

Chapter 12

"_Assumptions are the termites of relationships" - Henry Winkler (Yeah, the 'Fonz' said that.)_

For the second time in less than an hour, time stood still. I knew Taz was still yelling at me and out of the corner of my eye I could see Emmett gripping the arms of the blond he'd latched onto, holding her back, but none of that mattered. None of it warranted a moment's consideration.

All that mattered was Bella.

The shock on her face was all encompassing. Her body was rigid and I could swear that she stopped breathing for a moment.

"Breathe baby." I whispered. I don't know if she heard me or if her body's need for oxygen took over, but our table went silent at her loud intake of air.

I finished pushing my harpy of a cousin out of the way and made my way out of the cracked faux leather booth to stand directly in front of my tormentor, my everything, my Bella. My arms instinctively reached for her but dropped to my sides as she took a large step back from me.

"Bella?" I half croaked, half moaned. If I'd heard another man make that sound I'd let loose with any number of names depicting him as a pussy whipped punk. But as the sounds came out of my mouth I felt the hurt and the need behind them. You could call me anything you wanted as long as the woman in front of me labeled me as hers.

"Stop!" Her voice was strong, as she put up both of her hands in front of her, halting all thoughts of continued advancement. Our eyes locked. I grimaced at the hurt I saw in those deep brown, warm orbs. I didn't know what exactly I'd done but I knew instinctively that whatever it was, it was my fault. "You… you're the cousin…the one…" She stuttered slightly.

_Fuck!_ I knew the rest of that sentence was not going to be good. I braced myself for what was coming. With a deep breath she regained her composure and finished her sentence.

"You, you're the manwhore cousin that sleeps with all of Alice's friends and then drops them." The accusation hung in the air like a slow pitched softball. I wanted to take a swing and knock it away before it hit me, splashing my chest with a big red "A" for asshole.

You can't hide that kind of stain.

"Baby, let me explain." I plead, fully aware of how lame I sounded but helpless to stop the appeal from falling out of my mouth like discarded cookie crumbs.

I watched for any sign of an invitation to continue but her body stayed firm and her usually warm eyes turned stone cold. "Don't." She said evenly with such force that I was completely immobilized. I watched stonily as she turned and walked out of the diner. I moved to go after her.

"It serves you right Edward." I stop at Alice's sharp remark and whirled around to face her.

"You! " I didn't even try to disguise the venom in my voice. "This is your fault!" Jasper moved closer to Taz and took a defensive posture around her. I unclench my hands that had balled into fists.

"My fault? Ha! It was only a matter of time before your whorish ways caught up with you!" You could practically see the hatred drip off her words.

"This has nothing to do with you!" My voice rose with my anger. I was well aware of the spectacle we were making in the crowded diner, but I just didn't give a shit.

"You're right, it had nothing to do with me when you 'fucked and ducked' my freshman roommate. Who was so heart broken after you used her that she had to leave school. And it also wasn't my fault when you screwed my dorm advisor. When she realized I was your cousin, she took every measure she could to torment me until my parents had to threaten the school with a lawsuit so I could get an apartment off campus." Alice's little body shuddered with the force of her words. Emmett and the blond stood off to the side, watching in silence. "And it had absolutely nothing to do with me when you slept withAngela on my sixteenth birthday. But that didn't stop her from not speaking to _me _when you told all of your asshole friends what an easy lay she was. I lost my best friend because you couldn't keep your dick in your pants!" Her voice wavered with the force of her emotions. I winced as her words hit home. I knew I would have to answer for my past misdeeds. I owed her that. Hell, I owed all of them that, but I'd be fucked if I would lose Bella because Alice couldn't keep her big, fat mouth shut!

I couldn't deny her accusations, but it didn't give her the right to poison Bella against me. "Who I get my dick out for is none of your damn business!" I leaned closer, Jasper pulled Alice tighter to him, my friend's blues eyes darkened in warning. I would deal with that turncoat later.

"Whoa bro." I felt Emmett's big paws steady my shoulders and pull me back from Alice's personal space. "Easy. She's family."

I shrugged off my brother's hold, "She's a fucking viper."

"You're a fucking asshole user Edward and I won't let you destroy my friendship with Bella." Alice pushed against Jasper's arms, trying to make another run for me. But he held her tight. "I won't lose her like I've lost everyone else." Her voice dropped as her emotions overrode her anger and her head fell to Jasper's chest as she quietly sobbed.

I could feel my chest constrict at her words. But the only word that meant anything was _Bella. _

I would never use Bella like that_. FUCK! _

The realization hits me like a freight train_, _that's exactly what Bella thinks I thinks I used her. I'd poured my heart out to her. I told her I'd never felt anything like our connection before. I fucking let her stay the night! How could she think I used her?

I focused on my cousin as she clutched my best friend's shirt. Her little fingers were white with exertion. I'm not heartless; I can tell she's in pain. It's just that her pain is secondary to Bella's so I push it aside like an unwanted roll at an all you can eat restaurant.

"It's not like that Alice." I want to rage at her accusations. I want to put my fist through a wall hoping to distract my heart with the pain. But instead, I speak softly. The calmness of my voice contradicts the turmoil that's churning in my blood.

I shake my head slightly. "I care about her." Alice's head rose slightly, her unbelieving eyes bored into mine. "You don't care about anyone but yourself."

I forgot about trying to change Alice's perception of me. The only person whose opinion I care about just walked away from me thinking that I was a fucking asshole who had callously used her for sex. "You know what Alice, think whatever you want. But you're wrong." I sneered at my cousin and turned to find my brother standing between me and the door leading to my Bella.

"She's just upset Edward. She doesn't mean it." I shake off Emmett's hand and turn to leave the diner, hoping in vain to catch Bella before she walked out of my life forever.

Behind I leave my brother, best friend, my hateful cousin and a no name blond with big tits. In front of me is the woman who owns my heart. She's out there hurting because she believes another's words over my own. The door to the diner gives easily under my force; the crisp morning air fills my lungs with a harsh burn. The burn moves me forward.

I quickly scan the lot as I walk towards the road. I have no idea how Bella and the other girls arrived at the diner so I don't know what kind of car I'm looking for.

Suddenly I spy a sliver of pink to my left. I think quickly. _Wasn't Bella's shirt pink?_ I turn to the left at the end of the diner's parking lot, and move steadily up Lincoln Way. Cars move quickly up and down the busy street hurrying to get to their weekend destinations. Their occupants' minds filled with grocery lists, soccer practice schedules and other mundane thoughts. They're oblivious to the crazy haired man about to catch up with the beautiful brunette.

"Bella!" I call out over the din of the traffic, never slowing my steps. She doesn't acknowledge me, only quickens her pace. I follow suit and break out into an easy jog, thankful for Emmett and his demands that I keep up a halfway decent work out schedule.

"Bella! Stop!" I commanded. To my dismay, she picked up her pace.

"Fuck off Edward!" I cringed as her retort bounced off the brick buildings, echoing in my ears as we passed. With a few more steps, I was close enough to grab her arm.

"Let me explain baby, please." She pulled forward, my grip on her arm tightened until she stopped. I was only given a moment to bask in my victory. My hold on Bella's arm slackened when she wheeled around and clocked me in the jaw with her right fist.

I let go of her and cupped my injured jaw. "Dammit Bella. That hurt!"

"It serves you right." I grimaced at the sound of her pained voice and watched her cradle the hand that she'd just used to beat me with.

Forgetting the pain in my face, I reached out and took her injured hand in mine. She tried to pull out of my hold. "Let go Edward." I ignored her command and used my thumbs to make soothing circles on her wounded hand. "You've hurt your hand baby. Let me help."

"Stop. Don't pretend that you care. And Don't call me baby." I stilled at her harsh and false words.

"Bella, I do care." How could she think otherwise?

She pulled her hand from mine. "Don't lie to me. I don't deserve your lies." The loud noises from the traffic faded into the background as her words rang loudly in my head. She went back to holding her injured hand, and mine fell to my sides, useless to her.

"I never lied to you." Her eyes stared at me so cold and suspicious; her gaze froze me from the inside. I had to force myself to not look away.

"I'm sure you never lied to any of those_ other_ women either." She stood defiant as she spat her words at me. "I'm sure that out of all the women you've used, you were being honest with me, plain old Bella Swan."

My heart hurt. _Plain?_ How can she think she's plain? How? The chilled wind whipped her hair around her face. I longed to reach out and tuck the errant strands of her shiny, soft hair behind her ear. But didn't dare, she might bite my hand off.

"Bella, you know I meant the words. How can you not know how much you mean to me?" I implored her.

"How can I believe you?" She moved right up to my face, I was enveloped in her scent. The soothing scent of lavender did little to calm the dark haired beauty in front of me. "You're a user Edward, just like Alice said you were and using me fits right into your M.O. Why would I be any different than any of her other friends you fucked and chucked? What makes me special?" She practically snarled the last words.

This was getting out of hand. How do I get her to listen? How do I make her understand that she was different? She obviously wasn't going to listen to my words. Maybe a reminder of my actions would make her believe? I raked my hand through my hair, "Bella, I never let another girl spend the night before." My voice softened and I could hear the desperation in my own voice. "You're the first woman I've allowed in my bed. You're special."

I tried to take her hand; I needed to feel her skin against mine. If I could get her to feel the zing of our connection, maybe she would remember what we were like together and get past all of this bullshit. Bella snorted and took a step back; her eyes glowed with her misplaced anger. "I suppose I should feel privileged that the great manwhore of the University of Washington deigned me special enough to allow me the privilege of sleeping in his bed after fucking me!" She took a deep breath. "But I don't" She paused and shook her head back and forth. "I feel… dirty."

_Dirty? What the fuck? _Her words felt like she'd punched me in the gut. She thought what we did together was dirty? She labeled the most amazing sex of my life with the first woman that I'd felt anything for other than a means to an end, as dirty? Fuck that! If she wanted to pretend that we didn't share a special connection, fine. If she wanted to listen to the poisonous ramblings of my cousin, fine. But no fucking way was I going to allow her to mark what we shared in my apartment, what we felt as our bodies came together over and over again in a ballet of give and take, of honesty and truth and need as dirty.

She felt the same connection I did. I know she did. And I would make her admit to it.

_Play time was over! _

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Bella's head shot up, her eyes wide with surprise. But I was too fucking pissed off to be taken in by their beauty.

"What?" She asked softly. Where's all that anger now pretty girl? Oh, that's right, it's my turn.

"You heard me. What the fuck do you mean by that remark?" I took a step closer to her.

I made you feel _dirty_? Dirty like something I would scrape off the bottom of my shoes? Dirty like a secret desire that you don't let your friends and family know about?" My blood was boiling with anger. She has no idea what it felt like to be made to feel dirty. " Or dirty like the feeling you get when you discover that your girlfriend of years had only been using you for sex practice before dumping you for the guy she really wanted?"

_Shit! _Maybe she didn't hear that last one.

"Bella's mouth fell open and her eyes widened. She heard it. Time to deflect.

"Edward, what happened to…"

I had to steer this conversation back on course. I was not going to discuss what that bitch Tanya did to me. Not here. Not now.

I interrupted her. "Answer me Bella! How did I make you feel dirty? Because what we shared felt pretty fucking good to me and judging by the animal sounds you were making and your soaking wet pussy, I think you would agree."

Stunned, she took half a step back before once again standing her ground.

She jutted out her chin; her anger replaced the need for more information regarding my sad past as Tanya's fucktoy. "You know what I meant. You played me, just like you played every woman before me."

Yes! We were back on track. "Describe one time I played you. One!" I held up one finger in front of her face.

Her eyes narrowed and both of our chests heaved with our heavy breaths. "The bar!"

"The bar?"

"You must've known that I was Alice's friend and roommate otherwise you would've never noticed me. She told me all about you. I should've known that was the reason you approached me."

"Oh, right because I live to fuck over Alice's friends. Jesus Bella, listen to yourself. I didn't even know Alice was there and I certainly had no fucking clue that you lived with the little spikey haired harpy. All I know was that a gorgeous and alluring woman was eye fucking _me _from across the bar and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. My body started moving towards yours before my brain could even figure out what the fuck I was doing. You wanted me just as much as I wanted you. You still want me."

"No."

I snorted at her lame denial. "Now who's lying?" She bristled at my accusation but didn't bother to deny it. This is fucking ridiculous. The mere fact that I'm standing in a fucking parking lot on a Sunday morning trying to make you seen sense and not back in that diner enjoying my breakfast and gloating over my latest bedpost notch, should be proof enough for you to believe me!"

"You want me to believe that out of all the women on campus, all of the women you've been with, that I'm the one you want above all others? I may be a plain and simple girl from a plain and simple town, but I'm not that naïve Edward!"

I ignored her assertion that she was plain. That was another fight for another time. Or maybe not as I had no idea if I'd ever get to see her again after today.

"Yes I fucking expect you to believe it! I haven't given you any cause not to believe it!" I could hear my voice echo off of the brick buildings and passing cars. I suppose I should have cared that I was making a scene. But I was beyond caring what out little conversation looked like to anyone else. I opened my heart to this woman and she'd flung it to the floor, and stomped it into hamburger with her purple sneaker clad feet.

I was so fucking tired of this bullshit. If she could walk away from what we shared, walk away from me and any future we might have, than fuck it. So could I.

But I wouldn't go easily.

I took a deep breath and gathered my strength for what I was about to do. "Despite what you think, despite what Alice has told you, which by the way should be taken with a grain of fucking salt as she doesn't really fucking know me, I never lied to any of those _other_ women. They knew exactly what I wanted from them. And I assure you sweetheart; they were more than willing participants. Just. Like. You. Were."

Bella's shocked face tore at my heart, but I hid behind the stone walls surrounding it and pressed on.

"I may be an asshole but at least I'm an honest asshole." I felt my face twist into a sneer, "I told you how I feel about you. But your unwillingness to even listen to me believing that all you wanted from me was a quick fuck!"

"That's not true. I'm…I'm not like that." Bella stammered.

"You're not like what?" I countered.

"I'm not like you!"

"What the fuck do you mean by that?"

Her head dropped. No way was I going to let her hide from me after that statement.

"Fucking answer me!' When did this become such a fucking mess? I came out here to get my girl back and I end up screaming at her in a parking lot. I wanted to bang my head against the nearest brick wall.

"I don't have lots of sex with strangers. I don't let my emotions run away from and sleep with everyone I come across. I don't … I just don't do that sort of thing." Her head was still bowed, still hiding. She refused to look me in the eye when she called me a whore.

I nodded, and in a calm voice that belied the anger simmering in my soul. I answered her. "No you're not like me. I'm not afraid to take and give pleasure when it's offered or needed and I'm not afraid to be honest when it's more than a fuck. You Bella Swan are an uptight, scared little girl who is afraid to admit that she craves passion in her life." I took a deep breath before I uttered the last words that I knew would be the nail in my coffin. " And a hard cock up her cunt!" A little harsh perhaps but we were passed the kind words and flowers portion of the day

"You bastard!'

I heard several gasps from behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see everyone standing behind me. The looks on their faces assured me that they'd heard what I'd said.

Fuck my life! This is just what I needed, a fucking audience to my heartbreak and humiliation. My fists clenched as I took in the disappointment on my brother's face. Our eyes met for a moment, before he shook his head and looked away.

"You're such a fucking asshole Edward!" Alice screamed as pushed she past me to get to the brunette that was now covering her face to hide her sobs. I lost my footing for a moment when the blond not so gently, body checked me on her way past.

Damn, Amazon Barbie was strong. Emmett is going to have his hands full with that one.

I watched both girls surround Bella and begin to console her. My arms ached to take her in my arms and do the job myself, but I forced them to stay glued to my sides.

"What happened to you Ed?" Jasper asked quietly.

I turned to my friend and offered a half laugh. "Nothing. Didn't you hear?" His eyes narrowed quizzically at my question. I repeated the words that my own family had thrown at me earlier. "I'm a fucking asshole."

Emmett reached out to touch my shoulder but I shrugged him off. I didn't want his fucking sympathy or pity. I only wanted Bella to acknowledge that what had happened between the two of us was real. I knew what I felt and I knew she felt it too. She was just too afraid to admit it, because if she admitted it, she'd have to stop hating me for a second and actually listen to what I was saying. But judging from the shit storm that this morning had turned into, I wasn't going to get what I wanted.

I was tired. For the first time in years I'd fought to have someone love me back. I jumped off that high board and tried to swim in the deep end, but just like last time, I wasn't good enough. My body ached with the stress of our fight and the pain of knowing that once again I wasn't good enough for the girl I wanted.

I began walking away from them, away from my family, my friend and away from Bella. I got into Vanessa and drove out of the parking lot, ignoring the group surrounding my girl. She was still mine in my heart though I knew that would be the only place I'd ever get to acknowledge it.

As I made the turn out of the drive, I took one more look, and our eyes met.

One set shone with hurt and disappointment, the other with regret and guilt.

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><p>Ooooh, which eyes are whose? LOL! "Confrontation in the diner parking lot! Everyone gather around for the show!"<p>

Poor Edward. He started out trying to get his girl back and ends up possibly burning a bridge in order to save his heart. What do you think about his reaction? Where do you think things will go from here?

As always, I'd love to hear from you!

Thanks for reading,

ruinedbyrob


	13. Chapter 13

Big hugs and kisses to all of you who take the time to review. You're the reason I keep doing this. So really it you think about it, this is all your fault. LOL!

My beautiful Beta, Mullet86 has been extremely busy yet she still took the time to go over this mess and make it pretty. I love her to bits!

Disclaimer: Things I don't own, a working ipod (damn), a copy of Bel Ami (yet) and Twilight. (double damn!)

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><p>Tailspin<p>

Chapter 13

_" It didn't have to happen."_

"Damn it Edward, if you don't move out of that chair your ass will be permanently stuck to it." I flipped my brother off and went back to killing my animated enemy.

With an over exaggerated sigh, Emmett plopped down in the chair beside me and picked up a game controller.

"Do you want to drop in?" I motioned towards the frenzy of fighting I was currently heavily engaged with.

"What I want is for you to get your nasty ass up and into the shower before I need a hazmat team in here to dispose of those clothes you've been wearing for the last two weeks. " He held his nose as he indicated towards my current ensemble of sweats and an old baseball t-shirt from high school. I didn't look that bad I thought as I quickly scanned my lap. A few stains here and there, a couple of holes but nothing…oh look, a Cheeto.

I grabbed the orange colored snack off my lap, glaring at him as I popped it into my mouth and wiped my dusty fingers off on my pants.

"Jesus Edward, you're a mess."

"Get fucked Em." My attention stayed firmly on the battle at hand as I told him off.

"That's another thing, when are you going to fix things with you and…"

"Don't say her name!" I cut him off and threw my controller down. The impact knocked over several empty beer bottles and evidently one partially empty bottle. I watched indifferently as it spilled out onto the floor, leaving a nice brown stain on the cream carpet.

"Fuck Edward!" Emmett scrambled up from the chair and ran into the kitchen.

For the past two weeks after the 'incident' I'd been trying to drown in self pity and despair. And doing a helluva a good job of it too, even if I do say so myself. I'd been taking care of the basics, attending class, eating, staying hydrated, hence all of the empties and sleeping. A lot of sleeping. When I slept my mind allowed me to forget that I'd had my heart publicly ripped out and that my family had helped. Sleeping allowed me a reprieve from the pain. When my eyes were closed I saw warm brown eyes filled with longing and pleasure, not hatred and disgust.

Yes, sleeping was good.

In fact a nap sounded like just the thing to get my mind off the subject.

Emmett rushed back into the room with a scowl on his face and wad of paper towels in his hands. I watched as he got down on the floor to scrub at the spilled Heineken with the dry towels.

Stupid fucker didn't know that you needed to get the spot completely wet and then gently blot it up. I almost pointed out his mistake but then I decided not to.

Let it stain. I didn't give a shit anymore.

I walked around him to head for my bedroom and the comforting arms of sweet oblivion.

On the way out of the living room, I stumbled over this morning's discarded cereal bowl. My sock soaked up the leftover milk, leaving wet footprints on the hardwood floor as I padded down the hallway.

Emmett can clean that up too. It's not like I haven't been cleaning up after his filthy ass for years.

With the blinds drawn, my room was pitch black. Too lazy to turn on a light, I aimed for the direction of my bed and moved forward. As soon as my knees hit the mattress, I knew I was there and let my body fall forward. I curled up onto my side and drew my knees up, cuddling 'her' pillow to my chest. Her scent was no longer discernible but I laid my head on it anyway and rubbed my cheek on the case.

_Fuck! Emmett was right. I was a mess._

I turned over onto my back and stared at the ceiling. What the hell was I doing? I knew the girl for 24 hrs. Her rejection shouldn't be affecting me like this. I should be out on the prowl for another woman to warm my bed.

I shouldn't care that the first woman I connected with in four years thinks I'm an asshole who lied to her about my feelings.

I shouldn't care that the first time I let down the wall around my heart, my own family runs in and skewers me through with a sharp fucking stick.

I shouldn't want to crawl under my bed and only venture out for food and to piss. But fuck that's exactly what I want to do. Unfortunately there are still several weeks before Thanksgiving break and my first chance to drive the 138 miles home and immerse myself in my mother's usually suffocating but endearing mothering.

Yes, Edward Cullen wanted to run home to his mommy. So the fuck what?

Mom was there when Tanya broke me. She held me when I tried unsuccessfully to hold back the tears and told me that I would recover and find someone worthy of me.

I tried to believe her. I really did. I didn't set out to become the stud of Forks High. I wanted a steady girlfriend. A girl that would go to the movies with me on the weekends and hold my hand while I walked her home from school. I wanted a girl that would come and have Sunday dinner with my family, laugh at my dad's lame jokes and not hate me because my older brother had uncontrollable noxious gas that tended to escape whenever he sat down, walked, slept or breathed.

But the summer after Tanya broke me, yielded many changes in my appearance. Changes that made the female population of Forks suddenly take notice of little ol' Edward Cullen. I'd gotten taller and thanks to Emmett's insistence that I help him keep up his football workouts, my shoulders, chest and arms had filled out. Emmett had me lifting weights, swimming and running everyday. At first I grumbled and fought him tooth and nail over his plan but once the endorphins kicked in, my misery and grief disappeared along with the old Edward. While the changes in my appearance may have been positive, the ones in my attitude certainly were not. Or so my mom would tell me.

My mom has said that summer was the one where her sweet boy became a much colder and guarded young man. I'd been betrayed and I was determined to not let it happen again.

Emmett was a senior football stud. His connections within the hierarchy of Forks High allowed me acceptance into that world with no questions or raised eyebrows. Suddenly I was one of the gang. Parties, beach bonfires… you name it, I was there.

I kept up with the workouts and continued to bond with the football team. As I took on their chiseled physique, I also took on their attitudes toward women. Attitudes I was more than happy to emulate as they tended to blend perfectly with my need to keep my heart safe while also keeping my dick wet.

Even though Tanya didn't find my skills in bed to her liking, the rest of the female population wasn't so quick to dismiss me.

Thanks to my pumped up body and association with the team, overnight I'd gone from a broken hearted, rejected sophomore to being the most sought after stud at Port Angeles High.

My dance card was filled and I danced every dance.

Even though my new attitude wasn't to the liking of my mother and father, it served me well all through high school. I had willing partners to hone my skills whenever I wanted one. One might say that I used those women. But that was oversimplifying it. Sure it was just sex. But I was always careful to make sure that they understood it was fun. I never let them get their hearts involved because I knew that mine wouldn't be.

When one or two would get a little clingy, I just made sure to not be available the next time they wanted to get together. I never flaunted my status as the school stud and I never set out to embarrass or hurt any of them.

Tanya went out of her way to hurt and humiliate me publicly. To this day I don't know why it was so important for her to tell everyone at the party that she was just using me. I don't know why she allowed me to believe it was more.

I never did that. I just wanted to lose myself in pleasure and I made sure to give it back.

Did that make me a cold bastard?

Taz thought I'd slept with her friends just to screw with her. She couldn't have been farther from the truth. Angela had wanted to lose her virginity to someone who knew what they were doing. I tried to talk her out of it but she was adamant that she wanted to enjoy her first and she'd heard I would make her feel good. I could have patted myself on the back after that statement but I didn't.

See? Not a total bastard.

I knew she'd been drinking; maybe I should have been stronger and pushed her harder. But I was a couple of Captain Morgan's down myself and well, I didn't have a lot to offer a girl but I could at least ensure that her first time was good. After it was over I made sure to take care of her. I kissed her goodbye and assured her that any man would be lucky to have her. I never called her because there wasn't a reason to. I had nothing else to give her.

Was I the user my cousin accused me of being?

I didn't think so but apparently Bella did.

_Bella_. I rubbed at the pain in my chest at the thought of her.

This was my fault. I let my guard down. I let her in. Why?

My mind raced with thoughts of the events that led me to laying in my bed alone, in total darkness feeling sorry for myself.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her at the bar. I saw her looking at me and at first I thought it was just going to be another pleasurable night in the life of Edward Cullen. But when I watched her blush under my gaze and turn away, I was intrigued. By the time I'd made it over to the bar, I knew this girl was different. I just didn't know why.

I was so intent to touch her, smell her and taste her that I practically dragged her out of the bar. Not even waiting to get inside the car before attacking her.

I'd never experienced a loss of control like that. Sure I'd been in a hurry to get horizontal but never to the point where I attacked a woman in public, or in my car, or in the hallway to my apartment or…

_Fuck! _I wanted her so much. My fists beat the pillow under my head in frustration.

My head hurt from trying to understand why this happened again.

Why didn't anyone I loved want me?

Why was I so easy to throw away?

"Don't" I opened my eyes to find the hulking shape of my brother leaning over me in the darkness.

"Don't do this again Edward."

"Leave me alone." I rolled over so my back was giving him the universal sign for 'leave me the fuck alone.' But apparently my brother didn't speak that language. Along with a hundred other languages he didn't speak.

The bed behind me dipped as Emmett sat down.

"Edward, listen to me. What happened was fucked up but wasn't the same thing as what Tanya did."

"Bella," I stiffened at her name but didn't turn around. "I don't think she was ready for the intensity of your feelings and then when Taz chimed in…well things got out of hand."

"Out of hand?" I turned quickly punching him in the back. "Out of fucking hand?"

"Jesus Ed." Emmett winced as I punched him again, this time tagging his left kidney.

"It didn't get out of 'fucking hand' Emmett. It was a goddamn massacre." I threw all of my weight into it and succeeded in pushing him off the bed.

He landed with a dull thud. "Damn it Edward!"

I leered down at him from the bed, "You deserved that asshole."

"I know. This is all my fault." His sorrowful admission stopped my fist from connecting again with his big body.

_Wait, what?_

"I should have been there for you the first time."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I pulled my fist back and sat back onto my knees.

"Tanya. I knew what she was doing and I should have told you." He hung his head and focused on his lap.

I sat on the bed completely stunned by his statement.

And then it hit me.

"You knew? You fucking knew that bitch was using me?" I screamed at my brother and moved to get off the bed.

Emmett started to scramble backwards from me. "Whoa Ed let me explain." He kept shuffling backwards in a kind of drunk crab walk until he hit the wall next to the open bathroom door.

I kept yelling as I advanced on him. "You knew?!" I was going to beat my bother until either he or I couldn't move anymore. I raised my fists to begin the pummeling; Emmett shifted to his left and rolled into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I heard the lock click right before my fists hit the door.

"You better start explaining Emmett!"

"I will. Stop pounding on the door." His plea was muffled by the thick oak door between us.

"Tell me Emmett." My voice was strained with emotion. "Tell me how you could let her do that to me." My forehead hit the door and I slid to the floor into a confused and drained heap.

I leaned my head against the door with my ear right up to the wood.

"I'm so sorry Edward, I…" I stopped his apology. "Tell me!" I demanded.

I could hear him sigh from the other side of the door. It took everything I had to not yell at him again. "I'd heard James boasting in the locker room about how he was building himself a sex kitten. But it was James, you know how he was. Always flapping his gums about something. Fuck Edward, I only tolerated the ass wipe because he was QB of the team. Do you remember the time he claimed that he was an heir to the throne of…"

"Emmett!" My teeth gnashed with the effort to not reach through the door and strangle my brother.

"Shit. Sorry. He kept saying he had a girl that he was grooming to be the ultimate lay. For the most part, I ignored his ass. But then he started becoming more boastful. He'd talk about assignments he'd give her; you know to hone her skills. Anyway this all started around the time Tanya and you got together. No offense bro, but it didn't make sense why a senior girl as fuckhawt as Tanya was messing around with a sophmore like you. No offense."

I nodded my head silently in understanding. At the time I knew it was too good to be true. But I'd chosen to ignore it because I was having sex with a gorgeous older woman.

"At first I just let him talk thinking that he'd lured some freshman girl into his sex web. But then you started asking questions about sex. One week you'd ask about finding the gspot and the next week you were wondering if you should shave your pubes for oral. At first I was so fucking proud of my little bro for getting him some. But then the coincidences were just too much to ignore. He'd boast about teaching her how to give the ultimate blow job and the next thing I know you're walking on clouds because Tanya is going down on you every chance she got."

My head hangs low as Emmett continues to rewind my painful history.

"Then I see James and Tanya at one of Crowely's parties. They looked entirely too close for comfort. I thought I'd caught her cheating but then they appeared to fight. He was grabbing her ass and she kept pushing him away. I was about to step in when he slapped her ass one more time and she stomped away. The next thing I hear is that James was fucking Lauren in the pool house. That next week you started quizzing me about anal. Do you remember that?"

"Yes." Tanya and I had moved very quickly in our sexual relationship. Had I stopped for one second to think about the sheer speed in which we were moving, maybe I would have seen what was happening. But I was sixteen year old nobody who had a blazing hot older girlfriend that was extremely uninhibited about sex. I was in teen boy heaven and never wanted to come down off my sex high.

"I started putting the pieces together and figured out that it was Tanya, James was grooming. I'm so sorry Edward, they were using you as their sex dummy and I didn't know how to tell you."

"How long?" I croaked.

"What?"

I took a deep breath and asked again, "How long did you know?" The words stumbled out through my gritted teeth.

"Oh, um, I guess about a month."

My heart sped up. I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks. "You knew for a whole month and…and you just let her do that to me?" My fists clenched and began to shake. My brother knew and did nothing to stop it. He let her rip my heart out.

"Um, I tried. Remember that time I told you that you were moving too fast and that you should slow it down? You know, play the field a little. But you wouldn't listen. I think you told me to fuck off because you were in love."

"Not good enough!" I yelled.

"I tried. You were being stubborn. I…"

"NOT. GOOD. ENOUGH!" I growled. My throat was instantly raw from the exertion. Suddenly, all of the fight left my body. Every muscle that was tense with rage a minute ago, pulled tight and snapped, leaving me a boneless mass on the floor.

My mind was barely functioning with the realization that it didn't have to happen. I didn't have to sit there in Ben Crowley's living room like a stone while the girl I thought loved me as much as I loved her ripped my heart out in front of the whole school. I didn't have to hear the words, "bad lay", "no skills in bed", "just a boy", "pencil dick" and "I never wanted you." were thrown in my face for the whole world to hear.

_It didn't have to happen. It didn't have to happen. _

_It didn't have to happen. It didn't have to happen._

I repeated the mantra as I rocked back and forth on the floor.

"I know Edward. It was my fault. I should have done more. I should have made you listen to me…" Emmett's voice was lost in the swirling blizzard of pain that was raging in my head.

_It didn't have to happen. It didn't have to happen. _

"Oh god. Edward, stop!"

_It didn't have to happen. It didn't have to happen. _

"Mom, I don't know what to do. He's unresponsive. No, it's my fault, all my fault…"

_It didn't have to happen. It didn't have to happen. _

"Ok. I'll try that. If it doesn't work I'll call 911. Hang on."

SLAP!

Suddenly all of the pain that was coursing through my body was centered on my left cheek.

"Fuck Em!" I stopped rocking and cupped what I was sure was a broken jaw.

"It worked ma! He stopped rocking and yelled at me!" I glared at my smiling brother.

_Fucking moron hit me._

"Oh, he's glaring at me now. Yeah, I think the crisis is over. Ok. Thanks mom. Love you." I watched silently as Emmett hung up with mom and threw his phone on the bed.

I didn't have time to prepare for the bone crushing hug I was soon enveloped in. I struggled within his grasp, trying to break his hold on me.

"Fuck Ed, I thought I broke you!" He had no idea how fucking right he was.

I was broken, more than anyone knew.

"Get the fuck off of me Em!"

He ignored me and hugged tighter. Emmett was strong as fuck. I knew I couldn't break his hold until he allowed it, so I resorted to a chick move.

I grabbed his nuts.

His arms fell instantly away. He grabbed his nut sac and started rolling around on the floor crying.

"Jesus…Fuck man…Holy Mary mother of…shit…" I watched gleefully as the big man cried on the floor while holding onto his scrotum.

"What the hell?"

"You fucking deserved it!" I spat as I stepped over his ass and sank down on the bed. I reached over and flipped on the bedside light. The meager light escaping from the bathroom wasn't illuminating Em's discomfort enough for my liking.

My shoulders sagged as the fight left my body. I was so tired.

Emmett finally got himself together and rolled to a sitting position. I waited to speak until his breathing slowed and his face turned back to its normal color.

"Why Em? Why?" I asked softly.

"I don't know man. I should have tried harder to get through to you." He gingerly rubbed his balls.

"No." I shook my head at his misunderstanding. "Why was it so easy for her to do that to me? Easy for both of them. So damn easy for her to throw me away."

"I don't know man. They're both fucking assholes and if I ever get my hands on James…"

"Forget it. Neither one of them is worth it. The damage is done." I flopped down on the bed, covering my eyes with my arm.

"I'm really sorry Edward. I…I tried to make it better. I tried to make up for what they did."

I rubbed my eyes furiously and sat up. "I know you did."

"I thought that if I got your body pumped up, your confidence would increase too."

I nodded. "It worked Em."

He lowered his head and rubbed the back of his neck. "It may have worked a little too well." He chuckled and glanced slyly in my direction.

"You think?"

We both chuckled for a moment. And then it got quiet again. Both of us lost in our thoughts.

Finally Emmett broke the silence.

"I shouldn't have let you hang out so much with the other guys. I shouldn't have let their attitudes towards women infect you like that. But when I saw the changes in your confidence, I guess I thought the good outweighed the bad. I never meant for you to close off your heart so well or for so long. I always thought that once you got that bitch out of your system, you'd go back to being you again. You know, my annoying little brother who jumped off the high board knowing there was a very good chance he could get horribly mangled, but doing it anyway." He playfully nudged me with his shoulder.

"I'd hoped that once you fucked the pain away, you'd find a girl that you could give yourself to again."

"I did that Em. I went all in with…with her," I couldn't bring myself to actually say her name. "and she threw me away just like Tanya did." I didn't even try to cover the quiver in my voice. Not only was I a heartbroken smelly loser with cheeto dust all over his clothes, I was also a pathetic pussy who was about to cry in front of his big brother over a woman he'd known less than two days.

Emmett sighed and put his arm around me. I hated to admit that I really needed the hug. I leaned into my bear of a brother and let him hold me. "I know you did Ed. I know you did."

"What they, Tanya and James did was fucking sick. You were a victim of their crime. You did nothing wrong and if it hadn't been you they would have picked another guy. I'll forever wish I had done more to stop it because having you believe that you're not worthy of love or that there's something wrong with you Edward, breaks my heart. And I'll do whatever it takes to make things right with you again." I wanted tell him that it wasn't his fault and that the anger I still carried around belonged to those cold hearted fuckers, Tanya and James.

Finally the testosterone in my system kicked in. I pulled away and attempted to wipe the tear tracks off my cheeks.

"Bro, I know it feels like it's the same, but I really think that you can fix this with Bella."

"Em, she called me a manwhore in the fucking parking lot! She refused to believe me when I told her how much I cared." My voice dropped, "She would barely look at me when I left."

Em cringed. "Yeah, well I think that really had more to do with Taz than you."

Anger coursed through my veins at the mention of my little Benedict Arnold cousin. My past was mine and Alice had no business dragging my past out and giving her version out to strangers, which is exactly what Bella was to me a scant 48hrs ago. It's not as if I would try to hide my past from her, I just think the timetable to reveal it should have been my decision. Not Alice's.

Emmett must have been able to feel the heat coming off my skin and he scooted away from me.

"Look, I'm not going to defend everything Taz said or the way she said it. But you have to admit, you did sleep with her friends and…"

"Jesus Em, I've slept with a lot of people's friends. Fuck! " I got off the bed and started to pace. "Since when is it a crime to have sex?"

"It's not man, calm down."

"Fuck that and fuck you if you're going to try to villianize me for having some fun."

I was pissed. This was all going the wrong direction. First I lose the girl that my heart tells me I belong to, then I find out my brother knew that I was being played for a fool by the first girl I thought I loved and didn't stop them from breaking me. Now, I'm being made to believe that just because I chose to take pleasure when it was offered with no strings attached for the last couple of years, I'm a fucking horrible person.

I can forgive him for the Tanya and James bullshit. In all honesty, I probably wouldn't have listened to him anyway. And he did work to put me back together all summer. But to make me think that I deserved what happened with Bella was a crock of shit and I wasn't having it!

_Fuck that!_ I grabbed my desk lamp and watched it shatter against the opposite wall.

"Dude calm down. Fuck Edward, I understand what you're saying and that's not what I'm talking about." I stopped my angry pacing to cast a glare at him. "It's the fact that you seem to be so callous with the woman you're …with."

"Callous? Callous? The fact that I choose to not have long term relationships with every pussy I touch makes me callous?" I was fucking tired of everyone including Bella judging me. I wasn't a bad guy and I was done with people trying to make me believe I was!

"No man, it's that you choose to not even have a casual relationship with them. It's a quick fuck and you're out."

"And you call every woman you sleep with. Don't fucking lie to me Emmett." I sneered.

"No, I don't call all of them. Sometimes a fuck is just a fuck, but dammit Edward, you don't even pretend to look for anything else."

"So? I've gotten by alright." I shrugged and leaned up against the wall, waiting for what he'd say next and knowing I wasn't going to like it.

"Really bro? Can you honestly say that the last five years have been fulfilling for you?"

I shrugged.

"If it were true then why did you fall so hard for Bella?"

I was right in my previous assumption; I didn't like the direction this was going.

I couldn't answer the question because I didn't have the answer. I'd thought about my intense reaction to her for weeks as I sat in my own filth and Cheeto dust. I was no closer to an answer now that I was weeks ago.

Emmett sighed and got up from the bed, I tensed as he got near. I wasn't in the mood for another hugging/crying pussy session. He walked around me to lean casually next to my spot on the wall.

"Edward, I don't think you're an asshole for having a good time. You know that. It's just, well I know that you haven't been happy with the lifestyle you've been living. I know that you want more."

I opened my mouth to protest but he cut me off with a wave of his hand.

"Don't. The fact that you've been pining over Bella for the last two weeks, negates anything you were about to say."

"You weren't afraid to go after her. You threw yourself into the deep end and…"

"And I'm fucking drowning." I finished for him.

"No. You're dog paddling." I snorted at him.

"Look, I've spent a little time with her these past weeks." My jaw clenched. I knew that he was still seeing the blond Amazon, who I now knew was named Rose and was one of Bella's best friends. I wanted to punch my brother for getting to spend time with my girl while I wallowed in self pity.

"And I think that she's almost as miserable as you are." My head shot up. Could he be right ? Could Bella be upset that I'm gone?

I needed answers.

"What makes you think that?"

"She asks me about you."

"What does she ask? Does she miss me? Should I call her? "

_Yes folks , suddenly I was channeling a thirteen year old girl at a slumber party gossiping about boys. _

_Fuck! All I needed was somebody to braid my hair and a pair of Hello Kitty pj's. _

"Well, she basically asked me about your past." The tips of my ears heated up again.

He better not have said anything. My past was mine dammit.

Emmett sensed that my hackles were up and quickly dispelled my anger. "I didn't tell her anything man. " I let out the breath I was holding and let my shoulders relax.

"I told her that it was your past and if she wanted to know more she needed to ask you. I also told her that she shouldn't take everything Taz says as gospel because she doesn't know everything."

"What did she say?" I asked quietly_. I think I'll go with the pink sparkly toe nail polish thank you._

"She didn't say anything. She just kind of nodded and walked away."

Well that wasn't all that encouraging.

"But she asked me for your number the next day."

_She has my number! She can call me whenever she wants?_

_Why hasn't she called me? _

"Geez Edward, you look like you did the day we had to put Casey-Jo down.

"Shut up asshole. I loved that dog. "

"I know you did buddy. I know you did." Emmett put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I knew he wasn't only talking about my beloved Cockapoo.

"Eddie boy, I think this will all work out if you let it."

"What do I do, Em?" I wasn't ashamed to admit that I didn't know what to do next.

"Baby bro, I really think all you need to do is keep the battery charged up on your phone and wait for that little brown eyed beauty to find you."

My eyes searched frantically for my phone in the dim room. I spied my phone lying on the desk where I'd randomly tossed it two days ago.

For the first time in weeks, I had an ounce of hope. I pushed Emmett out of the way to get to my phone, my possible connection to Bella.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed loudly. The damn thing was dead.

I looked to Emmett. "It's dead, Em. What if she tried to call and…"

"Plug the damn thing in and see, Edward. You know for a smart guy, you sure do act dumb sometimes." I ignored his laughter and plugged in my phone.

As soon as I had electricity coursing through my dead phone, it came to life with a flurry of bright lights and carnival sounds.

My face broke out into a wide smile as my new favorite sound in the world echoed in the room.

The excited tones of R2-D2 bleeped and beeped indicating I had several missed calls and texts.

"I'll leave you alone. Honestly, that look on your face is totally weirding me out." I ignored my brother and with shaking hands and a rapidly beating heart, I poked in the code that would open up the menu and possibly heal the hole in my heart.

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><p>Whew! That was a rough one. Who wants to punch Emmett in the junk for not stopping Tanya and James? He may not be the sharpest tool in the drawer. But he tries.<p>

I hope this chapter gave you a little more insight into how Edward ended up the way he did and earns him a second chance from some of you.

Ok, give me your thoughts. I'm ready.


	14. Chapter 14

I deserve a severe beating for being so late with this update. I could apologize for days and still not deserve your forgiveness. But I'm asking for it anyway.

Many thanks to all the new readers and followers. I wish you could see how wide me smile is every time I get a notification of a review or a new follower!

**Disclaimer:** All things Twilight are owned by S. Meyers. But I own a brand new copy of Bel Ami. Even though Georges is waaaaay hot, she still wins.

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><p>Tailspin<p>

Chapter 14

"So if you want to ge…" I hit the delete button not bothering to hear the rest of the faceless girl's proposal. Groaning in frustration, I tossed my phone to the bed and flopped down beside it.

One week later, ten missed calls and voicemails.

Not one of them was from Bella.

_Fuck!_

Since I didn't know her number I had no choice but to scroll through each one, listening to the obvious and lame come ons from various women. Some I had class with, others who knew me through a friend of a friend…I would usually respond to such messages with an equally obvious message of my own suggesting a meeting, but not this time. I wasn't interested in "having a good time" or "meeting up for a drink" or my personal favorite, "a quickie" with anyone but Bella.

There were a few voicemails that I couldn't unceremoniously dump with the rest of them, two from my mother and one from my dad. I could hear the concern in my mom's voice. Once again her baby was broken and she couldn't put me back together. Once again she was worried that I would fall into the black pit of despair.

I hated that she was right.

Dad's message had been a little gruffer. He was worried and a little angry that I'd been ducking mom's calls and now had her really upset. Especially after Emmett's panicked call when I was curled up in a ball on the floor rocking like a lunatic.

Thanks Em.

Sighing heavily, I reached around until I found my phone and hit the speed dial for my mom.

This was not going to be fun.

It was barely two rings before I was bombarded with, "Edward Anthony why haven't you called me before now? Have you been eating? Do you realize how worried I've been? What happened? Do I need to come down and take care of you? Do you need any clean underwear?"

I groaned. Only my mother would be worried about the state of my underwear.

"Edward, did you just groan? Are you OK? Is your stomach…" This was quickly getting out of hand.

"Mom, I'm OK." I tried to sound convincing. But this was the woman who had changed my diapers. The one who soothed my hurt feelings as a child and an adult and the one woman who could make me spill my guts with only a look. Thank goodness we were talking on the phone.

"You don't sound 'OK' and you certainly weren't 'OK' when your brother called in a panic claiming he'd broken you again." She paused to sigh, "Edward, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry I didn't call sooner but I…"

"I don't care about that son. Tell me what's wrong. You have me scared to death. Do you know how many times your father had to stop me from jumping in the car and driving down there?" The sound of motherly concern was loud and clear over the phone. I felt guilty for not calling her sooner.

"Five Edward. Five times. I'm your mother. You can tell me anything baby. Please." I sighed at the worry in her voice.

"She doesn't want me mom." I didn't even try to hide the whine in my voice.

"Who doesn't want you? What happened?"

I took a deep breath and gave her the condensed and G rated version of the horror film that was my life. I of course emitted the sex stuff; I mean c'mon I can't tell my mom that being with Bella was without a doubt the most sexually satisfying experience I'd ever had or that my dick still gets hard just thinking about her.

You don't tell moms that kind of stuff.

"Why would this girl not want to continue seeing you? What happened?"

How do I tell her that Taz told Bella I was a man whore and that my own brother stood there mute basically agreeing with Alice as she tore into me? How did I explain to my sweet mother that before Bella, I hadn't found someone I wanted to spend more than an hour with for the last four years and that I may not have been very discriminating with my affections during that time?

The short answer is you don't tell your mother that stuff.

"Um, she doesn't think I was being sincere with my feelings towards her." Hearing the words out loud made the empty pit in my stomach start to ache again.

"Were you being sincere?"

"Mom, yes of course. I never lied to her or anyone else." I was a little pissed that my mother felt the need to actually ask me that question. She was my mother for crap sakes! Wasn't she supposed to just believe me?

"OK. Then why would your cousin say something like that?" The silence hung on the line like a heavy wet blanket.

_Man up Cullen._ "Um, well I had a very brief relationship with a friend of hers that ended and Alice wasn't happy with it." No way was I going into anymore detail about Angela or that I also may have been with that girl from the dorms.

"If your cousin is saying things that aren't true than maybe I need to make a call to her mother." There was a cold edge to the sound of my mother's usual warm and welcoming tone. I could just imagine my petite mother fuming at her kitchen table as she thought about the injustice being inflicted on her child.

That's all I needed. My mommy calling Taz's mommy.

I sighed in frustration and gripped my phone tighter.

As much as I loved the fact my mom was willing to kick a little familial butt on my behalf, I didn't want her to call Taz and get the full story of what I'd done. I wasn't ashamed of my past, but I doubted my mother would feel the same.

_Think Cullen._ "Mom, please don't call them. The damage is already done. Bringing it up won't help anyone. Please." I injected a little whine into my voice hoping that she would take pity on her broken hearted son.

There were several seconds of silence before I heard her sigh softly. "Fine. But she better not look at me cross ways at Thanksgiving, and if your brother thinks for one minute I'm going to spend time making extra pies just for him, he has another thing coming. I don't know what he's done. But judging from that panicked phone call, he's carrying guilt around for something. You two may not be telling me exactly what's going on but that doesn't mean I have to sit around and do nothing." I laughed out loud. Emmett lived to eat and would be distraught when he discovered he'd have to share his pumpkin and French silk pie with the rest of us.

"Edward, there's more to this story than you're telling me."

"Mom." I whined, hoping she would drop it.

She sighed loudly this time. "I can only help if you let me and you're not telling me everything. So there's really nothing more I can do." I could hear the frustration in her voice and it hurt me to hear her so upset.

"Mom, thank you for caring and wanting to help but I think what I really need is a home cooked meal and a relaxing visit at home." I deflected hoping that she would let me off the hook before I spilled my guts and ended up a weeping mess huddled on the floor waiting for my mommy to come and fix everything with a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie and a glass of milk.

"Edward you come home and I'll fix you anything you want to eat, I'll do your laundry and I'll even allow you and your slobby brother to trash my house and clean out my refrigerator but know this my baby boy, I will ask questions and you will give me answers." She may have been one of the sweetest women on Earth, but the steely determination was thinly veiled in her statement.

I held in a groan. My mother didn't make idle threats. Once I was in her presence, I knew that I would answer any questions she asked. Do all moms have that kind of magic?

"Ok." I offered weakly, hanging my head in defeat. There was really nothing more I could say? Mom owned my ass.

"Goodbye my sweet boy. I love you. "

I smiled, "I love you too mom." I hung up feeling slightly better than when the call started. I still had no messages from Bella but at least my mom loved me.

_Yeah. Not the same thing._

After hanging up with my mom, I sat on the bed and took a couple deep breaths. I rolled my shoulders and popped my neck, attempting to release the tension and stress I'd been carrying around for weeks.

Looking around I took notice of the state of my clothing. I hated to admit it but Emmett was right. I looked like ass and smelled like the inside of one of his shoes. I dragged my ass off the bed and into the bathroom, making sure to plug in my phone. After all this time I was starting to lose a little faith that a call from her was imminent, but I wasn't willing to let my phone die and miss any chance I might have at hearing her voice again.

I ran my hand across my face, feeling the prickliness of the whiskers I'd allowed to grow on my face like a fungus over the last couple of weeks. The mirror revealed the ugly truth; I looked like Grizzly Adam's thinner cousin after a long hibernation. I reached in and started the shower, turning it all the way to the left for the highest heat setting.

The steam filled the room as I peeled off my soiled and smelly clothing. I swear the normally soft fabrics made a clunking sound as I dropped them to the floor.

I'd never paid much mind to the soaps my mom would send in her monthly care packages. But I was never more grateful for them as I scrubbed my body down with the dark blue scrubby/puffy thing. The manly scent of sandalwood filled the shower, replacing the assey smell I'd been sporting since the 'event'.

I scrubbed until the skin on my fingers began to shrivel, wishing I could erase the memory of her rejection as easily as I removed the stench of stale beer and take out food.

The face that looked back at me was much more recognizable after I shaved all of the fuzz off. But unfortunately, so were the dark circles under my eyes. They were reminiscent of the same circles I carried around after Tanya ripped my heart out. Sighing, I washed the last of the shaving cream from around my ear and rinsed out the sink. I gave up trying to tame my hair. I was long overdue for a haircut. Maybe mom would give it a trim over break?

I picked up my clothes and put them in the surprisingly empty hamper, I was glad that mom offered to do my laundry because quite frankly, the smell coming from the dirty wad of clothing was downright disgusting.

I grabbed my phone and padded over to my dresser hoping there was still some clean underwear stashed in there somewhere. I was elated and somewhat stunned to find the drawer contained clean and folded underwear. I pulled on a pair of dark gray boxer briefs and tossed the towel in the general direction of the bathroom. After donning a clean t-shirt and pair of jeans that were neatly hanging in my closet, I walked out into the living room.

The dishes I'd left littering the floor around my chair were gone. As were the empty beer bottles, pizza boxes and fast food bags I'd tossed to the floor after devouring whatever dubious nutrients they once held.

The spotless kitchen was another startling surprise. I expected to find a mountain of dirty dishes and decaying food. But instead was met with a drying rack full of clean dishes and clean neat counter tops. Even the garbage had been taken out.

What the hell was going on? If Emmett's duffel bag full of football gear wasn't shoved into the corner by the front door, I'd think I was in the wrong apartment.

I opened the stocked refrigerator and marveled at how each shelf was neatly organized and filled with fresh fruit, vegetables and other assorted foods and drinks. Astonished, I grabbed a water before gently closing the door.

Who had done all of this? It was usually me that kept us eating fresh food off clean plates. Had I been so out of it that I hadn't noticed Emmett hiring a maid?

After seeing the orderly state of our apartment, I figured the least I could do was try to clean up my bedroom. Unlike the rest of our place, the maid that I figured Emmett must be paying a fortune to clean up after us, hadn't made it into my room. Probably because with the exception of attending classes, I hadn't left my room and had basically been rolling around in my own filth for weeks doing my impression of a love sick pussy.

For what felt like the thousandth time, I checked my phone.

Nothing.

_Why wasn't she calling? Should I just go over to the apartment? What if Taz were there? What if I got over there and Bella refused to speak to me? Could I take her rejection again? _

I didn't think I could.

Pushing the heavy thoughts of Bella out of my mind, I wandered down the hallway and opened the door to my room. I cautiously stepped over the pile of text books that had haphazardly spilled out of my backpack and the shoes I'd toed off at the door.

The next thirty minutes passed quickly as I picked up discarded tissues, took my dirty dishes to the kitchen and emptied my garbage, leaving only my rumpled bed left to tidy.

My eyes closed tightly as visions of how Bella looked tangled up in my forest green sheets assaulted me. I sniffed the air expecting her scent to still linger.

It didn't.

But the memory of us together did. It clung to me like a second skin, a tight, suffocating and itchy skin.

After Emmett's admission and our subsequent fight complete with a nut check and appropriate bro-hug ending, I'd vowed to stop moping around like a love sick eunuch. My balls had taken a beating from the feet of the woman I wanted the most, but I still had them for fucks sake! And standing here with my nose twitching like a bunny on crack hoping to catch her scent on the stagnate air of my room, was not helping.

I walked away from my bed and headed into the bathroom, leaving the sheets and blankets to sit untouched in their disarray.

Setting my phone down on the cabinet, I got to work on cleaning my room and bathroom.

I'd scrubbed the tub, toilet and even had given the shower curtain a going over with the shower fresh spray when I heard the door to my room open. Hoping to catch the maid in action, I hurried out of my now sparkling and fresh smelling bathroom to find my goon of a brother standing at my dresser holding a full laundry basket in one hand and a stack of my clean underwear in the other.

"What the fuck Em?"

He dropped the basket in surprise and clutched his chest. "Jesus, Ed, you trying to give me a fucking heart attack?"

I ignored him and stooped down to pick up the underwear he'd dropped.

Our eyes met, I held up a pair of boxer briefs and cocked an eyebrow. He swiftly grabbed them out of my hand and returned to putting away my clean clothes.

"Are you going to explain why you're putting away my laundry or should I get you a pink apron and start calling you 'mom'?" I laughed.

Emmett glared at me before returning to his task.

I shook my head at the enigma that was my brother and sat down on my bed to wait for an explanation. I watched silently as he busied himself putting away various items of clothing in my dresser and closet.

Finally I'd had enough. "Emmett, what the hell is going on?" I demanded.

His shoulders slumped forward until he resembled a 300 pound, 6' 3'' hunchback. With his head hung low, he gently closed my closet door and joined me on the bed.

"You didn't hire a maid did you?" The pieces of the puzzle were slowly making sense to my befuddled brain.

He slowly shook his head 'no', still avoiding any eye contact.

"Why?" I didn't have to elaborate. He knew what I meant.

"I don't know how to fix you but I wanted to help and this is what I came up with." He shrugged.

The impact of what my pity party was having on my family fell on me like a ton of bricks.

My mother was so upset she was threatening to tattle to Taz's mother and I had my linebacker brother acting like fucking Mary Poppins.

I raked my hand over my eyes. "Emmett, I'm sorry. I never meant for you to have to take care of me like that." Emmett leaned over to set the basket down on the floor. Neither one of us could look at the other.

"It's ok I kinda felt like I owed you." I looked at him quizzically.

"You know for Tanya and Bella…" I opened my mouth to deny him but he held up his hand to stop me. "No Edward. I should have done something back then and I should've stopped Taz this time. I should never have just stood there and let Alice say those things. It wasn't fair and I'm so, so sorry. "

"It's ok." I offered weakly.

"No it's not!" The bed bounced as Emmett pounded his fist into the mattress.

"It's my job to watch out for my baby brother." I tried not to stiffen at being referred to as a baby for the second time today. "But dammit Edward, it's hard to take care of you. You've always been so strong. Even when you were little if anything got in your way you tackled it head on and kept going until you had whatever it was beat." His voice got lower, "That thing with Tanya…well that was bad. Real bad but you seemed to come back even stronger. I know now that it hurt you more than I thought. I feel so guilty for not stopping her before she and James hurt you like that. And now this thing with Bella has you …" He didn't have to continue. We both knew what he was alluding to; I'd been fighting the urge to throw myself into a dark hole for weeks. Evidently I wasn't doing a very good job of hiding it.

Silence filled the room. I didn't know what to say to him or anyone else. I'd been carrying around so much leftover shit from the beating I took from Tanya that I let it steer me into a direction that now I'm thinking maybe was not the best way for me to go.

But that was my problem.

It was time to let my brother off the hook and maybe myself as well. I wasn't stupid enough to think that when I woke up tomorrow I'd be back to being 'Cocky Cullen'. But I needed to start trying to just be Edward again. My feelings for Bella were so strong that the thought of going back to the guy I used to be, didn't appeal to me.

First things first.

"So handling my dirty underwear alleviates your guilt? Because if that's the case, I'm sure I've got some crusty undies and socks hiding under the bed with my porn stash, plus these sheets," I rubbed the fabric between my fingers, "they're pretty fucking gritty." I cringed at the feel of the dirty fabric between my fingers.

A smile appeared on Emmett's face. In my 'poor Edward' daze I didn't realize how much I'd missed the big goof's dimpled grin. "Dude, I draw the line at handling your nasty ass sheets. Wait, you've got a secret porn stash?" His eyes lit up with excitement at the thought of undiscovered porn.

I ignored his question. If there's one thing I learned living with Emmett all these years, it's you never share your porn with him. Because once he gets his hands on it…well lets just say you'll never want it back. "You won't wash my sheets but you'll handle the fabric that cradles my balls on a daily basis?"

"Hey, don't make it weird man."

"Too late." I joked. We looked at each other and started laughing. The sound echoed off the eggshell colored walls, filling the room with lightness that cut through the heavy fog I'd had hanging over my head for weeks.

It felt good.

Wiping a tear from his mirthful eyes, Emmett clapped me on the back and got up off the bed, grabbing the discarded laundry basket from the floor and headed towards the door.

"Hey," I called out to him. He stopped in the doorframe and looked back," Thanks Em." I said softly hoping my tone conveyed the very real feeling behind the words.

"No worries little bro, I figure it's the least I could do. Besides, you've been picking up after me for years."

"True. But I don't remember ever touching your crunchy undies."

"That's because the big dog goes commando." He arches his eyebrows and cups his junk.

"TMI Emmett! TMI!" I could hear his booming laughter echo down the hallway and despite what happened in that diner, I find myself joining in.

"Emmett Carlisle Cullen, if you open that oven door one more time, I'm going to bend you over me knee and send you to your room with a sore butt for the rest of the day!" For the third time this morning I hear the door to the oven slam shut and watched Emmett run out of the kitchen and plop down next to me on the couch.

"Mom says the turkey isn't done yet." Emmett announced to dad and me from his perch on the couch.

"Oh, is that what she said? Because it sounded more like she was threatening to beat your ass before banishing you to your room." I laughed at my giant baby of a brother as he pouts on the couch next to me.

"I just wanted to check on things. I don't know why she's so mad."

"Son, it's a damn good thing you're at school on a scholarship or else I'd be making a call and demanding my tuition money back."

Emmett crossed his arms over his chest and pouted like a surly three year old. Dad just shook his head and resumed reading the paper while I went back to watching the Macy's Day Parade.

_What? I can't like parades?_

"Edward, be a dear and set the table." Mom called from the kitchen.

"Oooh Eddie, can you fold my napkin into a turkey?" Emmett smirked as I got off the comfy leather couch. I gave his giant feet a swift kick on my way to the kitchen.

"I think we'll use Grandma Cullen's china this year." I nodded and got out the Royal Doulton dinnerware. Setting the table for holidays and special events had been my job since I was ten years old. Despite Emmett's teasing I enjoyed the task and took pride in setting a nice table.

I counted out the seven place settings needed for our family plus my aunt, uncle and Taz. I folded the napkins into turkey shapes. Yes. I knew how to do that. I could also fold them into hats, fans, tulips and swans.

_Swan. Bella…Fuck!_

I took a deep breath and rubbed my hand across my eyes. It still hurt like hell to think about her but at least I was functioning again.

I finished folding the orange napkins, taking special care with my brother's.

"Ma, Aunt Brenda is here!" I felt my shoulders tense at Emmett's booming announcement.

_Taz was here. _

"Emmett, no yelling in the house." Mom admonished.

"Edward, are you OK?" I unclenched my fists and nodded at mom as she walked past me on her way to the front door to greet her sister and family.

"Soon, son." She promised. I knew she meant that soon we'd be finishing our 'talk'.

Mom had been pretty busy with getting stuff ready for today but in between shopping, cleaning and cooking, she'd managed to get a few questions answered. She knew Bella's name, how I met her and well, I skipped over a few things at that point. When she'd asked what role Alice and Emmett had played in the whole thing I couldn't bring myself to tell her. But mom wasn't dumb; she knew that Bella and I had fought and that Alice had said some things that made it all worse. She just didn't know the particulars. And she'd promised to get the rest of the story, eventually.

I didn't know what was worse, having to endure a meal with Alice after she ruined my life or having to explain to my mother why her beloved niece believes her youngest son is a card carrying man whore.

I didn't have to think about it for long.

"Oh look, the napkins are folded into 'Swans'." Alice smirked gleefully as she sat down across from me.

"They're turkeys Alice. I would have thought that a fashion major would be able to tell the difference. Perhaps you shouldn't comment on things you know nothing about." Alice opened her mouth to fire off a retort, but the look from my mother shut her up.

_Thanks mom._

I took my seat next to Emmett, avoiding eye contact with Alice.

I have nothing to say to her that can be said in the presence of our parents. Instead I focus on Emmett who is eyeing the table, "Hey, my napkin looks like a hand giving me the finger. And why are there only two pies?"

"C'mon Edward, finals are over and football season is done. Let's go get our party on."

I'd just finished my last final of the semester and had planned on just chilling out at the apartment but my dancing fool of a brother had other ideas.

"Please Ed?" Emmett whined. "It'll just be us and Jasper."

My ears perked up at his mention of my long lost best friend. We'd spoken a couple of times but he couldn't contain his adoration for my pain in the ass cousin and I was unable to disguise my loathing. Needless to say, we didn't spend much time together anymore. Just one more relationship Taz ruined.

"Jasper agreed to go? Does he know I'll be there?"

"Yes, he knows." Emmett answered matter of factly, still dancing around like a spastic circus bear.

After having the 'talk' with mom, she'd made me see that while trying to fix things with Bella was a priority, I couldn't stop living my life while I waited for that chance .

Going out with Em and Jasper tonight was a step in that direction.

It was time to begin my walk. "OK. I'll go." Emmett did a couple of fist pumps and headed down the hallway, singing 'The Boys Are Back in Town' as he went.

"Why did we have to come here?" I grumped from the front seat of Em's ridiculous jeep.

"Because it's dollar draw night and their wings are killer." He grabbed his keys and slammed the door.

Rudy's was where I first caught Bella eye fucking me from across the crowded bar. It was under the neon glow of the giant 'Rudy's' parking lot sign that I pushed her up against my car and felt the softness of her skin, tasted her mouth and damn near embarrassed myself by making a mess in my jeans.

A knock on my window startled me. "You want me to get the door for you, princess, or can you make it on your own?"

The smirk was wiped right off Em's face when I wrenched open the door and pushed him back against the car.

I slammed the door and stomped across the lot towards the bar; leaving a stunned Emmett slouched against the car.

The thudding of Doc Martens on the asphalt alerted me to the rapid approach of my brother.

"Looks like we got a little of your fire back little bro!" He clapped me on the back laughing and opened the door to the lively bar.

I instantly regretted my outburst at the car; he was just trying to be funny and this whole 'boys night out' thing was his way of helping. I turned to apologize only to find Emmett hurriedly making his way across the crowded room towards the pool tables.

I could see Jasper waiting with a pitcher of beer and three glasses. I swallowed down my apology and ran after him.

"I told you I could get his mopey ass to come." Emmett boasted while pouring himself a beer.

"Yeah, Em, you told me."Jasper laughed.

I stood there mute not sure what to say to my best friend who is now in a relationship with my enemy. OK. Maybe she wasn't an enemy in the same sense that the Mongols viewed the Crusaders. _See? I paid attention in Western Civ._ But she was definitely not my friend and I wasn't sure how much of her apparent dislike of me had rubbed off on Jasper.

For the first time that I could remember, I was pissed at Jasper. He never uttered a word in my defense and seemed to believe the vitriol Taz was spewing. But I won't deny that I also missed the hell out of him. He was the calm to my storm. Always floating along in the aftermath of whatever I was doing with an understanding smile and soothing words. Where I was a hothead, Jasper was the epitome of composed.

"Hey Edward." Jasper nodded.

"Hey." I nodded back.

"You two gonna kiss and make up before the wings get here or do I have time to go take a leak before the hugging starts?" Emmett asked before downing a huge gulp of beer.

Jasper and I both started laughing as Emmett choked on his drink. We laughed and watched him spit and sputter before I finally reached over and patted him hard on the back.

"Were you fuckers just going to let me choke and die?" He finally coughed out.

"Personally I was hoping you'd wait to choke on your beer and die until after I beat your ass at darts a couple of times." I laughed as Emmett flipped me off and topped off his beer.

Jasper grabbed some pool cues and we spread out around the table and started a game of eight ball.

Two pitchers of beer later we were laughing and carrying on like the last couple of weeks never happened, except they did. But I refused to let that cloud shit all over the evening.

We were just about to start to rack the balls when we were interrupted, "Hey would you guys mind if my friends and I joined your game? There aren't any other tables available." The tall redhead turned and indicated the crowded room with a graceful sweep of her arm. I looked at Emmett and Jasper for guidance. Last month I would have given this tall drink of water a smooth line and a serious once over but now, well, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't interested in taking her home for some 'fun' but I couldn't lie and say that I wasn't in the mood for a little female attention. Even if it wasn't from the woman I desired.

My two partners in crime just shrugged at the girl's question as her two friends stood off to the side. "Please." The redhead pleaded. "We really had our heart set on playing a little pool." The brunette and blond nodded in agreement with their friend's plea.

With no guidance forthcoming from Em and Jasper, I decide to go ahead and let the girls play with us.

"Sure ladies, how does a friendly game of Cutthroat sound?" I reached around the brunette and start dividing the balls.

"Sounds great. I'm Virginia and that's Kim and Tracie." She pointed to the brunette and blond respectively.

Once the balls were racked, Jasper and Emmett found their own balls and started joking around with the girls, though I noticed they were very careful to keep their distance.

After several games of Cutthroat and Three Ball the atmosphere of the table had gotten increasingly _friendlier. _Jasper and Emmett had made it clear to the girls that they were taken but I had no such claim to make. Even though I wished I did. So while not actively encouraging the attention, I wasn't exactly pushing it away either.

"Damn girl, you better be careful or you'll be arrested for public indecency." Kim pointed out as Virginia leaned over the table giving me an unobstructed view of her ample cleavage. I could have looked away, but…well, it was right there.

"Like this Eddie?" Virginia asked. Inwardly I cringed at the use of the nickname but nodded. She took the shot but missed the ball.

"Oh, poop!" I laughed as she stomped her foot and pouted. I marveled at how I used to think that was cute but now saw it for what it was, annoying. She moved in close to me and laid her arm across my back and leaning in close to breath in my ear, "I may need you to give me some private lessons." I ignored her theatrics and took my shot, sinking one of Kim's balls.

"Edward, now I'm out." Kim exclaimed and stumbled back, spilling her beer on Jasper's shoes.

"Oops, sorry Jazzy." Kim giggled, covering her mouth coquettishly, batting her eyes at my clearly uninterested friend.

"No one calls him 'Jazzy' but me, bitch!"

I froze at the sound of my cousin's enraged voice. If she was here did that mean…

"Bella!"

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><p><strong>AN** Have you ever been writing a story and you have it all planned out in your head only to have your beta return the chapter and ask, "You realize this doesn't make any sense right?" So, after three re-writes she finally gave me the go ahead to post. I hope you like it.

Drop me a line and let me know if I got it right. Thanks so much for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

All of the responses from the last chapter blew me away! I cannot thank you all enough for taking the time to leave me a review. All of your kind words and encouragement really made me feel great! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Big hugs and kisses to my beautiful Beta, Mullet86. She pushes, encourages and holds my hand when I need it. She's a treasure and I'm grateful to call her my friend.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyers not me. But I own a clothes dryer that's making a loud clunking noise when I use it. Damnit! She wins again!

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><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

**Chapter 15**

_Never say goodbye when you still want to try. Never give up when you feel you can still take it. Never say you don't love that person anymore when you can't let go._

_-Anonymous_

"Get your hands off my man bitch!" Rosalie's voice carried across the room. Behind me, I heard Emmett mutter "Oh shit" but my eyes were focused on the brunette standing in front of me.

I took a deep breath as the impact of seeing her in the flesh rather than in the inadequate snippets of her beauty that played in my mind constantly, hit me with the force of a typhoon.

"Bella." I breathed her name out slowly, her appearance both startling and exciting me.

Her eyes flashed and locked with mine, her chest heaved. For a moment I could've sworn that she was feeling the same type of longing that had been gnawing at me for weeks.

Before I had a chance to even get close enough to touch her, a shrill voice rang out, "What the hell is going on here?" Alice demanded. Her eyes were narrowed on the brunette that was now standing next to Jasper.

"Nothing but a friendly game of pool." Emmett pleaded to a very pissed off looking Rosalie and Jasper looked like he might throw up. Kim must have noticed the green tinge to his skin and the glossiness of his eyes because she quickly moved a couple steps to the side, out of splatter range.

"It looks like a very friendly game." Bella offered, her chocolate brown eyes were now trained on my shoulder where Veronica, Violet, whatever the fuck her name's blood red nails were clenched into a claw on my shoulder. I quickly brushed her hand off me and moved forward, wanting to separate myself a little further from the redhead that was trying to stake some sort of false claim on me.

"Bella..." I stammered. After all this time, after waiting weeks for a chance to talk to her, all I could say was her name? _What a fucking moron._

Alice was in a heated discussion with Jasper. My cousin and best friend were speaking quite animatedly. Taz's little arms were flailing accusingly and Jasper just kept nodding and blinking like a duly chastised puppy.

Poor bastard. He was totally whipped.

Jasper may have already handed his balls off to Taz, and as much as it seemed like I'd lost mine, I still had them and it was about time that I fucking used them.

"Bella, we need to talk." I moved quickly to try to touch her arm, only to have Bella move back a step as I moved forward. She shuffled closer to Alice like she needed protection from me or something.

"I think your little 'friendly game' says it all." Alice sneered from her place next to my girl. My hands clenched as Bella frowned and shifted her eyes away from mine. Jasper stood silently with his fists clenched.

_What a crock of shit._

Tearing my eyes from Bella, I confronted my fucking annoying little cousin, "Shut up Taz. You don't know what the hell you're talking about, as usual." I sneered.

Alice opened her mouth only to be shushed by Emmett. "Seriously Alice, stop."

"Are you defending him now?" Our cousin accused. Her eyes were wide in surprise at Edward's admonishment.

_Ha! How does it feel to not have everyone follow you blindly?_

"I should have done it a long time ago." He nodded at me. I nodded back. It was nice to know I had my brother back on my side.

"What the hell is going on? You're going to defend this scum?" Rosalie pointed to me with one of her overly long red nails.

"He's not scum, he's my brother and you don't know all of the facts Rosie." He went to put his arm around her, but she shrugged him off with a glare and went to stand by Taz and Bella. Emmett's head hung down for a minute before taking a deep breath and walking to stand by me.

"Thanks Em." He was choosing me over Rose and I appreciated the stand he was taking on my behalf. He knew that Rosalie was going to give him hell for it but 'bros before hoes' right?

"It's about time, right?" He gave me a small smile and held his fist out for me to bump. I gently bumped his offered knuckle.

"Well, isn't that cute. But it doesn't change anything." Alice glared and put her hands on her hips. "Edward just had his latest conquest draped all over him."

I'd had enough of her damn accusations. "She wasn't a fucking conquest Alice; it was just a game of pool. Tell her..." I turned towards the redhead and her friends, wanting them to confirm my story, only to find them gone. I didn't blame them for wanting to get as far away from this shit show as possible. But damnit, I could have used their fucking help. Especially with Bella looking at me with such disgust reflected in her eyes.

"She left Edward, which is exactly what I'm going to do. I'll see you guys at home." Alice patted Bella on the back with a sickening look of understanding as she moved around her to leave.

Bella passed me close enough that our hands brushed. My heart skipped a beat. My body yearned to have her close. I knew what had to happen.

We needed to talk, right now.

Without the fucking audience.

I turned to follow my girl.

I could hear Alice and Rose start to put up a fight about me following her, but my boys stepped in and took care of things. I could hear Jasper say something to Taz. From the stern sound of his voice, it sounded as if he may have found his balls again. But I didn't turn around to find out.

I had more important things to do. Jasper's balls would have to wait.

I picked up the pace to catch up with my girl.

It was live music night at Rudy's. The music blaring through the speakers was loud and harsh. All I wanted to do was talk to my girl but I could barely keep up with her as she wove through the crowded bar. With it being the end of finals week, the place was packed with students blowing off steam and looking for a good start to the holiday break. I got caught in a huge snarl of people all in line for the restrooms.

"Fuck." I swore as I lost sight of Bella in the crowd.

"Aww don't be sad handsome. Join me in a drink and maybe I can make things all better." I looked down and cringed as a fake blond stepped in my path and ran her fake nails up my arm. The dim light in the bar was supposed to make people look more alluring. You know, hide imperfections. And make you want to lean in close to stare into their eyes or in my case leer at their tits, forgetting that you're both there just looking for a nights hook up.

But I was no longer interested in that kind scenario. I was unaffected by the lighting tricks. I could clearly see the dark roots she tried to cover with bleach.

"I don't think so." I tried to push past her; I could feel her fake nails give with the pressure she was applying to my arm, holding me captive. _Damn, the bitch was strong._

"Why not? You're here, I'm here. What else do you need?" She plastered what I'm sure she thought was a seductive pout on her bright red lips and stuck her overly inflated chest out.

I didn't even bother to stifle my laughter at her ridiculous question, "Um, maybe I prefer natural brunettes with deep brown soulful eyes and luscious natural curves." I leaned in close, trying not to gag as the stench of her drugstore Britney Spears perfume filled my nostrils. "And I'm not interested in sticking my dick in a bleach bottle blond, vapid slut with fake tits." _Too harsh?_

"You're an asshole!" She sputtered. Indignation flashed in her heavily made up eyes.

"No honey, I've just experienced the taste of a real woman and I now find your flavor lacking." _Ok, that was harsh, but damnit, she wouldn't move and Bella was getting farther and farther away._

Without waiting for her feeble mind to catch up and process what I'd said, I roughly pushed past her to continue the chase.

My tunnel vision was in full force, I heard the insults and names they were yelling at me as I trampled them in my quest to get through the door and Bella. But I didn't give a shit. I continued pushing my way through the crowd.

The cold, damp air hit me like a mule kick to the chest. I took in a lungful, it was strangely invigorating. The burn reminded of the night I'd first found her.

The air that night was cool and crisp as I pulled her across the parking lot. I remembered how she shivered when the wind picked up and how her skin puckered with goose pimples when I pushed her up against my car so I could manhandle her ass.

My mouth curled into a smirk as I remembered how delightful that night ended up.

I searched the lot for any sign of her. A shrill whistle rang out from the direction of the lot's entrance. I ran towards it, passing Em's enormous Jeep and rounded the corner of the building.

There she was.

The cab she'd whistled for was slowing to a stop at the curb in front of her.

No fucking way was I going to allow her to get into that cab and run from me again.

"Sorry buddy, false alarm." I came up behind her and shut the door, trying to send him on his way.

"Wait!" She yelled at the driver and went to open the door again. I kept my hand on the frame, halting any chance she had of getting it open.

"Damnit Edward, move your hand." She pulled at my fingers roughly. I smiled at her touch.

I'd gone too long without it.

"Bella, we need to talk." I moved closer into her, my hand still firmly on the cab door.

"No. I _need_ to go and you _need _to move your damn hand." She grabbed my arm and tugged. Her lips flattened out into a grimace as she fought me.

_Fuck she was cute when she got feisty. _

"Baby, stop. You'll hurt yourself. I'm not letting you get in that cab." I grabbed her hand and felt the familiar zing of our skin to skin connection.

She felt it too. Her eyes widened and quickly pulled her hand out of my grasp. She took a step back from me and the cab.

I smiled and advanced again. She took another step back. Another couple of steps and I'd have her backed up against the Jeep.

_Right where I wanted her. Well, not exactly where I wanted her. I would prefer her in my bed, under me. But I'd take what I could get. For now. _

"Stop following me. I just want to go home!" Her voice was shrill, almost as if she were losing control.

_Time to make my move. _

"I'll take you home." I didn't have a car here but I knew where Emmet's hide a key was. He could walk home. I had things to fix.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." Her eyes were wide in defiance but her hand shook as I once again grabbed it and held it soothingly within my own.

"Hey, you two gonna stop dancing anytime soon? I got other fares!" The driver's angry demand rang out into the empty parking lot. Bella and I both turned towards the cab.

Bella's mouth opened to speak; I dropped her hand and moved in front of her, "Go ahead." I waved dismissively towards the white car. He made an angry hand motion and drove off. Bella pushed me away and watched the cab disappear into the night.

"You know I'll just call another one."

"No, you won't" I reached over and took her phone out of her hand.

"Give it back Edward." She quickly reached for it but I held it higher out of her reach.

"Not until you listen to me."

"You have nothing to say that I want to hear." She spat at me, standing on her tip toes trying in vain to grab the phone.

Her shirt and jacket lifted with her efforts, revealing a thin strip of what I knew to be softly scented skin. My fingers uncurled and reached out to touch what I've been longing to lay claim to again.

With a strong resolve that I didn't know I even possessed, I forced my hand to remain at my sides, clenched into tight fists.

I was damn tired of her and me going around in circles and really fucking tired of doing it in parking lots. "How about the truth?" I spat back.

We stood silently in the dark, staring at each other. Her chest was heaving with her anger. I was mad too, but couldn't stop the smirk from appearing on my face as I leered at her boobs.

"Jesus, Edward, what the hell is wrong with you?" Bella glared and crossed her arms over her chest, hiding what I was so greedily enjoying.

I smirked at her irritation, "Sorry sweetheart, they're just so damn pretty." She frowned as I moved forward, finally succeeding in pushing her up against the side of Em's Jeep. I put my arms on either side of her, effectively trapping her in place. Certainly not the most chivalrous of moves, but I wasn't competing for the 'White Knight' award. I just wanted her to listen to me.

"Move Edward, let me go." She tried to push me away with her tiny hands. God, I loved having her hands on me but as much as I wanted to grab her and kiss the lips right off her face, I knew we had to talk. Or rather, she needed to listen to me talk.

"Bella, you need to listen to me."

"No I don't. Alice told me everything I need to hear about you." She looked to the side, avoiding my eyes.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"What?" She demanded stubbornly.

"You're willing to listen to someone that doesn't even really know me over what you know is true? Silence. She just stood there and glared at me. "What Taz has told you is her version of my history and has nothing to do with how I feel about you."

"She told me that you slept with her best friend from high school and then never called her again."

"That's not exactly what happened. But it's not my tale to tell." I hedged, not wanting to reveal the tale without first having the chance to explain who I used to be.

"So you didn't sleep with her best friend?" She challenged.

"That's not what I said. I said that..."

"Ah ha! She declared. You can't deny it!" This time when she pushed, I fell back a step.

We stood staring at each other, eyes blazing and chests heaving. Slowly, her face tilted into a slight smirk. God she looked sexy.

_Damnit Cullen stand your fucking ground. Don't be swayed by a fucking smirk! But it's so sexy. If you let her walk away, you'll lose her forever!_

That did it. I squared my shoulders and leaned back into her. "What happened _before_ I met you should have no bearing on our _current_ relationship."

"Are you kidding me? It points to your character." She countered snottily.

_My character?_

"My character? Fuck Bella, have I mistreated you in any way?" Her silence is my answer. I know that my actions concerning her were nothing but honest and she knew it too. I needed her to admit that what we had together was real and that she wanted to pursue a future with me.

I lifted her chin to stare into her eyes. "In our time together, what has led you to believe that you need to be questioning my character or my history for that matter?" Bella lowered her eyes and began to worry her bottom lip. I licked my lips as I remembered how soft her lips felt as they'd glided with mine.

The wind whipped around us and Bella shivered as it hit her exposed skin. I longed to hold her in my arms, but I needed her to admit that we had something special together, something we both wanted back before I would give into my need to hold her. Instead I consoled myself with taking her face into my hands and lifting her eyes back to mine. "I had a history before you, " I stated, gently rubbing my thumbs alongside her cheeks, revelling in the fact that I was once again touching my girl's soft, soft skin. "I can't and won't deny that. But you can't listen to one version of my supposed history and take it as gospel." I was speaking from the heart; I only hoped that she could hear it.

"Bella, you can't deny that we both felt a strong connection." She lowered her eyes to the ground. " No! Look at me." I demanded and her eyes snapped back up to mine.

"Can you honestly say that you never want to see me again? Tell me you're willing to walk away from me forever? Tell me that you're going to walk away from the chance we may have something special and sustainable?" I let go of her face and took a step back. I couldn't stay connected to her when I spoke next. "If you can tell me honestly that you don't want me, then I'll drive you home and never contact you again." I put my hands in my pockets so I wasn't tempted to reach out and run my hands all over her beautiful body. I knew that if I touched her again and she decided that she didn't want me, I wouldn't be able to stand the pain of letting her go. So like the whipped pussy I'd accused Jasper of being not 30 minutes ago, I stood there with my hands tightly clenched and safely entombed in my jeans pockets.

Her silence was deafening. I couldn't believe the emotions that were running through my body. I felt like I'd stuck my finger in a light socket. The feeling was nothing like the ones I'd experienced when we'd kissed, touched or the spine jolting, euphoria that overcame me when I was buried inside her.

No. This felt like pain. And this pain hurt.

_It fucking hurt a lot! _

I was just about to give up hope and text Emmett to come and take her home when she spoke.

"What do you want from me?" Her voice was shaky with emotion; it made my heart soar with hope. Because where there was emotion, there were deep feelings.

"Baby, all I want is my chance to explain. Please." I pleaded and placed my shaking hands once again on her beautiful face.

She sighed and looked off to the side again. I kept my hands on her face, unwilling to break contact for even a minute. I think I may have even held my breath; I was so intent to not break the moment with a loud intake of air as I waited for her answer.

A million thoughts ran through my head. What would I do if she decided she could walk away from me? Would I fall back to my old ways, finding random women to spend brief moments of sexual pleasure with, knowing that once we were done, I'd leave her to spend the rest of the night in my empty bed lamenting over the woman I loved who didn't love me? Or would I buckle down in school, throw myself into my career, foregoing any chance at having a family or a halfway serious relationship because my heart refused to give itself to anyone besides the woman standing before me?

_I'd probably end up living in Emmett's basement with 15 fucking cats or some shit like that._

Bella sighed and licked her lips. I held my breath in anticipation of her answer. "If I do this, if I let you explain, will you promise to tell me the whole truth?" Her eyes were intense as they looked into mine. Here it was. She was giving me my chance to fix this mess.

I stared back and let out the breath I was holding, "I promise." My voice cracked like a 15 year old watching his first porn.

"Ok."

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><p>Leave me a review and let me know what you think about the developments. I can't wait to hear your thoughts.<p>

Thank you for reading!

ruinedbyrob


	16. Chapter 16

**SM owns Twilight but this little drama belongs to me.**

**Many thanks to my beta, Mullet86. I really couldn't do this without her.**

**Many thanks to all of you who have reviewed. I tried to reply to all of them but I did find a couple that were marked 'Anonymous'. I can't reply to those reviews. But I did read them and I appreciate you taking the time to leave me your thoughts. **

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><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

Chapter 16

"Hey, you want to order a pizza or something?" Emmett's question boomed through my open bathroom door. Grimacing, I cinched up the towel around my waist and peeked around the corner.

"I can't Em, I've got someplace to be tonight." I tried to duck back quickly into the still warm bathroom without giving him anymore information. I should have known I wasn't going to get away with it.

The steam swirled around his hulking frame as he barreled into the room. "What do you mean you have somewhere to be? And why are you shaved and getting all GQ'd up?" He motioned to the aftershave and hair gel sitting out on the counter. "I thought you and Bella were still just talking." His question hung in the air as thick as the opaque cloud left over from my shower.

He was partially right. We were talking. _Thank fuck!_

After our conversation at Rudy's, I stole Em's jeep and drove her home fully prepared to lay everything out. But Bella was leaving the next morning to go home for Christmas break. She'd planned to be gone the full three weeks so she suggested that we table the 'discussion' until she was back. Needless to say I was not on board with that plan at all. I wanted to get everything out in the open so we could move forward. But Bella decided that it would be better to wait. She wanted to get her mind clear of all the misinformation that Taz had filled her head with. To say I was disappointed was the understatement of the century. It must have showed on my face because before she jumped out of the jeep like her beautiful ass was on fire, Bella gave me her number and told me that we could text each other throughout the break. She wanted us to get know each other a little bit without any outside influences.

She threw me a bone and I jumped on it like Emmett on a Thanksgiving pie.

For three glorious weeks we texted back and forth like a bunch of 14 year old girls. Thank God my data plan was unlimited because I must've sent her over 300 messages. For the most part we stayed away from anything heavy, mainly sticking to our tastes in music, movies, books and our families.

We had distinct differences when it came to literature. Bella preferred the classics where I was all about international intrigue and a good spy story. Give me a good Ludlum or Dan Brown and I was a happy camper. Thankfully our music tastes aligned. If she was a boy band follower or God forbid a Bieber head, I'd have to work overtime on her musical re-education. Luckily she was into the driving beats of Linkin Park and Muse. She wasn't as versed in the dulcet tones of Ray LaMontagne or the innovative and smoothness of Van Morrison as I was. But we'd work on that.

I learned that Bella was an only child and a product of divorce. She envied me for having a brother and I envied that she never had to share a bunk bed with a flatulent twelve year old Emmett. She giggled when I'd tell her stories from our childhood. I began to worry that the woman I was irrevocably entwined with might have sadistic tendencies when she laughed hysterically as I told her about the time Emmett locked me in a closet for two hours so he could make out with our 14 year old babysitter. Mom didn't think that at 13 Em was mature enough to watch his 11 year old brother for the evening. She was right of course. But what she didn't realize that while at 11 years old, I was loads more emotionally and mentally mature than my big brother, sexual maturity hit her first born right between the legs, bypassing his brain completely and landing Sandy, the neighbor girl on her back on mom's 'special occasion' couch while I screamed my lungs out in the dark and spooky hall closet.

Bella thought it was cute that to this day I removed all locks from closet doors. I was not amused but let it go because she didn't laugh when I told her I still had my first bear, 'Emerson' tucked away in my dresser. Now, that's not a fact that the old Edward would have revealed. But the new Edward was interested in far more than her cup size so I was willing to reveal a little of my 'softer side'.

To my utter surprise I also found out that Bella had moved from her mother's in Phoenix to Forks her senior year of high school. Which was fucking ironic because if I'd been born a year earlier or her a year later, we would've been in the same class. Who knows? We could've fallen in love then and been together for the last two and a half year, avoiding all the misery of the last four months. She knew Alice from school but they hadn't been close until finding each other again at UW their freshman year. If my parents had stayed in Forks instead of moving to Port Angeles after Em and I graduated, our paths most assuredly would have crossed, as Forks is about as big as a postage stamp. But once again, the fates decided to fuck me and I had to wait until now to find the other half of my heart.

"I'm happy for you, man. I mean it's time you get your chance for something good. I just wish Rosie was as willing to give me a chance." I watched his shoulders slump and his smile disappear. Rose had punished him for defending me by not talking to him and it was really wearing on the big man. I wanted to tell him to forget the bitch and that he could do so much better. But when I caught him crying in the den on Christmas Eve after another failed attempt to get her to answer his calls I knew that despite my feelings for her, I would do whatever I could to get her to at least speak with him.

Of course that would be after Bella and I were on solid ground. _I had priorities._

I twisted the cap back onto the aftershave bottle and closed the mirrored cabinet. "Em, I'm sorry about all that. I'm sure that she'll…" He lifted his hand up to stop me.

"No, it's Ok. If she's going to dump me for doing what's right…I mean fuck man, you're my blood and I owe you a little understanding. They all do. If that's really who she is, then maybe I was wrong about her. " I could hear the grief in his voice. Despite what he'd just said, I knew my brother was in love with that girl and giving her up like that wouldn't be an easy task.

"So, you and Bella are finally going to move past a third grader level in this relationship?" I shook my head at his wiggling eyebrows. "Maybe she'll actually let you touch her boob. Poor Eddie, I bet your right hand is hoping for a little help after all of the overtime you've been subjecting it too." He smirked as he pantomimed jerking off.

I threw a hand towel at him as he sauntered, giggling out of the room. How like my brother to move away from his own heartache by teasing me about my self-imposed 'solo' work. He wasn't wrong about my arm. Ever since I'd decided that Bella was the only one for me, my right hand had developed quite the kung-fu grip. In fact, my shirt sleeves seemed to strain a little over my right bicep and forearm.

With any luck at all I wouldn't be playing my own trumpet for much longer.

I dropped the towel into the hamper and headed for my closet. I quickly pulled on a fresh pair of boxer briefs and selected some neatly folded black button flies off the shelf. Since Bella had given me a glimmer of hope that we may actually get to have a relationship, I'd dug myself out of the deep well of despair I was floating in and channeled my energies into not being such a slob. My clothes were clean, folded and put away. The apartment was vacuumed, dusted and had the light scent of a sandalwood and musk potpourri wafting throughout. I no longer had various bits of discarded food strewn all over the floor and had even succeeded in keeping Emmett picking up after himself too. As long as I kept a fresh supply of beer, chips and other snack foods stocked, Emmett was easy to keep motivated.

Besides, channeling Martha Stewart kept my mind off the fact that I hadn't gotten laid in nearly four months. _Four fucking months! It might as well be four years._

_Shit! _A glance at the bedside clock alerted me to the fact that I was running behind. Grabbing a heather grey thermal, a blue button down and my comfortably worn in Thad Upton's, I quickly finished dressing and headed out.

Even the sad and frightening sight of my big brother huddled alone in front of the TV with a greasy all meat pizza in one hand and a game controller for Halo 4 in the other couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I wasn't an unfeeling asshole. Seeing him like that hurt, and I would help him deal with it, just as soon as I got my own shit back on track.

I waved goodbye to my depressed brother and left.

A feeling of trepidation came over me as I pulled into the parking lot of the scene of the crime.

The diner.

Bella chose this meeting place. I wanted to meet her at her house, or my house, or the nearest hotel. But Bella thought we should meet somewhere without a bed or a couch or really any surface that we could have sex on. She wanted to make sure we got the chance to talk without the possible interference of our family or friends and where we could avoid the compulsion to fuck like bunnies. I snorted when she'd said that. At this point I would've let her ride me on a swing set in a children's playground if it meant I could hold her again. But she'd insisted.

Damn her for being logical.

School started back up in two days so most of the students were back in town getting ready for the start of a new semester. The diner was bustling. I wondered briefly if Bella and I would even be able to find a free table.

"Welcome to Cope's Diner. How many?"

"Two please." I smiled at the hostess and followed her to a booth.

"Can I get you something to drink while you wait?" I nodded and ordered an iced tea. They served liquor here but I wanted to keep a clear head. We were going to get this out in the open tonight and I wanted no outside influences.

I tried really hard to not stare across the room at the booth where everything had started to fall apart. But it was really fucking hard. If I had just driven through the damn drive thru at McDonald's after leaving Bella's, maybe I could have avoided the shit show that had played out. But no. She'd broken off a piece of my heart with her earlier declaration. So I'd gone somewhere I felt comfortable.

Cope's diner used to be my haven. I could always count on the head chef, Laurent to provide a greasy stomach settling breakfast after a night of drinking and…I wasn't going to think about the 'and' part of my life, because that part was over. I was a one woman man and Cope's was now just a place.

I thanked the waitress as she set down my tea and grabbed a packet of Truvia.

"My name is Bree and I'll be serving you tonight. Would you like to order an appetizer, our onion rings are world famous." She offered. I wanted to tell that she was preaching to the choir about the rings. Next to the stuffed French toast, I loved those hand cut and fried circles of goodness the most. But onion breath would not be welcomed if the evening ended the way I hoped it would.

"No thanks. I'll just wait until my girl gets here to order."

"Ok. I'll check back." I nodded in thanks as she hurried off to check her other tables. I was damn glad she wasn't one of those flirty waitresses. I was in no mood to deal with that kind of bullshit tonight.

My fingers drummed impatiently against the table top. I glanced at my watch, Bella and I had agreed to meet at 6:30. She was fifteen minutes late. I hoped she hadn't changed her mind. A quick check of my phone showed no missed calls or texts.

_What if something had happened to her? _

Maybe she had a flat tire.

I should call her.

My heart stuttered at the thought of my tiny little Bella alone on the side of the road trying to change an enormous tire by herself. It clenched even more at the thought of some greasy haired low life stopping with the pretense of helping her but ending up ogling her butt or coping a feel while 'reaching' for a tire iron or some other shit..

I definitely need to call!

Wait.

What if Taz opened her big mouth and more bullshit came out about me? What if instead of sitting on the side of the road with a flat tire waiting for some crazy kidnap pit in the basement fucker to show up she's actually listening to Alice spew more hateful shit about me?

What if she believes it?

Fuck! I should definitely call her.

I grabbed my phone and started to dial when the scent of honey and ginger wafted through the air. My back straightened, I turned to my right and saw the most beautiful sight in the world standing beside the table.

"Bella" I breathed out. My vision of perfection smiled shyly and moved to get into the seat across from me. I watched silently as she shrugged out of her coat and other winter garb.

"Hi." Her voice caressed my ears like a velvet mitten.

"Hi." I mentally cringed at the high octave of my voice. The embarrassment faded quickly as my adolescent sounding squeal earned another smile from Bella.

I went to reach across the table to grab her hand, needing to feel the soft texture of her skin again but was interrupted by the waitress. I grudgingly pulled my hand back.

"Good evening Miss, can I get you anything to drink?"

"Um, yeah I'll have whatever he's having." She nodded towards my empty tea glass.

"Great," She scribbled the order down on her pad. "Are you ready to order?" I hadn't even looked at my menu yet but already knew what I wanted. Bella quickly glanced down at her menu. I watched her eyes get big as she looked at all of the choices. Laurent was known to dabble in lots of food mediums. You'd find everything from chicken nachos to beef wellington.

Chuckling, I reached across and grabbed her hand, "They have the best bacon guacamole cheeseburgers and steak fries in the state."

Bella smiled at me in relief, "That sounds great, I'll take mine on a wheat bun, medium." She folded up the menu and sat it down in front of her.

Bree nodded and looked to me, "And you sir?"

"I'll take mine on wheat with pepper jack cheese, medium."

"Alright, I'll get that right in for you and get your drinks." Without further adieu, Bree grabbed our menus my empty glass and rushed off.

Bella followed her retreating form before turning back to me. "Wow, she didn't even try to flirt with you. You must be losing your touch." She softly teased.

That's just it. I knew Bella was teasing but I also knew that there was a little piece of her that wasn't. It hadn't escaped my notice that the attention I received from other females didn't really help my situation when it came to our relationship.

I decided to dispel her fears once and for all. "Oh, I haven't lost my touch at all." I squeezed her hand and looked deeply into her eyes. "She just has the good sense to see that I'm taken and that any flirting on her part would be futile." Bella's lips parted slightly and her eyes widened. I watched with delight as her cheeks quickly pinked up with her blush.

We sat there making what Emmett would term as 'googly eyes' at each other until Bree's return with our drinks and meals necessitated me giving up her hand.

Silence fell over the table as we dove into our burgers. I'd never really watched a woman eat before. I'd never thought about how sexy the act of eating really was.

Or at least it was when it was Bella doing the eating.

I stared at her hands as they cradled the giant burger and brought it up to her plump, pouty mouth to take a big bite. My own burger was being mangled from the clenching of my fists as I watched Bella's eyes roll back in burger euphoria.

"Damn girl." I leaned forward to adjust the pressure in my pants and suppressed a groan as I watched her tongue dart out to lick the drop of guacamole that was hanging out in the corner of her perfect mouth.

"Oh. Sorry." Bella's face flushed pink.

_Shit! _I hadn't done a good job with the suppressing. But then again, who could with full frontal food porn playing out right in front of them?

Smiling, she reached across the table and grabbed a napkin out of the gleaming metal holder to demurely wipe her mouth. Not as arousing as watching her tongue do the job but still hot.

It took willpower, but I took my eyes off her and started attacking my own burger.

_Damn! I'd forgotten how fucking good these things were._

Sauce started dripping down my hands. Not wanting to let one drop of this deliciousness to get away from me, I proceeded to lick my fingers.

"Ugh" My head shot up at the sound of her groan to find Bella's eyes locked onto my mouth and hands. She quickly lowered her head and focused back onto her plate.

But it was too late.

So it looks like my girl is just as affected by food porn as I am.

I can work with this.

I waited until she finished hiding and once again raised her head, then I made a big show of dipping a couple of fries in ketchup and slowly raising them to my mouth. I chewed slowly, licking the ketchup off my fingers and watched Bella shift uncomfortable in her seat while she stared at my mouth.

"See something you like?" I smirked and raised an eyebrow.

Her eyes narrowed as she realized that I was playing with her.

A tiny smile played on her mouth as she non-commitaly shrugged and leaned over to take a long, slow drink from the straw in her glass.

I'd had women on their knees for me more times than I could count, but all memories of those women and their mouths disappeared as I watched Bella's mouth work that straw.

I was fucking transfixed as her cheeks hollowed out when she sucked the iced, amber colored liquid into her warm, red mouth.

_Fuck me! _

"Hmm, I could ask you the same thing." Her eyes were playful as she threw my earlier smirk right back in my face.

I threw my head back and laughed. This girl was amazing. Not only did she have me tied in knots over the way I felt about her but she was able to throw my cocky attitude right back at me.

"You got me." She chuckled at my declaration and went back to eating her burger. Thankfully we finished eating without anymore overly sexual overtones. I wondered if I would ever be able to watch this woman do anything without it eliciting a desire to throw her down on the nearest surface and pleasure her until she screamed my name. My girl was sexy as hell.

Declaring herself stuffed, Bella pushed her plate away and leaned back in her seat. I chuckled and finished my fries. I loved that there was only about a quarter of her burger left. These things were monstrous and it was a feat for me to finish one and all of my fries. I loved that she was almost able to keep up with me. I hated watching a woman pick and prod at her food only to eat the smallest portion and declare herself full, all in the name of vanity. A woman with a healthy appetite was a huge turn on for me.

With both of our meals finished, the silence got thicker as the realization that time for the conversation we were here to have was creeping steadily closer.

We needed to have this conversation if we were ever going to be able to move forward in our relationship.

And I really wanted to move fucking forward.

"Bella," Her eyes shot up to mine. "Are you ready to talk?"

She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by Bree asking if we were going to be ordering dessert. I chuckled at Bella's horrified expression and head shake at the prospect of more food. I declined and Bree took our plates away. During our meal, things had quieted down at the diner so I didn't feel bad about taking up space for our talk.

"Bella" I started again, "I know that you've heard some awful things about me from Taz. " She opened her mouth to speak. I can only guess to defend her friend. But I was going to have my say first. I held up my hand to stop her. "But you haven't heard everything and you certainly haven't heard the truth."

She nodded so I continued. "First, everything I told you about my feelings were true." I watched her take a deep breath and begin to fiddle with the edge of a paper napkin.

I took a moment to get my thoughts in order. Do I start with my history or do I work up to that? I decided to just jump in.

"I won't lie to you and deny that I have, in the past been a guy that took what was offered whenever it was offered. But I never used those women." Bella stopped playing with the paper and looked at me, doubt shone in her eyes. "No, really. I was always very upfront with them. They knew that I wasn't looking for a relationship. I never promised them anything."

"So just because you didn't promise them undying love, means you didn't use them?"

_Ouch. There was a little bite to her voice. _

"Yeah." What the hell else would it mean?

Her eyes narrowed, "Really? You honestly think that every one of those girls walked away feeling good?

"Hell yes they did!" I was fucking offended that she thought I would leave any of them unsatisfied. We'd been together. She knew that I was very thorough. Maybe she needed reminding. "You can't deny that you walked away feeling good. You even had a little trouble walking if memory serves me correctly."

_Ha! Deny that Miss Swan. Point to me. _

I leaned back into the seat feeling pretty good. Unfortunately, the look on Bella's face made me think I wouldn't be enjoying myself for much longer.

She leaned forward until her elbows rested on the table. The torn napkin lay forgotten in front of her.

"You arrogant prick!"

_Say what?_

I bristled at her words. "Yeah, you heard me. Just because you may have left those women sexually satisfied does not mean that they didn't ultimately feel used by you. Did you ever think that maybe they gave you what you wanted in the hopes that you would like them and date them?" Her question was ridiculous. Why would they think that? Sex was what was offered and all I took. They never asked me to call them. I got dressed and I left. That's what they'd wanted me to do.

"Did any of them try to give you their number? Did they bump into you at the coffee shop, library…" She used air quotes when she said bump.

"Yeah, so?" I had run into a few women I'd been with. UW wasn't that big of a school.

"So? It wasn't by accident Edward. They wanted to see you again. They wanted you to notice them, talk to them, hold their hand, tell them they smelled nice…anything to prove that they weren't just sex toys to you." The fire had gone out of her voice. She looked kind of sad as she leaned back into her seat.

_Sex toy_

I frowned at her choice of words. Emmett had said that Tanya and James were using me as their sex dummy. Not the same thing right? What Tanya did was deceitful. She made me believe I was her boyfriend. She made me think she felt something for me when all she was doing was using me for sex.

_Fuck! I may not have promised those women anything or pretended to be something I wasn't. However I had just used them for sex. But they understood that's all I was good for? That's all they'd wanted from me. Right?_

Bella's voice was softer when she spoke, "Why did you do it? Why didn't you try to have a relationship with any of them? After talking with you over break I know that you're not the callous bastard I was led to believe that you were. You're funny, sentimental," I rolled my eyes at what could only be a reference to the teddy bear she knew I had tucked into my sock drawer. "smart, you have excellent taste in music and there must be even more to you than I know because your brother damaged his own relationship to defend you. So why?"

I could say something flippant here to deflect her serious question. But we were supposed to be getting everything out in the open and after her words, I was beginning to think that there was more 'stuff' I had to get out than I thought. She deserved to know all of it.

I took a deep breath and whisper the truth. "Because sex is all I'm good for."

"What?" Bella leaned forward, as if she couldn't hear me. But I couldn't bring myself to repeat it. Instead I turned away to avoid looking at her. Instead I focused on the snowflakes falling outside the diner window. The roads would be slick. I wondered if I should have Bella leave her car here and drive her home myself. It occurred to me that I didn't even know what kind of car she drove. Perhaps her car was better than mine would be on the slick, wet roads.

I quickly dispelled that thought. It was ridiculous.

No car was safer than my beautiful Vanessa

"Edward look at me." I felt her hand cover mine, urging me to acknowledge her request. I turned back towards her but kept my eyes downcast.

I heard her frustrated sigh, "Why do you think that's all you're good for?"

I'd have to spill my guts. It was time to get it all out. If she wanted reasons to walk away from me, she'd probably find exactly what she was looking for soon.

There was no way to ease into this, so I just let it all out. "Because that's all she wanted me for and when I couldn't do it right, she dumped me in front of the entire school. I was her little sex dummy. But I showed her," My voice got a little loud for inside the diner and I'm sure we were drawing some stares, but I didn't care. "I got real good at it. I've fucked in every position, in public, on planes... I'm no longer the 'bad lay' she accused me of." Bella's eyes were wide in astonishment, she let go of my hand and pushed back into her seat, clearly uncomfortable. But I didn't stop my tirade. "No, I'm damn good at fucking and since Tanya, I've never had another complaint. I'm so good in fact, that virgins seek me out to pop their cherries! Is that what you wanted to hear?" Silence from Bella.

Why was I doing this? Why was I confirming every negative thing she'd heard about me? Here was my chance to fix things, but instead all I was doing was opening the door for her to walk through. Yet, I couldn't keep my big stupid mouth shut.

"Yes, I slept with Alice's best friend at her sweet sixteen party. I had a threesome with her freshman RA and roommate. I've had countless sexual encounters with women all over this campus. And I never thought twice about it or them until I met you." I quickly glanced up; she had her hand over her mouth like she was trying not to vomit. She looked horrified.

"But now, now it's all different. I don't want faceless, nameless encounters. I only want you. But just like everyone else you're going to realize I'm not good enough to keep around." My shoulders slumped with my exertion, and I fell back into my own seat.

I sat there slumped in my seat like the loser I was, waiting for Bella to come to her senses and bolt out of the restaurant. Leaving me alone like I was meant to be.

"You're wrong."

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><p>Well they've started talking and some of Edward's story is starting to pour out. Hopefully no one will interfere and they'll be able to finally get everything out in the open. What did you think of Bella's reaction to his not so humble declaration of his sexual prowess? Let me know what you thought!<p>

Best wishes for the New Year to all of you wonderful readers. Your reviews and encouragement keep me moving forward!

ruinedbyrob


	17. Chapter 17

I want to take a minute and thank each and every one of you that took the time to leave me a review. Instead of taking the time to answer you all separately, I thought you'd appreciate a faster update. Please know that I read every message and you're kind words prompted me to drop everything and get this update out.

Big thanks to my Beta, Mullet86. She assures me this is good, so if it's not... kidding!

SM owns everything Twilight. But I own a brand spanking new copy of Cosmopolis. Woohoo!

* * *

><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

Chapter 17

"_You're wrong"_

"Edward, you're not only good for sex." She could say what she wanted but I knew better. What was that old saying? Actions speak louder than words? Yeah. What was her reaction when I'd proclaimed to her that my feelings were much deeper than the fantastic sex we'd just shared?

She'd rejected me.

Just like Tanya did.

Even when I'd followed her out of the diner and bared my fucking soul to her in a damn parking lot, she'd rejected me. Only confirming that I wasn't someone anyone would want more with.

Why did I even try?

Why after all of these years did I veer off my normal course and try to have more?

I knew what I was.

The snapping of fingers brought me back out of my haze. "Where did you just go?" I shook my head and looked off to the side. "Edward, look at me." I ignored her plea and continued to stare out the window, keeping my eyes averted from her chocolate depths.

I didn't want to reveal anymore of myself than I already had.

"Dammit Edward." I had no choice but to look at her. She'd grabbed my chin, forcing my face to hers. I could've broken her grip, but honestly I'd lost most of my fight.

Her eyes bore into mine and I had to stop myself from falling into them.

"I don't know exactly what happened to you. But I know that the hurt you experienced was deep and is still there." She paused and chewed her bottom lip for a moment. Her voice was lower when she spoke next. "And I have a bad feeling that my actions have made you feel so much worse than you should."

"Edward, I'm sorry."

There was no deceit in her voice or eyes. Could I trust her?

"Please let me in. I want to make this right. I," She took a deep breath before continuing. "I have my own past. And my own feelings of inadequacy clouded my judgment of you. I had no right to condemn you for a past that I'd heard secondhand. I owe you more than that, but first you have to let go of the past. I want to help you do that." I watched silently as she wiped a lone tear from her pale cheek. I wanted to wipe it away, right after I killed whoever had made her feel inadequate.

"Edward, will you give me a second chance?" The emotion in her voice was thick and heavy. "Will you trust me enough to let me try?"

My heart leapt at the gesture. But my head slapped it back down. _Wait! Can you trust her? _

I could do this.

I deserved this.

I deserved her.

This time I went with my heart and nodded.

Bella smiled and I found my own face following suit.

I have no idea how long we sat there smiling at each other. It could have been ten minutes or two hours because when you have the woman your heart says you belong to sitting across a dirty diner table asking for a second chance, you don't worry about time.

"Is there anything else I can get you folks?" Bree's question startled us and we pulled apart like two teenagers caught making out in a parking lot.

I missed our connection instantly.

"Um, no I don't think so. Are you ready to go?" Bella asked.

"Yeah. Let's get out of here." We put on our coats. Bree stood silently beside the table as we gathered our stuff and shuffled out of the booth. I looked around at the now empty diner.

We'd closed the place down.

I grabbed my wallet and threw down a $20.00 tip. Bree smiled at my gesture and thanked me with a wide smile.

I smiled back. She deserved it. Not only had we made her wait to close, but she'd also never once made any kind of attempt to take my attention away from Bella. If I'd had a $50.00 bill I would have left that for her.

I zipped up my coat and grabbed Bella's hand, loving the feeling of it encased in mine. We quickly made our way to the front and out to the parking lot.

The snow had been falling steadily since we'd sat down hours ago. There were at least a couple of inches of heavy wet snow covering everything. This kind of snow wasn't normal for this area. Most of the time the snow stuck to the higher elevations and what Seattle got was usually melted and gone by noon the next day so the city didn't really have a snow removal plan. They just sat back and waited for Mother Nature to take care of it.

"Whew, look at all of the snow." Bella had her tongue out was attempting to catch snowflakes. I watched in wonder as the flakes landed in her dark hair. Without thinking, I reached out and wiped off the flakes that had collected on her rosy cheeks.

Bella smiled and leaned into my hand. "Lets get out of here."

"Do you want me to drive you?" Part of me was worried about the road conditions and part of me wanted to make sure she didn't get away.

"Edward, I'm not going anywhere." How did she know?

"Seriously, I'm OK to drive. Forks gets this stuff all of the time." I'd forgotten she'd lived in Forks. I once again cursed the Fates for delaying our introduction. So much could've been avoided if those Fate bitches hadn't interfered. I wanted to tell them to kiss Emmett's giant ass for all of the hurt they've caused.

"Are you OK to drive?" She looked at me quizzically. I laughed and nodded.

I grabbed her hand and squeezed, "I'll walk you to your car." I looked around the desolate lot and saw only three cars: Vanessa, a Ford Edge soccer mom car and…oh God, please don't let that decrepit truck be hers. I'd never make it if I had to worry about her driving that hunk of junk.

Thank the fucking stars, she started pulling me towards the all wheel drive SUV. This little nondescript, pedestrian looking thing certainly wouldn't be my first, second or even third choice of transportation but at least it would get her safely to where we were headed. Bella let go of my hand and unlocked her car. She reached in the back seat and pulled out a snow brush ice scraper combo. I quickly grabbed it out of her hand and proceeded to clean off her car.

Sometimes I didn't always show it, but my mama did raise me to be a gentleman.

"You don't need to do that." She protested, while shoving her hands deep into her coat pockets.

"I want to."

"Won't Vanessa get jealous?" She joked, nudging me lightly with her shoulder. After that heavy session in the diner, I was enjoying this playful interlude.

Even though I knew that as soon as we resumed our conversation, more feelings were going to dump out onto the floor, I was determined to keep the laughter flowing as long as I could.

"Fuck no; she knows I'll take care of her." I paused cleaning Bella's car and hit my remote start.

Vanessa roared to life, purring like the fuckawesome piece of finely tuned machinery she is.

Damn, I loved my car.

"See? She'll be all toasty warm in no time." Bella laughed and shook her head at me.

"Maybe I better go ahead and start Eddie?"

"Eddie?" I cringed at the awful misuse of my noble name.

"Yeah, Eddie." She motioned to her car.

_What the hell? She named this chubby little egg shaped excuse for transportation after me?_

"What? You don't like Eddie?" She giggled and pressed a button on her keychain. The _egg _made a pathetic noise that I can only assume meant that it had turned on.

The sound of Bella's laughter rang out in the lot. Obviously she found my dismay funny.

"No. I think Eddie is a fine car, if you like rolling around in an egg on wheels." I answered quickly and went back to wiping off the ugly little bugger, still fuming that she would use that horrible nickname.

"Oh Edward, I think you're jealous." I snorted at her. Not willing to dignify that absurd statement with an answer.

"No. You are. You're jealous of my car."

"Am not."

"Hmmm, I bet Vanessa might like to meet him. He's pretty cute and has a way with women. Just like his namesake." I stopped wiping and side glanced at her, she was smiling widely. It was obvious she was playing with me. I bet she didn't really name this _thing_ after me at all. She just likes messing with me.

I liked her messing with me too. Maybe she'd allow me to 'mess' with her later. You know with the lights down low and…_Wait, she thinks I'm cute? _

"Did you really name this, this soccer mom car after me?"

"This soccer mom car as you put it is rapidly becoming one of my favorite things in the world. People look at him and think that he's just a glorified grocery getter, only good for one thing. But they're underestimating him. Once they look closer, they'll see how sturdy he is, how smooth and aerodynamic his lines are. They'll see how comfortable the seats are, how the dependable and safe he is and if they pay close attention, they'll be blown away by his power. He's a fighter when he wants to be."

Was she still just describing her car? Because that was a little weird.

"I think if people gave him a chance, he'd be able to show them just how wonderful he really is."

I don't think she was just talking about the car.

"Thank you." I said softly.

"You're welcome."

"Um, I know we have more to discuss but do you think we can do it somewhere warmer?" Bella's cheeks and the tip of her nose were bright pink from the cold.

"Shit! Yes, of course. Where do you want to go? My place or yours?"

"Fuck! I didn't mean that the way it sounded." I slapped my hand over my face.

"I know." She laughed softly. "If it's OK, can we go to yours? Um, Alice is home and I don't want to deal with that tonight." I hated the way her mouth turned down with her statement.

At the mention of my diminutive cousin I knew intermission was over. We still had a lot of talking to do.

"Sure. Em is home but he'll give us space." I assured her opening Eddie's door and ushering her inside his warm interior.

"Do you want to follow me?"

"Yeah. That sounds fine." She clicked her seatbelt in place and looked up to me. She looked so damn cute all cold and shit. I couldn't resist leaning down and kissing her frozen lips.

I was an idiot if I thought that only one little kiss was going to be enough because once our lips touched, all I could think about was more. My hand came up and cupped the back of her head as I deepened our kiss. My fingers tangled in her hair as I leaned farther into her, almost climbing into the car.

I felt her hand pull on my arm, "Edward." She moaned and tugged harder on the arm holding her lips to mine. It had been too long since I'd felt her lips against mine. I couldn't make myself let go.

"Edward." _Just a little longer Bella._

"Fuck!" She pinched me.

Hard

I pulled back rubbing what I was sure would eventually be a bruise the size of a fucking half dollar.

"What the hell was that for?"

"I tried to get you to stop but you ignored me." Well, duh. You had your tongue in my mouth. I think I forgot my name there for a minute.

"It's freezing out here."

"Sorry." I smiled sheepishly. Bella had begun to shiver and not in the good way.

She smiled sweetly, "I got a little carried away too. But we should really get inside. We still have things to discuss."

"OK, OK. Follow me closely. I want to be able to see you in my rearview mirror the whole fucking time."

"Yes dad." She rolled her eyes and pushed me out of the way. She shut her door and waved to me to move on.

I jogged back to where Vanessa was waiting patiently. We'd waited so long in the parking lot that with her heater going, all of the snow had melted off. There was no need for me to do any scraping.

I pulled out of the parking lot making sure that Bella was square in my rearview mirror. The snow had tapered off but the roads were still a fucking mess. My trusty Volvo handled it like a champ. But I kept a close eye on 'Eddie'. I wasn't as sure about his ability to keep my girl safe.

It took everything I had to drive slowly through the slick streets; my usual 'need for speed' took a back seat to my need for Bella to arrive safely at my apartment. Luckily the snow only slowed us down slightly; we managed to make the drive in 15 minutes.

I pulled into my assigned spot and jogged to where Bella had parked. I opened the door for her and practically pulled her arm out of the socket, I was in such a hurry to get her inside.

We clasped hands and walked quickly to my building. I couldn't help but think about the last time we'd made this walk and how utterly amazing that night was. Sure the next day was a fucking nightmare but the night had been perfect.

I wondered if Bella was thinking about it too. I glanced at her; her face was solemn, like she was lost in thought. I was afraid to ask what she was thinking about, so I ignored it and busied myself with unlocking the door and praying that Emmet hadn't decided tonight was a 'pants optional' kind of night.

"Em, I'm home and I brought Bella." I loudly announced and prayed that if he was running around in his shorts, knowing that Bella was here might cause him to cover up. Bella looked at me quizzically at my declaration. I just smiled and helped her out of her coat.

"Bella B!" Emmett came out of nowhere and enveloped her into a big hug which she returned whole heartedly. I was a little jealous at the ease of their greeting but was fucking grateful that my brother was still completely dressed. It was after 6PM after all.

"Hey Em." He released her and took a step back. He looked quickly from her to me.

"So did you two crazy kids make up?" He was being funny, but I knew his meaning was serious.

I opened my mouth to speak but Bella beat me to it. "We're working on it." She reached over and took my hand. I smiled and squeezed in agreement.

"Good. You don't know how happy that makes me."

"Thanks Emmett." He smiled back at me.

"So what brings the lovely Miss Swan back to our humble abode?" He turned and walked into the living room to begin picking up the remnants of his pizza dinner. Bella and I sat down side by side on the couch.

"Well, um, we still have some things to discuss. And Taz is home so we came here." He nodded in understanding.

"I guess I should make myself scarce then. Do you think the library is open or I guess I could catch a movie?" He wandered into the kitchen to dispose of his trash.

"Edward, I don't want to make him leave." She whispered. My girl was not only beautiful but she was also damn considerate.

"Em, you don't have to leave. We'll talk in my room." Part of me really wanted him to leave. I still had hope that after we had our talk, the evening would end up with us having our hands all over each other.

"No bro. I can leave. It's the least I can do." Bella looked at me quizzically. I guessed she wondered why Emmett felt he owed me. I didn't know if we'd get to that part of the story tonight.

"Maybe I'll hit the gym. I've kind of let myself go over break." He poked his hard stomach. I knew for a fact that despite his eating habits, he was sporting an eight pack under that sweatshirt. His work out schedule had only increased since his falling out with Rosalie. My right arm may have been getting quite the workout lately but Emmett was working his frustrations out on his whole body.

Bella squeezed my leg and nodded towards him. I shrugged in response. I'd already tried to get him to stay. What did she want me to do?

Bella sighed and turned back towards the closet where he was getting out his coat. "Em, there's no need for you to leave. Really. We're just going to talk and we can do that in Edward's room."

Just talk? Damn!

"Are you sure?" She nodded at him. He turned to me for the same answer. I just stared. Hell, if he wanted to go, let him. He did fucking owe me and I wanted the chance to change Bella's mind about us 'just talking' without worrying about an audience. He nodded at my silence and proceeded to get out his fluffy scarf and enormous wool mittens. He was such a pussy when it came to being cold.

Bella leaned in and whispered, "Edward, stop him." I cringed as her nails dug into my thigh.

Shit! This woman had only been back in my life for a couple of hours and she's already marked me in two places.

I gingerly removed her nails from my leg. "Em, you really don't need to go. We still have a lot of talking to do. There's no need for you to leave. Besides, the roads are crap and you're a horrible driver on a good day." I grinned at him.

"Fuck you Edward! I can drive circles around you blindfolded."

"You got one thing right. You drive like you're blindfolded." I chuckled when he flipped me off.

"Are you two always like this?" Bella chuckled.

"Naw, usually we're worse." I grinned and flipped him off. Emmett laughed and put his coat away.

I stood up and pulled Bella off the couch, ushering her towards my room. We passed Emmett on the way. Bella pulled her hand from mine and touched his sleeve.

"Em, I'm sorry about the way Rose is acting."

He shook his head and patted her hand, "It's OK, B. I was obviously wrong in thinking we felt the same way about each other." He gave her a small smile.

"No, I don't think you're wrong at all. If you would just…"

Emmett cut her off. "I'm done trying. If she wants me, she knows where to find me." I was startled at his harsh tone. I knew how upset he was over the situation but I didn't blame him for feeling the way he did. He'd been trying to get her to contact him for weeks.

I'd been in the same situation with Bella.

Bella must've been taken aback by Em's statement too. She looked surprised for a moment before dropping her hand from his arm. "I'm sorry you feel that way. But I can't blame you." She turned to look at me, "Both parties have to be willing to listen for anything to move forward. I'm kind of a slow learner myself." There was regret in her eyes when our eyes met. I grabbed her hand and squeezed.

"You're absolutely right, B. But it's his turn," He nods in my direction. "and it's time that someone listens to him." Without another word, my giant bear of a brother walked down the hall to his room.

"Do you need anything to drink?"

"No, I'm fine." I paced in around my room as she got comfortable on the edge of my bed.

"Are you hungry? You know we passed up dessert at the diner. Emmet always has a stash of pretzel M&M's around and there's Rocky Road ice cream in the freezer or we might have some…"

"Edward, stop. I'm fine. Come sit down." She patted the spot next to her on the bed.

I ran my fingers through my hair trying to come up with a way to postpone this talk. We were in a good place. Why fuck it up with more talking?

I wondered if I started kissing her could I distract her long enough that she would forget that we still had skeletons to drag out of the closet. Kissing could lead to licking which leads to sucking which leads to…

"No Edward. We need to talk." Shit! Damn my overly expressive face. I blame my father's genes. He was never able to lie to my mother. That woman played him like a piano.

With a heavy sigh, I gave up and sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. I focused on the toes of my shoes. _What? These are fucking expensive shoes. I can't admire the workmanship?_

"Edward," for the first time this evening, her voice wavered with uncertainty. She'd spoken with so much strength and conviction at the diner. "I think I should start by saying I'm sorry about what I said that morning in my room. I, I didn't mean it the way it sounded."

I stayed silent, waiting for her to explain what she meant because, _"I don't think I can do this"_ sure sounded like big fat rejection to me.

"Would you please look at me?" I lifted my head to look at her. I was met with those beautiful brown depths that seemed to suck my soul right out of my chest. I was trapped, helpless in her gaze.

Bella swallowed and took a deep breath before speaking. "I didn't mean what you thought I did." I couldn't help the snort that escaped. A flash of hurt briefly crossed her eyes.

"I deserve that." She acknowledged and began playing with the hem of her sweater. I watched her fingers work; her smooth pale nails shifted and smoothed the soft blue fabric.

She paused and looked away. I watched her wipe the corners of her eyes.

Maybe I should have put my arm around her and told her that I didn't need an explanation.

That it didn't matter. But it did, so I waited for her explanation.

Call me an ass. Call me a conceited prick. But I deserved an explanation. I'd been nothing but honest with her and she'd cut me off without giving me a chance to explain.

Even when I'd begged. So yeah, I wanted her to tell me what she'd meant.

With her eyes still averted and voice still wavering, Bella began her explanation.

"That evening, it was, it was the absolute most intense experience I'd ever felt in my life." My first instinct was to take her hand, let her know that I felt the same way. But Bella stood up and began pacing the floor. My hands landed in my lap like useless bricks, as I watched her pace around the room.

"Since the moment I saw you across the bar, I couldn't stop staring. You were the most beautiful man I'd ever seen and my body reacted in a way that it never has before." At hearing that she thought I was beautiful, I felt a little smirk play on lips. I knew I was good looking. That's not even conceit talking. It was the fucking truth. But hearing that my gorgeous girl thought I was attractive, erased every other compliment I'd ever received from another woman.

"Bella, I felt the same way. I wanted…" She put her hand up, halting anymore talking from me.

"When you came up behind me in the bar and started speaking, I was so scared."

"I scared you?" I hated myself for a minute.

"Not the way you think." She assured me.

"You came at me like a tsunami of sex. I was completely out of my comfort zone." She paused, smiling slyly. "And I liked it."

I wanted to tell her that I was the one that was overwhelmed, that she blew me away and forced me to chase after her, which was totally out of my comfort zone. But I recognized that she needed to get her story out without anymore interference from me.

"I'm the daughter of a Chief of Police for cripes sakes and I threw every warning my dad hammered into my head about leaving with strange men out the damn window when I allowed you to take me out of that bar. But I couldn't not go with you. Something deep inside told me that being with you wasn't a choice, it was a need that I felt in every fiber of my being."

She got it.

Finally.

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><p>OK, I really tried to not end on a cliffie. But this ending felt natural and I felt you guys deserved this ending rather than something forced.<p>

What do you think of Emmett's new attitude?

Btw, I actually own a Ford Edge and I call him 'Eddie'. My nephews refer to my car as a 'chubby hedgehog'. They're just jealous. * Coos soothingly and rubs Eddie's hood*

Until next time,

ruinedbyrob


	18. Chapter 18

Giant hugs and many thanks to my friend Bernadette Lentini-Jones who graciously offered her editing services when my Beta, Mullet86, experienced computer problems and was unable to look over this chapter.

You already know that S.M owns Twilight, but our legal department demands that I remind you. Personally I think it's mean to keep rubbing it in all of our faces that we'll never own Edward.

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><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

Chapter 18

"_Something deep inside told me that being with you wasn't a choice, it was a need that I felt in every fiber of my being."_

My heart had soared with her admission. For the first time since we started the 'talk', I felt in my bones that she understood what we had was more than a passing fancy. It was more than an intense attraction.

It was fate.

Yes, I'd made disparaging remarks about the Fates. I'd even threatened them with Emmet's ass, but they finally got something right.

I reached out to grab her hand. "Bella, you know that I feel the same way."

She smiled quickly and then pulled away. "Um, well, I guess. But… "

_Guess? _

"There's no 'guess' about it. What the hell, Bella?" I demanded. She chewed on her lip and avoided looking at me. Her eyes darted around the room, landing on everything but me.

No, no. We were not going to get this far only to have her avoid me. Especially after admitting she wasn't sure about my feelings. _Fuck!_ I've been completely transparent since seeing her in the bar. I've been walking around with my fucking soul bared to her and the whole world for months and she 'guesses' I feel the same?

"What the fuck do you mean by that?" The force of my voice was startling to my own ears, so I wasn't surprised by her quick intake of breath or how fast her eyes landed on me.

I was pissed. And I wasn't trying to hide that fact.

She put her hands up in a defensive posture, like she needed to ward me off. That made me even angrier. I wasn't going to fucking hurt her. I just wanted a damned explanation.

I took a minute to try and calm down before flopping back onto the bed. My fists were clenched in frustration and I could feel my jaw tighten with the effort to hold my tongue. I waited to speak until my chest eventually slowed and my breathing evened out.

I sat perfectly still, though I really wanted to punch something. But as my GPA would attest, I wasn't stupid. I could learn from my mistakes. I knew that I couldn't take what she'd said and put my own meaning to it. She needed to tell me exactly what she'd meant.

Cocky Cullen , needed to stop going off half -cocked.

So, I asked her again.

"What do you mean by 'you guess'?" I questioned again through clenched teeth.

Now, I'd not only asked politely but also demanded, and still nothing from her.

I had only one avenue left.

"Answer me Bella. Please!" I pleaded. My voice was laced with desperation.

I heard it.

She heard it.

I didn't care.

I was ready to beg, if it would get her to talk. I just needed this turmoil to end, regardless of where we ended up.

Silence.

Time disappeared and with it, my patience. Just as I was about to grab her and force her talk to me, she sat down beside me on the bed, with a small sigh and a shrug of her shoulders.

I watched as she clasped her hands in her lap and leaned forward so that her hair covered her face.

_Fuck that!_ I deserved to have her look me in the eye when she explained how she could think that my feelings which, by the way, have been clearly visible on my sleeve for the past few months aren't as true or deep as hers.

I reached over and gently pushed her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. I relished the skin to skin contact even though it was fleeting.

"Look at me!" I demanded. My voice was hoarse with the effort it took to not yell at her to acknowledge me.

She nodded quickly and turned to look me straight in the eye. "I know. I have to tell you… I have to stop thinking that this is real. That…that this will work"

_Huh? _

"I know you're confused."

"You bet your _ass _I'm confused." '_I'm fucking confused' might as well be written in giant letters across my forehead. _

Bella ignored my biting remark. "But you have to understand, I'm not the kind of person that someone like you would even notice, much less pursue. And I'm having a hard no, that's not right it's fucking ridiculous that you feel this way for me! It makes absolutely no sense at all!" The bed jiggled as she jumped off and began pacing furiously in front of me, hugging herself tightly as she moved.

Her words and movements became more agitated as she paced.

"You have to understand that you wanting me, you wanting this…" she paused, waving a hand in front of her body, "is one of the most absolutely ridiculous things in the world. It makes no sense Edward, none. How can you blame me for not believing you? "

It was as if she'd flipped a switch and went from the understanding and sweet woman I'd brought home to someone who wanted to re-open up the wound I thought we'd closed.

I was stunned into silence.

Bella was not. She kept speaking, and I kept clenching my fists until I felt the bones would snap.

"When Alice had told me about her cousin who'd made it a game of sleeping with her friends just to mess with her, and then I found out that cousin was _you_…how did you expect me to react?" she more accused than asked me.

Was she serious? Was she trying to make me crazy?

"Once I knew it was you, I understood why you'd chased me in the bar, why you'd taken me home with you. 'What I couldn't understand is why you kept pursuing me. Why, after you'd already had me, you still wanted me. All I could think was that you were upping your game against Alice. But you kept coming, even after we'd fought in the parking lot. Even after I'd known what you were."

Bella ceased her pacing and was now standing in front of me, her arms crossed defensively over her heaving chest. "We make no sense." She motioned to the space between us. "None of this makes sense." There was heat and hurt in her voice. I didn't get the feeling that all of her anger was solely directed at me, and that made even less sense than her ridiculous statements.

I tugged at my hair in frustration while she stared at me.

I had to do something. She'd done a 180 degree turn from how we'd been at the diner to where we were now.

But I wasn't getting the whole story. Nothing was adding up and I needed the full equation before I could find the answers.

So I did what any red-blooded man would do. I exploded.

I jumped off the bed and gently grabbed her arms, plopping her down on the spot I'd just vacated. Her beautiful eyes were wide in surprise but her ruby lips wisely remained shut.

"You talked about apologies and the truth in the diner."

She opened her mouth to speak, but I held up a finger, halting her words.

"No. You had your turn, and for a minute, I thought we were getting somewhere, but you decided to go down the wrong damned road again." I took several deep breaths, attempting to calm myself and think things through.

Here wased the thing. I knew that if I threw myself on the bed and began kissing the beejesus out of her plump lips, I'd get her to give in. Her body knew what it wanted, but her damn head kept getting the wires crossed. She was wavering between acknowledging that our connection was fated and believing that it was all a game. It killed me that deep inside, she was still thinking I was just fucking with her to mess with my brat cousin.

She was so fucking wrong; I just needed to delve into what little of her history she'd revealed. I knew there was something there that was screwing with her head. There had to be a reason she didn't see herself clearly and why she kept deflecting.

"You keep saying that the way I feel about you doesn't make sense, that _we_ don't make sense. But where are your reasons? Why are you fighting this?"

She shook her head from side to side, ignoring my questions. I sighed in frustration.

"There's more to this than Taz's stories, more than my history, isn't there?" She looked at the floor.

_This was bullshit!_

I moved to sit next to her on the bed. Her body leaned into mine for just a moment with the shifting of the bed. But she quickly righted herself.

"Bella, what happened? Who made you believe that you're not the beautiful, sexy and desirable woman I know you to be?" I emphasized my point by running my finger down her soft cheek. Her quick intake of breath and rosy blush reminded both of us how my touch affected her. She sighed softly and leaned into my hand.

But my hope that she was giving in was fleeting. She hastily moved away, my hand falling dejectedly onto my lap. Her mood swings were confusing the hell out of me. When I got close, it was as if her body couldn't help but react to my touch. Then something would go off in her head and she'd pull away.

I wasn't going to let up. We'd come too far to stop now. "Tell me." I leaned forward with my arms on my legs. I stared into space, hoping that the lack of eye contact would make it easier for her to talk.

I could hear her light, even breathing as we sat side- by- side on my navy blue comforter, in my obscenely clean bedroom.

We sat in silence. I was at the end of my wits. What else was there to say that I hadn't already said?

What more could I do to get her to finally believe me so we could move forward?

I didn't want to give up, even though it felt like we were doing nothing but going around in circles.

I had to do something drastic, though I doubted that my version of drastic, which would start with the peeling off of our clothes and ending with both of us in a sweaty heap on my bed, would end up not well. No, that was an understatement. It would go over about as well as the time Emmett sneaked a set of mom's Frette sheets out of the linen closet and wore them as toga's to an unchaperoned senior party. Needless to say that mom was not amused when she found her four-hundred-dollar sheets wrapped around her inebriated and nude son on her front lawn at

4 A M on a Sunday morning. Both were covered in various alcohol and dirt stains.

Silence settled over the room as my mind worked to find a solution for this insane situation.

Finally, I uttered the words that I hoped would elicit a response from the silent girl. At this point, I didn't care if she yelled, hit or spat at me. I just needed a fucking response. I had to get her head out of the game and force her to lead with her heart. If she did, then I knew we could finally move forward.

"You know what Bella, I can't do this anymore." I stood up to face her. She still had her head down, avoiding my stare just as surely as she was avoiding my questions.

"You say you want to give us a chance, yet whenever I proclaim my feelings, you clam up and start accusing me of playing you." I tugged on my hair in frustration at her silence and walked over to my dresser. My back was turned to her but I could watch her in the mirror. Her sad face reflected back to me from the bed.

My heart broke at the sight. I closed my eyes, I couldn't look at her when I said, "I think _you're _the one playing me." My chest clenched when I heard her gasp, but I kept my eyes closed and kept going. "I think you and Taz got together and cooked this whole thing up as some kind of sick payback. You made me fall for you. But it was all a lie. You never cared." My voice was hoarse, the words having grated against my throat like shards of glass as I said them.

I laid my head onto the smooth wood of my dresser. The cool surface soothed my fevered face, but did nothing for the heat that was still flaming in the pit of my stomach. How could she not see what her constant questioning of my intentions and denial of my feelings was doing to me?

"Tell me you don't believe that," she pleaded. I didn't. Not really, but at this point, I wasn't sure exactly what was going on. I was tied in knots and I needed her to cut the strings so I could breathe.

"Edward, tell me you don't believe that." I felt her hand softly touching my back. I shrugged it off. She didn't get to erase her own guilt by trying to soothe me.

I moved away from her and went to stand on the other side of the room. I leaned on the windowsill watching the ground twinkle as the street lights reflected on the snow.

"OK. I deserved that. It's not true, but I deserved it. Will you look at me?"

I couldn't. Not yet.

"Please." Bella must have taken a bite from the same glass sandwich; her voice was as hoarse as mine.

My heart screamed at me to acknowledge the pain in my woman's voice just as loudly as my head screamed not to give her another chance to hurt us, with one more apology that turned into more false accusations.

I went with my head this time. My fucking heart was a pussy. Look where listening to it had gotten me.

From my perch at the window, I heard her sigh and move to sit back on the bed.

Honestly, I was halfway expecting that she'd go home. After all, one of us running away without ever solving anything seemed to be the M.O. of our relationship.

I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the night through the window.

I was so tired and worn out.

I just wanted to sleep.

Sleep was good. For several blissful hours, you got to forget that your life was a big pile of dog shit.

I held my breath when I heard Bella's soft voice from my bed.

"When I was 17, my boyfriend Jake kept pressuring me into having sex. I kept putting him off. I… I never wanted him like that. We'd been at a bonfire at the rez, we'd left the crowd to walk along the water."

As soon as she'd said that they were on a reservation, I knew exactly where she was talking about. I'd spent some time down on First Beach with 'friends'. I knew what went on there in the woods during bonfires. I probably had no right, but I was fucking pissed off thinking that she'd been in the woods with anyone but me.

"I refused him and we fought. Jacob stormed off and went back to where everyone was gathered. I followed him, hoping that I could, once again, smooth things over. By the time I got back there, Jacob had a beer in both hands." Her voice faltered for a moment. Whatever she was going to say next clearly had hurt her.

"When Jacob saw me, he started calling me 'frigid' and he'd told all of our friends that I was a cocktease. He accused me of being cold - hearted and a user."

I wanted to yell out a denial. I knew first hand that she was none of those things but before I could find my voice, she took a deep breath and continued her story.

"At first I was angry, because it wasn't true. I'd been very upfront with him. He'd known I didn't think of him that way but he'd kept pushing me, saying I'd change my mind. I knew I wouldn't, but I was completely dependent on his friendship. So when he pushed me to move our relationship from just friends to boyfriend- and- girlfriend, I did. I did it knowing that it was only so I wouldn't lose him as a friend. I did it knowing that I would never love him like that. "

She brushed away another tear and looked straight at me. "Jacob was right about one thing, I used him, Edward."

Her statement was laced with hurt and regret.

I didn't have a chance to ask a question before she continued. "Jacob was like sunshine in a bottle. He had the most unique way of making everything seem OK. He was the first person to befriend me when I moved to Forks. He was my best friend, my _only_ friend."

Bella paused, using the sleeve of the pretty blue sweater to wipe her dripping nose. I couldn't take it anymore. Pushing myself away from the wall, I grabbed the box of Puffs from my nightstand and held them out to her. I didn't say anything; I hoped that my gesture spoke for me.

Bella sniffled and took a tissue, thanking me quietly as she dabbed at her eyes and nose while I silently resumed my stance at the window.

My anger at discovering that she'd used her friend dissipated quickly as I watched Bella brush away the tears that fell from her eyes.

As much as it hurt, I held back the urge to go to her. She needed to get it all out before we could move forward.

"For days I begged him to let me explain. I was willing to do anything to get him to forgive me and be my friend again. But I'd hurt him too much, he refused my calls, my letters, he even shut the door in my face when I went to his house."

"He wouldn't talk to you?" She slowly shook her head 'no'.

"I know how that feels!" I snorted.

Bella's face fell and I wanted to kick my own ass for bringing that up. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to…"

Bella got off the bed, sniffling as she walked toward me. "No Edward, I'm a hypocrite and you're justified in calling me on it." She swiped at her eyes and rubbed her hands on her jeans as she walked over and took up a position opposite mine at the window. We both stood quietly staring out the same window. I kept sneaking glances at her face. Her eyes glistened in the moonlight with unshed tears.

Without thinking I raised my hand and wiped her eyes. She smiled and leaned into my hand, as I cupped her cheek.

For the briefest of moments, I had a vision of the two of us holding hands, in a meadow surrounded by beautiful flowers and sunlight. She was smiling widely and pulling me down to a blanket where the remnants of a picnic lunch were scattered about. Her white sundress swirled around her bare legs as we moved onto the blanket. Every movement was easy and gentle as I cupped her cheek and look deep into her eyes was no distrust, fear or anger reflected, only love. I leaned in and took possession of her beautiful lips as the scent of lavender and honeysuckle surrounded us.

The honking of a distant horn broke the spell, dissipating the vision, but not before I made a silent vow to myself that once we got through all of this bullshit, we'd have our picnic in the meadow.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked softly, jolting me out of my thoughts of a beautiful future and backin to our still -murky present.

Honestly, I didn't know how to answer her. There were so many emotions running through my head. I couldn't deny that there was a little anger over her admission about Jacob. After all of the crap I'd been accused of, to find out that she'd used her friend… I wasn't stupid, I understood that what she'd admitted to doing with Jacob was nothing compared to what she and Taz kept insisting I'd done. The fact she'd been on the receiving end of someone she cared about who'd refused to listen to her side of things, and she'd still treated me the way she had, fucking stung.

I dropped my hand from her cheek. "Why did you tell me this?" She sighed and glanced back out the window.

"I owed you an apology tonight." Bella licked her lips. " I met you at the diner with the intention of giving it to you. But when we came in here …" She paused and swept her hand around to indicate my room. "…I was hit with the guilt of what I did and it made me angry; angry at myself for what I done to Jacob, angry that my friendship wasn't enough for him. I not only lost him, but I'd also lost every friend I'd thought I had. I'm angry that I allowed my history with Jacob and the things that asshole, Mike, said to me years ago affect _our_ relationship..."

I interrupted her, "Who is Mike?" I had a feeling Mike was the asshole who had made Bella feel like she didn't deserve to be loved and worshipped like the goddess I knew her to be.

Bella sighed and stared out the window. "He was my boyfriend during freshman year." Her voice was dull.

"Was he the fuckwit who made you believe that it didn't make sense for us to be together?"

She nodded softly. "He'd said the same things that Jacob did." Bella hunched her shoulders. "When I didn't want to have sex with him, he'd also said I was frigid and a tease. He'd said that I was lucky anyone wanted me because I was plain and about as sexy as a plaid tablecloth. I'd been afraid I'd lose him too, so I relented and I slept with him. He was my first."

She turned from the window and our eyes met. "Afterwards, he'd told everyone in our dorms that having sex with me was like sleeping with a dead fish. I was humiliated and…"

"Does Mike still go to school here?" I interrupted, trying to keep my voice calm but not but not being able to hide the tension in my jaw as I waited to hear if that lying little fuck was still on campus. I wasn't opposed to making a road trip, it would just be easier for Emmett and me to kick his ass if he were still at school.

Easier but not necessary.

"Edward, no, he's not worth it." Her hand on my arm pulled me out of planning Mike's humiliation.

"Bella, he's a fucking liar and he made you doubt how beautiful and sexy you are. At the very least, he deserves to have his ass handed to him."

She shook her head, denying the truth.

Enough.

I grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face me. For now I was going to let go of planning my revenge on that little piss ant Mike. Getting Bella to believe that what Mike said was bunch of shit was my first priority.

"Damn it, Bella, listen to me." I looked into her big brown eyes. Even in the dim light, I could see how tired she was. I understood the feeling. I was exhausted myself. A quick look at my bedside clock revealed that we'd been at this for over two hours, but there was no way I was going to let her leave, not until we had things settled between us.

"You're the sexiest, most beautiful woman I've ever met…"

"Stop! Don't lie to me. Please." She wrenched away from my arms.

_Damn it! I was at my wit's end with this shit! _

"Do you think I'm attractive?"

Bella knocked my hands away and snorted feistily. "Really, Edward? You need me to stroke your ego now?"

Good. She was mad. I could work with mad.

I smiled and cocked an eyebrow. "Humor me."

"All right fine, yes, you're not bad to look at. I guess." She shrugged her shoulders trying but failing miserably at conveying disinterest.

"I'm all right? Are you fucking serious?" Not all of that was for show. I mean, c'mon, I was 'all right'. That's fucking blasphemy.

I contained a chuckle as Bella narrowed her eyes. "Really Edward?"

"Just admit that there are tons of women who want a piece of this." I pointed to my body.

I knew I wasn't wrong and I knew that a pissed -off Bella would give me the answer I wanted.

"Is that what you want? You want me to admit how fucking crazy it is that a gorgeous, sexy- assed man like you, who could have any woman he wanted, would settle for me?" Her eyes flashed with the heat I was waiting for.

I grabbed her shoulders, bringing our bodies so close together that I could feel her chest grate against mine as she breathed. "If I can have any woman I want, why would I choose a woman that I wasn't attracted to?"

"To mess with Alice. Obviously."

"Really? I'd fuck a woman seven ways from Sunday; go against my own rules and let her spend the night in my bed before attempting to introduce her to the best French toast on the planet… _just _to mess with Taz?"

I watched with contained glee as her brow furrowed when the information set in.

"You mean, you never…?"

I shook my head.

I lifted her chin up so I could look directly into her milk chocolate eyes.

"No one, Bella. Ever."

Her mouth opened as if she was going to speak again but instead she just closed it.

I took the opportunity to go in for the kill.

"If I didn't feel the way I do, if everything I've been saying wasn't true, I would've walked away after playing with you in the bar. I couldn't do that Bella." My arms moved to wrap around her waist, pulling her even closer. She wasn't actively embracing me but I could feel her resistance beginning to fail.

"I want you. This isn't a passing desire and it sure as hell has nothing to do with my damned cousin. I won't deny that I have a history and we can talk about that later." Her eyes flashed at the mention of my past. I expected it and I knew that it was something we would have to discuss but there was another priority.

"First you need to admit that you're just scared and overwhelmed. Admit that you know we're meant to be together so we can move forward."

She began to pull away so I tightened my hold, keeping her body in close proximity with mine.

"No. I don't deserve you, not after Jacob…"

I didn't let her finish that stupid argument.

My hands clenched at her waist, her curves fit so perfectly in my hands and her lips felt like heaven when they met mine.

My God, how I missed this. I had intended to only remind her how good we were together but the whole plan went out the window when her flavor invaded my senses.

I deepened the kiss.

My heart nearly stopped at the sound of her moan.

I wanted to weep when her hands that were previously resting at her sides, wound their way up my arms to rest at the base of my neck.

She felt so damned good in my arms.

My tongue ran along her bottom lip, demanding entrance.

I got what I wanted.

"Baby, you feel so good," I murmured into her mouth. I was rewarded with Bella leaning into me as our tongues met and fought for dominance.

I was unable to contain my own moans when her hands tugged on my hair. Many women had raked their fake nails across my scalp, but only Bella's natural touch made my legs weak with need.

Everything that we'd been through, everything that had been said in the last three hours didn't mean anything, compared to the feeling of having my girl back in my arms.

I knew that there was more to discuss. We hadn't solved everything but at the moment I didn't give a fuck. The only thing that mattered was tasting more of her soft skin.

I started shuffling us back toward the bed.

Her knees hit the mattress and we tumbled back onto the bed in an ungainly mess of arms and legs. Her breath rushed out in a huff when she landed on the mattress. If I were a gentleman, I would have probably taken that as a sign that I was crushing her, but there was no gentleman in sight.

I tightened my hold and focused my attention on kissing her long, graceful neck while my hands wandered under her sweater to cup her soft, firm, and oh- so- squeezable breasts.

_Holy shit!_ She felt so good in my hands. How long had it been since I'd touched, licked or tasted her?

It felt like fucking years.

Her hands increased their pressure on my hair only ramped up the pressure I was feeling in my crotch.

I rubbed my hard cock against her leg, groaning in pleasure at the friction it provided.

But, it wasn't enough. It would never be enough until I was, once again, encased in the welcoming warmth of the woman who owned me from the tips of my toes to the ends of my perfectly coiffed hair.

I was too far into the pleasure to be embarrassed about dry humping my girl like a horny fucking teenager.

"Edward..." she moaned, pulling on my hair.

"Bella..." I groaned, nipping at her lips.

"Stop... ugh...we need...we're not ready for sex." At her words, I immediately moved back from her leg that my cock had been pledging his undying love to.

Bella's surprised grunt at my dismount sounded comical following the moans of pleasure she'd just been vocalizing.

I moved to lie on my side, keeping us connected with one hand in her hair and one resting on her hip.

"You want me to stop?" I tried to keep the rejection out of my voice as I stared into her eyes.

"I…I just think that we still have things to talk about before we have sex." She lowered her eyes and toyed with the buttons on my shirt. I moved my hand from her hip to cover hers over my shirt.

As anxious as I was to reconnect with her in that way, I understood. And as much as I was practically bursting the seams to lose myself inside her, I pulled back.

But, I wasn't willing to totally lose the momentum we'd gained tonight, nor was I willing to stop touching the beautiful woman in my arms.

"Will you let me make you feel good? Please?" _Hurry! Mark this date on a calendar. Cocky 'I always get mine' Cullen was offering to give a woman pleasure without any thought to his own. _

"Please, Bella. I want to."

"It wouldn't be fair to you Edward…" _Shut your mouth woman_. I thought plunging my tongue into her mouth and pushing her shirt further up her torso, exposing her dark blue bra.

I quickly changed direction to a more southerly route.

Bella's moans grew louder and raw when my tongue edged under the lace cup to trace her plump flesh.

On the inside I was fist pumping when I felt her move her legs against mine. _Hmmm, somebody needed the friction as much as I did. _

My mouth latched onto an erect nipple, eliciting a deep moan from the quivering woman in my arms. I moved my hand down her chest to the gentle curve of her waist, pausing to give the soft skin a gentle squeeze before reaching around to hitch her leg up higher on my waist, bringing my erection in close to where I knew Bella was wet and ready for me.

If it could, I think my cock would be doing the happy dance at being so close to the promised land.

The button on her jeans gave easily, followed by the zipper.

My hands were shaking as they skimmed over her wet center.

"Oh, Edward…" Her words were cut short by moans and grunts when I slipped a finger under the waistband of her panties. My finger glided smoothly along her bare, wet lips.

Sensing her excitement, I quickly added another finger wanting to bring her to her peak faster.

I'd once thought that the most amazing feeling in the world was the tight suction on my cock from a pair of anonymous plump female lips. That paled in comparison to the feeling of Bella's warm and tight pussy contracting around my fingers as I pushed them in and out of her.

I released her nipple and immediately claimed her mouth when I felt her legs quiver, capturing the sound of her orgasm in a toe -curling kiss.

"That's it, baby. Give it to me." I pleaded into her hair as her moans grew louder.

I loved hearing her sounds of pleasure. I'd heard other women make them before, but coming from Bella they meant so much more. The knowledge that it was my fingers, my tongue and my skill making this beautiful and desirable woman lose control made me feel like all of the women I'd been with before were practice for her. The road that I'd been on since Tanya was traveled solely to get me to Bella.

Bella's hands constricted on my biceps when she reached her peak. I held her tighter, hoping she understood that I wasn't going to let her go.

Not now.

Not ever.

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><p>I was overwhelmed with the reviews for last chapter. They were wonderful and I appreciated every single one. Thank you!<p>

I wanted to rec a few gems that I'm reading this week:

**Salacious by cutestkidsmom** this is a WIP but it will grab and hold you ransom from the first page!

**Pure Revelations by georgialion** This story completed this week and is incredible! If originality, intrigue and questioning Edward is your thing. I promise you won't be disappointed with Pure Revelations.

Until next time ,

ruinedbyrob


	19. Chapter 19

Big thanks to Mauigirl60 for stepping in as emergency beta for this chapter while Mullet86 wrestled with PC problems.

Stephenie owns this world, I just play in it.

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><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

Chapter 19

_Poink! Poink! Poink!_

_What the hell was that? _Grabbing my pillow I ignored the feeling that someone was watching me and snuggled back down. I just need another thirty minutes and then I'll…

_Poink! Poink! Poink! _I slung my hand over my face, attempting to swat away whatever the hell was trying to build a nest on my fucking forehead.

_Poink! Poink!_ "Goddamn it!" I forced open my eyes to see my house ape of a brother sitting across from me with a giant bowl of what looked like Fruit Loops. The spoon was in the bowl yet his closed right fist had milk dripping down his arm.

He grinned at me and bent his wrist back slightly.

"Em, what the shit are you…" _Poink! Son of a bitch! _The little fucker just flicked a Fruit Loop at my forehead!

I wiped the dripping milk out of my eyes and glared at my big buffoon of a brother who had gone back to eating his Jethro sized bowl of rainbow colored sugar and milk.

"Really Emmett? Fruit loops?" I asked rhetorically. I hadn't even tried to keep the disgust from my voice.

"They're delicious." He scooped op an overflowing spoonful and offered it to me. The sugary milk dripped off the sides of his spoon in thick drips. "Want some?"

I shuddered at the thought of putting that sickeningly sweet concoction into my mouth. "Gross."

He shrugged and went back to feeding his giant gaping hole of a mouth.

I lay back down onto the couch and rubbed my eyes. I contemplated pulling the blanket over my head and trying to squeeze out another twenty minutes of rest but I had the sneaking suspicion that if I did that, he'd either end up dumping the whole bowl on me, or try to crawl under the covers with me.

I wasn't willing to take the chance that he'd do either of those things.

"I thought you and Bella were going to talk?" Emmett asked, before stuffing another giant spoonful of brightly -colored sugar into his waiting mouth.

"We did," I stated flatly, hoping beyond hope that he'd let it go.

I was, of course, wrong.

"Then, what the hell are you doing on the couch while she's in your bed alone?" He demanded.

"How do you know she's in my bed?"

"I checked." He shrugged and continued eating.

I cringed when fat droplets of milk dribbled from his mouth rolling down his chin and chest before rolling into his…

"Where the fuck are your pants?" The big slob was sitting on the coffee table, bare-ass naked.

"Chill dude. I put a towel down," he stated nonchalantly while pointing to the striped bath towel his ass perched on.

Groaning, I closed my eyes from the spectacle of a naked Emmett and leaned back against the couch, hoping in vain that when I reopened my eyes, the big oaf would have pants on.

"So, you gonna answer me?"

"No."

"Why?" The crunching had stopped but was replaced with loud slurping. I waited until he'd drained the bowl before opening my eyes again.

_Nope. Still naked. _

"I can't sit here and have a conversation with you when you're fucking naked!"

"It's not like you haven't seen it before," he laughed, grabbing a dish towel to wipe his milk covered chest.

_The next time I was home, Mom and I were going to have a serious discussion. I knew she had to be lying about Emmett not being adopted. _

"That's not the point, moron!" I threw off the blankets and swung my legs off the couch. Bella would be up soon and if I wanted to have breakfast made for her, I needed to get my ass moving.

"You're right… the point is why you're out here on the couch when your woman is tucked all warm and snuggly in your bed!?" He raised his eyebrows to make his point.

It was a valid question. And it'd be one that I'd ask if the roles had been reversed.

"Go put some pants on and I'll tell you."

"I spilled milk on them." He pointed to a pair of flannel Snoopy sleep pants that were thrown at the foot of the couch.

Our mother never let a Christmas go by without gifting us with a new pair of pajamas. I think both she and Emmett cried when she could no longer find footie jammies in his size.

"So you figured it was a better idea to sit out here naked instead of going to get another pair?"

"I didn't want my Loops to get soggy. Stop deflecting!" he countered.

"Fine!" But cover your ass with this in case Bella comes out." Without looking, I grabbed one of the blankets off the couch and threw it at him.

He smirked and giggled as he proceeded to tuck the blanket around himself,

_Damn it!_ That had been one of my favorite blankets! It was fleece and so soft and warm. I would have to burn it now. I'd never be able to snuggle on the couch with it again knowing that it had touched Emmett's junk.

And that little fucker knew it!

"OK, all covered up. Are you happy now?"

I shot him an annoyed look. "Not as happy as I would've been if that whole scene could have been avoided."

"Whatever," he stated dismissively with a wave of his hand.

"Spill," he demanded grabbing the knot at his waist and coming over to sit beside me on the couch.

There wasn't any use in avoiding this conversation any longer. The sooner we got this over with, the sooner I could get breakfast ready for Bella.

"We talked and were able to get some things settled."

"_Things_?" The waggling of his eyebrows indicated that he wanted a more complete explanation with sordid details.

_Too bad, naked boy, you aren't getting more._

"Yes, _things_. We talked and we were able to hash out a lot of stuff but we're going to take it slow. Satisfied?"

"Humph." The sound escaped his mouth as he crossed his arms over his chest in a pout.

I decided to ignore him and got off the couch to head into the kitchen.

"That still doesn't explain why you're out here and not lying next to your woman. Slow doesn't mean celibate!" he yelled from the couch.

I watched the butter melting in the pan as I chopped peppers and onions for the omelet I'd decided to make. I knew from our texting conversations over break that Bella wasn't a picky eater so I felt confident that the she'd be okay with the vegetables I'd set out. I got the bacon out and gave it a sniff. It wasn't a funny color but it had a little bit of an 'off' smell. I decided to go ahead and cook it but made a mental note to have Emmett eat it first if nothing happened to him, I'd serve it to Bella.

I was preoccupied with the breakfast preparations when I heard her voice coming from the living room.

_Shit! The living room!_ The room where my idiot brother was free-balling on the couch! I turned the burners down for the veggies and bacon before sprinting into the living room to save my girl.

I choked back the laughter when I saw Bella patting my blushing brother's cheeks. He had a strangle- hold on the knot at his waist and had the decency to look embarrassed.

I guess Emmett was all bark when it came to not caring whether or not she saw his 'assets'.

"Don't worry your pretty little head Emmett; if I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a rock at it."

_Was that woman perfect, or what? _

Bella turned and smiled when she found me leaning against the door jamb.

"Hi," she waved, smiling hesitantly at me.

It was evident in the way her arms were folded across her middle that she was worried. Last night, we'd scratched the scabs off each other's old wounds and, while I was confident that we'd be able to deal with any residual bleeding. I apparently needed to reassure my girl.

I pushed off the wall and with a couple of strides had her in my arms. She melted into my embrace.

"Good morning, beautiful," I whispered into her adorable bed head.

"Good morning," was her muffled response.

Emmett took that opportunity to scuttle his naked ass down the hall and into his room.

"Are you hungry?" I pulled back to look into her gorgeous brown eyes. She nodded enthusiastically.

"Care to accompany me to the kitchen where I'm preparing mouthwatering omelets?"

"That sounds wonderful. Do I smell bacon?" Her eyes lit up as the smell of the half cooked, funky smelling pork made its way into the living room.

"Um, yeah, let's focus on the eggs for now." No need to get her hopes up regarding the bacon until after the 'Emmett test'.

Tucking her hand into the crook of my arm, I gently led her into the kitchen. Bells took a seat at the butcher block table.

She grabbed a napkin using it to wipe at the makeup under her eyes.

Stepping back, I took in her rumpled appearance. The stunning blue sweater that hugged her body so beautifully was wrinkled; there were mascara smudges under her eyes and I doubted very much if she'd be able to run a brush through all of the knots.

_Fuck, she was beautiful._

Under my gaze, Bella tilted her head down and subconsciously began running her fingers through her hair, attempting to tame the knots.

"I must look a fright."

"You look beautiful, as always," I said softly and was gifted with a bright smile.

I knew that she had a skewed vision of herself and I was going to take every opportunity to make her see herself as I did.

Bella sat up straight in her chair and took a deep breath. "It smells wonderful. I didn't know you could cook."

"What, you thought we survived on frozen pizza and beer?" I quipped, turning the burners back on and resumed my chopping.

"Not just pizza and beer. I figured there was the odd cheeseburger thrown in here and there." I turned to see her smirk.

_Yeah, she thought that she had me pegged. _

"Well, get ready to be impressed," I boasted, as the peppers and onions sizzled in the pan. I hurriedly cracked the eggs and began whisking the shit out of them, just how Chef Ramsey said to do it. Once they looked sufficiently fluffy, I poured them into the hot pan, careful to make sure that the sides were coated.

"Can I help with anything?" Bella pointed toward the pan of dubious bacon and started to get up.

I sprang into action, quickly turning the slices of bacon myself. "Um, could you maybe set the table?" I pointed to the cabinets where the plates and glasses were kept.

"Okay."

_Whew, that was close. _

"Will Emmett be eating with us?" she asked, moving to get the plates down.

"Not unless the fucker puts some pants on," I stated loudly enough for the 'fucker' in question to hear.

Bella giggled.

"Does he often wander around without pants?"

"More often than I care to admit." It was the truth. That idiot loved being naked. Mom said that even as a kid, he'd start shedding clothes as soon as he got inside the house after school. She even admitted to having a secret 'Bail Emmett Out of Jail Fund." She was sure that before he graduated from school, she'd have to bail him out for streaking. I wasn't at all surprised to find out that she had such a fund, only that she hadn't had to use it yet.

"That's so weird."

"Yeah, well, that's Emmett." The bacon spit and splattered as it sizzled in the hot pan.

"I'm only gone for a few minutes and you two can't keep from talking about me." We both turned to see my big brother lounged against the doorway with a huge smile on his face and bright yellow SpongBob SquarePants bottoms covering his junk.

_Thank fuck. _

Ignoring the oaf, I turned back to my burners. After adding some cheese to the eggs, I turned the burner off and grabbed a pot holder so I could set the pan on the table.

"Whatcha making Julia?" Emmett asked, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"Stuff it, dick weed. Grab the milk." He laughed and headed for the fridge.

"Julia?" Bella asked, casting a quizzical glance at me.

I opened my mouth to explain but Em beat me to it.

"You know, Julia Child. Edward the homemaker over there has been channeling that broad since we came to school." I flipped him off and turned the slices of bacon. On the off chance that the bacon was good, I didn't want to serve Bella burned pork.

"Well, I think a man that can cook is sexy."

"Yeah?" I turned to look at her.

She nodded and bit her lip. "Oh, yeah."

_Did it just get hot in here?_

"Thanks babe." I leaned in and kissed her softly.

"You're welcome." She smiled before deepening the kiss. Her hands fisted into my shirt, pulling me closer. My right hand moved to her waist as my left went to the soft hair at her neck, quickly becoming entangled in the mass of curls.

"Do you guys mind? Not only am I trying to eat, but I'm also a little sexually frustrated here. Watching soft porn at the breakfast table isn't helping either of those problems."

We pulled apart to find Emmett smirking from the far side of the table.

Blushing, Bella removed her hands and leaned back into her chair. I missed her immediately and wanted nothing more than to pull her back and continue the kiss, but she was obviously embarrassed; neither one of us was interested in giving Emmett a free show.

"You already ate, fat-ass." Reluctantly, I moved away from her and finished breakfast.

"I'm a growing boy. Feed me Seymour." He patted his flat stomach. Bella chuckled and I rolled my eyes.

"Don't encourage him, babe."

"I can't help it. He's so cute, just like a puppy."

"A puppy?" Emmett grimaced before swiping several pieces of bacon.

_That's right, subject number one. Eat the bacon._ _Eat the bacon._

Bella leaned over and patted Em's giant paw. "A very cute puppy. One with dimples." She flashed him one of her killer smiles and just like that, she had him eating out of her hand. It was actually kind of nice to see that I wasn't the only one who was reduced to looking like a simpering fool.

Silence fell over the room as we all dug into our meal. I covertly pushed the bacon plate farther away from Bella and kept a close eye on Em for any signs of food poisoning.

_So far so good. _

"Dude, why do you keep looking at me like that?" I tried not to grimace as chunks of egg flew out of his mouth.

"I can't help it. You're just so cute." He scowled and went right back to shoveling eggs and bacon into the gaping hole on his face.

"Can I have some bacon?"

"Um, sure. Em, how are you feeling?" My brother stopped eating and gave me a sideways glance. He put his fork down and took a big gulp of milk.

"Well, other than the fact that my brother is being a bigger tool than usual, I'm fine, Mom. Geez, you're being weird." He shook his head and offered the bacon to Bella.

"Here you go, Bellabee. Ignore the idiot sitting next to you." She giggled and took a piece off the plate.

The rest of the meal went without incident or embarrassment. Emmett offered to clean the dishes so Bella and I wandered back into the living room, where she helped me fold up the remnants of my couch bed.

"Thank you for sleeping out here last night," Bella said softly while helping me fold a blanket. Her eyes were wide and searching. Our hands met at the corners and I clasped her hand tightly, pulling her close.

"_Anything_ for you." I looked her right in the eyes, hoping she understood the depth of my words. I was rewarded with a big smile.

Our kiss was slow and telling.

We were reconnecting.

I threw the blanket aside and pulled her close. She fell into my arms with no effort and if I hadn't been completely absorbed with the feeling of her lips on mine, I would've stopped to congratulate myself for getting her back into my life.

My knees hit the back of the couch and I flopped onto the cushion bringing her with me. She settled onto my lap. I didn't even bother to hide my groan when she grazed my burgeoning erection. We'd fought tooth and nail to get to this point and I wanted nothing more than to throw her down on the couch to ravage the fuck out of her.

Only two things were stopping me. Bella wanted to take it slow and ripping her clothes off for a quick fuck on the couch was definitely not taking it slow. She needed to know that I was in this relationship for the long haul which meant she needed to take the lead sexually. The second _thing_ was wearing cartoon character pants and was staring at us while leaning on the doorjamb with a banana stuck in his mouth.

Grudgingly, I pulled my lips away from Bella's and tried to keep her hips off my crotch.

"More, need more," she moaned, pressing harder into me.

"Bella baby…" I tried to pull our lips apart but she cut me off with another searing kiss and dick rub. "We need…fuck…we need to talk." I barely had the ability to speak with her soft lips and hot center touching me in all the right places.

"Damn, guys, you need to get a room or wait until I can grab a chair and get comfortable."

"Eeeek!" Bella squeaked, scrambling off my lap and hiding her face with her hands. She was mortified at being caught making out like a horny teen by the house ape.

I suppressed the urge to laugh along with Emmett. I settled for a silent chuckle and put my arm around Bella, tucking her into my side so she could hide her head in my shoulder.

"Shhh, baby, don't worry. I'll find something shiny and it'll distract him long enough for us to get away."

Bella pulled her head away and looked over at Emmett. He was waggling his eyebrows at us in what I guessed was him trying to be suggestive but ended up looking like he might be having a small stroke.

_The twit never could wink worth a damn. _

"Emmett, do you think you could give us a little privacy?"

"Sure, bro, I'll leave you two to _talk_ some more," he leered before ambling down the hallway giggling like the overgrown fool he was. Bella kept her face hidden until the slamming of his bedroom door was heard.

We sat silently side- by- side on the couch after Emmett walked away. I've never been one for needing to fill silence with awkward conversation; I was delighted to find out that Bella was the same.

The clock on top of the TV mocked me with its irritating need to remind me that it was getting late and Bella would soon leave. I wanted to keep her but knew that we weren't _there _yet.

The sound of Emmett's shower turning on reiterated how late in the morning it had become.

"Um, I should probably go." Bella pulled away from my side and got up from the couch. She kept hold of my hand as she stood. My arm stretched out in the space between us.

It was uncomfortable, but was I going to pull away?

_Fuck no. _

"OK. If you have to." She played gently with my fingers and giggled at my attempt at a pout.

_I still had to try, right?_

My impulse was to grab her hips and pull her back down onto my lap. I could've sat on this couch all day kissing the lips right off her face, but I knew that wasn't going to happen yet.

"I do. I need to take a shower and I should probably have a talk with Alice." My fantasy of Bella in my shower surrounded by my scent was rudely interrupted by the unwelcomed mention of my devil cousin.

From the slight grimace on Bella's face, it was apparent that she wasn't looking forward to dealing with the tiny tyrant either.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Not that I really wanted to be around the black- haired witch, but I would do anything for Bella.

She smiled and shook her head. "Thank you, but no. I think it would be better if it were just me. You kind of rub her the wrong way and I'd like her to listen to me with an open mind." Her head tilted to the side and she gave me a sideways stare.

"Call me crazy, but I doubt very much that will happen if you're within a mile radius. Your proximity tends to make her lose all rational thought. "

I laughed and tugged her gently forward until she stood between my legs. I rested my hands on her hips, my fingers eased under her sweater to gently stroke her soft skin. Bella gasped softly at the contact

"I don't think Taz is the only woman I affect that way." I waggled my eyebrows and smirked.

Bella guffawed, and slapped my shoulder as she moved out of my personal space. "Conceited much Cullen?"

I stood up and trapped her in my arms, leaning down for a kiss. I pulled back and whispered into her ear, "You're the only woman I want to make lose control. I'm counting the minutes until I get you back into my bed so I can make you lose control over and over. Oh the things I want to do to you baby." Bella shivered as my intent sunk in.

I took possession of her lips, our hips pressed together as her arms wound around my neck. She was holding onto me just as tightly as I held her.

Everything else disappeared as we melded together.

It was my turn to moan when Bella's tongue pushed its way into my mouth, dominating mine.

"_For fucks sake's!_ This is exactly how I left you two horn dogs half an hour ago!" Bella abruptly broke off our kiss and pulled out of my arms at Emmett's bellow.

_Damn his terrible timing! _

Emmett shook his head in mock disgust and flopped down into his recliner. He reached over and flipped on the Xbox. As the eerie tones of _Halo_ began blaring out of the speakers, it became apparent that Em was done giving us any privacy.

Emmett's body language had taken a dramatic change from an hour ago. The jovial attitude he'd been displaying an hour ago had been replaced with a glowering frown. It was clear that while being genuinely happy for Bella and I, there was only so much my happy-go-lucky brother could take of our displays of affection before the reality of his relationship with Rose set in.

As much as I wanted to keep my girl trapped in my arms all day, I wasn't as heartless to keep flaunting our relationship in front of Em.

I turned to Bella and grabbed her right hand. "Come on, I'll help you get your stuff." We left the scowling Emmett to his alien killing and trudged down the hallway to my room.

I sat down on the bed and watched silently as she gathered her shoes and purse. She sat down beside me and slipped on her shoes.

"I don't want you to go."

"I know, but I need to speak to Alice. And, you may need to spend a little time with your brother." She nudged my shoulder. I let her slight body weight jostle me for a moment before moving back toward her, rolling until I was hovering over her.

I stared into her deep brown eyes and sighed. "Promise me that if I let you go, you'll come back."

Even though we'd come so far in our relationship, I knew that Taz was still a problem and it terrified me that she would try to undo everything we'd accomplished.

"I promise." I nuzzled into her hand as she caressed my cheek.

"OK," I said softly, looking off to the side and staring at the comforter.

"Edward, look at me." She nudged my cheek until my eyes met up with hers.

I could lose myself in those chocolate depths and never find my way back.

"I promise."

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><p>We're getting close to the end people! Does anyone think that Alice will be 'just fine' with Edward and Bella's reconciliation? LOL!<p>

As always, thank you for reading!

ruinedbyrob


	20. Chapter 20

As always, I couldn't do this without Mullet86's advice and keen eye for misplaced commas and missing letters. She is my sunshine on a cloudy day.

**Disclaimer:** S. Meyer owns the original characters but graciously allows all of us to borrow them. And for that I'll be eternally grateful.

* * *

><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

Chapter 22

I unceremoniously flopped onto the couch after begrudgingly walking Bella to her car. All of my pleas for her to spend the rest of the day with me instead of seeking out the devil in a black bob, had been ignored as she climbed into her egg shaped car and drove away. Her promise to call me later did little to make me feel better.

"Ah, look it's grumpy cat." Emmett sneered from his chair.

I flipped him off and laid my head back onto the cushions. Even with the bells and whistles of Em's game echoing in the apartment, everything still felt too quiet, too lonely…empty. That's what it was, empty. My life had begun to center around a tiny brunette with a penchant for overly romantic novels and hard rock. And when she wasn't there, nothing seemed right and even though we'd made a lot of head way last night, I couldn't help but be worried that somehow that little viper I was related to would still be able to plant a few seeds of doubt in Bella's mind.

"Hey, you wanna go down to the rec and shoot hoops? This early on a Sunday the courts should be free."

I shook my head at his suggestion and closed my eyes. Maybe I should take a nap? Sleeping always made time go faster.

"How about the gym? We could pump some iron and stare at all of the coeds in their little shorts. It's a twofer! A work out and a show!" His lips rose in what I'm sure he hoped was a sexually suggestive sneer.

_Man, he really was bad at that sort of thing. _

Normally I would be all for a 'show' as my brother so eloquently put it but the only butt I wanted to stare at just drove away in a red oblong named 'Eddie'.

Hugging the pillow close to my chest, I just rolled away from him and stared out the balcony window.

"Fuck Edward, she's been gone a whole ten minutes. You might want to do a self-check because I think Bella took your balls with her!" He threw down his controller and stormed off to the kitchen in a huff.

The electronic sounds of his battalion dying on the battlefield rang out in his wake.

From my position on the couch, I heard cabinets being slammed shut. I knew that his stomping around was surely going to make the guy below us in 5B start poking the ceiling with his damn pool cue again.

That was so fucking annoying.

I got off the couch and followed him into the kitchen. "Jesus Emmett. Stop the stomping. You want 5B to start up?"

"Do I look like I could give a flying fuck about 5B?" He snarled and started jumping in place. Dishes and pictures began to rock and roll as his actions shook the whole apartment.

"Cut it out Em!" I yelled over the clattering kitchenware. I was barely able to catch his glass of orange juice before it toppled to the floor.

"Fuck you!"

_What the fuck was his problem? _

I sat his glass down on the counter and walked over to the jumping fool, grabbing his arm, I momentarily halted his dance routine. "What's your problem? You're stomping around like a moody bitch!"

He roughly pulled his arm out of my grasp, "You want to know what my problem is?" He snarled and took a step towards me.

"Yes!" I snarled back. I didn't know what bee had crawled up his ass, but his attitude was really pissing me off.

Emmett leaned over and got right in my face. Most people would be intimidated by his maneuver, but a lifetime of watching the big ape prance around in his underwear while singing Disney tunes had rendered me immune. Narrowing my eyes, I leaned into him until our noses were nearly touching. I instantly regretted being this close as it was painfully obvious that he hadn't brushed his teeth yet this morning. Despite the smell, I held my ground; I just didn't take really deep breaths.

"I'll tell you what my fucking problem is." Emmett's chest heaved with his anger. "You just spent the night with the girl you've been pining over for months and from the soft porn show I witnessed in the living room, you two have patched things up. Yet, five minutes after she leaves to go home, you have the fucking audacity to come waltzing in here moping around like a fat kid that just dropped his super-dooper double scoop with sprinkles on the sidewalk, while the rest of us don't have even a single fucking scoop!"

His shoulders wilted and the fight left him the minute the words left his mouth.

_Fuck! I was such a bitch!_ _ I wanted to kick my own ass! _

"I'm sorry Em, I was being a dick."

He looked up, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Look man, I get it. You and B are good again and I'm really happy for you." I nodded as he moved slowly and took a seat at the table. He grabbed a napkin and began ripping off small pieces, rolling them into balls with his fingers and flicking them across the table.

"I know Em, it's just that she went to talk to Taz and you know that banshee hates me. What if she turns her against me again?" I slumped into the chair next to him.

"Dude, from what I saw B is firmly back on team Edward. Let Taz say whatever she wants. You have to trust Bella to be able to separate fact from fiction. You came clean last night right?"

"Well yeah, "I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the tension knots that were forming, "most of it."

"Most of it?" I nodded and looked down at my feet.

"What the fuck Edward? You were supposed to lay it all out. Rip the band aid all the fuck off!" The thud of his hand hitting the table echoed in the room.

"I know. I, I…"I stammered.

"You what?" He demanded loudly.

"I told her about Tanya." Emmett nodded encouragingly. "And about the random hookups but I didn't go into any detail." I leaned back in my chair and watched as my brother seemed to contemplate whether or not I'd screwed up, again.

"So, you told her you got screwed over by the bitch royale," I cringed but nodded. "And you _kind of_ explained to her that because of what those two hell hounds did, you hooked up with random women all through high school and college. But, you _didn't _feel the need to explain to her in depth about any of it?"

His lips pursed together in thought. "You told her about the RA?" I nodded.

"The threesome?"

"Yes."

"The hookup in the elevator at Caesars Palace and with that actress from the Treasure Island show."

"Emmett, we didn't go through every time I've had sex." I snapped, slightly pissed off to discover that Jasper had blabbed about that weekend. Obviously what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas.

"I know that. You'd still be talking if that was the case." He snickered.

I could feel the heat from my anger rise in my cheeks at my brother's goading. _Why bring this all up now?_

"So basically you stuck with the safe stuff."

"What are you talking about? Safe? I basically outed myself as a fucking gigolo. I would hardly call that a safe topic."

Emmett snorted, "You're not a gigolo Edward. Gigolos get paid and they dress better."

"Make your damn point, Em." I growled.

He smiled crookedly and leaned closer to me, "My point little brother, is that you only told her about the safe stuff. If Alice brings up the randoms, Bella can blow it all off because you covered the basics and she knows about that your actions were in reaction to what Tanya did, but what happens if she brings up Angela?"

My hands clenched into fists at her name. There was a reason I didn't bring that up with Bella. I could tell her about the others because she would understand how easy it was for me to lose myself in those other women. They knew what buttons to push, what words to say and just where to touch me to get what they wanted.

What we both wanted.

How do I explain Angela? She was a virgin. Inexperienced, untouched…how do I explain why I didn't walk away from her?

"It's not my story to tell." The words felt like a lie as they left my mouth.

"Bullshit!"

"It's not bullshit."

"The fuck it isn't." My mouth opened to voice another denial, but Emmett beat me to it.

"You say that shit because you don't want to admit the truth."

"And I suppose you know what the truth is?"

"You're damn right I do."

"No you don't." I dared him to explain what I couldn't.

His eyes narrowed as he leaned in close. His voice was low and even. "You fucked those other girls because they needed you. You slept with Angela because _you needed her_." He grinned like he'd just solved the mystery of the Red Cuckoo Clock or some other Hardy Boy shit, and sat back into his chair.

I was at a loss. What the fuck did he mean? I needed her? _She_ came to _me _and asked _me_ to take _her_ fucking virginity.

My brother was losing it.

I snorted and shook my head slowly, "Right, Em. I needed to take another girl's virginity like I needed a shotgun blast to my ass." I got up from the table to leave. It was obvious he'd lost his mind. I didn't want to be around if he decided to take his pants off and start pissing on the floor.

Emmett grabbed my wrist. "Sit back down little brother. I'm going to explain this to you. And I'll use small words so you'll be sure to understand."

I shook his hand off and took off toward the door. "Fuck you, Em."

"Edward, sit the fuck down!" My moose of a brother rarely raised his voice. He hated the thought of being gruff or rough with anyone. So when he felt the need to yell, you listened.

I grudgingly returned to the table and took my seat. I stared ahead at the wall. I could hear Em sighing in frustration next to me.

"Look, after what happened it made sense for you to lose yourself in every willing female that crossed your path. By _doing _them, you showed Tanya that she was wrong, that she'd fucked up. You proved to her that you were not only desired by other women but sought out for your uh, coughskillscough." My body bristled at the mention of my 'skills'. I couldn't deny that in the past I hadn't taken a little pride in my sexual prowess. But I couldn't also say that being that _guy_ hadn't also caused me some problems either.

"Emmett, I'm not interested in rehashing that Tanya shit…"

"Don't get your panties in a twist Ed, I'm getting there." He interrupted. I had to lean back in my chair as he reached across me to pick up his discarded juice glass and took a big swig.

"Aahh," He exclaimed, using his sleeve to wipe the drips from his mouth. "I needed that. Trying to talk sense to you is a dry job." I crossed my arms and humphed in my chair, waiting impatiently for him to continue.

"When you were with those women, how did it make you feel?"

"What the hell Em?" The irritation in my voice was not at all masked in my voice.

"Humor me."

"Fine. It felt good, OK?" If he thought I was going to go into more detail, he was dead fucking wrong.

Em rolled his eyes. "I know it felt _good _here," He pointed to my groin." but how did it make you feel in here?"

"Ouch!" I exclaimed when he poked me roughly in the chest.

"Don't be such a baby. Answer the question."

I rubbed what I was sure would become an Emmett finger sized bruise, and thought about what he said.

I didn't answer him. Truthfully, I wasn't sure what the damn answer was.

"Look, there are two kinds of sex. The first kind makes you feel good, but it eventually wears off and you're left just as empty as you were before. That's what you felt with all of those random women." I turned away from him. I didn't want to show the emotion that I'm sure was displayed on my face. "They needed you to make them feel good and that's what you did. They _took_ from you. Sure you got some enjoyment out of the deal." He smirked when he said enjoyment. "But you made sure that your head and your heart were left out of the equation. Being with those women didn't fulfill any of your needs other than the purely physical ones. "

He was right. All of the sex I'd had with those random women was nothing but sex, a physical release. Nothing more. When we were done, I thanked them for an enjoyable evening and then walked away, back to my empty bed with nothing but my thoughts for company.

"You OK?"

"Yeah." I nodded and shook off his concern.

Emmett let out a deep breath, "The second kind of sex fills you with warmth, passion and makes you feel valued, accepted and needed." His voice got soft and he leaned into me, "You were looking for that with Angela. And with the other's like her."

My shoulders slumped forward, I allowed my head to follow suit. I stared at the kitchen floor as Emmett's words ran circles in my head.

_Valued. Accepted. Needed. _

"Sleeping with those girls, the ones that were virgins, you were with them because they made you feel worthy. You were gentle and kind with them…and made sure that their first experience was good. You gave them that and they give you clearity. When you were with them, you weren't the Edward that Tanya fucked over. You were able to let it all go and be the Edward I grew up with. The Edward that was just as kind and loving as he was tenacious and daring. I'm willing to bet my left nut that you didn't even worry about your own release when you were with them did you?"

I shook my head no. I didn't trust myself to speak.

"That's what I thought. You _needed them_ Edward. You were looking to find something inside that proved you were still a good person. After all that bullshit with the she-bitch, you decided that all you were good for was sex. And when

women asked for sex, you provided. So, by giving those girls a sweet and tender first time, you were validating yourself and in essence, trying to cleanse yourself from the bad shit that Tanya left behind in her wake."

Emmett's words surrounded me like a blanket of cactus branches. I felt slimy and cold. And my skin felt as if it was being poked by a thousand sharp barbs.

If I was looking to lose myself with the experienced women and trying to find myself with the inexperienced ones, how did he explain my reaction to Bella? Being with her had been the most fulfilling experience of my life and she was most certainly not a virgin.

She was perfect.

I was not.

A comforting hand landed on my shoulder. "Edward, having sex with multiple partners doesn't make you a bad person. But purposely hiding the best parts of you away so that no one could get close to you did one thing and one thing only; it hid the real Edward from the world."

The real Edward? Who was the real Edward? I'm not sure I knew anymore.

"Emmett, I'm not sure what to make of all of this."

"There's nothing to make of it. The past is the past and whatever you were looking for, you found it with Bella. But Edward, I didn't blow my chance with Rose just so you could cover the basics. I stood behind you because it was time and it was right. My body sagged as the big paw on my shoulder squeezed.

"You have to get it all out Edward. Once you do that, Taz will have nothing to use to drive a wedge between the two of you. Do it so she can't throw anything back into Bella's face. It's not your fault that Angela stopped speaking to Taz, that's between her and Angela. You should tell Bella everything and then maybe you guys will have a chance at something special, something long lasting and worth fighting for."

He moved his hand off my shoulder, got up from the table and walked to the doorway, "It's time you left all of the Tanya bullshit behind. This is your chance. Don't fuck it up with half-truths and _basic _information. Tell her everything, Edward. And tell her now. She deserves it, you deserve it and damn it, so do I." His words hung in the air as he walked down the hallway.

In the past, my first inclination was to usually ignore all advice from Emmett, but I had to admit that recently the big soft hearted doofus had been getting things right lately.

I checked the clock on the microwave; Bella had been gone for only an hour. Maybe if I hurried, I could get to her before she spoke to Alice.

The kitchen chair squealed loudly against the linoleum in my haste to catch up with Bella. I hurried down the hallway to my room, thinking about what Emmett had said. He was right, I'd screwed up.

I stripped out of my sleep pants and threw on a fresh pair of boxers because, _yuck_. A pair of jeans, t-shirt and a fleece hoodie completed my attire. I brushed my teeth and swiped some Axe deodorant under both arms. Glancing in the mirror it's obvious that I should take some time and try to get my hair into some kind of order, but from experience, I knew I didn't have the time to even try. So I wet my hands under the faucet and raked my fingers through the unruly strands. At least I no longer looked like a porcupine coming off a two night bender. I threw the hand towel onto the counter and ran back into my room. I grabbed my wallet and phone off my dresser, grabbed my brown Clark's Bushacre boots and bounced down the hallway towards the door.

Emmett had resumed his spot in the recliner and was back in killing mode.

I grabbed my keys and stopped with my hand on the door knob. I turned back towards my brother.

He looked up from the game at me. I owed my brother so much, but I didn't know how to tell him.

I nervously ran my hand through my hair. "Um, Em, I um…"

"Go talk to your woman Edward. Get it all out once and for all." I nodded and opened the door to leave. I was halfway through the door when I heard him speak softly, "I love you too bro."

I opened my mouth to say something back, but he was already turned back to his game. Smiling, I let the door close gently behind me and went to go find my girl.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you all for reading and taking the time to leave me a review. Your kind words and encouragement keeps me moving forward. ~ ruinedbyrob<strong>

**Rec's:**

**Deviant** by Planetblu _Manchu owns my ass!_

**The Art of Getting Fluffed** by ChocolateSparrow _Yes, it's as funny as it sounds and Edward, aka Bunny, drives a classic muscle car. *Swoon!* _

Do yourselves a favor and put those two on alerts now!


	21. Chapter 21

I must apologize for wrongly titling the last update as, 'Chapter 22'. It was in fact only Chapter 20. Don't worry, you didn't miss anything.

My Beta is Mullet86. Please join me in wishing her a complete recovery as she battles a nasty bout of bronchitis. Feel better lovie!

Special announcement at the end of the chapter. Please read.

**Disclaimer:** We know who owns Twilight and we all know that it's not me. *sad panda face*

**Tailspin**

**Chapter 21 **

"_This is Bella Swan. Please leave a message after the beep."_ My groan of frustration echoed in Vanessa's otherwise silent interior. When Bella left my apartment her plan was to head back to the apartment that she shared with Taz. I'd hoped to catch her with a phone call and beg her to hold off on the conversation with the little spikey haired harpy, until I could speak to her.

Emmett's advice was right on. I should have told Bella everything when I had the chance.

You can't move forward until your history has been truly buried. And that meant I needed to tell her about Angela before Alice did.

"_This is Bella Swan…" _

"Damn!" I threw my phone into the passenger seat without leaving a message. After the second message, I figured it wasn't worth leaving another one.

Vanessa hummed quietly as I drove along the slushy roads to Bella's apartment. The sunshine that had been out earlier was now hidden behind thick, gray clouds. The heavy snow we'd gotten last night had stubbornly decided to stay in half water, half ice state, making the roads messy and causing everyone to drive slowly which in turn was slowing my progress to Bella's.

Needless to say I was a bit cranky.

Several shaky lane changes and one quick 'bird' flip later, Bella's apartment building came into view.

I pulled into the parking lot and let out a small breath upon spying that hideous oval Bella drove and pulled into a spot several cars down from 'Eddie'.

She was still here.

Bella and Taz shared an apartment in a building not unlike the one I lived in. It was more upscale than normal student housing, but not so ritzy that you'd get thrown out for one or two loud parties and a homecoming incident of streaking in the parking lot, courtesy of Emmett.

Where she lived made more sense now that I knew she shared with my fashion forward cousin. I'd only been in the apartment that one time, but it was long enough to get the feeling that the décor was not Bella.

Bella was all warmth, comfort and understanding. Alice was not someone I would consider, 'warm' or 'comforting', and in my experience I've never known her to be particularly understanding, especially when it came to me.

I walked into the lobby giving the short blond dude behind the desk a half wave and walked with purpose toward the elevators.

"Excuse me!"

I stopped short at the sound of his high pitched demand and turned around to face 'squeaky'.

He eyed me suspiciously as he pulled up his pants and waddled up to me. "Do you live in this building?" His cheeks puffed out when he spoke. He reminded me of one of a puffer fish documentary I'd seen on National Geographic. I had to stifle a laugh when he pulled out a clip board from behind his back and made a big show of ruffling the pages while he waited for me to speak.

I could tell right away that this guy was a classic example of someone having 'Little Big Man's' disease. His size and stature were not in scale to what I'm sure was an elevated idea of his position, which from what I could see consisted of wearing an ill-fitting uniform and guarding the front desk of an apartment building with the misplaced tenacity of a rabid dog.

I was so not in the mood for his crap.

I turned on my heel and looked down at him from my considerable height advantage. "No, but my girlfriend, Bella, does." My heart thrilled at my words. _Girlfriend_

His eyes narrowed as he spoke. "I _know _Bella; and I _know_ she doesn't have a boyfriend, _buddy_." He reached for my arm, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave." I easily side stepped his chubby fingered hand and poked the elevator button.

The way he said, _"I know Bella"_ had my hackles raised.

I leaned forward so that I towered over the chubby little Ewok. "You have old information, _buddy_, because I can assure you that she _does_ have a boyfriend. And I'm that boyfriend."

His eyes fell slightly at my insistence that Bella was taken. I almost laughed at the dejected look on his face, but then again, hadn't my face been wearing the same look for months as I waited for Bella to relent and give me a chance to explain?

Despite that fact that this guy obviously had a crush on my girl, which incidentally irritated the fuck out of me, he was also just doing his job. Part of me was happy that he was here keeping low life scum from entering the building and possibly putting Bella in jeopardy.

I decided to make it easy on the little guy. I reached into my back pocket, grabbing my wallet and produced my driver's license. "Look, here's my I.D." His little 'Hobbit' hand snatched it out of my palm and stared at it for several minutes.

"Edward Cullen, 3800 Westbrook Drive, six foot-two, one hundred and ninety eight pounds …"

I reached out and snatched my license back before he rattled off my blood type and whether or not I was an organ donor.

For the record, I was.

I shoved the license back into its plastic sleeve and smoothly slipped the wallet back into my pants pocket. "There, now you have my name and other vital information," I pushed the button on the elevator again, "remember it for later because I don't want to get hassled every time I visit _my girl_." The elevator door opened and I hustled in giving 'Frodo' a wink as the door shut on his little round face.

The bravado I had in the lobby quickly dissolved as the elevator quickly climbed to Bella's floor.

I kept replaying Emmett's earlier assurances that Bella was on 'Team Edward' in my head like a mantra. Hoping that it would help keep me calm when I faced the shrew. Neither one of us pulled any punches with each other in the past, but I didn't want to give any more credence to whatever crap I'm sure Alice was spewing to Bella by adding fuel to the fire.

I needed to keep my temper under control.

The doors opened and with a deep breath, I stepped out into the hallway. It wasn't thirty seconds before I heard their voices echoing in the empty hallway.

The shrill sound of Alice's voice tore through me like an electric shock right to my central nervous center.

For a moment I could swear my legs actually buckled at the nails on a chalk board like sound, but I gathered my wits and hustled down the hall towards the horrible screeching noise.

I reached Bella's door as the very words I was afraid to hear, filled the hallway..

"_He's nothing but a womanizing manwhore!" _Alice's words hurt, but it's not as if I wasn't expecting to hear them.

My fists clenched tightly as I waited outside their door for Bella's reply.

"_You don't know what you're talking about. Besides, he told me everything and I understand why he did what he did." _Bella's voice was just as strong but nowhere as fucking irritating as Alice's.

My heart swelled at hearing Bella coming to my defense.

"_Understand? You understand? For fuck sakes Bella, what the hell excuse did he feed you?"_

"_It doesn't matter Alice. What matters is that I know everything and there's so much more to him than you or even he thinks there is!" _

She thought there was more to me?

"_Everything? He told you about my dorm roommate?"_

Bella's reply was strong and even. _"Yes."_

"_What about my freshman RA and…"_

"_Yes and the others. I told you it doesn't matter and besides, I understand what drove him to be that guy. What matters to me is that he's not that guy anymore." _ I smiled picturing Bella standing there pleading my case to Taz. I bet her little fists were on her hips looking all bad ass and sexy.

"_Oh please. All he cares about is getting his rocks off." _ I imagined fire coming out of Alice's horns as she listed off my major character flaw.

"_That's not true!"_ Bella's voice rang out loudly with her denial.

"_OK then, what did he tell you happened to turn him into such a user?" _Alice demanded, snootily

My forehead hit the door with an audible _'thunk'_. I placed my palms on the smooth surface, trying to hold myself up. _Shit! _I didn't want Bella to lie, but I also wasn't willing to have her spill all of my secrets either.

Bella's voice was softer as she spoke, the same conviction was evident, but her voice had taken on a less argumentative tone. _"I know about Tanya."_

I expected my heart to do that clenching thing it usually does whenever _her_ name was spoken, but this time I didn't feel the pain or panic that the mention of Tanya usually evoked. Instead, there was calmness, a kind of peace.

Not that I was at peace with the shit that bitch did to me. No. I knew I was more screwed in the head than that. However, knowing that Bella had chosen to be with me, despite everything I'd done, and that someone as wonderful as her wanted to be in my life, made the worthlessness that lived in my soul dim several degrees.

That peaceful feeling was fleeting as Alice continued her tirade._ "So let me get this straight, getting dumped in high school is all it takes to earn a get out of jail free card to 'fuck and dump' any female within a thirty mile radius? Grow up Bella. Who hasn't gotten dumped? It's happened to both of us and you don't see me whoring my way through the student listings." _

"_You know what Alice, first, I am a grown up. A grown up understands that people make mistakes and are able to forgive and move forward. Secondly, he didn't just get dumped. It was a hell of a lot worse than that."_

"_Bullshit!" _I briefly wondered what my aunt would say about her 'precious' daughter's filthy mouth. I didn't have much time to reflect on that thought as they continued their discussion.

"_It doesn't matter what you think. I know the truth and that's all that matters." _

"_You don't even know him Bella."_

"_I know him a lot better than you think."_

I heard the not so delicate tone of Alice snorting. _"One night of hard fucking doesn't mean you know him_! _Otherwise half of the coeds on campus know him just as well as you think you do!"_

That's it! I'd had enough of her heaping that shit onto Bella. And I wasn't going to put up with her degrading the beautiful night we'd shared.

My fist came down heavily on the shiny door. "_Bang!" "Bang!" "Bang!"_

"Who the hell is that?" Alice asked loudly, clearly pissed off by the interruption. I knew that once she found out it was me behind the door, her mood would definitely not be improving.

"I don't know Alice. Maybe we should answer the door and find out?" My angel sarcastically fired back.

I heard a shuffle of feet before Bella asked, "Who is it?" through the door.

I took a deep breath and attempted to keep the anger that was directed solely at my cousin out of my voice. "It's me baby, open the door."

I smiled when I heard the familiar and comforting sounds of several locks being released as she rushed to open the door.

Bella face shone brightly as she flung her arms round my neck and tugged me into her body. I gladly returned her hug and breathed deeply in her sweet scent.

"What are you doing here?" She asked softly in my ear, before pulling away to look me in the eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes were filled with both the warmth and kindness I knew ran deep within her soul. I could also see the toll that the argument with Alice was taking on her physically. Even though her eyes were shining brightly at me, she looked weary.

Her face was creased and the smile that was currently on her face didn't quite make it all the way to her eyes.

I ran my thumb gently across her cheek bone, delighting when her smile deepened at my touch. She breathed heavily and leaned into my hand. The weariness weighing her slender shoulders slowly eased as we reconnected.

"I'm glad you're here" she mouthed. Smiling, I leaned in and took he lips in a gentle kiss, cupping her face gently between my palms. Her plump lips were pliant under my own. The soft moans she emitted were making my body twitch all over to take our connection to a much deeper level. And if the impatient muscle in my pants, currently straining to break through its jean prison had anything to say about it, the level we'd be at right now would be horizontal. But he'd have to wait. I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Bella and I had to start our relationship out right and that meant my cock would have to wait until the 'upstairs brain' put everything back to right.

And then he would have his time.

I broke our kiss and whispered into her ear, "I couldn't let you do this alone and…" I paused and leaned my forehead onto hers while I gathered my courage. "there's more I need to tell you."

"I don't need to know anymore. I've heard all I need to hear." Her words warmed my heart even if I knew she was wrong.

I smiled at her, pushing a lock of hair away from her face

"Well, aren't you two cozy? Come to fuck another of my friendships up Edwhore?" Bella tensed at Alice's words, determined to take as much of the brunt of her anger as possible, I turned so that Bella was now somewhat shielded by my body. I knew the motion was empty as Alice wasn't attacking her physically, but I felt better having done it.

My lips pursed into a tight line as I addressed the little witch, "You know what? From the sound of the shit you were spewing, I think you were doing a fine enough job of destroying the friendship yourself Alice." I didn't come here to fight with her, but after what she'd just said to my girl, I wasn't going to play nice.

Bella tensed at my words and hid her face into my chest. I knew I'd just made the situation worse, but damn it, if I was going to allow her to say those things to Bella and not answer for them.

Alice made a disgusted sound and dropped heavily into the burgundy leather couch, her arms were crossed defiantly over her chest. "Like it even matters, she's already under your spell; nothing I say will make a difference." Her voice dropped as she muttered her next sentence, "Just like always."

If it hadn't been for the slight sound of honest pain in her voice, I'd been tempted to fire back an equally hateful statement. As it was, I wasn't just here to come clean with Bella. This was also my chance to make amends with a member of my family that I'd unintentionally hurt more times than I could count.

I smiled down at the tense woman in my arms and began kneading her shoulders soothingly while placing soft kisses on her forehead and around her eyes. Slowly, I could feel her body start to relax.

She breathed heavily and leaned into me. "I didn't want to fight with her, but she wouldn't give me a chance to explain and when…." She took in and exhaled another deep breath, "when she brought up all those other women, I didn't know what to say to her to explain why you felt that casual sex and single nights of intimacy were all you felt you were good for."

"It's your story Edward. " Her deep eyes bored into mine, willing me to understand "You have to tell her or she'll never forgive you. And you'll never be a family again." She paused and cast her sorrowful eyes towards the couch where Alice was sitting, stonily. "I don't want to lose her if I can help it." Those deep brown eyes bored back into mine and I nodded, pecking her lips once more with a soft kiss.

I understood what she meant. If Alice couldn't accept us being together, Bella would choose me over her. And once again, I would've cost Alice another friend. The hurt reflected in my girl's eyes shot through me like a knife.

I relinquished my hold on Bella. With what I hoped was an encouraging smile, I twined our hands together and gently tugged her towards the couch where Alice sat. Taz's eyes never left the spot on the carpet she was staring at as I maneuvered Bella to sit beside me on the matching love seat, across from my cousin. Bella's grip in my hand tightened as she stared at Alice.

I was used to seeing fire in my cousin's eyes. I was alarmed at the blankness that was reflected in them now. For the first time, I understood I had put that look on her face and the bile in her heart.

"Alice, I'm sorry." I could feel Bella's smile from her place at my side. "I know I've screwed up."

"That's an understatement." Alice huffed. I bit back my retort.

I ran my free hand through my hair and tugged harshly, working out what I was going to say.

"And I understand that my actions have hurt you. I also understand why you don't want someone you love to be with me. But I love her too." Bella laid her head on my shoulder and gently squeezed my hand when I said I loved her. I looked down at her and smiled. It's not how I wanted to proclaim my feelings, but they just rolled out naturally, as if I'd been saying it every day for years. It was a sentence I was hoping Bella would give me the chance to repeat on a daily basis.

"Are fucking kidding me? You don't know what love is." Her shrill voice seemed to bounce off the walls to hit me straight in my gut. I couldn't yell and scream at her, proclaiming how wrong she was, but part of me knew that she was right.

I thought I loved Tanya.

I was wrong.

What I had with Tanya was a bastardized version of love. Love was about give and take.

With Tanya there was only taking.

It's wanting more for your partner than you do for yourself and being willing to give up your ego and selfishness in order for them to have what they need. In my case, it meant that I had to open up the wound that Tanya left on my heart and let everything I'd been bottling up inside spill out for her to see, in order to make amends so that the woman I cared for more than my own life didn't lose someone she loved.

Alice was wrong. I knew what love was.

"You're wrong Alice," I kept my voice calm but still strong so that she had no misunderstanding regarding my meaning.

Her eyes shifted to Bella and me. They were narrowed in disbelief and her posture was still very stiff and unyielding. I hoped her heart would be more pliant. I had one thing going for me and that was the knowledge that despite what Alice had said to Bella, I knew that she cared about her and that nugget of truth was what spurred me to say my next sentence.

"If you care about Bella as much as I think you do," Alice's eyes seemed to soften a bit. "you'll listen with an open mind."

Alice looked away. She grabbed a pillow, hugging it tightly to her chest.

With a quick kiss on my cheek, Bella moved away from me to go sit next to Taz.

I felt empty the moment she left my side.

Bella put her arm around my cousin and spoke gently. "Alice, there are things you don't know and if you give him a chance, Edward just might make you see things a little differently." Alice snorted at Bella's words, but didn't pull away from her touch.

_That has to be a good thing right? _

"Alice, you're my best friend and I love you like a sister," Alice nodded in agreement at her statement. "please listen to him. I want us to all be friends."

"Friends? You want me to be his friend?" Alice pulled away from Bella, getting up and pacing in front of the two couches, the heat was back in her words. "I may have to _accept_ that my best friend is giving her heart away to someone who will end up breaking it into a million pieces and I may have to _accept_ that you will end up blaming me when he does exactly that, but I _do not _have to be his friend while he does it." Alice's legs and hands were moving rapidly as she paced around the room in a fit befitting a Tasmanian Devil.

I half expected her head to start swiveling around and large drops of drool to begin falling out of her mouth.

Bella sat stunned on the couch, watching Taz throw her little fit. While I'd been hoping for an easier conversation, I'd seen her pitch these types of tantrums since she was kid. If it wasn't because Emmett cut her Barbie's hair it was that I'd inadvertently sat on and smashed one little bitty diorama of To Kill a Mockingbird in seventh grade causing her entire GPA to drop three points for the semester.

These fits were not new to me. I knew from experience that the best thing to do was let her burn herself out.

"Alice, please…"

"No!" she interrupted. "He gets away with everything and the rest of us have to just sit back and clean up his messes. He doesn't care who he hurts!" She pointed a well-manicured nail in my direction.

"Alice that's not true," Bella jumped up to defend me. "you don't know what his life is like."

Alice twirled around and started to open her mouth for another run at my girl, but I couldn't allow Bella to take any more heat for my mistakes.

I motioned for Bella to let me take over. She nodded, wiping her eyes as she sat back down on the couch.

I got up and walked over to where Alice was standing, briefly stopping to give Bella an encouraging squeeze on her shoulder. She gave me a small smile before turning her eyes to the floor.

Alice's eyes narrowed as I approached her. I knew I had one shot at this. She either would listen to me or tell me to go fuck myself. Either way, I'd be okay, because I'd already won the bigger prize, Bella.

I took a deep breath, looked Alice in the eyes and dove in.

"Alice, I owe you an apology," I sincerely stated. Her eyes widened for a moment before she gained control and was once again looking at me with disdain. It was okay, I wasn't expecting her to welcome me with open arms the moment I spoke. I knew I'd have to work harder for her forgiveness.

_Now, where do I start? _

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><p><strong>AN:** I've signed up to contribute a story to the fandom for Oklahoma cause. There are a lot of really talented authors, Betas and banner makers who are contributing their time and talents to raising money for the people who lost so much when Mother Nature was being such a b*tch. Please stop by the webpage and consider donating. .info

As always, thank you for reading.

ruinedbyrob


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie owns the originals, but I like to think that these copies aren't half bad and they're mine.

Giant hugs to my beta, Mullet86. She got this chapter back to me in record time and I really appreciate all of her efforts.

* * *

><p><strong>TAILSPIN<strong>

**CHAPTER 22**

**"_The heart that knows how to bow down and say SORRY is the heart that loved the most." Nishan Panwar_**

The knowledge that you must make amends and knowing how to actually go about it, are two completely different and equally aggravating items. This battle, feud…whatever it was that Taz and I had been engaged in for the past five plus years, was like a well worn sweater.

I wrapped it around myself as if it were a suit of armor every time I had to interact with her. It kept me warm and protected me from dealing with why I was wearing the damn thing in the first place. Thanks to Bella, the sweater was unraveling. My past was exposed and I was dealing with what I'd done and what had been done to me. Making amends with my cousin was a huge part of my past and unless I wanted to wear that damn sweater forever, I had to pull a thread and let the whole thing fall apart.

"I believe you said something about an apology?"

I took a deep breath, hoping for inspiration to strike. "Jesus, Alice. Give me a fucking minute." The impatient tapping of her size five Gucci slippers echoed loudly in the quiet room.

I took one more look at Bella and received an encouraging smile and head nod in return.

"Alice, none of my past actions were done with the purpose of hurting you and, um, I'm sorry that they did." _There, simple and to the point._

It's not as if I was expecting her to proclaim all past aggression forgiven and to run into my arms for a big cousin hug, but her snort of derision was damn irritating and un-fucking called for!

"What? You don't believe me?" Bella visibly cringed at my statement. Ok, so maybe I could've used a slightly less aggressive tone.

"You think that you can waltz in here and simply say, _I'm sorry _and everything you've done will magically be erased? Are you serious? Try again Edwhore; that was a half assed apology at best."

My mouth opened to fire off an equally venomous retort. Perhaps something along the lines of ridiculing her stupid leopard print shoes.

_Don't look at me like that, Bella. She started it!_

My hands clenched tightly as I attempted to calm down.

Damn it! If I didn't already know that neither Bella nor Emmett would ever forgive me if I just walked out of here and let the little furry beast stew in her own juices forever, I'd tell her where she could stick my, "half assed apology".

"Alice! That was uncalled for." Bella admonished. Taz rolled her eyes and flopped into the leather arm chair next to the couch with a pout. Her crossed legs began to bounce wildly, reminding me why Emmett and I had nicknamed her 'Taz'. The girl never stopped fucking moving.

I rubbed my temples attempting to ward off the mind numbing migraine that was beginning to form behind my eyes.

_I wonder if Bella has any Alieve. Or maybe one of those cool blue mask things? What? My mom gave me one. They work and contrary to what Emmett says, using one does NOT mean I have a vagina hidden in my button flys!_

"Edward, try again." Bella encouraged from the couch next to the little she-beast.

"Alice, I know you don't believe me, but the truth is that I didn't sleep with your friends just to piss you off. I slept with them to get me off."

Bella groaned.

_Fuck! That sounded worse than I'd expected. _

"Now, that I believe." Alice snorted.

Bella motioned me to come over to the couch. She scooted to the side so I could sit on the end closest to Taz. I guess she thought that was a good idea. I didn't agree, but I was willing to go with her 'woman's intuition' on this one.

As soon as I sat down, her hand landed soothingly onto my knee. Her closeness had my dick twitching with want. I shifted slightly to move the little fucker farther away from her hand. If things went as I hoped, he'd be getting his later. I didn't need him screwing up my concentration right now.

"Go ahead." Damn I loved the sweet tone of her voice.

"Taz…um, Alice, I know you don't want to believe me but I'm being sincere."

Alice cocked her head to the side, the way dogs do when you say 'walkie' or 'cookie' and they're trying to decide if you're being truthful or just fucking with them.

"Why?" She asked simply with less venom than usual

in her tone.

"Um, well, for one thing I'm a guy and more often than not we take whatever pussy is offered to us." No sense lying to her, no matter how bad it made me look.

"So you slept with my RA, roommate, and all those other girls because they 'offered' it to you? _Ding. Ding. Ding. We have a winner folks._

"Yeah, I guess." Can't go wrong with honesty. Right?

"Edward…" Bella urged, softly gripping my knee.

"Fine." I whined.

Ignoring the steely eyed gaze of my diminutive yet, big pain in my ass cousin, I leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on Bella's cheek. Things were about to get rough, I needed a little sugar to get me started.

I took a deep breath and fixed my eyes on a picture on the coffee table of Bella and some burly mountain man type dude in plaid. He had his arm around her tightly; she was smiling up at him with adoring eyes. From all of our phone conversations, I figured that was the infamous Charlie.

I won't lie, when Bella told me about her father, the only fact that stuck in my mind was that the man carried around a gun on a daily basis. I knew that going forward I would be dancing on a the ragged edge of disaster with her father and if there was ever a reason to walk away, it would be the gun issue, but I knew she was worth it and when the time came, I would meet her father, lay my cards on the table and take the hits that would be coming.

Bella was worth facing scary 'plaid man' and she was worth gutting myself for the benefit of making amends to my cousin.

"I wasn't just dumped by Tanya," I felt Taz's unbelieving glare burning hot on my face, I ignored her and continued. "At least not in the way you think I was. She, um, what she did was…she basically used me as a fuck toy, someone to use while she honed her sex skills and when she was done, she dropped me. By sleeping with whoever crossed my path, I guess I was teaching her a lesson by polishing my own set of skills, proving by, by word of mouth that I wasn't the unskilled loser she told everyone I was."

There, that wasn't so bad. I leaned back into the couch, closing my eyes while mentally congratulating myself on a job well done and waited for Taz to start begging for forgiveness.

The polished iron clock shaped like the Eiffel tower hanging on the opposite wall, mocked me with its continuous ticking. Other than Alice and Bella's breathing, it was the only sound in the room.

So not what I'd expected to be hearing.

Despite knowing that I'd already won the real prize, Bella, waiting for Alice's acceptance or rejection of my truth was really beginning to wear on me.

Bella squeezed my leg, drawing attention to the fact I'd begin bouncing it uncontrollably in a spazzy kind of way.

I stopped the bouncing, checked my watch and was just about to call this a draw and ask Bella if she wanted to leave and grab a pizza. Maybe she'd consider eating it in my bed, after several rounds of sweaty monkey sex. I turned to ask Bella to go, when Alice finally spoke.

"Is that true?" I nodded slowly at her quiet question.

"So, you got back at that blond bitch by sleeping with all of my friends?"

Okay, so evidently a little more explanation was needed.

"Um, yeah." I shrugged.

Taz rolled her eyes. "I don't understand how that translates into a free ticket for you to screw and drop my friends." I groaned and hung my head. Bella's hand moved to my neck where she began to softly knead the tension that was collecting there.

Bella whispered in my ear. "Baby, let me give it a try." I nodded quickly, hoping that she could come up with the words that would make her understand.

"Alice, do you remember what Edward was like when he was with Tanya?" I expected to feel the familiar tightening in my chest at hearing her name, but instead, I only felt the warmth from my girl's presence at my side.

"Yes."

"Did he seem happy?"

"I guess so. Tanya was a really popular girl and Edward, well, he wasn't as popular as she was. So, yeah, when they started to date, he suddenly became popular and he seemed happy." Alice shrugged.

"And did his demeanor change after Tanya did what she did?"

Alice looked away and appeared to stare out the balcony window doors, the light from the sun shone in highlighting the same shades of browns and reds I knew were also present in my hair. I'd always thought of her hair as just black, black like Satan's soul. I was honestly surprised to see the familiar familial colors.

Alice sighed heavily and turned back towards Bella and me. "Yeah, he was upset."

_Upset? I was fucking broken!_

I opened my mouth to tell Taz exactly that, but my girl stepped in and took care of me.

"Alice, think back. Was he really just _upset_?" Taz tried to glare at Bella but was cut short with a sternly raised eyebrow from the beauty sitting beside me.

Alice looked halfway chastised by Bella's evil eye. "Fine! Maybe he was more than _upset._" She grudgingly admitted before going back to staring out the balcony doors.

I suppose the fact that Taz _almost_ admitted that Tanya did more than just dump my ass, should have made me feel like a winner. But all it did was piss me off. I was a fucking wreck and maybe if I'd had more support from **all** the members of my family, I wouldn't have hurt the people that I did.

"Alice, Edward was humiliated in front of nearly the entire school and made to feel as though he wasn't good for anything but sex. Tanya and James deliberately used him and then pushed him to the side when their game was done," Bella paused and squeezed my hand. I squeezed back, letting her know that I understood why she was spilling my guts all over their wrought iron and glass coffee table. For whatever reason, it was easier to hear my sordid past being retold from Bella's lips rather than my own. "and even though his past actions were, um, what most people would consider unsavory, they were never intended to hurt you."

Alice returned her gaze to Bella and me. The harsh glare I was used to receiving from my cousin seemed somewhat softer than usual. "Did that really happen?" I nodded silently, and kept my eyes glued to the floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Alice get up from her chair and walk to stand in front of the fireplace directly across from where Bella and I sat silently on the couch holding hands.

Once again that damn clock was the predominate sound in the room.

I tensed and prepared to pull Bella off the couch and drag her back to my apartment for the aforementioned monkey sex when Taz broke the silence.

"I don't understand. If you were really used like that, then why did you feel it was okay to use all those women?"

Bella opened her mouth to answer; I stopped her with a quick smile and hand squeeze. I got up from the couch and moved cautiously towards Alice. Even though she seemed to have calmed down, I was still wary of the damage her size fives could do to my 'package' if things turned on me.

I wasn't fucking stupid.

"Alice, no matter what you think, I never promised any of those women anything more than a moment." Her eyes flared at my statement. "I was a guy just looking to hook up. I made sure they knew I wasn't looking for more than a night and regardless of how you feel about what I did, there was never any malice intended towards you or them."

Alice crossed her arms over her chest and breathed heavily. Her shoulders sagged, and she almost seemed to fold into herself as she contemplated my words.

For the first time in a long time, I took a good look at my cousin. She was a lot smaller than I'd remembered. She made Bella look like a fucking Amazon. How could I have been scared of this tiny little thing all these years?

"Maybe that explains some of the women, but how do you explain Angela, and the others like her." She challenged.

_Damn it!_ I'd foolishly hoped that I'd be able to talk to Bella before having to hash this out with Taz.

I watched Bella shift on the couch. Apparently, she wasn't as comfortable with all of my past as we'd both had hoped.

In the words of my big brother, it was time to _rip the band aid all the fuck off_.

"Look, Angela came to me. She asked me to um, to be the one to take her virginity." Alice's eyes narrowed at my perhaps overly simplistic stating of the truth.

"Why would she do that?"

"I don't know."

"So you just said 'yes' and did the job?" She asked accusingly, her hands were once again perched angrily on her hips. _Ah, now I remembered why I didn't like her._

"Jesus, Alice, tactful much?" She rolled her eyes and went back to glaring at me.

I half expected Bella to say something about Taz's bluntness; however the expectant look on her face told me that while she may not hold my past against me, she wasn't altogether okay with it either.

I walked back to the couch and sat down next to Bella. She allowed me to take her hand but didn't say anything. I looked her in the eye and tried to explain my actions as Emmett had made me understand them this morning.

"When I was, um, with the other girls it was more or less only for the purpose of getting them off and then myself. They used me to satisfy an itch, craving…and I used them to prove to myself that Tanya was wrong. But with Angela." I paused, and watched Bella purse her lips together but nodded for me to continue.

"Angela approached me at the party and begged me to sleep with her. Initially I refused thinking that she was drunk. I knew that she was your friend," I looked to my cousin. Alice was now facing us; her face had softened slightly at the mention of Angela. "I had a feeling that she was a virgin and figured that she was just looking to have a few of her questions answered. I wasn't prepared for her persistence or the way her touch made me feel. It was freeing. She didn't want me to take her up against the aast wall at school hoping her boyfriend would see and become jealous or need a quick fuck before biology because she was curious as to whether my new reputation was all it was cracked up to be."

I took a deep breath hoping the oxygen rush would both calm my nerves and give me a much needed courage boost. We were starting to wade into deep waters and I was beginning to feel as if I was about to go under.

"Yet you still fucked her and walked away."

My eyes narrowed at Taz's statement. "No. It wasn't like that." I shook my head in denial. "She begged me to do it…"

"Wait, she begged you? Why?"

"I honestly don't know."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"You know what Taz," I stood up from the couch and moved to stand in front of her. "her reasons were her own. She asked me to give her a first time that was without expectations, pressure and…"

"And without feeling!" She shouted. Her eyes were ablaze with anger.

I shook my head slowly. "No. You're wrong, at least on my side." She was wrong I felt a lot when I'd been with Angela. I just hadn't realized it until now.

"How can you say that? You took her virginity and walked away." Alice challenged. The sound of her ridiculous shoes tapping on the polished wood floor, echoed in the room as she made her way back to sit in the chair. Her hostile body language told me loud and clear that she was not receptive to my apology.

_Fuck it! _

All I could do was try to explain. If she didn't like what I had to say, then I guess I wasn't any worse off. Besides, the only person I really cared about in this fucked up scenario was Bella.

Bella's face was devoid of emotion. Her eyes were looking in my direction, but it felt as if she were looking through me. Which, I guess was better than seeing the same anger that was evident on Taz's face. Since Bella didn't look actively angry, I decided to focus on dealing with my fuming cousin, hoping I would get another chance to plead my case to Bella later.

"Look, I can't deny that I was Angela's first. I can't lie and say that afterwards I sent her flowers or even called the next day to see if she was okay and if those actions make me a grade 'A' asshole then fine. I'm an asshole. However," I could feel my temper and voice rise as I explained myself. "Don't you dare tell me that there was no emotion or that in that moment I didn't feel anything for her. Because I felt something. I felt needed, wanted…worthy. And I tried to make her feel as if she were the most perfect woman in the world. I did as she asked and I made sure her first time was sweet and tender and as painless as possible."

My hands shook with sudden emotion. "I held her when it was over. And after we got dressed, I walked her down the stairs through the party and out the front door. When I walked her to the car, she thanked me and left me with a kiss on the cheek." The breath I hadn't realized I was holding, slowly escaped through my clenched teeth. I hated having to share this with them. It felt as if by explaining my actions, I was losing the tiny shred of decency left in my soul.

"Do I understand why she asked me to do it? No. I don't have a clue. All I know is that shy, quiet, beautiful girl made me feel like I was special, she chose me! Me! When the girl I thought cared about me, threw me away after pulling out my heart in front of practically everyone I knew, Angela gave me the chance to feel something other than self-loathing and pity. Maybe that's totally fucked up but it's the truth."

"Edward, come sit down." I hadn't seen Bella move from the couch or felt her place a hand on my back, but the sound of her voice woke me from my stupor. I nodded and allowed her to lead me to my spot on the couch.

The Italian leather squeaked when I sat down. Bella sat down next to me. Her hand was still placed on my shoulder. She began to rub soothing circles on my shoulder. Groaning, I pulled away.

Her hand fell to the side and there was a glimpse of rejection in her eyes. Not wanting her to get the wrong idea, I gave her a smile and picked her hand, giving it a small squeeze. While I appreciated the gesture, I didn't feel as if I wholly deserved her sympathy. I'd been kind of a dick for what I'd done, even if my intentions were good.

I glanced up as Alice shifted in her seat beside me. She leaned over the arm of her chair, there was less than a foot of space between us. I held back a chuckle when I realized that this was probably the closest we'd been to each other without one of us trying to throttle the other. Though, the day wasn't over yet.

Alice shook her head, I marveled at how her hair didn't budge an inch. I was contemplating asking how that was possible when she spoke.

"Edward," while it appears that there was a lot more going on than you just being a raging fuck stick for the past several years," she paused, licking her lips and taking a deep breath. I won't lie and say that my hackles didn't rise at her calling me a 'raging fuck stick', but I kept my mouth shut, allowing her to have her say. "I still don't understand why you've acted the way you have." Her eyes searched mine. I held steady in her gaze, I'd laid out my entire story. I'd opened my chest and let her poke around there with those bony ass fingers of hers. If she didn't want to give me the benefit of the doubt on anything, then I was done trying.

"I don't expect you to understand, not really." She raised an eyebrow at me as if to say, 'Then what the fuck have we been doing here?'

"Alice, all I wanted was the chance to explain my actions. But you can't understand because you've never experienced the kind of hurt and humiliation that I went through at sixteen fucking years old. And even though you hate me, I hope you never have to go through even a minute of the mind fuckery that I did." Her face softened at my words, she leaned back into the chair but kept eye contact with me.

"I won't apologize for my sexual past. Not to you or anyone else. I didn't take anything that wasn't offered and I never intentionally led anyone on," I stole a glance at Bella who offered a small smile. "but I've come to realize that whether I intended to or not, I've hurt people with my actions, and for that I'm sorry."

I reached over and took Bella's hand, the feel of her soft, smooth skin was soothing under my circling thumb. "I'm done Alice. I'm done having sex with random women, done carrying around all that soul destroying bullshit that Tanya and James forced down my throat and I'm fucking done with fighting with you." I let out a deep breath and turned to look straight into Alice's eyes. "So whether you believe me or not, whether you forgive me or not…this is the last time I'm going to discuss this with you or allow you to make me feel badly for a past that you don't understand."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, Bella leaned over and planted a big kiss on my lips. My eyes widened in surprise at her sudden action, but I recovered quickly and upped the ante by pulling her in closer and deepening the kiss. I reached up to cup her cheek but she pulled back, leaving me hanging.

Bella ran her fingers across my cheek and whispered in my ear. "I'm so proud of you." I nuzzled into her hands and smiled.

"If you two are done having a moment, I have two questions." My shoulders sagged slightly at Alice's voice and pulled back from Bella with an audible groan.

_For the record I wasn't done having my moment. _

Bella giggled quietly at my obvious dismay and sat back in her chair smiling at Alice.

"What?" I grumbled.

"First I want to know what you did to make Angela stop talking to me."

I brought both of my hands up to my face and rubbed vigorously.

Honestly, I was expecting her question and knew that my answer would in no way explain why her best friend fucked her cousin and then stopped speaking to her. I'd be a pretty big asshat to not see how much Angela's actions had hurt Alice all of these years.

"Alice, I swear to you I didn't do or say anything that would cause her to stop speaking to you." I replied calmly, looking her in the eyes as I gave her the truth as I knew it.

Her eyes flicked down from mine, hurt and rejection evident as she looked at the floor. Her right foot twitched. She wrung her hands as she digested the information that the girl she'd considered a sister had for unknown reasons, rejected her.

My stomach grumbled, not only was my body regretting the night I spent on the couch, but I was also starving. Maybe Bella wouldn't mind if we had the pizza before the hot monkey sex?

"I just don't understand what I could've done that would make her hate me."

The sadness in her voice was heartbreaking, even to someone like me. I ignored my stomach and its demands as I watched my diminutive cousin silently wipe tears from her cheek. Bella patted my arm and quickly went to sit with Alice in the roomy leather chair.

Alice went easily into Bella's embrace. I watched awkwardly as they spoke quietly to each other.

Bella gave Alice another hug before moving back to sit beside me. She took my hand, giving it a slight squeeze as she sat down. Her chocolate eyes glistened with what I guessed where unshed tears of empathy.

"You're so beautiful." I whispered, reaching up to brush a few escapees off her soft cheek. Bella nuzzled into my hand, which I took as an invitation to get another taste of her berry red lips when Taz's gravelly voice rang out.

"Edward…" A groan escaped my lips before I had a chance to stifle it. Bella chuckled and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before pulling away from me.

I slowly rolled my head in her direction and tried not to show my displeasure at my face sucking episode with Bella being interrupted.

"…what are your plans for my best friend?" Alice's lips curled up into a small smile.

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><p>Well, what did you think? Are Alice and Edward back to being friends? I don't know about all of you, but I love a man who recognizes he has faults, works through them and grows from the experience.<p>

Btw, did you all get a chance to ogle the absolute fantasticness that is DiorRob? What am I saying? Of course you did. All I can say is that when the full ad hits the free public airwaves, we better all have our affairs in order.

Until next time, thank you for all of the support!

ruinedbyrob


	23. Chapter 23

This chapter is dedicated to you, my wonderful readers. I owe you so much! It's been a rough couple of months, your reviews and encouragement have kept me moving forward. Thank you.

My beta is Mullet86, and she has my undying gratitude for taking my words and prettying them up!

**Disclaimer:** Here's a few things I know: SM owns Twilight and Rob gets more gorgeous every damn day! True facts!

* * *

><p><strong>Tailspin<strong>

**Chapter 23**

**"You live longer once you realize that any time spent being unhappy is wasted."**  
><strong>-Ruth E. Renkl<strong>

"You don't think we were being too pushy do you?" My lips stopped their slow trek up Bella's neck to answer her clearly insane question.

"Babe, she chose to leave." Bella gave me a reluctant nod, but her eyes still showed a hint of doubt. I pulled away groaning at the effort it took to leave her personal space.

I leaned back on the couch and took her hand, kissing her knuckles softly. I grinned at the sound of Bella's soft gasp. "If Taz hadn't wanted to leave us alone, she wouldn't have left. Besides, I think she knew that we were due some serious alone time."

Bella grinned and pursed her adorably soft lips together. She looked so cute, I had to kiss them.

"Baby…so soft," I whispered into her mouth. "how…do… you get them so soft?" _I mean damn! This woman's lips were like silk. _

Bella giggled, and pulled back from me reaching down the front of her jeans. _Yes! Let's get this party started. _ I began pulling up the hem of her shirt.

"Wait." Bella slapped my hand away and held out a plastic tube.

"Either that's the smallest tube of lube I've ever seen or…" Bella grinned and uncapped the cylinder, swiping it quickly across her beautiful red lips.

"It's chap stick silly." She teased.

"Well damn. I was really hoping it was lube or some kind of mini clit massager." Bella's eye widened in what I hoped was desire.

"Were you really hoping it was _lube_?" She whispered the word 'lube' even though we were alone in the room. _So cute!_

I grabbed the belt loops of her jeans and gave them a tug, bringing her delectable little body flush up against me. Her arms wound around my shoulder and her fingers began softly kneading the hair at the base of my neck.

I closed my eyes, reveling in the feel of her touch.

"Baby, there are so many things I could do to you with a little extra moisture." I cocked an eyebrow at her wide eyes and quick intake of breath.

I didn't give her another second to think about what I'd implied, hoping that if I caught her off guard, she might actually allow me to use a little lube later. Our lips pressed together in a frenzied dance of desire. I swear our bodies had minds of their own as we grabbed and stroked each other.

"Fuck, Bella, I want you so much." I managed to get out in between sucking her lips off. She groaned and pressed her hot center down onto my erect cock. _Fuck she felt good. _

"Baby, if you keep doing that, we're going to need a lot more fucking lube and less clothes…" Bella moaned loudly at my words and tugged harder on my hair. When other women messed with my hair I was fucking pissed. But when it was Bella's fingers doing the pulling, I was like a fat tabby cat sitting on her lap, begging for her touch.

For several minutes, we made out on her couch like a couple of horny assed teenagers. And it was good, real good; until I remembered that I wasn't a pimply faced teen who hid _Playboy _contraband under his mattress praying that his mother wouldn't find it when she changed the sheets. I was a grown assed man that needed more than a quick tit grab to get my rocks off.

"Bella, baby, I need you." My hands grasped her hips tightly as I pushed her down onto my telltale need. Her throaty groan in response led me to believe that I wasn't going to be 'seeing to my own needs' any time soon.

"Please." She pleaded, deepening our kiss. _Your wish is my command beautiful. _

My hands left her waist and slowly moved upwards towards her breasts. Her shirt slid up to reveal the soft creamy skin of her rib cage. Skin that I wanted nothing more than to lavish soft kisses and slow caresses upon. The slow caresses would have to wait however, until the impatient little bastard that was threatening to fight his way out of my pants got his way.

"Off. Now." I growled, removing her shirt in half a heartbeat. The discarded shirt fell to the floor and my hands quickly moved to cup her breasts, squeezing them softly. The deep purple of her satin bra was in stark contrast to the pale mounds peeking over their eggplant colored prisons. Bella moaned deeply as my fingers played with the hard peaks.

"Do you like that, baby? Do you like me playing with your tits?" Bella groaned heavily at my words and pushed even harder down onto my erection. Her action only made the 'dick' in my pants fight harder to reach her heat. I tugged the cups of her bra down, releasing the firm mounds that were hidden. I pulled my eyes away from the feast before me and chanced a glance at her face. Bella's eyes were closed, her cheeks were flushed and she was biting her bottom lip in that fucking adorable sexy way I loved. Keeping my eyes on her face, my tongue poked out to lick a line across her right breast. Bella moaned and pushed my face harder into her chest.

_Do you know how fucking hard it is to breathe when your mouth is full of a firm and plump breast? _

Somehow I manage to keep breathing despite having a mouth full of Bella boob and snaked my hands around to her back, where I skillfully unsnapped her bra, quickly flinging it across the room where it made contact with a picture of my cousin with my aunt and uncle at Taz's high school graduation. Bella gasped and loosened her hold on my hair when the metallic sounds of the hooks raking against the glass frame echoed loudly in the room.

I took the opportunity to change our positions. As much as I enjoyed having Bella grind herself onto my painful and ever ready cock, there were a few things I needed to get straight and in order to do that I had to be in charge of our forward course.

In one swift move I had her on her back. I spared a moment or two to watch her tits bounce from the motion.

"Edward, are you planning to only look at my boobs or are you planning to do something a little more satisfying," Bella reached down and gave my denim covered cock a tug. "…for the both of us?" Her eyes shone with desire and need. They mirrored my own.

_Okay, I may have spared more than a moment. _

With supreme restraint and fortitude, I pushed her hand away from my throbbing crotch. If she kept touching me like that, our time together would be short and sweet. Well, sweet for me anyway. My forced abstinence had the anaconda in my pants set on fucking 'conquer' and 'devour'. I had a feeling that once he'd been set loose, he'd be pretty quick on the draw.

"Sweetheart, have I ever left you unsatisfied?" I didn't give her a chance to answer. I swooped in and took quick possession of her lips, kissing her deeply until we were both left panting.

I trailed my lips down her neck as she continued trying to catch her breath, as I attempted to catch my own.

We were about to cross a line. A line that, if I had my way, would have our futures entwined forever and even though her body was telling me that she wanted me, I needed to hear the words come out of her mouth. We'd come too far to leave any misunderstandings between us.

I pulled back from her neck and looked into her eyes. "Wait, I can't do this…" Her chocolate brown eyes widened at my words, and she pulled back from our embrace. "No, Bella…" I could see in her eyes that she thought I was rejecting her. It dawned on me that I'd used the same words she's uttered to me in her bedroom so many months ago. Determined to not make the same mistake twice, I was determined to make her listen to my explanation.

I held onto her tighter, stopping her attempts to move away from me.

"Let go of me! " She demanded.

"Stop." I ordered. At my harsh tone she ceased struggling and just lay still and unmoving underneath me.

I took a deep breath and softened my tone. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded." She turned her face to the side, leaving me staring at the side of her face. She grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and covered her chest. As horrified as I was to have those mounds of glory hidden from my sight, I kept silent as she covered up. I suppose I should have removed myself from her body and give her some space, but that's just not me.

Bella's breaths became harsh and shallow as she fidgeted beneath me. _I'd totally fucked this up._

"I want you Bella, so very much. You understand that right?" She slowly nodded, but kept her head turned away from me_. Well, that's not going to fucking fly._

The blanket was scratchy against my arm. I hated that it was rubbing against her soft skin.

Putting all of my weight on one arm, I used the other to gently turn her head towards me. My resolve nearly faltered when I saw the hurt and rejection in her expressive eyes.

"I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone else in my entire life and believe me," I pushed my inflated and overheated groin into her soft center. She groaned as our two bodies connected. "this is not an illusion, but I want you with more than just that muscle." Bella opened her mouth to speak, but I quickly silenced her with another kiss. She groaned and leaned up into my mouth. Our tongues met and fought for dominance as I breathed her in. The need to lose myself inside her body and forget that we had to talk was burning a hole through my resolve faster than a teenage boys need to consume his body weight in pizza and root beer on a daily basis.

Even though I could still hold my own against any fifteen year old boy or Emmett for that matter, in the consumption of greasy and fat laden baked circles, I would forego the ambrosia that is Joe's Pizza for the rest of my natural life if I could contain my body's needs for just a few more minutes.

"Bella…" Her hands moved to the small of my back, bunching and pulling at my shirt, lifting it up. I couldn't contain my own moans as her fingers tightened and clutched at my skin. "I want you so much…" Our kiss became frantic as her fingers delved under the waistband of my jeans and dragged her nails against my ass. "Fuck, baby, if you don't stop…" I could feel her smile against my mouth as she squeezed my ass. I realized that I wouldn't get my point across when her delectable little body was writhing in need beneath mine.

Once again I pulled myself away from her body, but before she mistook my actions for rejection, I pulled her left hand off my ass and placed it on my heart. I could feel her hand shake as I cradled it over my own rapidly beating heart.

"Bella, can you feel that?" I asked, hoping she could because I didn't think I could come up with the words to express what my body was already so eloquently saying. She swallowed slowly and nodded, never losing eye contact with me.

"Good," I smiled, sincerely. "that's the muscle I'm listening to. With every beat, my heart is saying that it wants you. Bella, I want you with every fiber of my being. I've never wanted another woman the way I want you and since that night we spent together, I haven't even thought about being with someone else." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, what I was about to say was going to take every ounce of concentration I had. Looking at the face that was in every hallucination, dream and X-fucking rated fantasy I'd had for the past four months, had my cock dancing in anticipation. And he was a distracting little fucker.

"We've talked about my history and the fact that you not only don't hold it against me, but listened and helped me understand just how fucked up I still am, only proves that you're the one for me." Her hand clenched over my heart and she moved her right hand to cradle my cheek. I leaned into her touch like the contented pussy I was.

"You have to know that if we do this, it's not for tonight or for the meantime. I'm done with nights of meaningless sex with nameless women. You've shown me that I'm worth more." I took another deep breath as Bella reached up and gently brushed the hair from my forehead. "I want your body and heart for as long as you'll have me. I know my track record may be less than stellar and it's too soon to say I love you without sounding like a complete douche but I…" My words were cut off when Bella's hand clamped over my mouth. I opened my eyes to see a smirking Bella.

"Edward, shut up." Bella's voice was strong and sure. Gone were her worries of rejection. They were replaced with the look that belies the confidence a woman wears when they know that without a doubt they're cherished above all others.

Bella smiled and removed her hand from my mouth, and then slowly removed that damn scratchy blanket that had been covering her chest.

"See something you like?" She teased.

I licked my lips and nodded like a fucking bobble headed doll as her tits were revealed to me.

"No more words. We've said all we need to. I'm all talked out. You need my acceptance and you have it. You've proved to me with your words how much you've changed and how much you care about me. Now, I need you to _show _me how you feel." Bella grabbed my hips and pulled me down hard onto her. My body fell heavily onto her softness. "I want you to make me yours."

She leaned up and kissed me. Her lips were demanding as they crashed into mine. My body needed no more of an invitation and my mind was basking in the fact that the beautiful creature below me, accepted everything that I am and still wanted me.

My hand trailed down her leg and I grabbed her ass roughly, relishing the throaty moan that escaped her gorgeous mouth.

"Is this what you want? You want me to fuck you?" I demanded, pushing my cock into her still covered pussy.

"No. I want you to make love to me. I want you Edward, _all_ of you." She whispered, her body heaving in lust, but her eyes were soft and gentle.

My heart swelled at the double meaning of her words.

"Then you better hold on because I'm not taking you on the couch like a damn teenager." Bella's eyes opened in surprise as I jumped off her.

I smirked as I took in the blush that graced her cheeks and trailed down her neck to land on the pale skin of her breasts.

"Come on beautiful," I held out my hand. "we're going to do this right. Let me take you to bed." Bella exhaled loudly and took my hand.

Bella's beautiful auburn hair flowed around her head like a burnished halo as she lay on the pillow waiting for me. I finished removing her jeans, throwing them unceremoniously to the floor, leaving her only clad in her purple lace panties. Standing at the bottom of her bed, I took a moment to fully take in the beauty of my angel.

"Edward, please." She pleaded and held out her hand, beckoning me to join her on the bed. Her plea jolted me to action. In a flurry of movement, my clothes hit the floor. Bella smiled, biting her lip as I slowly crawled up the bed to hover over her.

My hands planted themselves on either side of her face, our eyes met. I looked into her deep soulful eyes and in that moment I knew that in my heart, I'd never willingly give this woman up.

Words of love, admiration and desire boiled in my stomach. Instead of attempting to allow the words to fall out into a disjointed mess, I did as Bella had asked; I shut up and showed her how I felt.

Her lips opened willingly for my assault. Her hands grabbed at my waist, clutching erratically at my skin. I knew she'd leave scratches and I relished that she would be leaving her mark on my skin.

I pulled my lips from her mouth and trailed kisses down the smooth column of her throat to the rounded curve of her shoulder.

"You're so beautiful." I murmured, tugging on the fleshy part of her delicate ear.

"More." She begged, tugging on my hair. "I want more. I don't want to wait anymore." I smiled at her impatience. Skimming my hand down her side it filled with her warm breast. The nipple was already hard in anticipation of my touch. Bella moaned as I used my thumb to flick the swollen point.

Without further ado, I took the dusty pink bud into my mouth. Bella's back arched, pushing her chest further into my mouth. My tongue swept lazy circles against her fragrant and puckered skin.

"Yes." She panted as I palmed her breast, moving my mouth to lavish attention on the other equally beautiful mound. Her moans of pleasure filled the room as I gently bit down on her. My teeth lightly scored her areola, causing Bella to squirm.

"You want all of me, yes?" I asked, leaving one last kiss on her breast. Bella nodded solemnly, her chest pinked with desire from my ministrations. She'd crumbled the wall I'd built around my heart. Through her kind nature and loving patience, Bella had made me see that I'd been living only half a life, unfulfilled with meaningless nights. Through her, I know that I can have more and that I deserve more. I deserved the love of a woman like Bella. I fucking deserved her!

She wanted all of me and all of me she would get. I was Edward Fucking Cullen, and though I no longer had any desire to use my _talents_ on other women, there was no reason to deny the woman who held my heart.

"Be careful what you ask for." I warned.

Bella gasped at the sound of her panties being ripped from her body, my already aching cock swelled at the sight of the red marks left on her skin from my actions. "Hold on tight sweetheart." I warned seconds before plunging two fingers into her dripping center, her moans echoing off the slate colored walls of her room.

"Do you like that baby? Yeah, you do." Bella's legs lifted to come to rest at my waist, her thigh muscles clinched at my hips and lower rib cage, mirroring how her pussy was clamped onto my fingers as I pumped them vigorously inside her. I bent down to whisper in her ear. "Be careful, sweetheart, if you bruise me the ride won't be nearly as long or as satisfying", I punctuated my words by adding a third finger, plunging them deep into her welcoming wet heat, allowing my thumb to graze her engorged clit. "for either of us."

"Ah, Edwar…aahh,aaahhh." Bella gasped and panted as my fingers fucked her pussy thoroughly, but the pressure on my ribs slowly retreated and I could once again take a deep breath.

"There you go, baby, relax and enjoy." A fat bead of sweat rolled from her forehead, down her flushed cheeks to her chin where it finally lost its battle with gravity and dropped to her heaving chest. I watched in fascination as her chest rose and fell rapidly with her oncoming orgasm. I'd watched many women come by my hand and afterwards I'd always enjoyed my turn on the climax train. However, this time it was different. This was _my woman_ moaning underneath me. Watching her face and body flush and writhe in her pleasure wasn't a means to an end, it was the end game. My cock was left untouched, throbbing in agony against her creamy thigh, begging for her touch, leaking pre-cum on her gorgeous flesh as I brought my girl to climax.

Bella's fingers loosened their iron grip on my hips to clutch at the sheets as she succumbed to her pleasure. I leaned down to her neck, sucking on the heated flesh. "Come for me, sweetheart." My thumb pressed harder onto her clit as my fingers picked up their pace rubbing over the rough patch inside her that I knew would push her over the edge.

Bella screamed out as she came. "Beautiful, absolutely beautiful." I murmured, watching my girl come down from her high. My lips curled into a smirk as my fingers slipped easily from her soaking center.

"Delicious." Her eyes widened and her nostrils flared in undisguised lust when I sucked her juices off my fingers.

_Oh yeah. I still got it._

My impatient cock decided he'd had enough of this waiting around bullshit and made his unhappiness known by irritably poking his swollen head repeatedly into Bella's thigh.

Her eyes followed my hand as I reached down to give him a quick tug in hopes that he'd settle the fuck down.

Bella's breath slowed minutely, licking her lips as she watched me palm my dick. I grimaced slightly as my hand came into contact with my swollen shaft.

Bella's lips curled into a contented smirk. "Do you need a little help with that big boy?"

_Big boy?_

I cocked an eyebrow at her statement. "Well, look who is all smirky after a toe curling", I leaned down to kiss her plump red lips. "fuck awesome orgasm."

Bella giggled into my mouth but didn't deny anything. Our kisses quickly escalated. Both of us grabbing and pulling on each other, trying to get closer.

Bella's hips lifted, bringing my dick into direct contact with her pussy. My cock made an attempt to 'dive in', but I thwarted the little bastard by pulling my hips back. I don't know who was more pissed off, my cock or Bella.

Her legs tightened around me, pulling me closer. "Edward, I want you in me. Now!" She demanded petulantly as my dick nodded his head in full agreement.

"Just a minute." I promised, leaning over the bed to make a grab for my jeans and trying not to fall off the bed in my haste.

She leaned up on her elbows to watch me. No doubt curious as to why I was attempting a contortionist act in the middle of making love to her.

"What are you doing?" My answer was to hold up the telltale foil wrapper and climbed back onto the bed, rather gracefully for a naked guy, I might add.

"I promised I wouldn't take any more chances with you." I explained, ripping the condom and preparing to roll it over my eager little buddy. I actually had to grab him with one hand just to keep him still. _Crazy little fucker._

Bella's hand stopped my progress.

"Babe, did you want to do it?" I asked, half hoping she did want to do the honors because that shit is hot!

"No. I, mean I will, I do…I just… you don't need it." I looked up at her quizzically.

"Bella…"

"You always wore a condom before, right?" I nodded, wondering just where her question was leading us.

"And you were tested before we, um, were together and you haven't been with anyone else since me right?" I frowned at her absurd question. She knew I hadn't been with anyone else.

"Well, I get the shot and um, I've heard that guys say it feels better for them without one." The woman, who I just brought to a screaming release using only my fingers, actually blushed as she told me I didn't have to use a condom.

_So cute!_

I gently removed her hand and finished rolling on the thin latex sock. "Sweetheart, I promised I wouldn't put you at risk and I won't."

"But…" She opened her mouth to protest, but I stopped all thoughts of her talking any more shit about me not having to protect her by lowering my body heavily onto hers. She groaned as my weight settled over her.

Her eyes closed in contentment as I gently stroked her cheek with my thumb. "Will you feel more at ease if I wear one?" I asked.

She nodded slowly, closing her eyes slightly in embarrassment. Her long, dark lashes casted a slight shadow on her cheek. "I guess so, but…"

I put my finger on her lips, 'shushing' her. "Then, I'll wear one. What you need is more important to me than what I want." I whispered, planting small kisses along the delicate shell of her ear.

She tried to protest again but I stopped that shit with one thrust of my hips. Bella's loud groans as my overly anxious dick entered her gates of heaven, were no match for my own grunts. I swear it felt like the first time every fucking time with her.

"Oh, baby…you feel so good." I managed to groan as I tried to keep from passing out from the sheer pleasure that was radiating from my, now happy as hell cock, down my spine, down my legs to my fucking toes.

"Yes, Edward, so good." My name sounded so damn right coming from her beautiful mouth. My hips picked up their pace and pounded into her at a relentless pace. If my dick could talk, he'd be singing the hallelujah chorus as Bella's vaginal muscles contracted and released around him.

My hips flexed and the muscles in my forearms strained with the effort to keep control of the frenzied beat our bodies were dancing to. The pain in my hips was welcomed as she gripped me tightly in her pleasure. It kept me grounded. Reminding me that this wasn't a dream and that I was really here with the woman that had owned my heart the minute she turned her soulful brown eyes to me at the bar.

"Open your eyes sweetheart. Let me see you." Bella opened her eyes. Her glorious lashes were covered in sweat, they were stuck together, evidence of our exertions.

"You're so beautiful." She panted, in between moans, raising a hand to wipe the sweat from the side of my face. I slowed down my pace to kiss her trembling lips. She was obvious delusional as she was the truly beautiful soul in this room. Who else would accept a man like me but an angel like her?

Bella tightened her legs around my hips, slowing my pace to a stop. I felt my cock stomp his preverbal foot in irritation. "Don't! Don't think that." She demanded. "I'm no better than you." I offered her a small smile and bent down to kiss her quiet, but she stopped me. "Edward, if you think for one minute that we're not together in this, that I'm not as equally as wrapped in you…then leave me now before I'm in deeper with you than I already am." I scoffed at her notion that I could ever leave her.

"Bella, I…"

"No. I said no more words. Edward fucking take me now. I want all of you. I want the cocky big man on campus. I want the man who sits in his underwear eating bad food, laughing at fart jokes while playing video games with his big brother. I want the man who can quote all of the lines to "Top Gun" and won't laugh when I sing along with the Backstreet Boys." Her voice lowered a bit. I lay my forehead against hers, waiting for what she'd say next. "I want the kind, intelligent and honest man who feels deeply the emotions of others and the man who takes what he wants. Take me Edward. Take me because I'm yours!" She punctuated her words with a thrust of her hips.

I did as she asked. I gave her all of me. She got the unadulterated, intended for mature audiences, Edward.

"You want me Bella?" I pulled her legs up higher on my waist, allowing for my cock to dig deeper into her needy center.

"Then…all…of me…you'll get." She gasped for air as I thrust into her hard and fast.

"Watch it Bella, watch my cock take what belongs to it." Her eyes flew open to where we were joined. I couldn't help but smirk as her eyes widened at the sight of my swollen cock sliding effortlessly in and out of her, covered in the slick, copious fluid that her body provided.

Bella's sweaty head flopped back down onto the pillow. "So good, Edward." Her chest rose rapidly with her quick breaths. Leaning down, I took advantage of her panting and wrapped my lips tightly around her left nipple.

Bella's gasp was loud and clear. "You like that, sweetheart?" I asked, running my tongue around the sensitive nub. The wet skin puckered when my warm breath hit the wet trail my tongue had left behind.

Bella answered my question with a loud grunt. Her whole body seemed to clench and in turn, my body was trapped tightly within her grasp. _It felt so fucking good!_

I could feel her body tense with the need to let go. Hell, if she didn't give in soon, I'd have a lot of explaining to do. Her tight hold on my hard cock was about to be my undoing. I could feel my muscles beginning to burn with the need to pour everything I had into her.

"Let go, baby." I crooned as I picked up my pace for one last push. I moved my hands to grip the wood slats of her headboard, using the leverage to push deeper. With great difficulty, I moved one hand down to tweak Bella's swollen clit.

"Ahhhh…ahhhh" Her pants joined mine as our pleasures merged and climbed the summit to our impending explosion.

"You're mine! Tell me!" I demanded harshly, giving her now severely swollen clit another tight pinch.

"Yes! Yes! I'm yours!" She proclaimed, as her entire body coiled tightly and then released. My eyes drank in the vision of her limp and clearly sated body fall to the mattress. I continued my thrusting, attempting to prolong my pleasure for just a few seconds longer. Bella could do nothing but hold onto me as I climbed to my peak.

"Yes, Edward. Give it to me. You're mine."

_You're mine. _Her words echoed in my head amongst the din of the loud throbbing of blood in my veins. It's a damn good thing I'm not only an attractive fucker, but also young and somewhat athletic, or else I feared that my heart would give out from the sheer bliss that was being inside the woman that held my heart in her delicate hands.

I quickly removed and disposed of the used condom before allowing my equally limp and sated body to fall on top of Bella's. Her legs parted, allowing me to retake my position cradled between them. My finally happy as fuck cock had the good manners to lie limply between my legs. His calm demeanor didn't fool me. I knew that it wouldn't be long before he raised his swollen head, demanding more of her attention. But until then… I snuggled into her damp neck with a contented smile, relishing the feel of her arms coming to rest on my shoulders, holding me tightly. I knew sleep was coming for me. The exertions from the conversation with Alice mixed with the physical and emotional connection I just shared with Bella, had taken its toll.

"Sleep, Edward. I'm here now and I'll be here when you wake up." I sighed heavily, as she placed a gentle kiss on my temple.

"Bella?" I murmured into her damp chest.

"Yes, Edward?"

"Just so you know, I'd laugh my fucking ass off if I ever heard you singing to those backstreet pussies. I'm just gentleman enough to do it behind your back."

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><p><strong>AN**

***Exhales loudly* Um, writing a lemon is soooooo not as much fun as reading one! **

**I think we've just about come to the end of this little tale. Just a few loose ends to ties up and then, "that's all folks".**

**ruinedbyrob**


	24. Chapter 24

**Last A/N**:

This is it. Then end. Fine ́ Stick a fork in it, it's done…

I'm excited to FINALLY bring this story to an end and to allow all of you to enjoy it without waiting for me to get my rear in gear with the updates.

Don't let anyone tell you that writing is a solitary job. It takes a damn village to bring these stories to you and I'm very privileged to have an incredible group of people residing in my village.

To my beta, Mullet86, I cannot thank you enough for always being there for me. You fixed my mistakes, allowed me to bounce ideas off of you and you talk me down from the ledge when I'm at the end of my rope. You are the tequila in my sunrise.

Big thanks to Mauigirl for the emergency beta help and support.

Thank you to my readers who lifted me up when I needed it, who gently prodded me for updates and who came to my rescue when cowardly trolls decided to stop by just to be hurtful. To my regular reviewers, as soon as I hit the 'update' button, I looked forward to hearing what you thought for each chapter. Without all of you, there's no reason for any of us to even attempt this writing stuff.

My immediate plans are to work full time on _Reflections_ and begin fleshing out a story titled, _The Devil's Plan_. I hope to hear from you all soon!

* * *

><p>Tailspin<p>

Chapter 24

"Jesus, Em, did you eat the whole dead Rhino or just the ass end?" I could barely speak without gagging from the smell that was emanating from the apartment.

"For your information, _Assward_, it was deer meat and I ate all of it." He didn't even look at me as he spoke. His gaze was firmly locked onto his game controller.

_Deer meat? Where the fuck did he get deer meat?_ I quickly surveyed the room for random deer parts before flopping down onto the couch as far as I could get from him and pulled the collar of my shirt up over my nose to get a cleansing breath of my cologne, Dior Homme, that's right bitches, I like to smell good. Mixed in with my kick ass cologne was the slightest whiff of Bella.

_Damn we smelled fucking amazing together!_

"Where the fuck did you get deer meat?" I mumbled, still encased in my little sweet smelling cocoon.

Emmett glanced up from his game with narrowed eyes. "Um, I went out into the woods, killed it with _your_ golf clubs, skinned it with _your_ razor in _your _bathroom, processed the meat in the kitchen and ate the whole damn thing all while you were out canoodling naked with Bella."

_Canoodling? My razor? What the fuck? _

"I got it at Wheatsfield's on 9th, moron!" _Moron? _

"Something bothering you, Em?" His shoulders sagged, the game controller dangled from his hand.

"I'm sorry man. It's just…I want to call Rose so badly. But I'm damn pissed that she just threw us away…I don't know I'm unhappy and I don't know what to do about it. I don't mean to take it out on you…"

I held up my hand and stopped his explanation. " Stop. You don't need to explain. I understand."

"I know you do."

"My offer to call and try to smooth things over still stands."

"No. I've just got to get over her." _A lot easier said than done my friend. _

I nodded and watched my boisterous big brother retreat into his shell.

"Hey, why don't we call Jasper, get shitfaced and play some pool?"

His eyes lit up for a minute and then faded. "Are you sure? The last time we did that, you and Bella had another fight."

"We're good. I promise." In fact, we were perfect.

"You sure?" The light was back.

"Yes. 'J' and I can even play wingman to you for a change." I promised.

"Hot damn! You call Jasper and I'll get changed." He hopped up from his chair and started heading towards his room.

"Hey!" I called out trying to catch him before he got too far.

He stopped mid stride."Yeah?"

"No offense but you might want to seriously consider a shower. There's a rank smell in here and I'm pretty sure it's all you."

"You saying I smell? That's a load of bull…" He stopped and took a whiff of his tee shirt.

"Okay." He smiled sheepishly. "You might be right. But I want you to get cleaned up too. And tell Jasper he better not show up smelling like 'girl' either. It's boys night, bitches!"

Chuckling at my dancing bear of a brother, I grabbed my phone and called Jasper. He tried to give me some shit about needing to help Taz redo her sock drawer or something as equally fucked up. I shut him down immediately and told him to get his balls out of her purse and meet us at Wallaby's in an hour. After hanging up with him, I headed to my room for a quick shower and shave.

As much as I hated to wash off Bella's scent, I had to admit that the hot water felt amazing. Muscles I didn't realize were tense, released as the water cascaded down my body. Normally I'd take the opportunity to take myself in hand and release a little more tension, but I found that my dick, for once in its life was content and wasn't clamoring for attention. Maybe that's how you really know when you've found the one girl for you? When your dick stops searching for the next warm haven and is content because he knows what's waiting for him.

I looked down and pondered my limp friend. _"I think you're right. We found her." _I gave him a small comforting pat.

Afraid that anymore time in the shower thinking about Bella and all she represented to me would have me acting as pussyfied as Jasper sounded on the phone, I turned the water off and got out of the shower.

After a shave and some quick lotion application I was ready to get dressed. _What? I guy can't take care of his skin?_

I threw on a pair of jeans and a dark green Henley. I grabbed the first pair of shoes I came to and shoved my feet in them. After a quick spritz of cologne and a swipe off deodorant for each 'pit', I was ready.

The living room was empty. Guessing that Emmett was still in the back preening, I sat down and made the call to my girl.

The phone only rang a few times before her sweet voice answered. "Hey!"

"What's a happenin' hot stuff?" I asked in my best 'Long Duck Dong' voice.

"Does that make me your American style girlfriend?" She giggled and my heart swelled with happiness.

_She gets me._

"It sure as hell does!"

"Good. I was getting tired of keeping all those other guys on a string." My mouth opened to make a jealous retort but thought better of it.

"Cut the strings baby. I don't share."

"Does that extend to food? I have a genetic mutation that makes it almost impossible for me to not eat off of other people's plates."

My grandmother was the same way and I hated it. I swear the woman carried a fork in her purse! As children we were taught to ignore that quirk and be prepared to share. A childhood of never eating a whole doughnut, brownie, hamburger… by myself had turned me into a selfish eater. But for Bella, I would make an exception.

"Well, Emmett has come away with a fork scar or two, but I think I can make an exception for you." Emmett had either inherited the gene or was just a dick. He was probably just being a dick.

"Speaking of that dick…"

"What?" She interrupted.

"I mean speaking of Emmett, Jasper and I are taking him out tonight. You know, try to get his mind off Rose."

I heard her sigh on the other end. "I feel terrible for him. I wish there was something I could do. I tried talking to Rose but she's letting her past dictate her actions."

_I knew how that felt._

"Babe, you can't make her change. She has to want to do it." I was speaking from personal experience, having just let go of my own past, so I felt justified in my point.

"I know but Emmett is such a good guy. I know they'd work out if she'd stop being such a stubborn brat." She sighed wistfully.

I loved that Bella's heart was so big that she wanted to help my brother. As much as I griped about the big goof, I loved him more than Christmas.

"It'll work out." I promised.

"So, what do you guys have planned?"

"Pool, drinking, darts, the usual. What are you going to do?"

"Well, if you've managed to peel Jasper off Alice's hip, I'm thinking a movie, take out and girl talk with my best girlfriend." Images of naked pillow fights instantly sprang to mind.

_No. Edward. One of those naked girls is your cousin. Just… no! _

"Will you miss me?" I asked a little too wistfully for my liking.

_I'll just be handing over my 'man card' now and avoid the rush. _

"I will. But to be honest I could use the rest."

"Did I wear you out, baby?" I didn't even try to hide the cockiness in my voice.

"Yes." She giggled. Looks like I'll be taking that card back now.

"So, I guess I should be apologizing for loving on you so hard?" _So not going to apologize._

"At the risk of inflating your already sizeable ego, don't _you ever_ apologize for what we do in the bedroom." _Or in the hallway, shower, kitchen, car…_I mentally finished her sentence.

"You keep talking to me in that sexy voice and my ego won't be the only thing over inflated. What are you wearing?" I asked in a breathy voice and quickly palmed my suddenly active crotch.

"For the love of fucking Christ! Are you having phone sex with Bella? Now?!" I nearly dropped the phone at my brother's uncharacteristic stealthy entrance. Usually you can hear that moose moving around from a mile away.

"Fuck, Em. You scared me!" His answering snort was accompanied by Bella's giggling on the other end of the phone.

"Stop!" I ordered her. "You'll only encourage him." _When did I start channeling my mother?_

"It sounds as if I need to let you go. You guys have fun." After an all too quick goodbye, we hung up and I was left with a surly looking Emmett.

"What?" I demanded.

"You know what."

I ignored him and got off the couch.

I shrugged into my coat, opened the door and turned to him, "You coming?"

"One of us was sure as hell about to." He mumbled, brushing past me and walked out the door.

"What the hell?" I asked annoyed. I locked the door and followed him down the hallway.

We were in the parking lot headed for Vanessa before I got an answer.

"I leave you alone for twenty minutes and come back to find you talking dirty on the phone and seconds away from whipping your dick out!"

_Oh no he didn't just slam my baby's door?_

"First, show my car a little respect." I patted Vanessa's steering wheel and ignored the snorting coming from the seat next to me. "Secondly, I was not about to whip my dick out. I merely gave it a little pat."

"Whatever." He said dismissively. I pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards Wallaby's. We were running a little behind. I hoped Jasper grabbed us a table. That place can get crowded on college football nights.

"Look," Emmett's voice was slightly less irritable than before. "Can we just have a night that's about us? Fuck! I sound like such a girl." I was just about to point that out. But wisely kept my mouth shut.

"I know that you and Jasper have found the _'one'_." He continued. "And I'm happy as hell for both of you. I really need an evening of Dumb and Dumber quotes, toilet humor and the off chance that I might get arrested for doing something crazy."

I glanced at him, "Only an _off_ chance you might do something crazy?"

"Okay, there's probably more than an off chance, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah, bro. I do." He was me the entire time I was without Bella.

We rode the rest of the way to the sport's bar in silence. I was right. The place was fucking packed.

After circling the lot twice and Emmett pointing out not less than five spots closer to the door than the one I finally chose, we walked in and began searching for Jasper.

"There he is." I nudged Em and pointed to the corner where 'J' was waiting in a booth.

"J-man, I might fucking love you." Emmett proclaimed as he flopped down into the booth and took a big swig of the beer Jasper had waiting at the table.

"I'm afraid you missed the boat, Em. You'll have to fight Alice for the right to claim my ass."

"Pffbbttt! I could totally take her." Em boasted and waggled his eyebrows at a laughing Jasper.

"Whoa. I just want to take a minute and mention that the conversation just took a turn that I'm a little uncomfortable with." I joked and took a drink of my own beer.

"Dude, you're just jealous that you can't get a piece of this." Jasper got up and pointed at his ass at the same time a group of fairly attractive females wandered by the table. He sat down all red faced and embarrassed, Em proclaimed that he's not 'with them' while I laughed.

"Damn it! They were cute."

I poked my dejected brother in the arm. "Hey, as far as they're concerned you could be bi."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Yeah, that's sooo much better than them thinking I'm just gay." He deadpanned.

After two games of pool and three pitchers of beer, we'd moved way past flaunting Em's sexuality in front of coeds to him flaunting his ass to every passerby. Male or female.

"Ok gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys." I sipped my beer as Jasper racked the balls for another game.

"Why are you going to the airport…?" I offered, chalking up my cue stick.

"…you flying somewhere?" Jasper and Emmett both retorted laughing like a bunch of dorks.

We played our game, sharing Dumb and Dumber quotes along the way. There were several women who came around trying to catch my eye and engage me in conversation. I found it second nature to gently prod them either on their way or into Em's lap. Not that my brother needed any help. He was doing very well on his own. No surprise there. He was related to me, after all.

By the end of the night, he had several phone numbers and at least one hickey in a very visible place.

"I still got it boysssss!" Emmett slurred as we half carried, half drug his wobbly butt to my car and dumped him into the back seat. Jasper took the passenger seat as Vanessa started up and purred like a well cared for kitten. It had already been arranged, via Taz, that Jasper would be staying with Em and me tonight. She claimed that she wasn't going to miss out on time with her girl to care for a drunken ass man that wouldn't be able to finish what he started.

I didn't blame her, I'd be pissed too if Bella came stumbling home all hot and sexy but fell asleep before making good on her promise of sweaty monkey sex.

"Dude, turn it up! I love this song." I had to swerve as a big hairy arm reached across my shoulder from the back seat.

"Fuck, Em. Sit down. You're going to get us killed." I slapped his arm back and ignored his request.

How the hell did Katie Perry get on my radio in the first place?

"_I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire. Cause I'm a champion. Louder than a lion.." _ Emmett's voice got louder as the song progressed.

By the time Jasper joined in with the drunken karaoke, I was praying for a brain aneurism. At least then the pain assaulting my sensitive ears would cease.

"_Cause I'm a champion and you're gonna hear me roar… Oh,oh,oh,oh,oh…" _

As soon as the song ended, I flipped the radio off.

"What the shit?" Em slurred from the back seat.

"We're almost home. You can handle no radio until then."

"That sucks!" He pouted, but flopped back silently into his seat. I felt a little bad for raining on his parade so I relented.

Slightly.

"Look, you can sing but no dancing and I pick the song." I could see his enthusiastic nodding in my rear view window. He was such a big kid.

Radioactive came on from Imagine Dragons and the two drunks started up again.

As soon as we got into the apartment, I headed right into the kitchen and grabbed three waters.

"Here." I handed one to Jasper and Em. I wanted to be sure they understood the drinking portion of the evening or early morning as it was already after one, was over.

I flopped down onto the couch next to Jasper and twisted off the cap. The cool water tasted like ambrosia. I could feel it cleanse my mouth and throat of the smoke and beer taste from the bar.

"I don't know what you two clowns plan to do, but I'm beat. You good here 'J'?" I got up and indicated the couch.

"Sure, sure." He nodded and began fiddling with a game controller. Emmett had started up a new game of Grand Theft Auto.

Normally I wouldn't pass up a chance to steal cars and run over street hoe's, but Bella wasn't the only one worn out after our marathon sexapade.

"Jasper, watch me gank this bitch! Die mother fucker!" The sound of squealing tires and gunshots rang out from the TV. I chuckled at my goofy brother and proceeded towards my room.

"Hey Edward," Em's voice was a bit loud for early morning, but it got my attention. I turned back to the living room. "thanks for tonight. It felt…it felt good to get back out there with my two best friends."

"You're welcome buddy." The sincerity was unmistakable in both of our voices.

"Hey, if you two pussies are done getting all touchy feely, can we get back to drug running and killing bitches?" Jasper asked annoyed.

I started to point out that his first choice for this evening's entertainment had been to play Alice's sock drawer bitch but Emmett beat me to it.

"Shut up, asshole. You're so far up Taz's butt I'm second hand embarrassed for you."

"Fuck you!" Jasper retorted, annoyed.

"See? He wants to fuck me! He's become a chick. Sorry buddy, I don't swing that way." Emmett giggled and picked back up his controller.

"Shut up and play." Jasper ordered..

Once again the sounds of street violence rang out as I walked away.

I peeled my clothes off and let them fall unceremoniously to the floor. I fell face forward onto my bed and vowed not to move for the next ten to twelve hours.

I turned to cuddle with my pillow and saw that the message light was blinking on my phone. The temptation to ignore it and fall into a deep sleep was overwhelming, but the thought of missing a message or a naughty nightie picture from my girl prompted me to make the effort to grab the phone.

Stifling a yawn, I scrolled through my messages. There was one from mom reminding me that Em and I were expected home next weekend to celebrate Grandma Platt's 90th birthday. I smiled at the thought that I'd be taking Bella home to meet my parents.

I kept scrolling through the list, ignoring the reminder to pay my gym membership. That could definitely wait and deleting the invitations from women to "call them if I needed company."

_Yeah, that was so not going to happen. _

I was just about to turn the phone off when I found what I was looking for. There it was, a picture of my beautiful girl. She was lying on the bed in a pair of white lace boy shorts and a tiny pink tank top. The tank was pulled up from her waist, revealing the softness of her stomach.

_Holy shit! _Her left hand was underneath the shirt grasping what I knew was a firm and delicious breast. I licked my lips at the memory of her taste. Closing my eye, I willed my breathing to slow and my cock to give me a break and relax. He promptly told me to 'fuck off' and continued to grow. Tempting fate, my eyes opened to take in the rest of the picture. Her right hand was twisted into her gorgeous brown mane and her eyes were hooded as she shot the camera a sex kitten look.

_Wait!_ One hand was on her tit and the other was in her hair…who was taking the picture? _Shit!_

They were having one of those girls' only slumber parties that haunt the dreams of adolescent and adult males alike. My hands started to shake as I scrolled down hoping to find more shots. Not that I had any desire to see Taz in her underwear, but my hopes to see more of Bella were quickly overtaking my ability to think clearly.

To my dismay or possible salvation, there were no more pictures, only a brief message saying that she missed me and couldn't wait to see me tomorrow. Why wait? I frantically typed off a message telling her I was on my over and jumped off the bed to begin collecting my clothes. A 'whoop' of excitement from Jasper echoed down the hall from the living room. I guess Taz had sent him a little present too.

Grinning, I rushed down the hall hell bent on finishing what Bella's hands had already started. Jasper and I nearly collided at the door when both of our phones went off. I was half ready to ignore mine just so I could beat his ass out the door when I heard him exclaim, "Damn it!"

The dismay in his voice was unmistakable and caused me to pause at the door with my hand on the door knob. I looked back to see his face. His face looked like a kid's that had been promised ice cream but at the last minute was given broccoli.

"Dude, check your messages." He prompted, nodding at the phone still firmly grasped in my fist.

"No." I exclaimed petulantly. I was afraid of what it might say.

"Just do it." Jasper threw his phone down and got comfortable on the couch. I glanced quickly to my left and saw that Emmett had fallen asleep in the recliner. His game controller was lying forgotten in his lap.

"They're just screwing with us." Jasper grumbled and pulled his blanket tighter around his shoulders.

With a groan of disappointment, I looked at my phone to read Bella's message. _"Sistah's before mistah's! It's, girls' night! I wasn't kidding. I need a rest. I'll see you tomorrow."_ The smiley face she used at the end of her message mocked me with its forced optimism. I was not amused. Neither was the impatient appendage in my pants.

I debated going over to her apartment anyway and demanding that she make good on the pic-tease but decided that perhaps we could both use a night away. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that bullshit. On my way back to my room, I grabbed the extra blanket and laid it over my snoring brother.

Sleep came quickly and so did the dreams of Bella in skimpy underwear.

_**~ Six months into the future~**_

Despite the uphill battle that we'd fought to be together, the last six months had been nothing short of amazing. Bella and I connected on all levels. That's not to say we didn't have disagreements or times where we needed a break from each other. It turned out that once I took the leash off the kitten, I'd created a sexy assed tiger in bed. I never thought the words, "Not tonight I have a headache", would ever fall from my mouth, but that woman wore me the hell out! And I loved every minute of it.

School had progressed and we'd just finished our junior years. As Em had just graduated and was moving back home to take a job as a physical therapist, specializing in sports injuries, Bella and I had decided to move in together. Taz and Jasper were doing the same. Luckily, Taz had decided that she and 'Jazzy', how he stomached her calling him that I'll never know, needed a fresh start. So Bella and I would be keeping their old apartment. Not only was it bigger and devoid of all Emmett sized fist holes in the walls, but I could also keep an eye on the blond creeper in the lobby. That little dude and I had a mutual dislike for each other. He disliked that Bella was mine and I disliked the way he leered at her ass every time she walked into the lobby. Seriously, the dude looked like he was a clown picture away from digging a pit in his basement.

"Hurry up. We need to get back to the house. I promised I'd help Bree with her hair before the party." I couldn't help but chuckle at my girl as she beside the car door with her hands on her hips, trying to look fierce, demanding that we hurry so she could help Emmett's girlfriend with her hair.

_So fucking cute!_

The remote dinged as I locked up. I gave Vanessa a comforting rub as I rounded the front of the car to find an impatient, foot tapping Bella.

"I swear, you and that car need to get a room."

"Don't be jealous. You know I save all of my best moves for you." My hands found her hips and I pulled her in for a toe curling kiss. _I swear my toes curled! _

"I know", She sighed and kissed my neck. "It's just weird."

"So says the woman that drives a car she named after her man." I watched in delight as her face turned slightly pink. She had the decency to stop denying she'd named that egg shaped monstrosity 'Eddie' after me months ago.

It felt so good to just stand on a crowded sidewalk, holding my girl and sharing a laugh without a care in the world.

"Okay, fun time is over. We need to get the cake and the flowers." I growled as she pulled out of my grasp and began walking down the street towards the florist.

"Don't be a baby. We can have more 'fun time' tonight." She promised, walking faster towards her destination. Almost every member of our family had needed proof that Em actually graduated college, so my parent's large house was filled with random relatives. Bella and I had been relegated to the room above the garage. As much as I hated the thought of my aunt and uncle sleeping in my bed, I was happy to be far enough away from the main house that no one would overhear 'fun time'.

"Do you think we have time to grab lunch after we pick up the cakes?" I asked, juggling the bunches of flowers in my hands as I unlocked Vanessa's passenger door.

"Bella?" I asked her again, snapping my fingers to get her attention.

"Oh, um, what?" Her eyebrows were drawn together and her beautiful mouth was pursed tightly together as she peered down the busy sidewalk.

I dropped the flowers in the back seat and tried to follow her line of sight. "What are you looking at, babe?"

She turned back towards me. "There's a woman staring at you."

"Well, have you looked at me?" _Cocky Cullen in the house! _

"I've been told I'm hot as hell. In fact I believe you made that very statement just this morning in the shower." I reminded her with a cocked eyebrow and a smirk that would make my father proud.

"Really?" She snorted, before going right back to staring into the crowd.

I walked over and put my arm around her waist, pulling her tightly into my side. "Bella you don't have to worry. I love you. Other women don't even register on my radar." I said reassuringly.

She turned and looked at me with a smile on her beautiful face. "I know, it's just that woman looked at you like she knew you and…I don't know… she wouldn't stop staring. She was in the flower shop and now she's standing over there," She pointed down the sidewalk to the café. "There's something weird…"

Bella's voice disappeared as all of the air was sucked out of my lungs. My vision clouded and I fell heavily onto the side of the car. Standing not twenty feet from me was Tanya.

My body was frozen. I couldn't feel anything and the only thing I could hear was the loud and rapid beating of my heart echoing in my ears.

"Edward? Edward?" I could vaguely here Bella's frantic words but my focus was on the blond headed towards me.

"Hello, Edward." Bella turned quickly to see Tanya standing in front of us.

I couldn't speak. Those two words had me paralyzed. Once again I was that Edward, the one that had been used and discarded like a ratty tissue. The Edward that cried for days after she declared I was useless. I was that boy that turned into a user himself in order to prove to himself that she was wrong.

"Edward, stop." Bella's whispered plea and the grip she had on my hand alerted me to the fact that I'd begun to shake.

"Baby, look at me." She ordered softly. I focused on her warm eyes and slowly my breathing began to slow.

"Are you OK?" She whispered.

I nodded quickly, trying to regain use of my body.

I lifted my eyes from the welcoming depths of Bella's eyes and forced myself to meet the icy blue of Tanya's.

"Tanya." I acknowledged stiffly. I heard Bella's gasp when she realized who was standing in front of us. I tightened my fingers around her hand.

"I thought that was you in the flower shop. You've changed a lot…you've grown up, but your hair…it's still uniquely Edward." She offered a small smile.

I nodded silently.

Tanya turned towards Bella and held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Tanya, an old friend of Edward's."

I felt Bella stiffen beside me ignoring Tanya's offered hand. "I know who you are and you have quite the nerve to introduce yourself as his '_friend'_. Her tone gave no misunderstanding that she knew exactly who Tanya was to me. My girl was not afraid to open a can of 'whup ass' on Tanya. I couldn't have loved her more at that moment.

"Oh." Her voice fell slightly at Bella's statement. "Well I'd hoped that I could talk to Edward for a moment. Alone."

"I have nothing to say to you." Tanya's eyes widened at my stern dismissal.

She recovered quickly. "Perhaps you'd allow me the chance to speak?"

Did I want to hear anything this viper had to say?

No. But I had a few things to say to her.

"'Allow you the chance to speak?' When did you ever ask my permission for anything?" Bella gave my hand an encouraging squeeze. "Did you ask my permission to declare in front of the whole school that I was a loser in bed and that you were using me? Did you ask my permission to toy with my heart and head while you and your boyfriend used me?" I lowered my voice at Bella's urging. I was making a bit of a scene.

"Did you ask my permission to change me from a relatively sweet and caring person into a raging manwhore who used woman to make himself feel worthy after you ripped out every piece of heart I possessed?" I spat at her.

To her credit, she had the good sense to look uncomfortable if not a little contrite.

"You're right. I did all of that and more to you." I watched in surprise as Tanya lowered her eyes to the ground as she spoke.

"Nothing I can say will ever make up for what I did to you, but I'm going to try anyway. I'm sorry. So very sorry."

For the briefest of moments, I saw the Tanya that the naïve, fifteen year old Edward fell in love with. There was something in her eyes I never thought I'd see again: honesty.

She was legitimately sorry.

"If it's any comfort to you, James was using me too. Once we got to college, he dropped me for the TA in his freshman political science class. I left my friends and family to follow him across the country only to be told that I wasn't enough for him. He'd been conducting an experiment. And I'd proved to be exactly what he'd hoped for, a devoted idiot who would do anything for the chance to be with him. I was a fool to have given up _everything _for him." She paused and stared right into my eyes. "I was an even bigger fool to give you up. You were the real deal and I destroyed you and any chance I had to have something good in my life."

My teenaged broken heart wanted me to scream at her. It wanted me to yell vile things in the hopes that she'd feel the tiniest bit of the embarrassment and pain that I felt all those years ago. I wanted to tell her that she deserved what she'd gotten. But I couldn't.

Because of what she'd done, I'd found Bella.

I reached out and touched her arm gently. "It's okay. I'm happy. I've found the woman I want to spend my life with and she's healed the holes you left." Bella hugged my arm tighter and leaned up to kiss my cheek. I turned quickly and captured her lips in a brief but passionate kiss that left her gasping for air.

Tanya frowned slightly at the display of affection. Jealousy danced quickly in her eyes before being replaced with understanding.

"I can see that she has. I should go. Be happy Edward." She stated simply and turned to leave.

"Tanya," She stopped and looked over her shoulder at me. "Let it all go and you'll find happiness too." I nodded at her thankful smile and watched her walk away.

"So, I'm the woman you want to spend your life with, huh?"

I grabbed my girl around the waist, pulled her in tight to my chest and let myself get lost in her welcoming brown depths. "Yes." I said solemnly.

"You healed me, Bella. I love you and want to spend my life trying to make you as happy as you've made me."

"You healed yourself, Edward." started to shake my head in denial, but she stopped me with a finger to my lips. "Yes. Once you let it all go and forgave yourself, your true beauty shone through."

She moved her hand to place it over my heart.

I moved so our foreheads touched. I didn't trust myself to not start crying like a baby if I looked into her eyes.

"I love you." I said with every ounce of sincerity and emotion I possessed.

"I love you too."

We stood there for a moment and allowed the crowds of people filter around us. Finally, Bella pulled away and broke our little bubble.

"You know, if we hurry up we could grab the cakes and skip lunch, we'd have time for you to start making me happy." She winked.

"Woman, prepare to be very fucking happy." I promised, dragging her down the sidewalk to the bakery.

Not an hour later, I was making good on the promise I'd made. A promise I vowed to keep to her for the rest of our lives.

**The End.**

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><p>Thank You!<p>

ruinedbyrob


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